Annals of Law Enforcement: Reptile Rodeo Edition

Picture this: a pole dancer (with pole), a pot growing operation, two alligators and a failed driveway ambush. Just another day on the job for the Thurston County (Washington) Sheriff’s Department. According to, “Sheriff’s spokesman Lt. Greg Elwin said that at one point a detective compared the scene to a Hollywood film.” When the lucky LEOs responded to a report of shots fired at a home south of Olympia, they came upon the whole Fellini-esque scene . . .

Investigators were greeted by a 41-year-old man who lives at the home. The man said he had opened fire in self-defense after someone tried to run him over outside his home, Elwin said.

Except that’s not really what happened. But given probable cause, the deputies searched the joint. And that’s when things got interesting.

While inside the home, investigators found a floor to ceiling brass pole and talked to an exotic dancer, Elwin said. When detectives tried to walk into another room they were met by two five-foot long alligators hissing at them from the floor.

“They were there for protection for the marijuana grow area. They were just crawling around on the floor,” Elwin said. The detectives immediately shut the door.

Good move, boys. But the man of the house was pretty accommodating as far as wrangling the reptiles was concerned.

The 41-year-old suspect, who was arrested for investigation of attempted murder, offered to help the detectives corral his gators. He managed to get them into a nearby bathroom where they were left in the water-filled bathtub. Because it wasn’t clear how long the alligators would be there, they were left with some raw chicken parts to gnaw on, Elwin said.

At least the two ganja guardians will have something to satisfy their inevitable case of the munchies. Never a dull day on the force, huh?


  1. avatar Aharon says:

    Another strange one ‘for the books’ in Washington. I’m so glad that I live south in Portland which isn’t weird or anything.

    1. avatar Ing says:

      Yep, you gotta love the great Northwest.

  2. avatar speedracer5050 says:

    Hey Dan, where is the link to pics for the pole dancer?? Thought Robert taught you guys how to do that!! 😉
    Man you know those cops are still scratching their heads over that one!!

    1. avatar Aharon says:

      USB Pole Dancer

      “The USB Pole Dancer is the perfect gift for a friend in the office, a bachelor’s party gag or the gadget loving guy. The USB Pole Dancer will perform to the default dance track, or connect your MP3 player / IPOD and she will dance to your favorite tunes, all the while moving to the beat of the song No batteries or software required.”

      1. avatar speedracer5050 says:

        Holy crap that is too funny!!! Now I have to figure out how to get it for Christmas.
        Maybe an anonymous gift from a benevolent benefactor!!!

  3. avatar Gyufygy says:

    I’m not sure how to phrase this without sounding condescending (which is probably an indication that it is condescending, but oh well), but I want to point out that the officers did not shoot the reptiles. I’m shocked, because I’m not sure if I’d have the same reaction. Big-ass reptiles tend to get a rather primal reaction, methinks.

    Kudos to the officers for keeping their heads in a royally warped situation.

  4. avatar g says:

    Alligators guarding pot? Too bad this guy didn’t get things set up AFTER December 6th. Idiot.

  5. avatar ST says:

    Smart move by the owners for having alligators.Had they used dogs,the canines would be shot on sight by police.

  6. avatar jwm says:

    You cannot make shit like this up, Hollywood tries and normally comes up short.

  7. avatar In Memphis says:

    Im just trying to imagine what two 5 foot long stonned aligators would be like

    1. avatar Gregolas says:

      They’d ask for 50 pounds of Oreos and a bucket of clam dip !

      1. avatar speedracer5050 says:

        Nah. 2 cases of Lays Honey BBQ chips and 2 cases of Boones Farm Strawberry Hill Wine, and a bunch of old B&W sci fi movies!!!

      2. avatar In Memphis says:

        Wow, I just gagged lol. I guess if you ate things alive and your mouth and nose were submerged in a swamp, clam-dip-oreos would be pretty good after a hit from the hooka.

  8. avatar Aharon says:

    alligators guarding pot
    snakes working for government

  9. avatar CarlosT says:

    1) Are those gators gettin’ it on?

    2) Ah, Olympia… You never fail to deliver when Washington needs wacky headlines…

  10. avatar Matt in FL says:

    Picture this: a pole dancer (with pole), a pot growing operation, two alligators and a failed driveway ambush.

    You’ve been reading Carl Hiaasen again, haven’t you?

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