Father’s Day Gift Idea: The Tactical BBQ Apron

It can be hard keeping track of everything you need when when you’re smoking baby backs, a beef brisket and a nine pound Boston butt over ten or twelve hours. You’ll need a knife, spatula or flipper, BBQ fork, tongs, a meat thermometer, a spray bottle and – if you go full heathen – a brush for barbecue sauce. And that’s just the beginning. You’ll also need to have a good knife at hand (we’d suggest a six-inch Benchmade Prestigedges), fire-making capability, your phone (for tunes, texting or the ballgame) and maybe a bottle opener. Not to worry, though. The socially awkward types at thinkgeek.com have dug up the perfect solution for Pop . . .

It’s the Tactical BBQ Apron with full MOLLE capability (both front and rear) that will save you countless trips back inside the house for those items you’re always forgetting. And just to let everyone know who you are and what you hold dear, there are two — count ’em, two! — Velcro fields on which to affix your favorite morale patch. Also note the thoughtful design that leaves your four o’clock position open for easy home carry.

Since dehydration is every pitmaster’s worst enemy, we’d suggest utilizing some of that backside MOLLE acreage by adding an appropriate hydration pack, though we can’t vouch for exactly what will happen when you try to dispense a Schlafly Bourbon Barrel Aged Imperial Stout through that tube. Please be sure to let us know, though, if you give it a shot.  [h/t Dan M.]


  1. avatar ensitue says:

    Tactical Bacon

  2. avatar ROger.45 says:

    As you say, “What could possibly go wrong?”

  3. avatar BLAMMO says:

    Only slightly less lame than a “Kiss the Chef” apron.

    VERY slightly.

    1. avatar SD3 says:

      Crap like that makes me want to start punching & never stop.

      1. avatar BLAMMO says:

        Don’t tell me – Somebody got you a “Life begins at 40” T-shirt and they thought it was SSSOOOOOOO clever and funny, they could hardly contain themselves as you opened it.

  4. avatar g says:

    Yes, but can it carry PLATES?

    1. avatar Dan Zimmerman says:

      Only Chinet

      1. avatar Pulatso says:


  5. avatar Liberty2Alpha says:

    Ok. I like it.

  6. avatar Aharon says:

    The link to the Benchmade Prestigedges online retailer wants to collect my email address before they will then send me the price via email! I will never do business with GPKnives.

  7. avatar Skyler says:

    That is so wrong.

    Besides, real men don’t wear aprons.

  8. avatar Chad says:

    don’t need no expensive chef knife. Go to Wally world and get yourself a $10 santuko by faberware. Mine is my go to in the kitchen. Hell, I even take it to work on Sundays as we do cookouts for lunch. At $10, you don’t need to worry about it. All i do is run it over the honing steel before use.

  9. avatar Bob Damon says:

    This story needs an Israeli model!

  10. avatar Joe says:

    Nice. I can have my tactical spatula, tactical tongs, tactical condiments all at the ready.

  11. avatar CharlieKilo says:

    Never mind, link finally loaded.

  12. avatar Accur81 says:

    That’s funny right there.

  13. avatar Leo says:

    was showing this to my wife yesterday – it appealed to my inner geek and she said How did you know that i got you that for Fathers day? Love her 🙂

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