Are you losing sleep because you want to feel safe and secure at night but that ______________ [fill in name of bulky pistol here] you keep under your pillow makes it hard to get comfy? Are you worried that one night you might forget to set the safety and, with all your tossing and turning, it’ll fire all by itself (as apparently some guns are wont to do)? Or do you have so much junk in your nightstand drawer – in addition to your pistol – that you’ve almost confronted the mysterious noise downstairs while clutching a box of condoms?  Cheer up, Bucko! Help is on its way in the form of David L. Bonk’s “Bedside Pistol Supporting Device.”

Bonk (yes that’s his real name) has filed US Patent Application 13/176997 for a device he describes as “A pistol supporting device having a base and a support post… shaped to be disposed between a mattress and a box spring…”  Basically it’s a board with a carbon fiber rod sticking up from one end, canted from the perpendicular. The idea is that you slide the board between your mattress and box springs, then stick your pistol’s barrel over the rod.  Once mounted there, the firearm is “oriented to align a grip of the pistol with a palm of a prone user.”

There are two versions – one with the rod canted towards the headboard and one canted towards the foot of the bed – so the pistol can be positioned to fall readily to hand depending on whether you’re a back sleeper or a stomach sleeper.  If you’re like me and toss and turn a lot at night you’ll probably need one of each to hold two pistols so no matter how you’re laying you be ready for action with either hand.

But the patent application doesn’t answer questions enquiring minds want to know. Like how hard is it to get to the pistols with several layers of covers draped over (or twisted around) you and them?  Or what happens if, in the excitement of the moment, you release the safety and accidently fire the gun before it’s clear of the carbon fiber post? (C’mon… admit it…you’ve had a problem with misfiring when you’re excited in bed for years, haven’t you?)

Of course, if you use a shotgun for home protection, you’ll have a hard time balancing it on the short peg so you’ll have to find another solution for keeping your firearm handy.

If you’re like me and have no life – in the bedroom or otherwise – you can click here to download a copy of the patent application, with its fifteen pages of diagrams showing the device along with five pages of turgid patentspeak.  Then you can lose sleep wondering why you didn’t think of it first.

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13 Responses to Real Men of Genius: The Bedside Pistol Supporting Device

    • He tells you why holster-type devices are far inferior to his device in paragraphs 0005 – 0007:

      “Such systems require ownership of a holster associated with a particular pistol… Furthermore, the holster can interfere with expedited access to the pistol … the holster can undesirably disengage from the bedside support via the interaction between the holster and the pistol … two hands are required to disengage the pistol from the holster in a manner wherein the holster remains engaged with the support system …”

      And most alarmingly, you’re putting your life in jeopardy by using a holster instead of his device:

      “the separate manipulation of the pistol relative to the holster to disengage the pistol herefrom. In the most serious events, these fettered interactions between the pistol and the support system can have fatal consequences for a user via either undesired detection of their motions and/or inadvertent discharge of the firearm due to unexpected semiconscious interaction with the firearm.”

      Obviously (to him at least), his system is the best thing going:

      “Such bedside pistol support systems [holsters] also fail to consider the orientation of the firearm relative to the user when the user is positioned in a prone position. Locating the pistol and moving to a position wherein the pistol can be gripped and/or removed from the holster and support system increases the potential that the user’s movement may be detected by undesired or unknown nefarious observers, such as an intruder.”

      Maybe once (if?) this hits the market, RF could arrange a comparison of various “bedside supporting” devices of various styles to see which is the most practical and safest.

  1. Does the BPSD come in a black version for his gun and a pink version for her gun? BTW, he needs to change the name of this new toy to include the word handgun while dropping the word pistol assuming it also works with revolvers. The gun will be at a perfect height for a little toddler to grab when the child comes walking into mommy and daddy’s room in the middle of the night…

  2. The Wilderness Tactical Safepacker can also be used as a bed side holster. Just wedge the closing flap between the mattress and box spring then cover with the bed skirt. It covers the trigger, protects the gun, and still allows a relativity quick draw.

    Another option is to use that cheap drop leg holster you bought because you didn’t know any better. Mount it on you head board, and throw a pillow over it.

  3. You laugh but you know he’s gonna make some serious money off this thing.

    Just for the hell of it, if you really wanted a better system you could buy some of the SERPA quick attach/detach adapters and screw it into the side of the bed frame. At least then you will have a secure holster with the trigger covered.

  4. Objection!
    Remington: “He forgot to include a lock.”
    Justice Breyer: “Is he in the militia? What’s he doing with a gun?”
    Xaviera: “If the rod is really really big that could make bed much more fun.”
    DC City Counselor: “I told you this would happen…”
    Hefner: “Why is he defending in bed? It’s all about offense young man!”

  5. I have a Bedside Pistol Supporting Device. It’s also my Bedside Alarm Clock Supporting Device and my Bedside Lamp Supporting Device. From time to time, it also serves as my Bedside Cat Supporting Device, when said cat chooses to warm himself by the heat of the aforementioned Bedside Lamp’s light bulb. And the same device does a great job of supporting the TV remote control.

    I’d like to shake the hand of the man who invented that miracle device, but he never filed a patent.

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