Brit Bobby Bangs Babe…Britches, Belt and Beretta By His Boots

Police officer on patrol

Here’s a thought experiment: you’re a UPS delivery dude. One day, you get an itch, veer off your appointed route and make a little pitstop to visit the female half of a couple to whom you rent a house you own. The pop-in turns into a little more than just a courtesy call to check on the plumbing and you end up having consensual sex with her for 30 or 40 minutes. A textbook quickie. Then comes the bummer, though: you’re caught by your dispatcher. How long do you think you’d keep your job? Here’s the answer: probably a lot longer if your employer is willing to lie by omission and cover up some of the details during the internal investigation. Which is apparently how they handle things in Welsh law enforcement . . .

The cop in question, described as a “police marksman” for the Gwent police department, is PC Shaun Jenkins. And he was canned, at first anyway. But in the grand tradition of most public employee lifetime employment protection schemes, he appealed his termination. And he won, getting his job back, though he was busted down to beat cop. When the woman’s husband found out, though, he complained to something called the Independent Police Complaints Commission.

That’s when the Gwent PD omitted certain salient facts about what happened the day PC Jenkins made his conjugal visit. And what, in the opinion of the IPCC, was their most egregious omission? What really pissed them off was the Gwent brass didn’t mention that PC Jenkins had his pistol holstered and on the belt that he dropped to the floor when he and the un-named tenant were getting jiggy with it.

The IPCC report said: “It was further established at this time that the investigating officer’s report provided to the complainant and the IPCC had been redacted to remove the reference to a firearm. There was no evidence provided to the IPCC that the report had been redacted to remove this information.”

The document recounting the incident, which Jenkins submitted, should have read: “On arrival at the address he describes that himself and (redacted) engaged in sexual activity. He states that he took off his body armour, leaving his T-shirt, and then took down his trousers to his ankles in order to engage in sexual activity.

Not to worry, though. ‘Cause as far as the boys at the Gwent constabulary and the appeals panel were concerned, Jenkins was in full control of his gun at all times.

IPCC commissioner for Wales Tom Davies criticised the panel: “The finding of the police appeals panel that the gun was never out of PC Jenkins’ direct and immediate control because it was in a holster, attached to his trousers, which were attached to him, albeit around his ankles, is surprising.

“I am also bemused by the panel’s conclusion that his conduct did not significantly downgrade the protection to the public because there was nothing to suggest he could not have been back in the police vehicle within a minute or two. These findings can only undermine public confidence in the credibility of the police discipline system.

“Any officer having sex on duty is unacceptable behaviour that falls well below what is expected of all police officers. Those who carry firearms are rightly subject to the highest standards of training, procedures and discipline.

Fortunately this happened in the UK where the police are the only ones trustworthy enough to handle firearms. Who knows? Maybe someday we’ll be just as safe here.


  1. avatar C says:

    Playas gotta play!

    1. avatar jwm says:

      Don’t blame the playa, blame the game.

  2. avatar oopsdidisaythatoutloud says:

    Ohh poppycock!

  3. avatar Gov. William J. Le Petomane says:

    So what’s wrong with carrying in an ankle holster?

    1. avatar Rev. Maurice Pompitous says:

      Good one!

    2. avatar Sid says:


  4. avatar ST says:

    Reminds me of a date about a year ago. Met up with a chick , and when we got back to her place I beheld a giant “OBAMA 12” poster over her wall.

    S–t, game over. Guess i’m going home once she finds the Beretta 92 under my jacket. Whatever, may as well enjoy the ride before the party’s over.

    Mid-makeout: “What’s that”

    ‘My carry gun.’ I say, bracing myself for an impromptu gun rights debate in her bedroom.

    She didn’t care. In point of fact, she insisted I NOT remove my 9mm. Turns out horizontal shoulder carry is the best holster for stable insertion and extraction during tactical operations. Miami Classic FTW!

    1. “stable insertion and extraction during tactical operations”…

      You had me ROFL at that one.

    2. avatar Blehtastic says:

      You know, you are allowed to just walk out on a girl mid or pre coitus. Obama poster… That would be a deal breaker for me.

      1. avatar Not So 1337 says:

        “…enjoy the ride before the party’s over.”

        You’re not marrying the chick, jeez guy.

  5. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

    And that reminds me of a girl I dated once. She was only 2 foot 6 inches tall.
    I was just nuts over her.

    1. avatar Neal Williams says:


    2. avatar jwm says:

      Did she have a flat spot on her head for a drink and could she breath thru her ears?

    3. avatar Russ Bixby says:

      Low blow…

    4. avatar CrazedJava says:

      Short jokes are the lowest form of humor. Be a bigger person.

