Talladega Mayor Larry Barton (courtesy myfoxal.com)

“Larry Barton [above], who is about to run for his fifth term as mayor of Talladega (Alabama) told NBC News from his hospital room at the University of Alabama that the attack began around 7:30 a.m. Saturday in the parking lot of Cahaba Heights Plaza Barber Shop in Vestavia Hills. ‘Before I could do anything, he jerked the door open and he started hitting me,’ said Barton, 75. The man was wearing a trench coat and a hood, and Barton said he repeatedly hit him in his face, legs and knees.” I thought about filing this one under It Should Have Been a Defensive Gun Use. A 75-year-old man beaten with a baseball bat? That ain’t right. Then again . . .

Barton said that he eventually grabbed the bat and held on to it, then kicked the man twice in the groin.

“Finally, I got the hood off of him,” Barton said. “That’s when I recognized who he was.”

Barton identified his assailant as Benny Green, who he said he’s known for more than a decade and who was a co-host on Barton’s current events show, “In the Interest of the People,” until a few years ago . . .

Lt. Brian Gilham described the attack as “obviously premeditated.”

“He planned to do this,” Gilham said.

Barton said that he didn’t know why Green would attack him, but The Birmingham News reported that it could have been over an alleged sex tape.

“Barton was caught on hidden video having sex with Green’s wife,” a former divorce lawyer for Green said, according to the newspaper.

And there you have it. A cuckholded former business partner decided to wreak revenge. Who could have seen that one coming? Just about anyone, really. You mess with another man’s wife, her husband’s probably gonna be more than a tad annoyed when he finds out. Much mirth is unlikely to ensue.

Which is why it’s a good idea not to bump uglies with someone who increases your odds of a violent assault, which could well necessitate a defensive gun use. That’s not just a married woman of course. It could be a married man. Or a hooker with an overly possessive pimp (go figure). Or someone’s nubile daughter.

Don’t get me wrong. As the ad says, chef don’t judge. Why would I? I was once young, dumb and full of something that rhymes with the preceding adjectives. I guess the bottom line here is to crank up your situational awareness when you’re engaging in a high-risk sexual activity. Wear a raincoat and carry a gun.

No matter how much of a dick you are, you still have the legal right to use lethal force to defend yourself against an imminent threat of death or grievous bodily harm. With a gun. Unless you’re a convicted felon named Larry Barton. So don’t do anything that gets you convicted, either. Just sayin’ . . .

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119 Responses to Self-Defense Tip: Don’t Sleep with Married Women

    • Unfortunately there are some people out there that do not share that same sentiment in order to try to justify a hedonistic lifestyle.

        • Of course they can be. Polygamist Bill has a wife. He and the missus talk about a second. Dating ensues, and they people that wait until marriage are a fraction of a fraction of a percent. And Bill is not about to pony up to the first open thinking mormon girl what comes along. Bill and mrs. Bill share a bed. Bills New girl sleeps in the spare room. They share and trade time together, just like a normal couple and a friend hanging out, minus the sex. So don’t speak to what you don’t know, or go watch more than the first half of the first episode of Sister Wives or whatever.

        • Soooo……EP here advises not to have a unilateral open relationship. By that he means just don’t go declare your relationship to be open, all by yourself without consent of your spouse. He isn’t saying unilateral in the sense that both partners agreed, but only is acting on that option.

          That latter scenio, husband and wife discuss and agree, but only husband actually takes on a lover, is what Crash has described, having misunderstood what EP wrote.

          Crash’s criticism of EP, therefore, is off base.

      • The “unfortunate” part starts where my (and other third parties’) tax money goes to hire cops to intervene one way or the other. Let the rabble do or die as they please (or not.)

  1. Stupid people. Stupid things. Stupid prizes. If you mess with a married woman and get your killing done you get no sympathy to me.

  2. Okay, sure the guy is a dirtbag for sleeping with someone else’s wife but that is no reason to try to kill somebody. It seems like everybody forgets that it takes two to tango! Maybe the guy should have been pissed off at the wife more than the other guy, (though he shouldn’t beat her with a baseball bat either).

    Now if this was a case of husband beating wife’s rapist, then I would be right there cheering the dude on.

