(courtesy ingunownerscom)

A TTAG reader emailed us a heads-up on a page he’s created to channel his outrage at gun control advocates’ Orwellian assault on the English language. democratsdictionary is in its nascent stage, but it has plenty of potential. For example, Shall Not Be Infringed. “This phrase often appears in documents from the late 18th century; it is a typo. Its meaning can be correctly interpreted as either ‘Shall Be Infringed’ or ‘Shall Be Prohibited.'” Although not exclusively gun-related, the site’s creator is looking for firearms-friendly folk to contribute Devil’s Dictionary-type definitions to his collection. Make the jump for his starter kit and make your suggestions in the comments section below. Thanks! . . .

Assault Rifle: A semi-automatic rifle which is painted the color black and looks scary. Can be differentiated from other (non-assault) semi-automatic rifles, which are mechanically identical yet are painted colors other than black and do not look scary.

Civil Right: Something that is given to you by the government, and that is paid for by other taxpayers.

Fair Share: The portion of the nation’s income and wealth that may be objectively apportioned by a government official to any single person based on their deservedness.

Fat Cat: Person whose current income is in a bracket in which it is desirous that tax rates be increased.

Gun: A mechanical device, often clinged to, which spontaneously goes off, killing people.

Shall Not Be Infringed: This phrase often appears in documents from the late 18th century; it is a typo. Its meaning can be correctly interpreted as either “Shall Be Infringed” or “Shall Be Prohibited”.

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135 Responses to Question of the Day: Can You Help This Devil’s Dictionary for Gun Control Advocates?

  1. Funny idea, but no thanks- the butt of the joke won’t get it, and they already have more than enough help.

  2. Shoulder Thing That Goes Up
    Device invented by Caroline McCarthy which grants +10 to DMG and ACC and increases critical hit chance by 5%
    See also: Barrel Shroud

    • Heh. Yeah. Someone on another page posted that recently. I’ll point out here that it’s kinda dated now that the modern day boogie man is the AR-15.

    • This is the democrats dictionary–so the correct answer should be: Common sense: the nuclear option when all of your emotion based arguments fail.

      • In my experience it’s more like:

        Common sense: A mythical creature like a unicorn. Apply this adjective to spruce up any argument and make your opponent seem unreasonable.

      • I thought the nuclear option was pointing a trembling finger at your opponent and shrilly denouncing them as a racist/sexist/homophobe.

        But I guess they all too often just lead with that, don’t they?

        • I generally apply the “whoever smelt it, dealt it” rule when it comes to people branding others as racist/sexist/homophobe.

  3. Hilarious. Unfortunately there are millions of leftwing sheep who believe this. My favorite from last year was “why would anyone need a .50caliber?”

    • Usually said by someone driving an Expedition or similarly large vehicle to take their two kids to soccer practice after school, yet how dare you suggest they downsize to a smaller vehicle.

  4. Fat Cat: Person 1) whose current income is in a bracket in which it is desirous that tax rates be increased, and 2) does not regularly give money to the DNC.

  5. Transparency: The state achieved when one does everything possible, within and outside the law, to hide what they are really doing.

  6. Silencer – Evil device that’ll grant the gun owner ninja-like stealth in addition to giving said owner the innate desire to go on silent killing sprees that are otherwise unsolvable.

  7. 30 caliber magazine clip!

    The clip bigfoot uses to mark his progress in a copy of Sports Illustrated that he borrowed from the Loch Ness Monster.

  8. Crime Control – See “Gun Safety Reform”

    Gun Safety Reform – See “Common Sense Gun Control”

    Common Sense Gun Control – See “Gun Control”

    Gun Control – See “Gun Ban”

  9. Caliber-
    How big bullets are. Common sizes include .9mm and 38mm

    Percentages-
    Just make something up, nobody checks those right?

    Privacy-
    An outdated concept, everything is your business and your opinion matters

    Racist-
    ANYONE who disagrees with you.

    Look at this baby-
    Seriously look at it. You don’t hate babies do you?

  10. Grass roots: an overused term to make it seem like a corporately funded group has support from the masses, which it regularly doesn’t. A self referral term that as soon as a group founder mentions being a “grass roots campaign” should automatically be viewed with skepticism.

