Gun Tweet of the Day: The Onion Pwns Capitol Police Edition

“Capitol Police were not amused by tweets and an article written by the satirical newspaper The Onion falsely reporting that members of Congress had taken a group of schoolchildren hostage,” the AP reports. Falsely? I think the word is “imaginatively.” Here’s The Onion article’s lede: “Brandishing shotguns and semiautomatic pistols, members of the 112th U.S. Congress took a class of visiting schoolchildren hostage today, barricading themselves inside the Capitol rotunda and demanding $12 trillion dollars in cash.” Obviously, it was a joke. Given America’s unfunded entitlement programs, they’d demand WAY more than that. Anyway, it’s The Onion’s masterful use of Tweets that really got the Cap cops’ knickers in a twist . . .

“It has come to our attention that recent twitter feeds are reporting false information concerning current conditions at the U.S. Capitol,” Capitol Police spokeswoman Sgt. Kimberly Schneider said in a statement.

False? Funny! The Onion Tweeted again and again, upping the LOL count as it went. The Prez appears on the steps of Capitol Hill with a bullhorn in his hand (he was cool he was calm he was always in command): “Obama: I know this Congress well. Trust me, they will kill these kids.”

Unfortunately, the Powers That Be yanked The Onion’s chain. The Tweets stopped eighteen hours ago with “UPDATE: Hostage Negotiation Talks Stall In Congress.” Either that or it was the perfect Sopranos’-like moment with which to end a terrific prank—that revealed the level of situational awareness possessed our elected reps’ guardians.

On a related note, no wonder some Reps pack heat.


  1. avatar JTB says:

    Lulz. I lived in D.C. this summer, and it doesn’t surprise me those cops took it seriously. They are all the sorriest looking bunch of cops I have ever seen, but some of them had some sweet looking ARs if you were close enough to the Hill.

  2. avatar Aharon says:

    I hope this site does not get a spanking from the Global Internet Police for reporting on the Onion piece.

Write a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

button to share on facebook
button to tweet
button to share via email