    • Maybe not to you there’s no reason, but divorces can easily ruin lives. I’d probably beat this shit out of someone who was out to ruin my life as well.

      Barton knew she was married. He was fully capable of making the choice to not have sex with her, fully aware of potential consequences, yet he did it anyway.

    • It would appear this isn’t a case of going home with some woman from the bar and finding out she’s married… this is a case of screwing your friend’s wife.

      Not much sympathy from me.

    • Nope.. You don’t mess with another mans wife, even if she is as tramp. If it was someone I knew well? Best case scenario? He leaves in ambulance. Pack her a suitcase and drop her off at the bus station.

    • “Okay, sure the guy is a dirtbag for sleeping with someone else’s wife but that is no reason to try to kill somebody. ”

      May or may not be. Not for me to decide. What there is no “may” whatsoever about, is that there is absolutely no reason in the world, why I, and other third parties, should pay to hire cops, lawyers, prison guards etc… to minimize the risk faced by someone so obviously not trying to minimize the risk that we end up having to pay up.

      As for “two to tango?” Some people, (the same ones who have the sense to don’t write gun laws prohibiting beltfed guns on the back of pickup trucks, come to think of it…) practice “shoot the sleazeball, stone the whore, move on and forget about it.” Costs me, and other third parties, nothing. And that’s a good thing. Better than any alternative that could end up costing us something.

  3. “Barton was caught on hidden video having sex with Green’s wife,” a former divorce lawyer for Green said, according to the newspaper.

    So much for client privacy, eh, counselor?
    I’d say it’s extremely poor taste to go around publicly declaring a motive for a crime your own client is accused of, even if it is already a matter of court record.

    As for Barton, yes, he violated a friend’s trust, but since Green didn’t want to be married to a woman who would do what she did, Barton did him a huge favor by showing him what she was made of. And an even bigger favor by helping Green play the adultery card in the divorce proceedings.

    So you divorced her. Let it go and move on already.

      • No, I’m assuming the baseball bat beating was made after the divorce.

        The guy who fornicated the wife did the husband a favor by causing the divorce. (unless he changed his mind about divorcing her later, in which case, it sucks to be him)

  4. I was told by godless people there was no such thing as loyalty in marriage. In fact marriage I was told marriage out dated concept by godless people. It seems they do really support homosexual marriage. I’m very confused. Are they saying gays are not loyal to each other?

    Still if you are going to have concentual adulterous sex I recommend you have a gun handy. There are many neanderthals out there who have not gotten the progressive message that there should be no loyalty marriage. This applies to gays and straights.

    • I find it funny that you’re snarking about godless people and loyalty… wanna bet the adulterer, coveter and attempted murderer in this story all go to church on sunday? I would.

      • Good point. This being the South, where cultural Christianity reigns, this piece of crap adulterer is probably a deacon at First Baptist/Presbyterian/Methodist/Church of Christ etc.

      • I agree with you. I think they both attend church.
        A question for you. Did you vote for the Bill Clinton who lied under oath about consentual adulterous sex? The same Bill Clinton who signed the assault weapons ban earlier in his administration?

    • Here’s a way more funner one… Lament how women have gone downhill so badly, you find them disgusting and wish you were gay. Make sure some gay men overhear you. When one of them implies that they wouldn’t mind you switch sides you say “So, it IS a choice.”

      Marriage, morals, etc…

  5. An Alabama mayor said Sunday he was violently beaten with a sawed-off baseball bat outside his part-time barbershop job by his former radio talk show co-host.

    Once again, an openly carried baseball bat causing more harm than an openly carried long gun.

  6. A former talk show host and a politician trading blows – sounds like a new reality show. The only thing missing is Anthony Wiener. At their age you’d think they’d know better (who am I kidding). “In the Interest of the People”? Which people? Being it’s Alabama, not NY, LA, Chicago, Boston, or DC, the locals might just not take kindly to this turn of events.

  7. Creep deserved a beat down. Probably not with a bat though. He’s lucky he survived the attack.

    • A good old-fashioned “alienation of affection” lawsuit may have been a better revenge.
      One, you don’t go to jail for assault or attempted murder.
      Two, you get money from the jerk that shagged your wife.
      Three, the scandal might very well have lost the mayor the election.
      Afterwards, if your appetite for revenge hasn’t be satisfied you can revert back to plan A.

