Question of the Day: Are You A Machine Gun or a Sniper’s Rifle?

To paraphrase the Talking Heads, Pinch Me Living’s talking a lot but she’s not saying anything. In fact, I’m writing this post as the South African life coach is prattling away in the background, mixing metaphors like Tom Cruise mixing drinks in Cocktail. Only now she’s dissing machine guns (3:13). Apparently if your energy’s like a machine gun you are “out of control, spiraling off your energy willy-nilly all over the place.” As opposed to a sniper’s rifle where the energy is focused. (She hasn’t said that yet but I know she will.) Here’s the thing: I’m like a machine gun. I find a target and throw as much lead at it as possible. Fourteen posts a day, every hour? Yeah, like that. Nick’s a sniper. Dan’s a Thompson gunner. What gun are you exactly? (I’m a full-auto SCAR-17.) You? [6:30 into the video and I’m done.]


  1. avatar KingSarc48265 says:

    I’m a pop tart bitten into the shape of Idaho.

    1. avatar TJ says:

      This made me genuinely laugh

    2. avatar Ted says:

      Damn it – coffee all over my keyboard.

    3. avatar Mistersprout says:

      best first post ever!

    4. avatar Bryan says:

      +1000, you just won the internet today!

  2. avatar DrVino says:

    Why do you put videos of mental cases on this blog?

    1. avatar Gyufygy says:

      Feel too much like being at work?

  3. avatar RockOnHellChild says:

    I’m just a big, hairy, American, winning machine… I mean, get up in the morning and piss excellence.

    1. avatar Gunracer1958 says:


      n’st pas!

      1. avatar Aaron says:

        yeah, ‘cept Caddilac “made their own luck” with a bailout from taxpayers. it’s a lot easier to “make your own luck” with a little – no make that a huge, whopping – wad ‘o greenbacks from uncle sugar.

        great ad, though.

        1. Agreed. My money buys Subaru or Ford.

        2. avatar BRY says:

          I was a General Motors man for nearly 50 years. When GM changed its name to “Government Motors,” I changed brands. My son figures the second coming is near because last September I bought a new Ford Taurus.

        3. avatar cheapshooter says:

          So you’ve never borrowed money before? And I heard(I may be wrong) that ford were the ones that proposed the bailout for all three. But it doesn’t matter to me I’ll buy what I like. If I was in the market for a car I would be getting a Subaru. But I’m looking for a truck and test drove all three diesels. I’m leaning towards the Chevy with the ram next, something about the ford didn’t feel right I could never get comfortable. So the ride and the deal I can get are what decide my truck.

  4. avatar Chris. says:

    I am a figment of your imagination.

  5. avatar steve says:

    I could not get past her voice. I made it into the video 6 seconds.

    1. avatar crndl says:

      +1, “life coach”, the great un-regulated whatever…

  6. avatar Dirk Diggler says:

    I am the Guns of the Navarone

    1. avatar DV says:

      Call the Wolf.

    2. avatar Gunracer1958 says:

      Oh HELL YES!

    3. avatar Aaron says:

      I’m Superfly TNT!

  7. avatar Jim R says:

    I’d compare myself to a revolver. A little old-fashioned but still good at what I do and very reliable.

  8. avatar Scott says:

    I’m a nuke

  9. avatar DD says:

    In this space I’m a much needed anomaly.

  10. avatar MiketheHopsFarmer says:

    Side-by-side coach shotgun. I’m not very long, and I’m good for 2 shots, tops, then I’m useless for awhile.

    1. avatar Gunr says:

      Sounds like me, 30 years ago. Now it’s more like pistol length barrel, good for maybe a half a shot.

  11. avatar dave says:

    Kentucky long rifle. A bit old and slow… but once loaded up only one way things are gonna go. Aftermath….. focused destruction and lots of smoke.

  12. avatar Wassim Absood says:

    As a liberal gun rights activist, I am the Frankenruger:

  13. avatar DV says:

    Glock 17

  14. I eat concertina wire and piss napalm.

  15. avatar cogline says:

    I’m a railgun.

  16. avatar Bruce L. says:

    M16, I know there are better but after using one for a year I’m kind of attached to them. Plus I never was good at long range..

  17. avatar Jesse M says:

    I am a MK19.

  18. avatar Anmut says:

    SMITH and Wesson 460, 8in barrel.

  19. avatar Taylor Tx says:

    M4A1 Pulse Rifle or Lightsaber 🙂

    In the realm of believably, maybe a 240B

  20. avatar Anon in CT says:


  21. avatar Phil says:

    My wife says I’m a shotgun. Not sure what that means, but I hope it’s not sawed-off.

  22. avatar Tom from Georgia says:

    I’m a Glock 20. Fill your hand, you sonofabitch…

    No, seriously. I’m not anything in particular, just an average red-blooded American who happens to enjoy guns among other things…cars, motorcycles, so on.


  23. avatar Noishkel says:

    I guess I’m kind of a CETME…. unpopular and not super reliable. But I’m also cheap and when I do hit I hit hard.