  11. Tolerance: Ignoring the actions of minorities, leftists and campaign contributors while simultaneously applying hate-speech to Christians, conservatives, gun owners and wealthy Americans.

  12. Ghost Gun! – An untraceable gun with supernatural abilities allowing it to pass metal detectors unnoticed. Rumor has it these ghost guns are the results of all the guns that were once smelted down during gun buy back programs and currently millions haunt homes in America…even some homes with babies!

  13. Uncle Tom/House N****r: Any free-thinking African-American who commits thought crime by disagreeing with the democratic party. Hence, hate speech by members of the same race may be freely and liberally applied with no negative consequences or media coverage.

  14. Support: Verb. You must always claim you do this for any cause, even as you incrementally subvert it.

  15. The 1%: Any wealthy person who is neither a democratic lawmaker nor a campaign contributor to democratic lawmakers.

  16. CHILD:
    any person who was or is alive, and was injured or killed by a gun, bullet, shoulder thing, flash hider, cop-killer bullet, pistol grip, pop tart, etc…
    (Unless it’s an unborn fetus)

    • I am going straight to hell for this one….

      Shooting a fetus might be the only time they’d call abortion murder. Because guns.

      I’ll save you guys a seat when I get there…

      • If you go to hell for that then you will be at the end of the line behind the ACTUAL baby killers.
        Say that reminds me…
        a-bor-tion
        noun
        1. Also called choice
        2. Also called family planning
        antonym:
        full term pregnancy followed by birth
        See also punishment for unprotected sex.

  17. Diplomacy: The act of backing up to the negotiating table with your skirt hiked up and a firm grip on your ankles (refer to Albright, Madeleine).

  18. Corrected definition which is inherent in the picture.

    Assault Rifle: A semi-automatic rifle with a plastic stock which is painted the color black and looks scary. Can be differentiated from other (non-assault) semi-automatic rifles, which are mechanically identical yet are made with wood or painted colors other than black and do not look scary.

  19. “We the People…”: wealthy people, government officials and lobbyists [particularly around D.C.], and Progressive academicians.

    Everyone else is a non-People.

  20. For the children: An expression by which one may neutralize or otherwise circumvent any argument, fact, statistic or premise.

  21. Privilege – Getting up at 4 AM to put in a 12 hour shift and thinking that you somehow deserved the money you earn.

    • Privilege – Getting up at 4 AM to put in a 12 hour shift and thinking that you somehow deserved the money you earn.

      Earn (v.) – mythical act of being paid in return for goods or services provided. It is impossible for a human being to engage in the act of “earning” as everything is provided by the benevolence of government.

  22. Mom: A human female who is is imbued with secret wisdom by virtue of having offspring. Frequently demands action. Ordained by a male master (See: Bloomberg) to control the lives of others and to make speeping generalizations about gun owners. Specially qualified to receive exclusive and

    • I messed that up, edit:

      Mom: A human female imbued with wisdom simply by virtue of having taken a d**k at least once. Incapable of live debate. Demands frequent action. Permitted by a male owner (See: Bloomberg) to advocate for the curtailment of civil rights. Believes facebook followers and dues-paying members are equivalent classes. Often surrounded by armed security. Specially qualified to apply the label “bully.” Receives disproportionate amounts of media coverage. Prohibited from owning wide-angle camera lenses.

  23. Conversation: Exchange in which your political opponent sits quietly while you viciously slander them.

  24. Conspiracy to corrupt children weapon: Any assault weapon that is painted a color other than black or displays an upbeat or derogatory theme, such as a “Hello Kitty” themed AK-47 or a “Bricks and Mortar” paint job. Do not be fooled, these are more dangerous than garden-variety assault weapons, because color.

    90% of Americans: A mythical percentage of US citizens (or not) that believe in and fully support whatever fool legislation you’re currently pushing.

    Zoom lens: The preferred lens to be used by photojournalists when covering MDA or Everytown events, to emphasize the community impact of three bag ladies holding incoherent signs.

    Loophole: Any gun-related feature, device, or accessory, now in current production, that we didn’t think to ban in the last legislation.

  25. Extremist – any individual or group that has beliefs and/or opinions that are contrary to those deemed acceptable by the DNC.

