Question of the Day: Can You Help This Devil’s Dictionary for Gun Control Advocates?

(courtesy ingunownerscom)

A TTAG reader emailed us a heads-up on a page he’s created to channel his outrage at gun control advocates’ Orwellian assault on the English language. democratsdictionary is in its nascent stage, but it has plenty of potential. For example, Shall Not Be Infringed. “This phrase often appears in documents from the late 18th century; it is a typo. Its meaning can be correctly interpreted as either ‘Shall Be Infringed’ or ‘Shall Be Prohibited.'” Although not exclusively gun-related, the site’s creator is looking for firearms-friendly folk to contribute Devil’s Dictionary-type definitions to his collection. Make the jump for his starter kit and make your suggestions in the comments section below. Thanks! . . .

Assault Rifle: A semi-automatic rifle which is painted the color black and looks scary. Can be differentiated from other (non-assault) semi-automatic rifles, which are mechanically identical yet are painted colors other than black and do not look scary.

Civil Right: Something that is given to you by the government, and that is paid for by other taxpayers.

Fair Share: The portion of the nation’s income and wealth that may be objectively apportioned by a government official to any single person based on their deservedness.

Fat Cat: Person whose current income is in a bracket in which it is desirous that tax rates be increased.

Gun: A mechanical device, often clinged to, which spontaneously goes off, killing people.

Shall Not Be Infringed: This phrase often appears in documents from the late 18th century; it is a typo. Its meaning can be correctly interpreted as either “Shall Be Infringed” or “Shall Be Prohibited”.


  1. avatar Guy says:

    Funny idea, but no thanks- the butt of the joke won’t get it, and they already have more than enough help.

  2. avatar FTA says:

    Shoulder Thing That Goes Up
    Device invented by Caroline McCarthy which grants +10 to DMG and ACC and increases critical hit chance by 5%
    See also: Barrel Shroud

    1. avatar Old Ben turning in grave says:


    2. avatar Mark says:

      Roll save vs.silliness or change alignment to chaotic democrat

  3. avatar Dev says:

    I’ve always like this picture, the journalist’s guide to firearms identification:

    I mean, why should they let facts get in the way of creating an sensationalist story?

    1. avatar Noishkel says:

      Heh. Yeah. Someone on another page posted that recently. I’ll point out here that it’s kinda dated now that the modern day boogie man is the AR-15.

    2. avatar llama says:

      Cops quite like to follow that chart on the right, as well!

  4. avatar OakRiver says:

    “Common sense” – the final line of argument that is neither common, nor makes any sense

    1. avatar Mark N. says:

      This is the democrats dictionary–so the correct answer should be: Common sense: the nuclear option when all of your emotion based arguments fail.

      1. avatar PeterK says:

        In my experience it’s more like:

        Common sense: A mythical creature like a unicorn. Apply this adjective to spruce up any argument and make your opponent seem unreasonable.

      2. avatar Old Ben turning in grave says:

        I thought the nuclear option was pointing a trembling finger at your opponent and shrilly denouncing them as a racist/sexist/homophobe.

        But I guess they all too often just lead with that, don’t they?

        1. avatar Mack Bolan says:

          I generally apply the “whoever smelt it, dealt it” rule when it comes to people branding others as racist/sexist/homophobe.

      3. avatar ProfBathrobe says:

        See also: “for the children.”

  5. avatar former water walker says:

    Hilarious. Unfortunately there are millions of leftwing sheep who believe this. My favorite from last year was “why would anyone need a .50caliber?”

    1. avatar Gene says:

      Usually said by someone driving an Expedition or similarly large vehicle to take their two kids to soccer practice after school, yet how dare you suggest they downsize to a smaller vehicle.

      1. avatar Jus Bill says:

        And who don’t drive their S/ATV in rain or snow, and only on paved surfaces.

  6. avatar Old Ben turning in grave says:

    Fat Cat: Person 1) whose current income is in a bracket in which it is desirous that tax rates be increased, and 2) does not regularly give money to the DNC.

    1. avatar LarryinTX says:

      Oh, yeah, huh? Definitely improved that one, what were we thinking?

