“To lure more mid-afternoon customers, McDonald’s is rejecting its recent health-food kick and rolling out the sweets: croissants, muffin tops and a new sundae-topping station for ice cream lovers,” mysanantonio.com reports. Wait. What?
Back when I was a kid, McDonald’s sold hamburgers. And that was it. And boy were they fast. Even after the chain added fries and Coke, they served food in 30 seconds or less. In fact, at one point, if you didn’t get served in 60 seconds, your meal was free.
And then all hell broke loose.
McDonald’s expanded their menu to shakes (though initially one flavor), Filet o’ Fish sandwiches, apple pies, Big Macs, Quarter Pounders, Egg McMuffins (in various configurations), umpteen brands of soft drinks, cappuccinos, McFlurry’s, sundaes, kid’s meals, McRibs and on and on and on.
Back in the day, former TTAG writer Frank Williams estimated that the total number of ordering possibilities at McDonald’s exceeded one billion. No wonder the chain’s minimum wage employees screw-up your order. Which arrives in minutes, rather than seconds.
And now the service is so slow that the last time I visited Mickey D’s they handed me a stick with a number to bring the food to the table. Eventually. And don’t get me started about the parking spaces for Drive-Thru customers who can’t get their order at the window. Or the average store’s hygiene.
Contrast that with Five Guys or the other burger chains that have arisen to reap millions using McDonald’s original unique selling point: fast food. By offering customers burgers and fries — and not much else — these “imitators” are slowly but surely cleaning McDonald’s clock.
With that in mind, contrast McDonald’s menu with GLOCK’s.
As you know, a GLOCK is a GLOCK is a GLOCK. You can buy one in any number of calibers. And that’s it. No matter what gun you buy, it looks the same and works the same.
OK, sure, GLOCKs have evolved. Somewhat. And the company now offers models in different colors and variations pre-cut for optics. And now — gasp! — handguns with slide serrations.
But nothing the company has done has f*cked with the basic formula. No remarkable designs. No bells and whistles. No salad bars. You want a handgun? Here’s your GLOCK. Next!
No matter what you say about a GLOCK — the grip angle is a deal-killer for some, for example — the handgun is reliable in every aspect. You get exactly what you pay for. Nothing more. Nothing less.
So a quick message for those of you clamoring for a GLOCK carbine: STFU.
Gaston’s mob would sell millions of GLOCK rifles. But it would be the beginning of the end for the brand. GLOCK needs brand extensions like McDonald’s needs a hummus snack box. Always remember: the tighter the brand, the more powerful it is. And that’s the truth about guns.