  26. Stand your ground law – A law or group of laws allowing any gun owner to shoot any other person, especially one of ethnic minority, at any time for any reason.

    • Defens & Hal,

      Liked your suggestions the best so far (& added them).

      A lot of other good ones suggested so far, too. Keep ’em coming!

      • In that case, please consider a slightly less mean version of my “mom” definition:

        Mom: A human female imbued with wisdom simply by virtue of having offspring. Incapable of live debate. Demands frequent action. Permitted by a male owner (See: Bloomberg) to advocate for the curtailment of civil rights. Believes facebook followers and dues-paying members are equivalent classes. Often surrounded by armed security. Specially qualified to apply the label “bully.” Receives disproportionate amounts of media coverage. Prohibited from owning wide-angle camera lenses.

    • Economist and host Max Keiser and his wife endlessly bleat/tweet anti-gun, anti stand your ground propaganda.

      He’s spot on about central banking, money printing, market manipulation, etc, but his anti stance gets tiring to read.

  27. “But” –
    conjunction

    used to invalidate or negate the preceding phrase under the guise of introducing nuance or a qualifier

    “I support the Second Amendment but I don’t so I will do a verbal sleight of hand wherein I qualify that so you think I mostly do when I really don’t”

  28. Untapped fiscal resources: All privately held wealth the government has not yet confiscated.

  29. Voter suppression: Requiring ID at the polling place (like most other countries do) to prevent illegal aliens and former ACORN members from voting multiple times.

    • Old Ben, I swear sometimes you’re my muse. Go Eagles!

      ACORN: A group of community activists and heroes unfairly singled out and destroyed by the Great Satan.

      THE GREAT SATAN: Andrew Breitbart.

  30. Free speech: Vigorous suppression of all dissenting points of view to ensure that only the proper, DNC-approved message is heard.

  31. Muzzle Shroud: A common weapon enhancement for gang members to more easily kill police officers. Easily destinguished as being placed on the shoulder and going upwards.

    Bayonet Lug: A device that allows a sword to be attached to the end of a gun, doubling it’s killing potential, and tripling it’s killing erges.

    Pistol Grip: A grip akin to that of a pistol for use on Assault Weapons, it gives enhanced accuracy and comfort for hipfiring which is what it was designed for during the trench warfar in WW2. (See: Trench Warfar)

    Trench Warfare: Any type of battle ever taken place near or around a shrubbery.

    Collapsable Stock: Allows the Assault Weapon to be more conceivable by cutting it’s length in half.

    Anti-Gunner: See “half-wit” in Webster’s Dictionary.

    Pro-Gunner: A deranged lunatic who is only ever a Christian Extremist. Commonly found drinking Moonshine and playing a banjo in the back of a lifted Chevy Truck.

    Chevy Truck: The devils chariot. Often found sporting large tires for crushing Gods Chariot (See: Prius), bars across the grill to force Police out of the way, and a toeing hitch to pull doors off of Schools to allow armed entrance. Mostly fueled by children’s souls (“diesel” alternative runs on Whale Oil).

    President: an elected official protected by Assault Weapons and paid ludicrous amounts of money to do the polar opposite of what the people want.

  32. “Common Sense Solution” – an explanation that ignores facts and defies logic.

    “Let me be perfectly clear …” – I’m tap dancing around the issue and you’re an idiot.

  33. Potential terrorist: Members of the T.E.A. party and any others that believe in the Constitution and the principles on which the United States was founded.

  34. Fully Automatic – One bullet per trigger press.

    Machine Gun – Whatever gun that we are trying to ban at the moment. Can apply to all guns with mechanical parts.

  35. Grass Roots – when it costs $50 million to try and buy support for removing constitutional rights.

    Irony – claiming that the Second Amendment only covers muskets, but that the First Amendment cover emails and text messages

  36. Interpret- the liberal opinion of what was written. Usually based off how said liberal “feels” it should of been written. A liberal’s interpretation can twist or have absolutely nothing to do with what was clearly written.
    See also: shall not be infringed.

  37. High Capacity: Any number greater than or equal to one.

    Compromise: Give nothing, take everything. (Except when pertaining to “social justice”)

  38. Open Carry:Hobby of elitists where they walk around in civilized society with an assault gun and try to lure children to their death while threatening their parents.