  7. avatar Greg in Allston says:

    Compromise: When I get everything that I want at someone else’s expense.

    1. avatar RockOnHellChild says:

      Hope and change: Fluff and the same.

  8. avatar Jim R says:

    Diplomacy – The art of letting someone else have my way.

    1. avatar KingSarc48265 says:

      HA! +1

    2. avatar Jus Bill says:

      And making them think it was their idea.

  9. avatar Old Ben turning in grave says:

    Transparency: The state achieved when one does everything possible, within and outside the law, to hide what they are really doing.

    1. avatar PeterK says:

      Transparency: Achievable by leaking people’s sensitive information illegally. Offenders will be relocated to new, better jobs.

      1. avatar Old Ben turning in grave says:

        Like that one, too.

  10. avatar James Miller says:

    Silencer – Evil device that’ll grant the gun owner ninja-like stealth in addition to giving said owner the innate desire to go on silent killing sprees that are otherwise unsolvable.

  11. avatar jeremy says:

    30 caliber magazine clip!

    The clip bigfoot uses to mark his progress in a copy of Sports Illustrated that he borrowed from the Loch Ness Monster.

  12. avatar Jolly Roger That says:

    Crime Control – See “Gun Safety Reform”

    Gun Safety Reform – See “Common Sense Gun Control”

    Common Sense Gun Control – See “Gun Control”

    Gun Control – See “Gun Ban”

    1. avatar Hal says:

      Pwned it.

  13. avatar KingSarc48265 says:

    How big bullets are. Common sizes include .9mm and 38mm

    Just make something up, nobody checks those right?

    An outdated concept, everything is your business and your opinion matters

    ANYONE who disagrees with you.

    Look at this baby-
    Seriously look at it. You don’t hate babies do you?

  14. avatar Jeremy says:

    Grass roots: an overused term to make it seem like a corporately funded group has support from the masses, which it regularly doesn’t. A self referral term that as soon as a group founder mentions being a “grass roots campaign” should automatically be viewed with skepticism.

    1. avatar Mark N. says:

      Grass roots: A descriptive phrase for an idea that sounded great when you were stoned…

    2. avatar Jus Bill says:

      Grass Roots: The popular term describing a commercial enterprise.

  15. avatar Pantera Vazquez says:

    Compromise-verb: to bend over…….

  16. avatar Hal says:

    Tolerance: Ignoring the actions of minorities, leftists and campaign contributors while simultaneously applying hate-speech to Christians, conservatives, gun owners and wealthy Americans.

  17. avatar Morgan Gatorsee says:

    Ghost Gun! – An untraceable gun with supernatural abilities allowing it to pass metal detectors unnoticed. Rumor has it these ghost guns are the results of all the guns that were once smelted down during gun buy back programs and currently millions haunt homes in America…even some homes with babies!

    1. avatar LarryinTX says:

      Babies— those are children, right?

      1. avatar S.CROCK says:

        They are not considered children in the democrats dictionary.

  18. avatar Hal says:

    Uncle Tom/House N****r: Any free-thinking African-American who commits thought crime by disagreeing with the democratic party. Hence, hate speech by members of the same race may be freely and liberally applied with no negative consequences or media coverage.

    1. avatar LarryinTX says:

      Jeez, didn’t we just get that one proved!

  19. avatar Slick says:

    Moms Demand Action- What? Gun control? I thought this was porn! 🙂

  20. avatar Maineuh says:

    The black one looks the scariest. What did I win?

  21. avatar PeterK says:

    Support: Verb. You must always claim you do this for any cause, even as you incrementally subvert it.

  22. avatar Hal says:

    The 1%: Any wealthy person who is neither a democratic lawmaker nor a campaign contributor to democratic lawmakers.

  23. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

    any person who was or is alive, and was injured or killed by a gun, bullet, shoulder thing, flash hider, cop-killer bullet, pistol grip, pop tart, etc…
    (Unless it’s an unborn fetus)

    1. avatar Gene says:

      They’re considering the perpetrators as victims of violence, too.