  8. So this websites editorial stance is that if you’re f***ing someone else’s wife you should also carry a gun so you can murder him if he finds out and comes after you?

    Usually I strenuously object to the anti-gunners characterization of armed people as degenerate cowards, but in this case and with this advice the shoe absolutely fits.

    • So this websites editorial stance is that if you’re f***ing someone else’s wife you should also carry a gun so you can murder him if he finds out and comes after you?

      Straw Man argument of the day?

      Having sex with someone else’s spouse/partner does not constitute statutory grounds for that spouse/partner to respond with an otherwise unlawful use of force (much less, deadly force), nor does having sex with someone else’s spouse/partner cause one to forfeit the right to use force – even deadly force – in self-defense if/when faced with an unlawful use of force from that spouse/partner.

      • Oh you thought I was making reference to the law? Are you a personal injury lawyer, you should be because that’s just adorable.

        See once upon a time, when there was an identifiably civilized culture men held themselves to a standard of behavior higher that “what can cause me to be put in jail”.

        For some minds unaccustomed to living as free men or with any honor whatsoever this must be hard to comprehend.

        • Oh you thought I was making reference to the law?

          Yes: when you make reference to alleged murder you are, in fact, making reference to the law.

          Morally? I doubt many here would bat an eye if a wronged spouse/partner put a beat-down on the person who slept with the spouse/partner. But even morally, the wronged spouse doesn’t have the right to escalate retribution for the wrong to the use of deadly force. Perhaps go back and understand the concept of “an eye for an eye”. The point of that concept was to limit the escalation of retribution. If someone takes your eye, you may take his eye in return, but you may not harm him in a greater manner (such as killing him).

          The same principle applies here. So, both legally and morally, you’re full of it. There is no justification for using deadly force in response to being wronged by adultery – and should deadly force be used, even the adulterer retains the right to life, and therefore the right of self-defense, and to respond to the threat of unjustified deadly force with (morally and legally) justified deadly force in self-defense.

        • Chip –
          The LAW of GOD in the Torah calls for the death penalty as just retribution for the crime of adultery. Both the man and the woman were to be put to death for this crime. It seems that this action was to be carried out not by the offended husband (vigilante justice/revenge), but rather by the society as a whole/state (impartial justice).

          Does this law apply to Christians today? Probably not directly since we don’t live in a theocracy (and don’t really want to either). A secular society does not function that way. This law does show us however that God is extremely serious about adultery.

          By the way, in the Law, adultery always relates to a man having sex with another man’s wife. That is the actual definition of the word used in the 10 Commandments (Hebrew word Na’aph -Strongs concordance word 5003). It literally means “woman who breaks covenant”.

          Under Biblical law, a married man who had sex with a single woman was not an adulterer. Rather, he just married a second wife (see Abraham/Hagar, Jacob/Rachel, David/Ahinoam,Abigail, etc. etc. etc.) The Bible never prohibited polygamy. The Bible never treated it as adultery or sexual immorality in any way. The Bible never called it evil/sin/unclean/evil/or anything like that.

        • And boom, biblical law from out of nowhere.

          Thank the gods we don’t live in a theocracy.

        • Thank the gods we don’t live in a theocracy.

          Well we never did, and never will, but that doesn’t stop every leftist professor and democrat politician from making the claim.

        • “See once upon a time, when there was an identifiably civilized culture “

          Oh, that’s rich.

          When exactly was this time with an “identifiably civilized culture?”

          You realize whatever example you provide, many instances showing that “civilized culture” was actually pretty brutal…not just in terms of individual brutality, but also systemic brutality.

          Civilization is largely a myth.

        • The law of god in the torah was written by a MAN circa 5000+ years ago, in a language no longer used and translated dozens of times since, by men, with unknown accuracy. IOW, gibberish. If there were a god, he would show up and give his commands via videotape.

  9. A geriatric love triangle and no adults in sight.

    I work with seniors very often and man they are filthy people. The shit I hear from their mouths. Something happens when you hit a certain age I guess and you start making up for lost time by swinging and going to orgies. Married or not.

