Send in the Clowns.


As armed robberies go, wearing a mask is kinda to be expected. Even dark glasses and a wig is considered passé. Walking in wearing clown outfits and brandishing guns – not so much. So when a high-end Denver jewelry store was held up by a couple of clowns, well let’s just say that things didn’t go the way the Bozos planned, and in the end, the yuks were on them.

Jewelry stores get robbed all the time, just like banks and other places that handle fungible items. Armed robberies are par for the course, as it were. So while getting held up probably didn’t come as a huge surprise to one Denver jeweler, the whole clown makeup thing was something of a shock. Fox 31 in Denver picks up the story from there:

The two robbers, who were both dressed in bizarre costumes and wearing white face paint, pointed guns at employees and customers while they cleared the cases of jewelry.

“They came in with their guns drawn,” says store owner Mark Allen.

Surveillance video tape shows the robbers cock their guns as they enter the store.

Their faces are covered with heavy white makeup and their lips are covered in black. One is wearing a scraggly black wig, the other a long blonde wig.

“It’s surreal … they came in with clown makeup on,” says Allen. “They were, like, in costume.”

The surveillance video also shows the robbers pointing their guns at the heads of three employees and two customers as they force them to lie on the ground behind one of the counters.

After making off with a large haul of baubles, bangles and bright shiny beads, it would appear that the jokers got away with it. After all, Denver Police are still looking for the provocatively painted perps. But as we mentioned in the lede, the jokes on the jokers. Seems that what they scored was pounds and pounds of fabulous fakes.

Sonny’s Rocks Jewelry Store, like most jewelry stores, no longer displays real jewelry, a change the store made when the price of precious metals and gems started going up a few years ago.

The clowns’ take?

They didn’t get any real diamonds. Instead, they made off with garbage bags of fake gold, platinum and cubic zirconium.

“It’s not real,” Allen says. “It’s totally worthless.”

Now of course, you can argue that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it’s only because the supply of diamonds worldwide is kept under tight controls that diamonds are even considered a ‘precious’ gemstone. Were that not true, diamonds would be both cheap and plentiful. For those that worry that by making off with fakes, the clowns (should they be aprehended) would get off on a lesser charge, the armed robbery charge should put them away long enough that they’ll be needing something more stable than some oversize clown shoes to shuffle down to their parole officer’s HQ.

No word yet, on if the clowns drove a Prius for their getaway. Of course, that would almost be redundant.



  1. avatar ready,fire,aim says:

    should have read…they got into the get away vehicle that was packed with 20 other clowns …just pictured it i guess…..

  2. avatar James Felix says:

    Sounds like someone took the wrong message from “The Dark Knight”.

  3. avatar Raph84 says:

    What kind of moron puts that out there on the news. Every jewelry store hold up in the Denver area (or anywhere else really since this clip is online) is now going to come complete with a scene of gun to store clerk’s head and the quote “give me the real stuff in the safe not the fake stuff in the case”

    1. avatar Brad Kozak says:

      Kind of wondered about that myself. But I don’t make this stuff up. And if they’re gonna talk about it, we’re gonna report it. Actually, it made me think of Quick Change, that Bill Murray/Randy Quaid/Geena Davis flick, where Murray sticks up a bank dressed as a clown, then takes off his makeup and walks out of the place with the other hostages.

      1. avatar Raph84 says:

        Not faulting you for linking to it. I would definitely fault the store owner for saying it, and maybe Fox 13 for not caring enough about their community to edit it out.

        Ps. agreed, Quick change is awesomes!

    2. avatar Ralph says:

      So now the good guys should be putting the real jewelry in the case and the fake stuff in the safe. That’ll keep the bad guys totally confused.

  4. avatar JOE MATAFOME says:

    Raph is correct, now all the clowns will force you to open the safe and give up the good stuff.

  5. avatar Ken says:

    STFU is good advice for anyone on the receiving end of a crime, not just those that use guns in self defense.

  6. avatar A Different Ken says:

    Magnets, how do they work?

    1. avatar Raph84 says:

      fueled by faygo?

Write a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

button to share on facebook
button to tweet
button to share via email