    2. avatar S.CROCK says:

      +100k for the last part!

    3. avatar peirsonb says:

      I am going straight to hell for this one….

      Shooting a fetus might be the only time they’d call abortion murder. Because guns.

      I’ll save you guys a seat when I get there…

      1. If you go to hell for that then you will be at the end of the line behind the ACTUAL baby killers.
        Say that reminds me…
        1. Also called choice
        2. Also called family planning
        full term pregnancy followed by birth
        See also punishment for unprotected sex.

  24. avatar Old Ben turning in grave says:

    Diplomacy: The act of backing up to the negotiating table with your skirt hiked up and a firm grip on your ankles (refer to Albright, Madeleine).

    1. avatar Jus Bill says:

      (refer to Albright, Madeleine).


  25. avatar tdiinva says:

    Corrected definition which is inherent in the picture.

    Assault Rifle: A semi-automatic rifle with a plastic stock which is painted the color black and looks scary. Can be differentiated from other (non-assault) semi-automatic rifles, which are mechanically identical yet are made with wood or painted colors other than black and do not look scary.

  26. avatar great unknown says:

    “We the People…”: wealthy people, government officials and lobbyists [particularly around D.C.], and Progressive academicians.

    Everyone else is a non-People.

  27. avatar Hal says:

    For the children: An expression by which one may neutralize or otherwise circumvent any argument, fact, statistic or premise.

  28. avatar Peter says:

    Privilege – Getting up at 4 AM to put in a 12 hour shift and thinking that you somehow deserved the money you earn.

    1. avatar peirsonb says:

      Privilege – Getting up at 4 AM to put in a 12 hour shift and thinking that you somehow deserved the money you earn.

      Earn (v.) – mythical act of being paid in return for goods or services provided. It is impossible for a human being to engage in the act of “earning” as everything is provided by the benevolence of government.

  29. avatar Hal says:

    Mom: A human female who is is imbued with secret wisdom by virtue of having offspring. Frequently demands action. Ordained by a male master (See: Bloomberg) to control the lives of others and to make speeping generalizations about gun owners. Specially qualified to receive exclusive and

    1. avatar Hal says:

      I messed that up, edit:

      Mom: A human female imbued with wisdom simply by virtue of having taken a d**k at least once. Incapable of live debate. Demands frequent action. Permitted by a male owner (See: Bloomberg) to advocate for the curtailment of civil rights. Believes facebook followers and dues-paying members are equivalent classes. Often surrounded by armed security. Specially qualified to apply the label “bully.” Receives disproportionate amounts of media coverage. Prohibited from owning wide-angle camera lenses.

  30. avatar Old Ben turning in grave says:

    Conversation: Exchange in which your political opponent sits quietly while you viciously slander them.

    1. avatar Mack Bolan says:


  31. avatar Defens says:

    Conspiracy to corrupt children weapon: Any assault weapon that is painted a color other than black or displays an upbeat or derogatory theme, such as a “Hello Kitty” themed AK-47 or a “Bricks and Mortar” paint job. Do not be fooled, these are more dangerous than garden-variety assault weapons, because color.

    90% of Americans: A mythical percentage of US citizens (or not) that believe in and fully support whatever fool legislation you’re currently pushing.

    Zoom lens: The preferred lens to be used by photojournalists when covering MDA or Everytown events, to emphasize the community impact of three bag ladies holding incoherent signs.

    Loophole: Any gun-related feature, device, or accessory, now in current production, that we didn’t think to ban in the last legislation.

  32. avatar mirgc says:

    Here’s a very good “truth about assault weapons” website/slide show that I think does a pretty good job on educating the general public about what the differences are.

  33. avatar General Zod says:

    Extremist – any individual or group that has beliefs and/or opinions that are contrary to those deemed acceptable by the DNC.

    1. avatar Old Ben turning in grave says:


    2. avatar Mack Bolan says:


  34. avatar danthemann5 says:

    Stand your ground law – A law or group of laws allowing any gun owner to shoot any other person, especially one of ethnic minority, at any time for any reason.