  10. ummm, there was a sex tape? That might be the most disturbing part. That’s a video I would pay large sums to not see. Ever.

  11. Yow! 75 and starring in a sex tape…age ain’t nothin’ but a number…BTW (I’ve heard) there are whole porn sites devoted to old guys making it with purty young gals…if I hit someone with a bat they’re not waking up.

  12. I’m 22, I can say I am and never was that dumb.

    Of course I’m a Christian waitong for marriage, so I guess my morals are considered outdated anyway.

    • Your “morals” may be outdated, but your standards are timeless and of immeasurable value.

      Regardless of what many people claim, sleeping around wreaks havoc later on. It is just a question of how much and what type of consequences. Some people don’t recognize or understand the consequences. Some people don’t care about the consequences. Nevertheless, they are ever present.

      Stay the course. The benefits are worthwhile.

      • Regardless of what many people claim, sleeping around wreaks havoc later on.

        Would be great if there was anything to support this, but there isn’t. The average American has had an average of 6 sexual partners in their lifetime, and 95% of Americans have sex before marriage. And yet people still live their lives like they always have.

        And to believe that this is a recent phenomenon is just “rosy retrospection” fallacy. The only difference is that people are less likely to be assholes about it to each other.

        • And as I stated, “Some people don’t recognize or understand the consequences.”

          Just to humor you, here are some of the OBVIOUS consequences of sleeping around:
          (1) The jealous bed partner of the person with whom you cheated physically assaults/kills you. Source: this article.
          (2) Someone records your activity on video and distributes it without your knowledge/permission. Source: this article.
          (3) You can contract sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS, herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, genital warts. Note that AIDS can be lethal and the virus that causes genital warts can cause life ending cervical/uterine cancer for a woman. Furthermore, even gonorrhea and syphilis can have serious medical complications if left untreated. Source: none needed.
          (4) A woman can become pregnant with an unwanted baby and an unwanted father. A man can become the father of an unwanted baby with an unwanted mother. Source: none needed.

          Some of the less obvious consequences include:
          (1) Lack of emotional intimacy with your latest partner because they are just the latest in a string of “scores”. You may be the one who is unable to feel emotionally intimate or your latest partner may be unable to feel emotionally intimate because he/she is just another “notch” in your bedpost and nothing special. Source: none needed.
          (2) Cheating on your spouse can cause divorce which creates permanent emotional scars on children if present. Source: none needed.
          (3) You may find your current partner to be unsatisfying compared to a previous partner who was “fantastic”. This could be a serious source of disappointment if you find your current partner to be otherwise fantastic in every possible way. Source: none needed.
          (4) You begin to view the opposite gender merely as sex objects rather than whole, valuable, and interesting people. Source: none needed.

          Shall I continue?

          I am not attempting to shame anyone into compliance. I am merely pointing out the consequences of a life path that includes bedroom olympics with multiple partners. Buyer beware and all that.

          Most importantly, note that none of those negative consequences happens to people who marry one person and constrain their sexual exploits to their spouse. You choose your path, I’ll choose mine. Your are entitled to the path of your choosing. You are NOT entitled to “facts” of your choosing.

        • Just to humor you, here are some of the OBVIOUS consequences of sleeping around:

          1 can happen even without there ever being sex involved. 2-4 are not reserved for sexual promiscuity alone, and can and HAVE happened to monogamous couples.

          Some of the less obvious consequences include:

          This is just horsesh!t. 1. old-fashioned bullsh!t debunked long ago. 2. Cheating is cheating, but requires a monogomous relationship first in order to be cheating. That’s not what I’m talking about. 3. You could also find your one-and-only partner to be utterly unsatisfying, or not even KNOW what satisfaction is in the first place. 4. Again, doesn’t require sleeping around to hold a sexist view and degrading view.

          You’re not even trying. Are you just copy-pasting talking points from the 1950s?

          Most importantly, note that none of those negative consequences happens to people who marry one person and constrain their sexual exploits to their spouse.

          Except you’re flatly wrong on that count.

          You are NOT entitled to “facts” of your choosing.

          Funny, I could say the same.

        • “And yet people still live their lives like they always have.”