  6. avatar Mark N. says:

    From the sound of these reports, he wasn’t in full control of his “gun,” (redacted) was.

    1. avatar jwm says:

      Her name was Redacted? What were her parents thinking?

      1. avatar ST says:

        That they were having a kid in Airstrip One?

        1. avatar jwm says:


  7. avatar ensitue says:

    Unintended discharge?
    Somebody was going to say it!

    1. avatar Tom in Oregon says:


  8. avatar Crunkleross says:

    In those situations a negligent discharge is tricky but a hangfire is a complete mess.

    1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

      Hmmm… Centerfire, or rimfire? Bolt action? How many rounds?

      1. avatar JT says:

        Muzzle loader. One shot then it takes a while to reload.

        1. avatar OHgunner says:


    2. avatar jwm says:

      super soaker.

  9. avatar jwm says:

    Next thing you know, we’ll be talking about charging handles again.

  10. avatar Rich Grise says:

    Just picking a nit, but I think there’s a significant difference between a UPS driver stopping off for a quickie (did he finish that day’s route?) and an on-duty cop doing anything other than being on duty.

    1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

      Tricycle landing gear.

      Oh, wait — yeah, good point.

  11. avatar Russ Bixby says:


  12. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

    Bobbie Beats Brunette with Baton, Begins Banter over Burden of ‘Beretta Bunions’
    Story at 11.

  13. avatar Hasdrubal says:

    This is exactly why many (I hope most) departments in the US have policies in place that prohibit sex on duty. Even if you’re married, and live in the area you work in, and it’s actually your spouse you visit.

    I know it happens anyway, but it’s a lot harder to argue that you were unjustly terminated when you’re in direct violation of standing orders. A department one county over from where I live had a guy resign over sexual misconduct recently, and they’re actually recommending him for decertification. No word on criminal charges yet.

    For better or for worse, this ruins all the cases he worked on. For better, I think, because as hard as it is to trust cops who haven’t actually done anything bad, it’s even harder to ask people to trust the ones who have.

    1. avatar Russ Bixby says:


      There’s a difference between violating an order or departmental policy and violating the law or proper procedure.

      Going home on 7 and banging ones wife instead of noshing a burger is no indication that one’ll falsify evidence to intimidate witnesses.

      Methinks that decertification and buggering all his previous work is a tidge, er, strange. Was he a beat cop or a detective?

      Sounds like something additional going on here… the partner wasn’t coerced or granted favours, were they?

      1. avatar Dirk Diggler says:

        buggery. nice.

        1. avatar pyratemime says:

          Only if done with proper prep and notification. Being a sneaky bugger tends to bring things to a screeching halt.

      2. avatar Hasdrubal says:

        I should clarify, his policy violations were not conducted with his wife. I don’t know many details, but it seems similar to Anthony Weiner’s situation. He also lied about it to his chief.

      3. avatar Mark N. says:

        If he was a beat cop, he would have been alone; so he must have been a dick.

  14. avatar Bill says:

    Bungled blogger botches “Beretta”

    1. avatar Rokurota says:

      Exactly. And is it only a Beretta because of its alliterative qualities? The Guardian gave a Glock to go with their gab.

    2. Blameworthy blogger’s buttheaded blunder…corrected.

      That’s what I get for writing while watching the ballgame.

  15. avatar Will says:

    At UPS, as long as you code it as lunch! Sometimes a little stress release is needed out on the route.

  16. avatar Russ Bixby says:

    Bully! Beretta be botched. Bangup!

  17. avatar VB says:

    Problem is that he got caught. What you do on your break is your business as long as its not illegal. I question a 40 min break in any profession.

  18. avatar B K says:

    He was in control of his gun but what about his weapon?

  19. avatar tdiinva says:

    Reminds me of an incident at the Naval Air Systems Command in Arlington’s Crystal City complex. Two rent-a-cops decided to go at it in the closet. While the man of the pair went into action so to speak his pistol went off before his gun and he shot himself in the foot. Everybody came running at the sound of the gunshot and discovered our wounded warrior writhing in pain in the closet as his partner struggled to get her pants on.

    1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

      What kind of gun “just goes off?”

      1. avatar tdiinva says:

        Is that a serious question or are you trying to be funny?

        1. avatar Rich Grise says:

          I ass-u-me that it’s rhetorical, along the same lines as “what kind of car drives itself off the road and kills people?”

  20. avatar BDub says:

    I now have a new phrase…Giving it the Welsh Stop & Frisk!

    1. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

      Wait for it…..Wait for it…..
      Did he have a ‘cockney accent’?

  21. avatar Matt in FL says:

    This post and comment section are absolutely full of win.

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