    1. avatar andy says:

      Defens & Hal,

      Liked your suggestions the best so far (& added them).

      A lot of other good ones suggested so far, too. Keep ’em coming!

      1. avatar Hal says:

        In that case, please consider a slightly less mean version of my “mom” definition:

        Mom: A human female imbued with wisdom simply by virtue of having offspring. Incapable of live debate. Demands frequent action. Permitted by a male owner (See: Bloomberg) to advocate for the curtailment of civil rights. Believes facebook followers and dues-paying members are equivalent classes. Often surrounded by armed security. Specially qualified to apply the label “bully.” Receives disproportionate amounts of media coverage. Prohibited from owning wide-angle camera lenses.

    2. avatar Fler says:

      Economist and host Max Keiser and his wife endlessly bleat/tweet anti-gun, anti stand your ground propaganda.

      He’s spot on about central banking, money printing, market manipulation, etc, but his anti stance gets tiring to read.

  35. avatar DrVino says:

    “But” –

    used to invalidate or negate the preceding phrase under the guise of introducing nuance or a qualifier

    “I support the Second Amendment but I don’t so I will do a verbal sleight of hand wherein I qualify that so you think I mostly do when I really don’t”

  36. avatar Old Ben turning in grave says:

    Untapped fiscal resources: All privately held wealth the government has not yet confiscated.

  37. avatar Gregolas says:

    Diversity: the forcible restriction of ideas, words, and people to politically correct memes and themes. See: University

  38. avatar Old Ben turning in grave says:

    Voter suppression: Requiring ID at the polling place (like most other countries do) to prevent illegal aliens and former ACORN members from voting multiple times.

    1. avatar Hal says:

      Old Ben, I swear sometimes you’re my muse. Go Eagles!

      ACORN: A group of community activists and heroes unfairly singled out and destroyed by the Great Satan.

      THE GREAT SATAN: Andrew Breitbart.

      1. avatar Old Ben turning in grave says:

        “…sometimes you’re my muse…”

        back at you

  39. avatar Todd S says:

    .9mm — The most dangerous caliber of bullet.

  40. avatar Old Ben turning in grave says:

    Free speech: Vigorous suppression of all dissenting points of view to ensure that only the proper, DNC-approved message is heard.

  41. avatar Patrick says:

    Muzzle Shroud: A common weapon enhancement for gang members to more easily kill police officers. Easily destinguished as being placed on the shoulder and going upwards.

    Bayonet Lug: A device that allows a sword to be attached to the end of a gun, doubling it’s killing potential, and tripling it’s killing erges.

    Pistol Grip: A grip akin to that of a pistol for use on Assault Weapons, it gives enhanced accuracy and comfort for hipfiring which is what it was designed for during the trench warfar in WW2. (See: Trench Warfar)

    Trench Warfare: Any type of battle ever taken place near or around a shrubbery.

    Collapsable Stock: Allows the Assault Weapon to be more conceivable by cutting it’s length in half.

    Anti-Gunner: See “half-wit” in Webster’s Dictionary.

    Pro-Gunner: A deranged lunatic who is only ever a Christian Extremist. Commonly found drinking Moonshine and playing a banjo in the back of a lifted Chevy Truck.

    Chevy Truck: The devils chariot. Often found sporting large tires for crushing Gods Chariot (See: Prius), bars across the grill to force Police out of the way, and a toeing hitch to pull doors off of Schools to allow armed entrance. Mostly fueled by children’s souls (“diesel” alternative runs on Whale Oil).

    President: an elected official protected by Assault Weapons and paid ludicrous amounts of money to do the polar opposite of what the people want.

  42. avatar maltwit says:

    “Common Sense Solution” – an explanation that ignores facts and defies logic.

    “Let me be perfectly clear …” – I’m tap dancing around the issue and you’re an idiot.

  43. avatar danthemann5 says:

    “Redneck” – Christian and/or gun owner. Shops at Wal-Mart and usually drives a truck.

    1. avatar Jus Bill says:

      Redneck: A descriptive term for anyone who is not me or my friends.

