Listicles are all the rage in the gunblogosphere. Here, too. While The People of the Gun may scoff at them, these articles convey important information to newbies in an easy-to-use package. So hats off to dailycaller.com for Six Items Every Gun Owner Should Have — even though number six is a come-on for ArmsCare Plus Firearms Insurance (unpaid link).
The Daily Caller calls for gun owners to own ear and eye pro, a storage case, gun safe, cleaning kit and the aforementioned insurance. OK, sure. But here are my three top items that all gun owners should have.
1. An understanding partner
If you’re reading this you’re probably a gun nut. Not the guy who bought a gun, threw it in a drawer and called it good. If you’re a gun nut with a partner, you’ve either got an understanding significant other or ya got trouble right here in River City.
Some of you married or shacked-up gun guys know exactly what I’m talking about. Trying to hide gun purchases. Trying to find time to go to the range, clean your guns or read TTAG. If that’s the case, there’s only three answers: live with it, get your partner hooked on firearms or divorce.
If you’re not in a long-term relationship, especially if you’re pre-family, heed my advice: do not date a woman who doesn’t get your gun thing. Do not marry a man/woman/hermaphrodite who doesn’t get your gun thing. Do not listen to any of the commentators below prattling on about the accommodations they’ve made with their SO.
Hey! Where’s Mom in that picture above? Either she let Dad and Jr. off the leash or he’s a single father. See what I mean?
I won’t return to point one to point out that the misunderstanding partner problem tends to focus on firearms-related economic issues, which are fully capable of destroying domestic harmony. M’kay?
Guns cost money. Ammunition costs more money. Gun stuff — eye pro, ear pro, cleaning kits, safes — not so much. But not nothing — especially when you start to trade-up for better quality basics. Like fancy ear pro that lets you listen to Little Feat and make phone calls from the range. Or a Louis Vuitton range bag.
The more money you have for guns and gun gear, the easier it is to . . . spend more money on guns and gun gear. So get lots of lots of money however you can, without getting arrested. Stay in school! Wait. Student debt. OK, you figure it out. But one thing’s for sure: kids are really expensive. Condoms less so.
How do you know when you have enough money to properly feed your gun habit? When you can sigh at the economically challenged gun guys who bitch about the price of the Wilson Combat EDC. Or Purdey side-by-side shotguns. Yeah, go there.
3. Residence in a pro-gun rights state
TTAG has thousands of readers behind enemy lines: firearms enthusiasts living in states where they can’t get a carry permit (which they shouldn’t need in the first place). Or carry their gun openly. Or own a modern sporting “assault rifle.” Or feed their rifle or handgun “high capacity” magazines. Or lend a gun to a friend. And so on.
Let’s face it: a gun nut living in a gun-averse state is like a surfer living in Idaho. As the B52’s advised, GET OUT OF THE STATE! GET OUT OF THE STATE YOU’RE IN! You want to live somewhere you can shoot any damn gun you want, with a drum magazine, without worrying about spending quality time with Bubba in the Rebar hotel.
If you can’t enjoy your firearms freedom to its full extent, move. (Remember what I said about an understanding partner? I meant it.)
Don’t talk to me about your “deep roots in the community” or “job security” or “family ties.” If you’re living in a “slave state” your community hates you, your economy sucks and your taxes are sucking up your precious gun money. And, hey, John Boy, show me a family that wouldn’t be a little closer with some distance between members.
With these three “items” in place you’ll be ready to fully enjoy your gun as God intended. Mazeltov!