By Ellie K.
My husband LOVES guns. The only way he could possibly love them more is if they had my boobs and blonde hair. In fact, he is watching a gun video right now. His Instagram is flooded with pictures of his guns disassembled on my breakfast table. Pictures of his gun being gently held in the palm of his hand. Videos of him tenderly caring for his weapons . . .
Every date we go on…it’s there. When we cuddle on the couch, watching a flick…she’s right there. She just sits on the coffee table and mocks me. Who does she think she is?!
If I was a gun, I would be a sexy Salient Arms G19. I would look my husband’s SIG MK25 in the face and ask her to excuse herself. I’m the one who is going to be flooding his Instagram now. I’ll be the one he tenderly caresses. It’s me who will get a bath after every outing. The breakfast table better get ready for a photo shoot, because I’m about to be on it.
If I happen to win this gun, my husband will be the one with competition. He will be jealous of my Instagram. I’ll bring that sucker on every date. Try and hold my hand…you can’t! There’s a gun in it.