  44. avatar Bob says:

    “Language” – a tool for concealing the truth
    “Is” – undefined, open to interpretation

  45. avatar Old Ben turning in grave says:

    Potential terrorist: Members of the T.E.A. party and any others that believe in the Constitution and the principles on which the United States was founded.

    1. avatar Hal says:

      Potential Terrorist: Members of the T.E.A. party and any others that believe in the Constitution and the principles on which the United States was founded.

      1. avatar Old Ben turning in grave says:

        Improved that way. Damn, I really need to get back to work 🙂

      2. avatar Fler says:

        FEMA/”LEO” class teaching “officers” that the founding fathers were terrorists

  46. avatar Old Ben turning in grave says:

    Accountability- see vacation, paid.

  47. avatar RockOnHellChild says:

    Cop killer bullets: bullets that go through things and do stuff and junk.

  48. avatar camo says:

    Fully Automatic – One bullet per trigger press.

    Machine Gun – Whatever gun that we are trying to ban at the moment. Can apply to all guns with mechanical parts.

  49. avatar OakRiver says:

    Grass Roots – when it costs $50 million to try and buy support for removing constitutional rights.

    Irony – claiming that the Second Amendment only covers muskets, but that the First Amendment cover emails and text messages

    1. avatar Raul Ybarra says:

      I’m going to borrow that definition of irony…

  50. avatar Chuck (hates nj) says:

    Interpret- the liberal opinion of what was written. Usually based off how said liberal “feels” it should of been written. A liberal’s interpretation can twist or have absolutely nothing to do with what was clearly written.
    See also: shall not be infringed.

  51. avatar Morgan Y. says:

    High Capacity: Any number greater than or equal to one.

    Compromise: Give nothing, take everything. (Except when pertaining to “social justice”)

  52. avatar Al says:

    Open Carry:Hobby of elitists where they walk around in civilized society with an assault gun and try to lure children to their death while threatening their parents.

    Concealed Carry: Hobby of elitists where they hide am assault rifle in their person, start fights with minorities or mothers, and kill them.

    Clip: A bullet-holding tool for mass-murder enablement. At rating 10 or higher, a Weapon of Mass Destruction which should only be possessed by legitimate government authorities for use in Mutually-Assured Destruction scenarios.

  53. avatar camo says:

    Forward Grip – Magical plastic handle that gaurantees 100% accurate marksmanship at any distance.

    Universal Background Check – Term used to deceive honest people into registering their firearms for confiscation.

  54. avatar Mack Bolan says:

    Civil Rights: Any Amendment in the bill of rights that does not include the number 2.

    Statistics: Made up numbers and graphs used to support the agenda of the DNC.

  55. avatar camo says:

    Executive Order – The easiest way of bypassing the Constitution and the democratic process.

    Voter Fraud – Standard liberal voting procedures . ID not required.

  56. avatar Mack Bolan says:

    White House Press Conference: See: Mutual Masturbation. Also See: Circle Jerk

  57. avatar Raul Ybarra says:

    Assault weapon: Anything used to threaten the safety of another. It may be a gun, knife broken bottle or even a fist.

    Free Speech: The most dangerous assault weapon know to man. It has been known to bring down civilizations. This is the reason it is the one right Progressives want to regulate even more than the right to bear arms.

  58. avatar boardsnbikes says:

    5th Amendment: The right to speak at length, usually in one’s defense and/or innocence, and then in a indignant manner not answer any questions.

  59. avatar Darthzaketh says:

    Debate- Propaganda event in which you call your opponent:
    A) Racist
    B) Sexist
    C) Homophobic
    D) (insert religion)phobe
    E) All of the above

    Bonus Points if you do E.

  60. avatar bontai Joe says:

    Assault rifle: any semi-automatic rifle ever made in the history of the world

    Assault pistol: any semi-automatic handgun ever made in the history of the world that weighs more than 15 ounces. Especially any handgun that can have a LASER or telescopic sight installed

    Assault shotgun: any type shotgun with a pistol grip that holds 3 or more rounds.