          Americans didn’t always live their life as if their sole purpose was to go extinct. People who live according to God’s laws, or at least give it a half decent shot, end up living in ascendant cultures. While the residents of the Sodoms and Gomorrahs of the world, end up merely as cautionary historical and mythological footnotes. Whether this is because God looks out for his people, or because Moses et al were simply unusually well versed in evolutionary biology, doesn’t really matter.

    • It gets real old when Christians keep going on and on about how they are the only ones with morals. All of the “Christians” I know are super hypocritical and have a much lower standard of morals than most of my atheist friends.

      • DanielB,

        First of all, many of the people who call themselves Christians may not be REAL Christians.

        More importantly, Christian people still sin. The major difference from everyone else is that they are genuinely sorry for their sins, ask God for forgiveness, and redouble their efforts to refrain from repeating the same sin. Saying it another way, they are not perfect, they are forgiven.

      • Sir, by your formulaic statement I can infer with certainty that you don’t in fact even know any Christians, and are repeating the stereotype put about by people who wish to avoid being held to the moral code that Christianity brought to European civilization. A code which indeed facilitated the ascendancy of the West over barbarianism.

    • Stay the course, my friend. You’ve chosen to stand out but you’re not alone. I’m a 26 year old waiting for my wedding night to get frisky with the horizontal mambo as well.

      We don’t just fight physical battles in this life, but spiritual ones as well. A lot of people scoff at that (as is their right, it’s a free country) but I prefer to be well aware of the battles I’m engaged in. You can’t separate physical connection and spiritual connection with a person. Sexual intimacy is something that reaches far beyond just a physical act. Calling adultery/fornication “an open relationship” to soothe the conscience seems to me like rebranding “manure” to “fertilizer.”

  13. No woman is worth killing/beating anyone over. They should have went out, had a drink and kicked her ass to the curb.

    • Worried you might get smacked about with a “sawed off baseball bat”? There used to be such concepts as decency and honor, but thanks to filthy leftists (the same people who want to disarm Americans, imagine that), those concepts have been thrown away. “Only a virtuous people are capable of freedom. As nations become more corrupt and vicious, they have more need of masters.” — Benjamin Franklin

      • Riiiight, because nobody killed or attacked the guy screwing his wife until the Evil Leftists came and ruined America… Totally a new phenomena.

    • Yup, horndogs are everywhere, dime-a-dozen. You only get to have one unfaithful wife, at least for now.

      Focus, man, focus.

      • Nothing to do with daughters..

        ..dude’s wife was a little bit involved. She si not an innocent party.

        Since horndogs are everywhere, and always will be, teach your daughters some standards and they won’t have a problem after you’ve married them off.

        • The man wandered off topic when he said no woman was worth killing for. Since the discussion was then open beyond the constraints of the specific situation, my statement stands. Interesting how you felt the need to slide that bit in:

          “teach your daughters some standards and they won’t have a problem after you’ve married them off.”

          You must not think much of women either.

  14. I say if he was caught in the act of cheating with someone’s wife, he deserves the beat down he got. He should instead feel lucky that he wasn’t murdered.

    And hopefully no one will vote for this clown. If he cheats with women, what else / with whom else does he cheat? How can you trust him? You can’t. People can change, but change like that takes years, not months.

  15. In my single days, I’ve picked up more married women accidentally, then single women on purpose!
    Most all of these ladies were unhappy, for some reason, with their old man, some confessed, they just wanted to get even with “hubby” because he couldn’t explain the “lip stick on the collar”, or similar “offense”.

  16. Heard of a supposedly true story, about a guy who was doing the deed with this guys wife, when the husband came home.
    The guy jumped out of the wife’s bed, and was told to go out the window. He was hanging on with his knuckles tightly gripping the window sill.
    The husband saw this and started beating the guys hands with a baseball bat. He held on for as long as he could, and finally, after his hands were beat to a pulp, he “let go”, and dropped two feet!

  17. As a practical matter, this is good advice, because this series of events can and does happen.

    Legally, the attacker has no right to lie in wait and attack this man with malice of forethought. You divorce the wife and sue the lover, but you don’t stalk and attack people.

  18. While the story is depressing. Both got what they deserved.

    On a side note, looking at the picture the only line I can think of is “Give into the dark side!”

