“A bomb squad blew up a briefcase and other suspicious items in a Pittsburgh man’s car Monday after he robbed a bank,” nbcnews.com reports. “With a sex toy. Specifically, a vibrator.” That’s the headline. Here are the ins and outs . . .
[Aaron] Stein was arrested after a PNC Bank in the Pittsburgh suburb of Crafton was robbed of an undisclosed amount of money Monday. Crafton Police Chief Mark Sumpter told NBC station WPXI of Pittsburgh that Stein “stated he had a bomb, showed the teller wires hanging out from his shirt and demanded cash.”
The robber drove off in a white Toyota, which was pulled over on a ramp to northbound Interstate 79 by Robinson Township police, Sumpter said.
Officers found money in a garbage bag, and beneath the front passenger seat, they found the device Stein is accused of having used in the bank robbery — “a makeshift box he made out of a box, black tape, vibrator and cellphone,” Sumpter said.
Clearly, we need to ban sex toys lest they be used for nefarious purposes.
Ahhhh ins and outs. I see what you did there.
I picked up on that right away. That was terrible, wasn’t it? Pffftttttttt (suppressed laughter).
Do you have a tax stamp for the suppressor you used on your laughter?
A vibrator? Come again?
well done…I face-palmed after I snorted milk up my nose….
I…wait…what…why the [email protected]$k is this even here?
Seconded save for levity. As evidenced by JWM’s comment below…
Just another post to show that problem is the Perp and not the tools he used. So banning guns, knives, bats, etc., etc., etc.. is not the way to solve the problems of the world. In fact it is really a distraction from any kind of rational solution to anything. If there is a solution. There will always be some idiot that thinks he can get away with something and make some “easy money”.
I’ll bet the evidence techs double gloved on that one.
This is a knee-jerk reaction from the left wing anti-vibe crowd. You can have my Doc Johnson from my cold, dead hand!
Lifetime Member of the NVA
Vibrators are dangerous and need to be licensed, registered and severely restricted. A Universal background check would be helpful. Clearly, vibrators can slip into malicious hands with nasty intent. We may need smart vibrators. A vibrator in the hands of an inexperienced operator often returns unintended results. We’d be far better off without vibrators. Ban vibrators.
Vibrators are, in fact, regulated by federal law, as medical devices. 21 CFR, Subchapter J to be exact. They were once used to treat “hysteria” in women. I’m sure the doctors and patients enjoyed that. Which is why the ones available now say some thing about being a novelty only on the packaging. I’m sure all of you were just dying to know that.
I wondered about that. I knew about the “hysteria” thing (interesting how so many old “medical” treatments involved rape and sex) but didn’t know about the law on that.
At one time (years and years back) doctors would stimulate some women to orgasm.
I’m not kidding.
Why Did Doctors Stop Giving Women Orgasms?
Vibrators and Clitoridectomies: How Victorian Doctors Took Control of Women’s Orgasms
Dr. Swift’s Cure for Hysteria
Poor vibrator discipline or carrying it in the pocket in an unsafe manner can often lead to negligent or unintended discharges.
His lawyer thinks he can get him off.
Lots of great comments here, but I about woke the kids up laughing at this one!
You sir win the Intertubez for the month with that one!
No one needs a 10 inch vibrator.
I was watching the tv show sex sent me to the ER and this one one of the episodes. A vibrator can be a dangerous thing!!!
Was it an assault vibrator? Did it have a pistol grip and adjustable stock? Was it select fire? We obviously need a new AVB on the books!
No pistol grip or adjustable stock. Just the thingy that goes up.
…and down, up and down…
It may only have two (2) evil features. Compensator, pistol grip, included with some models.
GD it. Now, I want to see a vibe with a pistol grip but am too afraid to search for one.
Luckily, my browser history already far more alarming things in it. Google results for “pistol grip vibrator” are odd. The first result was unexpected:
The third result was what I expected (and possibly NSFW):
And the fifth result was my original comment on this article.
We-ell, back in my misspent youth, I did incorporate a chrome plated personal massage unit into a Star Wars-type model blaster, using a toy machine gun with a barrel that moved back and forth and an extra bright LED at the tip. Someone bought it at a sci-fi convention, and I DON’T want to know what they used it for… ;^.^
To be fair, there are positives to allowing free and unfettered access to vibrators, not least of which is mitigating the unwelcome effects of unintentional discharges.
