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What are the odds that someone could walk into a Chicago police station holding a loaded AR, declare martial law and not be either repeatedly ventilated, billy-clubbed to a bloody pulp or even charged with a crime? Hold on. Hmm. Seems the Cray supercomputer in my basement can’t derive a number that astronomically high…

But that’s exactly what an unidentified man “who appeared to be a bit unstable” did on Thanksgiving. From

The man entered the Harrison District police station at 3151 W. Harrison around 4 a.m., carrying an AR-15 assault rifle and a loaded 30-round magazine, police said. Police said the man told them he was declaring martial law, but he did not point the gun at anybody or fire it.

Officers immediately tried to calm the 28-year-old man and were able to disarm him without a struggle and defuse the rifle, police said.

Police said the rifle was in full view, and the man made no effort to conceal it when he walked into the station. The man, who “appeared to be a bit unstable,” told officers he found the rifle a few days ago after seeing someone throw it over a fence, police said.

Wonder if they called in the bomb squad to handle defusing that AR.

The man’s now resting comfortably in a hospital where he’s being “evaluated.” His first order of business once he’s sprung should probably be to buy a lottery ticket because he’s clearly one of the luckiest bastards in Chicago.

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  1. I think it’s illegal to have an AR-15 in Chicago, so maybe it’s the first time anyone’s seen one…

    • Yep, by name in both Chicago and Cook County, and by feature in Chicago and probably Cook County.

      What I want to know is how the hell do you just “find” one here. He saw some guy throw it over a fence? Really?

  2. Good on the CPD for not wasting the dude. I know you’re exaggerating to poke fun at the strict gun laws in Chicago, but I’m sure possession of an illegal weapon is not justification for deadly force.

    Now, if the guy had been trying to fry a turkey on his balcony…..get a rope.

  3. The fact that my AR (and AK, and 9mm, and CCW) are verboten in Chicago is just another reason I’ll never live here. But it’s a nice place to visit once in a while. (Sent from Chicago, coincidentally.)

  4. Well then, this story is fabrication, as AR type weapons simply cannot exist in Chicago; the land of low crime rates, peace and joy, and full gun control establishing total bliss and harmony. Ditto for Gary Indiana, part of my great state.

  5. I’m pretty sure the guy got dressed down six ways from Sunday and made his claims with the rifle above his head. Call it a Turkey Day miracle.

  6. This poor guy sounds likes he really needs some serious help, and he’s lucky that the police handled things in such a calm and professional manner. You’ve got to give the police in this case some cudos for not shooting him after what happened at the Detroit police station a few months back.

  7. “appeared to be a bit unstable”

    Say what? Mayor Bloomberg appears to be a bit unstable. This guy is f^cking nuts.

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