    Assault knife: any folding knife that opens with the assistance of a spring, or stud, or gravity, and strangely also any fixed bladed bayonet that can be attached to any of the above assault weapons

    Assault clothing: any olive drab, desert tan, camo or black nylon pants and shirt combination with more than 3 pockets. Any similarly colored nylon vest with more than 2 pockets.

    Assault hat: any olive drab, desert tan, camo, or black floppy cotton or nylon wide brimmed hat or any color baseball hat with logos of Agricultural machinery, firearms manufacturers, or domestic trucks stitched on the front.

    Assault dog: any dog that either weighs more than 15 pounds, or is too big to fit inside a designer purse. These dogs are so dangerous, that police are trained to shoot them on sight, everywhere they go. Sub-catagory police dogs: any dog large than 75 pounds that is professionally trained to rip the meat off your bones, kill your wife and children, and eat your pets with the full protection of the local, state and federal government. Shooting a police dog that is chewing on you or your loved ones is punishable by immediate death.

    Assault terrorist aka assault extremist: anyone that own one or more of the above items. That person can rest assured that they are on a list and are being watched.

  61. avatar dh34 says:

    Rational: Any opinion which conforms with my own or that of my organization. See also: confirmation bias.

    90% of Americans (alt – overwhelming majority of Americans): Random statistic often quoted by gun control advocates.
    See also: false consensus effect.

  62. avatar Michael in GA says:

    Gun Nut:
    Someone who owns a firearm but doesn’t hunt with it.

    A person who believes in a 240 year old document and refuses to change with the times.
    See also “Union Thug”

  63. avatar Wendy says:

    Gun owner: Obese, aging white male who owns an AR-47 with a 30-bullet clip to compensate for his insufficiently sized manhood.

  64. avatar Michael in GA says:

    Overwhelming support

    “All in favor say aye”. Aye
    “All opposed say no”. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
    “The ayes have it”

    1. avatar Ralph says:

      That’s exactly how the Hughes Amendment was passed.

  65. avatar William Burke says:

    I’ve been waiting SO LONG for this! It’s really, if truth be told, a NEWSPEAK DICTIONARY.

    1. avatar Fler says:

      Doubleplusgood! Victory Gin for everyone.

  66. avatar Jus Bill says:

    Civilian: See “Prey.”

  67. avatar Wassim Absood says:

    No thanks, I won’t help people on denial about hoplophobia in the GOP.

    Fools can fend for themselves.

  68. avatar Ralph says:

    Gun: a child-killing tool used by civilians, right-wing militias and insane people. Also a life-saving device carried by police officers for the benefit of all.

  69. avatar Jus Bill says:

    Mothers Demand Action for Gun Sense in America:A grass roots populist organization whose Chief Executive Officer was purchased by Michael Bloomberg in 2013, just before tax disclosure documents were required to be filed. The organization is the primary beneficiary of $50 million of Mr. Bloomberg’s money. The organization claims in excess of 350,000 members, but is consistently unable to muster more than Ten at any given time. Originally named “A Million Moms for Gun Sense in America,” there is no evidence that any of the membership or employees is currently a full-time, stay at home mother, nor has ever had any membership approaching any non-square root fraction of a million. Frequently referred to as “MDA,” which is the property of the Muscular Dystrophy Association (, an actual charitable organization.

  70. avatar Jus Bill says:

    Change: Forcing MY wants and needs on you. Usually under color of law, with penalties for noncompliance. See also “Hope” and “Compliance.”

  71. avatar Accur81 says:

    hollow point bullet: any bullet with an open cavity, scary feature, or bullet made only for police because it has been proven effective and therefore forbidden to civilians. Hollow point bullets are good in the hands of police officers but develop dark and evil powers in the hands of a civilian

    reasonable: any argument based completely on feelings and statistics made up on the spot

    high capacity clip: any single use ammunition feeding device holding 5 rounds or more in NYC, 7 rounds or more in NYS, 10 rounds or more in MD, CA, and CT. A ban on high capacity clips causes them to spontaneously evaporate

    911: a magical phone hotline which automatically responds with care, compassion, and appropriate levels of force which will save you from any armed psychopath in the nick of time as long as you cower under a desk in a gun free zone or shelter in place

    Gun free zone: a magical barrier which prevents criminals from carrying guns into a specified area except for Adam Lanza, James Holmes, Hassan, DC shooter, Virginia Tech murderer, etc.