  24. avatar Aaron says:

    “Phased plasma pulse rifle in the 40 watt range”

  25. avatar Randy Drescher says:

    I’m your worst nightmare…would you believe a “slightly scarry dream”? I would be the sniper rifle.

  26. avatar Bigred2989 says:

    I’m an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks, to collect a bill.

    1. avatar 1700 Somewhere says:

      Is that you John Wayne? Is this me?

  27. avatar Dave says:

    In the right hands, a machine gun can deliver the surgical precision of a sniper rifle with the option for rapid fire.

    I’m thinking Carlos Hathcock with the M2 making mile long shots.

    So, why can’t I be both?

  28. avatar Gyufygy says:

    I’m a Nerf Gun.

  29. avatar BDub says:

    I’m an anti-personnel mine – indiscriminate and painful.

  30. avatar ready,fire,aim says:

    I’m a 50 cal bmg…I shoot one Big Load at my target….:)

  31. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

    I’m the cold, anonymous 750 grain solid bronze projectile that was set free from its tubular confinement, spiraling in complete obeyance to the path created by 36 inches of lands and grooves. Ahead of the ever increasing pressure cloud created by 210 grains of burning gunpowder.
    Slicing through the air, swirling in the humidity, creating a supersonic swirl of disturbance. Seen as a beautiful 12 foot arc through the pristine sky.
    To impact with over 6,000 foot pounds of energy at 2,000 feet per second.
    Creating a hole, where once, something had been.

    1. avatar Gunr says:

      Christ Tom,
      The way you describe it, maybe Stephan Spielburg should make a movie about you.

    2. avatar ready,fire,aim says:

      golly….your tounges prettier than a 20 dollar whore …(slim pickens from blazzing saddles)

  32. avatar Sixpack70 says:

    I am a Nike-Hercules. I might have a conventional warhead or I might have a Nuke. It depends on what I am working on.

  33. avatar OCD says:

    The irony of who played this character was intended as well.

  34. avatar Piet Padkos says:

    I’m an M2. You gonna call your Ma when I loose my Deuce!

    Although due to my bad eyesight I can’t shoot very far.

    So I’m a S&W Bodyguard .380. I will murder you!!! If I can get close enough.

  35. avatar Greg says:

    Jennings 22.

  36. avatar crndl says:

    glock 21 converted to .460 rowland

  37. avatar Ralph says:

    I’m like a one-armed gunslinger.

    1. avatar lolinski says:

      How do you reload?

      1. avatar Ralph says:


      2. avatar 1700 Somewhere says:

        …or just wait

  38. avatar Skyler says:

    A machine gun on a Traversing and Elevation device is pretty damned focused and throws a ton of lead around.

  39. avatar lolinski says:

    Dragunov, if I were to compare myself to a rifle.

    Cheap (pragmatic), fast (when I want to) and surprisingly accurate (read: lethal). And so long that it snags (both me and the rifle) on the doorframe if I dont pay attention.

  40. avatar Jonathan - Houston says:

    I’ll cop to being a Merkel drilling: two 12 ga. and a .30-06. Not quite sure what to make of it, somewhat resembling what you’re used to, except more and better, with panache and a flair for the dramatic.

    Hey, you asked.

  41. avatar Sam Spade says:

    I’m a flame-thrower, you [snip-snippity-snip-snip].

    Other than that, maybe Atomic Annie.

  42. avatar Praveen says:

    .357 Magnum

    1. avatar Jonathan - Houston says:

      Classic. I like it.

  43. avatar DisThunder says:

    New production model 1911: Old before my time, but still good for 8 rounds.

  44. avatar JoshtheViking says:

    M-29 Davy Crockett weapons system.

  45. avatar SdubM45 says:

    I’m a Springfield Armory M14. I’m old fashioned, misunderstood, but reliable and VERY powerful.

  46. avatar the ruester says:

    I’m a walther p22. Got any room in your safe?

  47. avatar TheBear says:

    Can I be a plasma rifle?

  48. avatar Venator Magnus says:

    She’s definitely a New Zealand Kiwi, as I suspected after listening to her, not South African.

    1. avatar Ralph says:

      She’s a kiwi? Is that the bird or the fruit?

  49. avatar Swobard says:

    Gotta be a Mosin Nagant. Cheap, old fashioned and nowhere close to “flashy”. A bit oversize by modern measures, but solidly made, proven in hard use, and “by God” dependable.

  50. avatar Nine says:

    I consider myself a 10-22.

    Cheap, reliable, you can dress me up if you want, but you’re okay that I’m a little small.

  51. avatar Excedrine says:

    I’m a Mk.43.

    Very controllable even in long bursts, harder-hitting than any Yankee Poodle Shooter, accurate to 1,200 yards, and I can pull an 800-round belt.

    Your move.

  52. avatar jwm says:

    I’m an over stuffed easy chair. Come sit in my lap, baby.

  53. avatar scoutino says:

    I’m little rough and worn around the edges, not too pretty but utterly reliable and still packing a punch even after all those years. I guess Mosin.

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