    Concealed Carry: Hobby of elitists where they hide am assault rifle in their person, start fights with minorities or mothers, and kill them.

    Clip: A bullet-holding tool for mass-murder enablement. At rating 10 or higher, a Weapon of Mass Destruction which should only be possessed by legitimate government authorities for use in Mutually-Assured Destruction scenarios.

  39. Forward Grip – Magical plastic handle that gaurantees 100% accurate marksmanship at any distance.

    Universal Background Check – Term used to deceive honest people into registering their firearms for confiscation.

  40. Civil Rights: Any Amendment in the bill of rights that does not include the number 2.

    Statistics: Made up numbers and graphs used to support the agenda of the DNC.

  41. Executive Order – The easiest way of bypassing the Constitution and the democratic process.

    Voter Fraud – Standard liberal voting procedures . ID not required.

  42. Assault weapon: Anything used to threaten the safety of another. It may be a gun, knife broken bottle or even a fist.

    Free Speech: The most dangerous assault weapon know to man. It has been known to bring down civilizations. This is the reason it is the one right Progressives want to regulate even more than the right to bear arms.

  43. 5th Amendment: The right to speak at length, usually in one’s defense and/or innocence, and then in a indignant manner not answer any questions.

  44. Debate- Propaganda event in which you call your opponent:
    A) Racist
    B) Sexist
    C) Homophobic
    D) (insert religion)phobe
    E) All of the above

    Bonus Points if you do E.

  45. Assault rifle: any semi-automatic rifle ever made in the history of the world

    Assault pistol: any semi-automatic handgun ever made in the history of the world that weighs more than 15 ounces. Especially any handgun that can have a LASER or telescopic sight installed

    Assault shotgun: any type shotgun with a pistol grip that holds 3 or more rounds.

    Assault knife: any folding knife that opens with the assistance of a spring, or stud, or gravity, and strangely also any fixed bladed bayonet that can be attached to any of the above assault weapons

    Assault clothing: any olive drab, desert tan, camo or black nylon pants and shirt combination with more than 3 pockets. Any similarly colored nylon vest with more than 2 pockets.

    Assault hat: any olive drab, desert tan, camo, or black floppy cotton or nylon wide brimmed hat or any color baseball hat with logos of Agricultural machinery, firearms manufacturers, or domestic trucks stitched on the front.

    Assault dog: any dog that either weighs more than 15 pounds, or is too big to fit inside a designer purse. These dogs are so dangerous, that police are trained to shoot them on sight, everywhere they go. Sub-catagory police dogs: any dog large than 75 pounds that is professionally trained to rip the meat off your bones, kill your wife and children, and eat your pets with the full protection of the local, state and federal government. Shooting a police dog that is chewing on you or your loved ones is punishable by immediate death.

    Assault terrorist aka assault extremist: anyone that own one or more of the above items. That person can rest assured that they are on a list and are being watched.

  46. Rational: Any opinion which conforms with my own or that of my organization. See also: confirmation bias.

    90% of Americans (alt – overwhelming majority of Americans): Random statistic often quoted by gun control advocates.
    See also: false consensus effect.

  47. Gun Nut:
    noun.
    Someone who owns a firearm but doesn’t hunt with it.

    A person who believes in a 240 year old document and refuses to change with the times.
    See also “Union Thug”

  48. Gun owner: Obese, aging white male who owns an AR-47 with a 30-bullet clip to compensate for his insufficiently sized manhood.

  49. Overwhelming support

    Example:
    “All in favor say aye”. Aye
    “All opposed say no”. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
    “The ayes have it”

  50. I’ve been waiting SO LONG for this! It’s really, if truth be told, a NEWSPEAK DICTIONARY.

  51. No thanks, I won’t help people on denial about hoplophobia in the GOP.

    Fools can fend for themselves.

  52. Gun: a child-killing tool used by civilians, right-wing militias and insane people. Also a life-saving device carried by police officers for the benefit of all.