    Shelter in place: the most sound tactical advice ever given by a bureaucrat – especially helpful when combined with whining and sobbing see also: cowardice, fish in a barrel

    lockdown: the morally superior act of making targets stop moving so that a Mass shooting murderer can more easily hit them

  72. avatar the ruester says:

    Gunsense; the common sense to not own a gun.

    Gun Safety; the inability to purchase a firearm.

    Gun Safe/Gun Lock; steel reinforced concrete bunker section of your home secured with multiple fail safe redundancies as well as a live video feed to your local police department.

    Gun Bullied; the condition of having been proven wrong by a gun nut, and all of the whiny pearl clutching that implies.

  73. avatar scoolbubba says:

    Common Sense – I am right and guns are bad.

  74. avatar Zebulon Pike says:

    Family of hunters and gun owners: If a person or persons anywhere in your family tree has owned, or claimed to own, a hunting rifle or shotgun, then you are in a family of hunters and gun owners. This grants you unimpeachable credibility and authority to discuss gun policy, legitimate need, and gun use. SEE ALSO: “Brother-in-law who is a cop” and “Next-door neighbor who was like a Navy SEAL or something.”

  75. avatar Damon says:

    Freedom: Those things which the government allows people to do when the government decides they can do it. See also: Reasonable restrictions.

  76. avatar Southern Cross says:

    Assault Gun: A turretless tracked armored vehicle, typically of German of Russian origin, that mounted a high-velocity cannon or a large caliber howitzer directly in the hull for the purposes of destroying enemy tanks or supporting infantry. Term replaced with “Assault Weapon” in anti-gun debates when the correct definition was realized.

    Assault Rifle: An military small arm that has several strict defining features: 1) Intermediate caliber with performance between that of pistol cartridges used in sub-machine guns and the rifle cartridges used in rifles and machine-guns; 2) Detachable magazines; 3) Select-fire capability with semi-automatic (ONE shot per trigger pull) and full-automatic (multiple shots per trigger pull) fire modes. Note that the previous features are MANDATORY! Other optional features include folding or collapsible stocks, carry handles, grenade launching capability, bayonet lugs, bipods, etc.

    Assault Weapon: A vague term used by anti-gun people to imply a similarity to the Assault Rifle for any available rifle that has a physical resemblance to a proper Assault Rifle but lacks at least one of the mandatory features and several optional features.

  77. avatar S.CROCK says:

    Gun: Self operating piece of machinery that is very unpredictable and often just “goes off.”

    Common sense: Sorry, item not found. Please try again later.

    Children: Everyone under the age of 30.

    Domestic terrorist: NRA member, TEA party member, or a Christian.

    Magazine: Sorry, item not found. Please try again later.

    The constitution: A single ply piece of toilet paper.

  78. avatar Lfshtr says:

    I try to be a good man and respect all people, but shit man it’s to tough for me . I hate these liberal fvckers in the most possible way. I can’t denie this. Be safe out there all of you conservatives.

  79. avatar Alex in IL says:

    Gun Supremacists: Uppity peasants who refuse to kowtow to their superiors.

    Gun Bully: Any person with the unmitigated gall to oppose the repeal of the Second Amendment.

    Inalienable Rights: Rights that belong to alien life forms, and not humans.

    Natural Rights: Granted to the people by the government, and not by Nature or Nature’s God.

  80. avatar peirsonb says:

    If I may, an entire site devoted to Poe’s Law. I love it. This may be my favorite act of overt snark since the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

  81. avatar JAS says:

    Bill of Rights – An ancient and outdated document outlining certain inalienable individual rights; to be interpreted in modern times as only applying to Democrats possessing both money and power.

