Now that the number designation for the current month has two digits, we’ll be seeing Christmas commercials any day now. As always, TTAG exists to ever serve the Armed Intelligentsia and ease their daily burdens. And if Christmas shopping vexes you as it does us, you’ll appreciate a gift idea that’s sure to make that special gunny you know and love smile on Christmas morning…

No one likes the feel of brand new denim jeans. Not the conventional ones, at least. they’re stiff and bind behind the knees. Thus, the invention of “distressed” jeans. It’s so much more fashionable, not to comfortable, to wear a pair of dungarees that are soft and have been broken in by years of wear. Or at least look like they are.

And how better to distress a pair of unsuspecting pants that to give ’em both barrels with a scattergun? For the price of only one Andrew Jackson (plus shipping), IndigoSwallow of Black Hills, SD will take dead aim and distress the hell out of any pair of pants you send them. You even get to choose your pattern – either big blast holes from close range or a more diffuse pellet pattern. IndigoSwallow will even do some strategic patching if the entry/exit wounds are too, well, aggressive.

As soon as I receive your jeans from the post, I’ll head out and take my shots. If there are any large holes that seem they may get in the way of their function of covering your arss… you an I will talk about the patching details…

This is a one-of-a-kind customized gift your special someone will treasure for years to come. It will, however, require a little forethought and subterfuge on your part as you’ll need to appropriate the condemned jeans for a period of time without being noticed. But we know you’re just the sneaky bastard that can pull it off.

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7 Responses to Early Christmas Gift Suggestion – Wounded Pants

    • My thoughts too. Her finger placement is dangerous. Amazing what seem people think is physically inspiring and good for marketing.

      • Her finger is outside the trigger guard, and with a full sized double action revolver it’ll take more than a twitch to squeeze one off. I’d prefer she hold the gun a little more tightly so that she doesn’t drop it, but her trigger discipline is much better than lots of other people I see at the range.

  1. Alternatively, you could just have Britney Spears or some other Hollywood/celebrity twit wear them in a new “robbin’ the C-store” video.

  2. I’m looking for something just right for the “Night of the Living Dead” costume that I’m wearing for Halloween, so I need to know: is blood-splatter optional?

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