Smith & Wesson Shield’s moniker for their compact handgun is endlessly reassuring. You, sir, may carry a GLOCK 43. But I carry a Shield! Not a tool designed to kill. A shield against the enemies of innocent life. Some owners might fantasize that schlepping the Smith makes them an Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. Which stands for . . .
Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division. Originally Strategic Hazard Intervention Espionage Logistics Directorate. Then Supreme Headquarters, International Espionage, Law-Enforcement Division. Then the Homeland thing, because “Fatherland” would have made it too agricultural.
[Note: none of those are an actual federal agency; they exist in the febrile imagination of those willing to believe there could be a secret government agency that wasn’t bloated, inefficient and 90 percent ineffective. Also note: as a minimalist I would’ve gone with Sublime Headquarters.]
I wonder if any Shield owners groove on the connection to the Marvel Universe. Or if FN owners sing “she’s real fine my 509” when they tool up.
By the same token, I wish Wilson Combat had called my EDC X9 everyday carry gun something a little more evocative. How about REBWI (Really Expensive But Worth It)? Or Michal Idan? (She is a Desert Eagle.)
What’s the coolest name for a gun you know?