  82. avatar Great Scot says:

    Gun Owner- Mass-spree-assault-weapon-using-baby-murdering-killer. Usually clashing with Moms (see: Moms) or Michael Bloomberg (see: Michael Bloomberg). They are blatant liars and bullies (See: Bully) but are protected by the Second Amendment (See: Second Amendment). Pesky, huh.
    Gun- Evil machine that randomly jumps up and starts killing people because that’s what guns do.
    Moms- A mysterious band of females owned by Michael Bloomberg (See: Michael Bloomberg) who are never wrong and can only ever show up to protests in numbers smaller than 30. Are never wrong. Own the rights to the term ‘Bully’ (See: Bully). Are never wrong. Granted magical powers due to having offspring. Are never wrong.
    Michael Bloomberg- God.
    Machine Gun- Whatever the hell we feel like banning today.
    Defensive Gun Use- A myth (Read: NOT REAL) made up by gun owners (see: Gun Owners) in which they are the good guy. Never happens but rumours are always circling.
    Second Amendment- The only thing between Bloomberg (See: Michael Bloomberg) and world domination.
    Wayne LaPierre- A liar and a bully (See: Bully).
    Bully- Anyone who disagrees with Moms. This word is a trademark of Moms Demand Action. Anyone caught using it without permission will be shot.
    Assault weapon- (1) Any gun that is black and holds more than ten rounds.
    (2)Whatever the hell we want to ban at the moment.
    (3)Anything more dangerous than a pointy stick.
    Truth- A minor inconvenience.
    Common Sense- Whatever the hell we say it is.
    Bans- Magical words that stop criminals from owning anything that falls under them.
    Gun Free Zones- A placebo to fool the occupants of said zone into feeling safe. Usually upheld by a magic sign that automatically makes any criminals (See: Gun Owner) with guns (See: Guns) to turn away. Magically.
    Child- Any shooting victim.
    School Shootings- A way to get the public to hate guns (See: Guns). Often televised to the point of monotony. Usually happens within Gun Free Zones (See: Gun Free Zones). But shush- the public don’t need to know this.
    Love this idea, hope it goes far!

    1. avatar Great Scot says:

      Freedom- Bullshit.
      Cop Killer Bullet- Whatever bullet we feel like slandering today.

      1. avatar Great Scot says:

        Sorry, something went wrong there.
        911- A magical teleportation number that gets the police to you before the murderous psychopath. Okay, well not really. But let’s not tell the subjects, I mean public that, eh?
        Police- The only people who can be trusted with guns.

  83. avatar obiwan says:

    Personal Protection: Firin two 12 gauge rounds out the arcadia door because crazy Unkle Joe said its all good.

  84. avatar obiwan says:

    Mall Ninja: twenty something wearing as much tactical garb as possible wandering the mall trying to pick up chicks. Usually groups of three or more.

  85. avatar obiwan says:

    Gunshop Ninja: see above, could be on either side of the counter.

  86. avatar obiwan says:

    Gunsmith: Starts off any conversation with that look like WTF do you want, you got 45 seconds before I decide if your ok or a total dumbass. This is how he got that look on his face in the first place.

  87. avatar British Gun Guy says:

    Government – 100% trustworthy, not dishonest, never wrong people who know best. Often seen in large groups, grant them citizens their rights and can take said rights away when ever they feel like (see: free speech zone). Never killed any of their own people. ever.

    Democracy – system of government
    1) All in favour: aye
    All against no (x 23). Ayes have it
    2) ignoring what the majority wants

    Gun registry: perfectly reasonable document used for keeping tabs in gun owners. Eventually used for confiscation/arresting enemies of state
    See: confiscation and ‘enemies of the state’

    Confiscation: the dream of every anti gun/MDA member/tryannical government. The act of taking something which the government sees as a threat. Often lied about.
    Example: ‘no one is going to take your guns’ – Barrack Obama

    Enemies of the state – whoever the hell we feel like demonising

    Operation fast and furious – 404 error description not found.
    1) nothing to see here, move along
    2) mention this again and we WILL shot you
    3) see ‘hypocrisy’

Write a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

button to share on facebook
button to tweet
button to share via email