It’s called gynecomastia. Less formally moobs. A condition not unknown to Germany’s Bosch. And so German High Commander [sic] bankrolled Gynecomastia in German Soldiers: Etiology and Pathology. “Published last year in the journal GMS Interdisciplinary Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, [the study] analysed the plight of 211 male German soldiers who suffered from, or at least exhibited, one or two enlarged breasts.” . . .

The study’s authors, Prof Björn Dirk Krapohl, Dr Dietrich Doll, and four colleagues at Bundeswehrkrankenhaus, the German Armed Forces Hospital in Berlin, played detective. They set out “to investigate the increased incidence of left-sided gynecomastia in members of the German Ministry of Defense Guard Battalion who perform ceremonial duties in Berlin … A possible explanation is the mechanical impact of the carbine against the left side of the body during the drills that these soldiers regularly perform as part of their ceremonial duties”.

So tucking a rifle into your shoulder pocket repeatedly makes breasts grow? Without surgery? Wait ’til they hear that in the San Fernando Valley.

Seventy-five percent of the gynecomastiacal Guard Battalion chest-slappers had an enlarged left – only the left, not the right – breast.

The other patients – the non-chest-slappers – as a group showed neither sinister nor dexter breastedness. One third of them did have an enlarged left breast only. But another third of them had only a big right breast. The third third had a big pair.

Maybe the German army’s using estrogen cream instead of CLP to lube their G36s.

So why haven’t American drill teams developed double-D syndrome? Do they just have more effective manziers than our Teutonic cousins? Maybe it’s all been kept secret because of an elaborate military cover-up. So to speak. Pictures at 11. Or not.

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32 Responses to German Rifleman’s Ballistic Boob Jobs

  1. First impression when I saw the headline in my inbox / before I read anything else was to wonder if RF was having a really hard time getting over the hot Israeli girlz link ban. Now, after reading the article I’m wondering if it’s all a ploy to increase female readership. 🙂

  2. Gyno, also sometimes called “bitch tit,” is a common side effect of steroid abuse. It’s not the sole etiology, but if the troop is on the gorilla juice, there ya go.

  3. You mean Boche, I think. Unless you meant to talk about the people who make appliances and power tools…

  4. Hmm…. I wonder if they should switch to using sabers instead of rifles on their drill team. Pretty sure that would cure it, one way or the other.

  5. Boche Bundeswehe Boob Boys Bare Size B’s, Bother More Than Bunions Buddies Bray!
    (Bad Breath a Bender But Fun To ‘Tanzen Mit’!

  6. Is this replacing the super models? You know what, i would like to see the super models back and give your female readers some eye candy, too. Instead of this crap.

  7. You know, annual U.S. military spending is about 27 times the annual military spending of NATO’s other 27 members……….COMBINED. Of that annual U.S. military spending, about $8 billion goes to support approximately 54,000 personnel in Germany alone.

    We’re defending our Teutonic titty-baby ally at great expense against…..whom…..exactly? An uppity Liechtenstein in search of Lebensraum? Meanwhile, the Germans themselves are most concerned about their moobs which, let’s be honest, probably has more to do with their hailing from the Land of Chocolate than from their drilling and marching too much.

    • The American Soldiers in Germany arent defending the Germans against anything. Germany is just a logistically useful country. The Americans protect the nukes they are keeping in Germany, and they are of course protecting their own staging assets in Germany such as their Military Hospital and their Airbase which they are using to (according to Wikipedia) support over 100 geographically seperate American Units. Why Germany? Its a High Tech country, and reasonably close to the Action, without being close enough to be threatened. So yeah those Troops are there cause its useful for the Americans,

  8. I have decided that the time has come to end my affiliation with the NRA and any other group that vows to defeat even the most modest, commonsense gun safety laws that are being proposed. I did not always feel this way, but rather came to this decision very suddenly upon reading an article that suggested that I may run the risk of growing a set of bitch-tits if I continue to shoot. I am in the process of giving all of my fine firearms away to my girlfriend, whom I feel is entirely too flat-chested, and volunteer to guinea pig for the next VPC “study” testing this hypothesis.

    Thanks for keeping me informed, TTAG!

  9. Are those K98s in the video? It looks like it might be. If so, that is pretty cool to say the least!

    • Many countries still use Mausers for ceremonial duties, including the Germans. Chile uses chromed or nickel plated Mauser carbines. Not everyone was issued a big, intimidating semi auto like the SKS, M1, and M14.

      • Exactly how long was the SKS “issued”? By my count there were 3-4 years between the end of WWII and the adoption of the AK-47…

        • serge, nothing happened quickly in the old soviet union. It took years to get all the units up and running with the AKs. Non frontline units probably had the sks for even longer.

  10. Interesting.

    I was born in Germany and one of my left ribs right under the pec is more raised that the other side, causing my chest to look bigger on the left side. No kidding. No steroid use either, but I do work out a lot. Besides, I imagine those doctors can tell the difference between a muscular and a bone question.

    Still, perhaps TTAG can investigate whether I was switched at birth?! Particularly now that they have nothing better to do. Perhaps all the semi-rhetorical questions have gotten old.

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