Well played … well played indeed!
Taking a different tack here……..how can it be a makeshift box if he used an actual box in its construction?
Wait! What’s this guy’s name? We haven’t heard from Shannon in awhile. Where is her husband at??
If Shannon has one it is likely fed with dedicated 3-phase power…
And the neighborhood lights dim momentarily when switched on…
Her travel unit is a 2 stroke pull-start model.
To go along with the comedy and bring it to a newer low. As a single man I am in favor of an out right ban on vibrators. They should not be allowed to be sold anywhere. 🙂 LOL
Don’t throw out the idea of bringing some toys along when you do get lucky.
I believe Arizona has a five vibrator limit. HOW MANY VIBRATORS YA GOT IN THERE? Clearly this is a pressing safety issue.
How many vibrators does one NEED anyway? I mean, look at the cold hard facts lest you get cold-cocked by them.
“Nine times out of ten it’s an electric razor. But, every once in a while… it’s a dildo. Of course, it’s company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article, “a dildo”, never … “your dildo”.”
good movie, that.
Disappointed it took this long.
Ahh, to be a chick for a day.
Have to ban cell phones as we-
There used to be women’s undies with a beeper pouch sewn in front…
So they could be remote vibrated…
This brings back memories of an old joke:
Lady walks into a store and asks the clerk where the D cell batteries are. The clerk makes a finger gesture telling to lady to “come this way”. She says if I could come that way I wouldn’t need D cell batteries.
The question I have is what is she using that requires multiple D-cells…
Go big or go home. Maybe the “AAA” or “AA” just didn’t “fit” the bill any longer.
DEA and Secret Service need to stop leaving their luggage lying around.
Mr. Robert, while I find this piece funny, it’s only because this incident was comical. Equating the satiric regulating of vibrators at the regulations of guns is farcacil. While both guns to some, and vibrators to many give pleasure, vibrators and not designed to kill. Many people rob banks with various fake weapons. I’m a responsible gun owner, when you write pieces like this you are ridiculing the process and not helping our cause. Your byline states you want to discuss the fun and danger of guns. You’re not starting a discussion, you are inciting.
Lighten up Lawrence
This incites nothing. How you choose to enjoy yourself in the privacy of your own home has nothing to do with “bank robbery by augmented dildo.”
That is all.
The definition of incite is to mix things with the intention to disturb. The byline of this website is to discuss. Equating guns and vibrators does nothing to add to the discussion and only gives the Left ammo that gun owners laugh at any real discussion. I am also 100% behind you on what you want to do in your home is your right i.e. Having a gun, a vibrator, a copy of the constitution, even hosting same sex couples. It’s you house, your privacy
…nine felony counts including aggravated assault, robbery, threatening to use a weapon of mass destruction….
It seems to me that there is an unneeded letter somewhere in that sentence.
Sigh, Markley’s law invoked yet again….
Ill give you my vibrator, when you pry it from my cold dead hands 😛
“The only way to stop a bad guy with a vibrator…”
A fear of vibrators is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity.
If you outlaw vibrators, only outlaws will have vibrators.
If I could have banned them all – ‘Mr. and Mrs. America turn in your vibrators’ – I would have!
And he just unknowingly invented the blue tooth controled vibrator…
If it saves even one child…
“If it saves even one child…”
From being conceived…
The savings for the guy over the next 18 years would be incalculable…
I know you’re trying to make a point here. . . but you know, there are actually states and localities that DO ban vibrators and sex toys. It’s sad. . . even when trying to be absurd, government’s already done it.
Clearly, that is a back massager from The Sharper Image.
I feel for the click bait title, I just had to see what all the BUZZING was about.
Modern bombs don’t tick, they vibrate.
If the vibrator industry were as regulated as the firearms industry, all the devices featured on the website f–kingmachines dot com would be post-ban and illegal for civilian possession unless they had a demo letter from Larry Flynt and had paid their SOT and had the proper FFL.
wonder if he had an NFA stamp, Was it registered as a lethal weapon! bet they caught him as he tried too hide it and it accidentally came on
Little Chucky Schumer is set to introduce new legislation to ban the unlicensed sale of dangerous, high capacity, high voltage, assault stimulation devices. He also denied rumors that his wife chipped a tooth on a chrome plated version she received from an unnamed admirer.
FBI statistics show that as vibrator ownership increases crime decreases.