  53. Mothers Demand Action for Gun Sense in America:A grass roots populist organization whose Chief Executive Officer was purchased by Michael Bloomberg in 2013, just before tax disclosure documents were required to be filed. The organization is the primary beneficiary of $50 million of Mr. Bloomberg’s money. The organization claims in excess of 350,000 members, but is consistently unable to muster more than Ten at any given time. Originally named “A Million Moms for Gun Sense in America,” there is no evidence that any of the membership or employees is currently a full-time, stay at home mother, nor has ever had any membership approaching any non-square root fraction of a million. Frequently referred to as “MDA,” which is the property of the Muscular Dystrophy Association (http://mda.org/about), an actual charitable organization.

  54. Change: Forcing MY wants and needs on you. Usually under color of law, with penalties for noncompliance. See also “Hope” and “Compliance.”

  55. hollow point bullet: any bullet with an open cavity, scary feature, or bullet made only for police because it has been proven effective and therefore forbidden to civilians. Hollow point bullets are good in the hands of police officers but develop dark and evil powers in the hands of a civilian

    reasonable: any argument based completely on feelings and statistics made up on the spot

    high capacity clip: any single use ammunition feeding device holding 5 rounds or more in NYC, 7 rounds or more in NYS, 10 rounds or more in MD, CA, and CT. A ban on high capacity clips causes them to spontaneously evaporate

    911: a magical phone hotline which automatically responds with care, compassion, and appropriate levels of force which will save you from any armed psychopath in the nick of time as long as you cower under a desk in a gun free zone or shelter in place

    Gun free zone: a magical barrier which prevents criminals from carrying guns into a specified area except for Adam Lanza, James Holmes, Hassan, DC shooter, Virginia Tech murderer, etc.

    Shelter in place: the most sound tactical advice ever given by a bureaucrat – especially helpful when combined with whining and sobbing see also: cowardice, fish in a barrel

    lockdown: the morally superior act of making targets stop moving so that a Mass shooting murderer can more easily hit them

  56. Gunsense; the common sense to not own a gun.

    Gun Safety; the inability to purchase a firearm.

    Gun Safe/Gun Lock; steel reinforced concrete bunker section of your home secured with multiple fail safe redundancies as well as a live video feed to your local police department.

    Gun Bullied; the condition of having been proven wrong by a gun nut, and all of the whiny pearl clutching that implies.

  57. Family of hunters and gun owners: If a person or persons anywhere in your family tree has owned, or claimed to own, a hunting rifle or shotgun, then you are in a family of hunters and gun owners. This grants you unimpeachable credibility and authority to discuss gun policy, legitimate need, and gun use. SEE ALSO: “Brother-in-law who is a cop” and “Next-door neighbor who was like a Navy SEAL or something.”

  58. Freedom: Those things which the government allows people to do when the government decides they can do it. See also: Reasonable restrictions.

  59. Assault Gun: A turretless tracked armored vehicle, typically of German of Russian origin, that mounted a high-velocity cannon or a large caliber howitzer directly in the hull for the purposes of destroying enemy tanks or supporting infantry. Term replaced with “Assault Weapon” in anti-gun debates when the correct definition was realized.

    Assault Rifle: An military small arm that has several strict defining features: 1) Intermediate caliber with performance between that of pistol cartridges used in sub-machine guns and the rifle cartridges used in rifles and machine-guns; 2) Detachable magazines; 3) Select-fire capability with semi-automatic (ONE shot per trigger pull) and full-automatic (multiple shots per trigger pull) fire modes. Note that the previous features are MANDATORY! Other optional features include folding or collapsible stocks, carry handles, grenade launching capability, bayonet lugs, bipods, etc.

    Assault Weapon: A vague term used by anti-gun people to imply a similarity to the Assault Rifle for any available rifle that has a physical resemblance to a proper Assault Rifle but lacks at least one of the mandatory features and several optional features.

  60. Gun: Self operating piece of machinery that is very unpredictable and often just “goes off.”

    Common sense: Sorry, item not found. Please try again later.

    Children: Everyone under the age of 30.

    Domestic terrorist: NRA member, TEA party member, or a Christian.

    Magazine: Sorry, item not found. Please try again later.

    The constitution: A single ply piece of toilet paper.

  61. I try to be a good man and respect all people, but shit man it’s to tough for me . I hate these liberal fvckers in the most possible way. I can’t denie this. Be safe out there all of you conservatives.

