What Could Possibly Go Wrong: Squirtle Edition

Incoming! I’m prepared for the inevitable [unintentionally ironic] accusations of “safety Nazi” and “killjoy.” The gun involved is, after all, as yellow as an inner city anti-gun politician without an armed escort and as plastic as a Hollywood actress in her early 40’s. But let’s face it: anyone shooting anything at anyone in the People Republic of Kalifornia is tempting fate, SWAT death-wise. (I’m not sure if CA cops have aerated a citizen for shooting the breeze but I wouldn’t be surprised if they had.) There’s a difference between good clean fun and assaulting strangers with a gun-shaped object unleashing a stream of liquid that could be water but could well be something more insidious, given how nuts you have to be to shoot strangers with a squirt gun. IMHO.


  1. avatar dale says:

    In most places squirting someone with an unknown substance qualifies as assault. If it were done from/to a moving vehicle (including a bicycle) it can qualify as Felonious Assault. We had such a case in my part of Virginia a few years back where the assailant was convicted of Assault and Battery due to video footage they took (much like this “prank”) and given a maximum fine and six months community service. In Virginia the penalty for a conviction for assault and battery is up to 12 months in jail and/or a maximum fine of $2,500. Virginia Criminal Code § 18.2-57.

  2. avatar Fedlaw says:

    The darlings who hang out on Michigan Ave in Chicago do not want to waste water. Obviously this is the reason they fill their squirt guns with ammonia.

  3. avatar PeterC says:

    In real life, as opposed to rap video, the squirtler might have to have that water pistol surgically removed from his colon.

  4. avatar nobby says:

    That black guy must have been living under a rock lately. Doesn’t he realize he can be legally shot on sight? Here’s this fool running around with a gun. When someone kills him, don’t go complaining about him being a good boy who was unarmed.

    1. avatar Ralph says:

      “Doesn’t he realize he can be legally shot on sight?”

      Only by cops.

  5. avatar g says:

    Water guns are fun… but never underestimate a sicko. He doesn’t need any water gun, and he’ll still be throwing his fluids on strangers…


  6. avatar erreed says:

    umm, I think that’s Fla, not CA.

    Anyhow, this looks like one of those situations where I’d probably get really mad for 3 seconds, then look around and laugh at how mad I just got. It’s summer – lighten up!

    1. avatar nobby says:

      Lighten up? Sorry, the last thing we think when we see a black guy is “practical joker”. Now….if some young white kid was doing it, I truly could see the humor and would ask if he had his own show on MTV yet.

      1. avatar CA.Ben says:

        I can’t tell if this is a joke, or if you’re actually incredibly racist…

  7. avatar Accur81 says:

    If Squirtle squirts a gangbanger, he might get introduced to Glockle.

  8. avatar Ralph says:

    What this country really needs are yellow Glocks.

  9. avatar Mistereveready says:

    Doesn’t look much like a gun to me, but what he does is more than enough to stomp a mud puddle in his ass and then stomp it dry.

  10. avatar Gregg says:

    What if he was squirting battery acid or some other caustic liquid?

    1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

      That was my first thougt as well. Not that he was, but that someone might worry that he might be and in a fit of civic-minded zeal do him injury.

      BTW: technically, acids are not caustic; the word applies only to alkaline substances.

    2. avatar seren says:

      That’s the line of thinking that leads to registration and gun bans.

  11. avatar MadLarkin says:

    I spent time in a city(the biggest hobo camp in the quadrant…wait, no it was just Eugene, OR) where it was at one point common practice to administer random folks with LSD. Not sure I’d trust a random squirtgun so quickly.

  12. avatar rammerjammer says:

    Safety concerns aside that is an extremely lame prank. Is that all he could come up with? Spritzing someone with a squirt gun isn’t that funny past age 5.

  13. avatar John Fritz says:

    I wonder how many children that guy has fathered?

    1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

      Or fathered him…

  14. avatar Dirk Diggler says:

    If Obama had a son . . . but seriously, someone needs to explain to Trayvon that he might be look at the receiving end of a few rounds of 9mm. . . .

  15. avatar Swarf says:

    First off, that’s not even remotely funny, and secondly (not to get all ITG), but I take a punch first approach to strangers squirting me with unknown liquids. I’m very surprised he didn’t get the crap beat out of him.

    “Oh, you have a camera and that somehow makes it okay? I don’t think so.” Punch.

    1. avatar seren says:

      Sounds like you need to address the issues in your life that make you so keyed up and wanting to do violence.

  16. avatar Geoff says:

    This is how I feel about the video in this story.


  17. avatar jwm says:

    Johnny Knoxville, anyone?

  18. avatar Out_Fang_Thief says:

    The secret to a long life, is to try not to shorten it.

  19. avatar Matt in FL says:

    I know he’s just having fun, but I’d still be irritated if he squirted me. Not “felonious assault” irritated, but possibly “uncivil language” irritated.

  20. avatar NCG says:

    If a crew-cut white dude in Indiana squirted white girls in Indiana, would we see it on TTAG? As a kid, I ran around in a pretty rough Houston neighborhood with all manner of real-looking toy guns. Granted, I was not this obnoxious. Can gun people stop being such pvssies (I hate to use the term, as I consider the vagina to be a brave organ)? Probably not. Seriously. It’s an annoying dude with a squirt gun. Man up.

    1. avatar Dave says:

      Ditto. Is he a dick? Yes. Could the next bin laden be squirting radioactive waste in orlando? maybe. If he got his ass kicked would be deserve it? Probably. Does it warrant my time with this comment? Damn… just wasted my time.

  21. avatar Ardent says:

    Hmm, I’m thinking about meeting force with equal force. . . that is I’m thinking if this guy ‘pranked’ me I’d likely ‘return fire’ with my can of Fox 5.3 OC. It’s harmless, right? Just prankin’ with ya buddy!

  22. avatar Derrick says:

    I want that 33 seconds of my life back.

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