We’ve all done things we’d prefer not to think about in order to get the attention of that special someone. Some lovelorn souls choose flowers to demonstrate their devotion. Others go with the old standby, chocolate. The truly inspired may put pen to paper and compose a little iambic pentameter. But when the one you want to woo is your wife, things can be a little more . . . difficult. Sometimes the tried and true just won’t get the job done and you need to take raise your game if you’re going to make a really effective impression. That seemed to be the problem Darren Hieber faced in trying to win back his estranged wife. So rather than messing around with something as pedestrian as a Hallmark card, he chose gunshot wounds instead . . .

Don’t worry, he didn’t shoot her. No, Darren’s way too intelligent for that. After all how many girls will come running back home after their husband sends a few pot shots in their direction? Instead, he figured he’d get her attention and some sympathy if he was the one with the bullet holes. So back in February he gave Brady Chapman, an employee of his trucking company, a rifle and asked him to shoot him in the leg. And Chapman, fulfilling the dream of so many working men and women, did as he was asked and shot his boss.

Unfortunately, the Mapleton, Iowa coppers weren’t fooled and Hieber and Chapman were charged with conspiracy, reckless use of a firearm and filing a false report early last week for the stunt. But Mrs. Hieber’s boy Darren is no quitter. That’s not how he was raised. From siouxcityjournal.com:

For the second time this month, charges have been filed against a Mapleton, Iowa, man accusing him of having someone shoot him in hopes of garnering sympathy from an ex-wife.

Investigators on Friday said Darren Hieber hired two men to shoot at him on Thursday morning in Mapleton.

That’s right, after claiming he’d been kidnapped and threatening relatives didn’t work, he recruited two dudes from Omaha with too much time on their hands to shoot him. Again.

Hieber was charged with felony intimidation with a dangerous weapon and conspiracy; two felony counts of solicitation; and four counts of felony extortion.

Joseph Roberts, 19, of Omaha, was charged with felony weapon and conspiracy charges. Timothy Culley, 19, of Omaha, was charged with felony conspiracy.

It’s sort of surprising that Hieber’s efforts haven’t brought his wife back to him. The way Darren figured it, there aren’t many things that will melt an angry spouse’s heart faster than a couple of gunshot wounds. After all that, can’t she see how much he wants her back? It seems there’s no accounting for the mysteries of the human heart.

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21 Responses to Annals of Courtship: How Not to Woo Your Estranged Wife

  1. Oh lord I just almost fell out of my chair, what a moron……..and the chance to shoot your boss darn; for most people that is a dream come true!

  2. That is just sad on so many levels. I gotta wonder what his upbringing was for him to think that this would work. Did he get past the 6th grade? Does he have brothers and sisters and are they a threat to the community or to themselves? I’d love to see a photo of Mrs. Hieber so I could better understand why she is worth multiple gunshot wounds, plus time in jail.

  3. Darren, since the self-mutilation didn’t woo her, you might try a comb and a razor. Maybe the hobo look with a limp puts her off..

  4. I can understand the “filing a false report” charge, but what the hell are all the rest of them based on? Conspiracy, intimidation, solicitation, extortion?? As far as is reported, all the involved parties consented and the only one harmed was the guy who paid to be harmed. Even the “reckless use of a firearm” is pushing it… I mean, that’s what there designed for and no one was endagered except the numbskull who asked for it. It just seems like they’re trying to pile on because the guy is an idiot.

  5. Get a haircut, and get a real job? Shave your chin, and don’t be a slob? Then maybe your wife won’t be going after your big brother Bob?

  6. I don’t think he’ll legally be allowed to own firearms after this little stunt; not that it stops criminals.

  7. Our whole county can’t stop talking about this. What a fool. He’s also a registered sex offender. So it’s obvious this guys been off his rocker for quite some time. Just goes to show that drugs and stupidity are not a good combination. Just makes you wonder what the hell the guys who shot him thought they were gonna get out of it.

  8. If I was his wife, I would hold off on a divorce and up the life insurance . Some one is bound to have bad aim..

  9. I worked for him he just seemed not all there I quit after awhile because vibes didnt rub off right on him glad I left when I did.

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