  19. Many years ago, when I was single, and doing the bar scene (see post above) I told myself it was wrong to mess around with married women.
    So, I would be sitting on a bar stool, having a cool one, and some gal would come in and sit down on the stool between me and the guy two stools down. She would start up a conversation with me, and eventually it would be obvious that she would like to go home with me.
    After explaining that I thought it was wrong to make it with a married woman, she would then start up a conversation with the dude on the other side, and eventually take off with him.
    After this happened a few times, I realized that I wasn’t helping any girls with their morals, All I was doing, was just screwing myself out of a piece of tail.
    I finally wised up.

    • Gunr, I was much the same in my younger days. But the women I picked up in the bars and cconcerts were strangers to me.

      I never messed with the wife of someone I knew, which is what appears to have happened in this case. There’s too much action out there to compromise a friend for it.

      • I agree, however, sometimes women do not reveal their marital status until after the act. I once picked up a gal, ended up at her place. We went into the bedroom, it was dark, a little while later, the lights were turned on, and I couldn’t help but notice there were several long guns hanging on the wall.
        I later learned she was married, and her husband was on a business trip. That taught me a lesson! Go to your own place! Just in case!
        Notice in one of my posts above, I said I’ve picked up more married women accidentally, than single women on purpose. I never went after any chicks I knew were married.

        • Get the sequence right the married ladies picked you up. You were not a aprty to the contract and if you did not have a committed relationship were not guilty of adultery.

  20. This is just an idea, but maybe men shouldn’t presume to own a woman’s vagina. If your girlfriend/wife/whatever sleeps with someone else, then either she has issue or you’re not doing your job as her SO. It’s not the other guy’s fault that you’re a bad husband.

    • It is the other guy’s fault to some degree when you know each other well- as business partners, for example.

    • If you have made a lifetime commitment to one another, you do own one another (it is mutual). If you try violating that sacred vow (man or woman) without making a break (divorce), you deserve what you have coming.

  21. Reminds me of the time back in the ’70s and a certain Sergeant in the local PD came to work one day with bruises and bandages all over his face. Seems he got caught in similar circumstances and the crap beat out of him.

    No one said a thing. No charges. No press. Justice was swift back then…..

    I had a LOT of respect for that Sarg both before AND after!

  22. why do I suspect Shannon’s husband, John Watts, Jr., wouldn’t care this much if she ever gave into my Nubian charm?

    • I don’t think they waited for their previous marriage to end before consummating their current relationship.

    • We would say the enraged husband should have started with a gun! 🙂

      Of course, the antis will note the ex-husband had his bat taken away from him. It wouldn’t have happened if he had used a .45 caliber bat. Must have been a 9mm…

    • To the point of your question regarding this particular event, I would have said he was entirely justified, the attacker wore a hood and was unrecognized, attacking without any justification, with a lethal weapon. I’da dropped him like a hot rock. Of course, once I was aware of his identity and questioned by the cops, I would have come clean. Another valid point here would be that the attacker, if aware that a man he knew for a decade CC’d at all times, he would not have attacked, at least not with a bat. Personally, if I were going to beat the guy who destroyed my marriage to a pulp, the LAST thing I would have with me would be a hood. I would want him to know who was kicking his butt.

  23. Brings back memories. Back in my bachelor days it was pretty easy to pick up the wife of some far right conservative that was sick and tired of his crap. She’d take us out using his plastic, and afterwards we’d have some great sex because the Republican husband wasn’t good in bed and she was dying for a man that cared. Must have done that a couple of dozen times in a decade. Ah, those were the days!

    • You was one of the staff writers making up the phony letters for “Dear Penthouse” weren’t you? Ask me how I know.

      Let me try your brand of fantasy. I used to get the left wing chicks all the time cause they were tired of the feminine guys drawn to the progressive side of politics. Sometimes they just needed a man.

      See how easy it is. You really are low hanging fruit, you fruit.

  24. Side note: I was in Talladega today at the new CMP Marksmanship Park. Believe me when I tell you that heaven will incorporate such a facility within its pearly gates. Truly an amazing place!

  25. I still have no idea why they get mad at the other man… Who made the promises? The disgusting so-called wife, or this other guy? Shake his hand, forget you know her.

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