Gun Joke of the Day: Funny Since 1911 Edition

Colt 1911 Gold Cup (courtesy

A guy walks into a crowded bar, waving his 1911. “Who in here has been screwing my wife?” he demands. A voice from the back of the bar yells back. “You need more ammo.” [h/t Chris V]

Please mail gun jokes to [email protected] with GUN JOKE (all caps) in subject bar.


  1. avatar Tom in Oregon says:


    I’ve got a pretty good one. Have to wait till after work.

  2. avatar Vhyrus says:

    Punch line should have been “You should have brought a Glock.”

    1. avatar RockOnHellChild says:

      Just not the 36…

      1. avatar Dracon1201 says:

        Another downside to the 42.

  3. avatar Jeff the Griz says:

    Nice, Hope to see this as a regular feature to add some variety to the mix.

  4. avatar Dirk Diggler says:

    If Shannon Watts’ husband John is mad, he should have rolled on Gracie Mansion in NYC before the end of December

    1. avatar ropingdown says:

      Acting on hunch, John barges into a local pub. Only six customers are seated at the bar. He shouts “OK, who in here has been screwing my wife?” The bar-tender carefully looked at the customers, then John. Finally he answers, “well, that would be seven of us.”

      1. avatar Felix says:

        Ah …. not eight. I see.

      2. avatar Gunr, from Oregon says:

        As long as we are on bartender jokes, do you know the difference between a bartender and a Proctologist?
        A Proctologist only has to deal with one asshole at a time!

        1. avatar jwm says:

          You know the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? The taste.

        2. avatar Rich Grise says:

          A doctor has some paperwork to sign, so he reaches up to his shirt pocket, but pulls out a rectal thermometer. “Dammit! Some asshole’s got my pen!”

  5. avatar MiketheHopsFarmer says:

    I’m not a 1911 fanboy, but I did buy a Para GI LTC for the 100th anniversary in 2011. It shoots like a dream and even my dad says it reminds him of his service days (’69-’72) That said, that’s a good looking gun in the post. Can’t read what it is on my phone though, can someone help me out? What make/model/price is that?

    1. avatar Dave Curry says:

      Colt Gold Cup National Match.

    2. avatar CarlosT says:

      Series 80 Colt Gold Cup National Match, according to the slide. I have no idea what it costs.

    3. avatar MiketheHopsFarmer says:

      Thanks guys.

    4. avatar Rich Grise says:

      I’m wondering if there’s a name for that color scheme, like “Canadian Marching Band” or Metrosexual.”

      1. avatar Tim says:

        What’s wrong with nickel?

  6. avatar CarlosT says:

    Maybe in addition to the weekly caption contest, you can add a weekly joke thread?

  7. avatar BT in Afghan says:

    that wasn’t funny when I walked into the bar and it still isn’t funny

    1. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

      Now ^that^ is even funnier!

  8. avatar Ron Oglesby says:

    ok. thats funny. I havent heard that.

  9. avatar dwb says:

    I laughed.

  10. avatar jwm says:

    She walked into the bar with a pair of 44’s. Then she pulled a gun from her purse.

    1. avatar S.CROCK says:

      hahahahaha that one took me a second. that was a good one.

  11. avatar Scholarcat says:

    I don’t get it.

    Edit: Took me a second. Yeah, funny.

    1. avatar vioshi says:

      It took me a few seconds too.

  12. avatar Thomas Pain says:

    yeah, but once one person gets hit with a .45, they’ll all die from hydraulic shock.

    1. avatar percynjpn says:


  13. avatar CA.Ben says:

    I laughed. This needs to become a regular thing.

  14. avatar Scythian Arrows says:

    So, a couple of Wehrmacht walk into a BAR…

    1. avatar Taylor Tx says:

      So this guy Gerry walks into a BAR, the end 🙂

    2. avatar Gunr, from Oregon says:

      and said to the pretty young bartender, would you like to see my trouser “Mauser”

  15. avatar tj says:

    I was gonna tell a losing joke but its to long

  16. avatar percynjpn says:

    That was pretty good.

  17. avatar Patrick says:

    Can someone please explain this joke?
    No, I’m not trolling; I’m really this stupid.

    1. avatar jwm says:

      It’s a crowded bar, lots of guys. If he’s going to shoot all the guys that did his wife he’ll need more ammo cause they’ve all done his wife.

      1. avatar Matt in FL says:

        Specifically, he’s carrying a 1911, so he’s only got 7+1 (possibly 8+1).

        1. avatar Patrick says:

          Oh wow. I can’t believe that went over me. I get the whole “low capacity 1911” thing, but without the rest the joke isn’t the same.

        2. avatar Troutbum5 says:

          Could be a Para Ordnance P14.

    2. avatar Rich Grise says:

      Patrick, don’t feel like the Lone Stranger. I didn’t get it either until I put together a couple of other references in about a dozen other posts. 🙂

      The world’s wost joke:
      Why do cows wear bells?
      Answer: Because their horns don’t work.

  18. avatar B K says:

    Short joke
    An irish guy walks past a bar……

    1. avatar Gunr, from Oregon says:

      That never happened

    2. avatar Tim says:

      Ah Mr Dangerfield 🙂

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