  62. Gun Supremacists: Uppity peasants who refuse to kowtow to their superiors.

    Gun Bully: Any person with the unmitigated gall to oppose the repeal of the Second Amendment.

    Inalienable Rights: Rights that belong to alien life forms, and not humans.

    Natural Rights: Granted to the people by the government, and not by Nature or Nature’s God.

  63. If I may, an entire site devoted to Poe’s Law. I love it. This may be my favorite act of overt snark since the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

  64. Bill of Rights – An ancient and outdated document outlining certain inalienable individual rights; to be interpreted in modern times as only applying to Democrats possessing both money and power.

  65. Gun Owner- Mass-spree-assault-weapon-using-baby-murdering-killer. Usually clashing with Moms (see: Moms) or Michael Bloomberg (see: Michael Bloomberg). They are blatant liars and bullies (See: Bully) but are protected by the Second Amendment (See: Second Amendment). Pesky, huh.
    Gun- Evil machine that randomly jumps up and starts killing people because that’s what guns do.
    Moms- A mysterious band of females owned by Michael Bloomberg (See: Michael Bloomberg) who are never wrong and can only ever show up to protests in numbers smaller than 30. Are never wrong. Own the rights to the term ‘Bully’ (See: Bully). Are never wrong. Granted magical powers due to having offspring. Are never wrong.
    Michael Bloomberg- God.
    Machine Gun- Whatever the hell we feel like banning today.
    Defensive Gun Use- A myth (Read: NOT REAL) made up by gun owners (see: Gun Owners) in which they are the good guy. Never happens but rumours are always circling.
    Second Amendment- The only thing between Bloomberg (See: Michael Bloomberg) and world domination.
    Wayne LaPierre- A liar and a bully (See: Bully).
    Bully- Anyone who disagrees with Moms. This word is a trademark of Moms Demand Action. Anyone caught using it without permission will be shot.
    Assault weapon- (1) Any gun that is black and holds more than ten rounds.
    (2)Whatever the hell we want to ban at the moment.
    (3)Anything more dangerous than a pointy stick.
    Truth- A minor inconvenience.
    Common Sense- Whatever the hell we say it is.
    Bans- Magical words that stop criminals from owning anything that falls under them.
    Gun Free Zones- A placebo to fool the occupants of said zone into feeling safe. Usually upheld by a magic sign that automatically makes any criminals (See: Gun Owner) with guns (See: Guns) to turn away. Magically.
    Child- Any shooting victim.
    School Shootings- A way to get the public to hate guns (See: Guns). Often televised to the point of monotony. Usually happens within Gun Free Zones (See: Gun Free Zones). But shush- the public don’t need to know this.
    Love this idea, hope it goes far!

      • Sorry, something went wrong there.
        911- A magical teleportation number that gets the police to you before the murderous psychopath. Okay, well not really. But let’s not tell the subjects, I mean public that, eh?
        Police- The only people who can be trusted with guns.

  66. Personal Protection: Firin two 12 gauge rounds out the arcadia door because crazy Unkle Joe said its all good.

  67. Mall Ninja: twenty something wearing as much tactical garb as possible wandering the mall trying to pick up chicks. Usually groups of three or more.

  68. Gunsmith: Starts off any conversation with that look like WTF do you want, you got 45 seconds before I decide if your ok or a total dumbass. This is how he got that look on his face in the first place.

  69. Government – 100% trustworthy, not dishonest, never wrong people who know best. Often seen in large groups, grant them citizens their rights and can take said rights away when ever they feel like (see: free speech zone). Never killed any of their own people. ever.

    Democracy – system of government
    Example:
    1) All in favour: aye
    All against no (x 23). Ayes have it
    2) ignoring what the majority wants

    Gun registry: perfectly reasonable document used for keeping tabs in gun owners. Eventually used for confiscation/arresting enemies of state
    See: confiscation and ‘enemies of the state’

    Confiscation: the dream of every anti gun/MDA member/tryannical government. The act of taking something which the government sees as a threat. Often lied about.
    Example: ‘no one is going to take your guns’ – Barrack Obama

    Enemies of the state – whoever the hell we feel like demonising

    Operation fast and furious – 404 error description not found.
    1) nothing to see here, move along
    2) mention this again and we WILL shot you
    3) see ‘hypocrisy’

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