Remember when Michael Vick got out of the joint and wanted to resume earning millions of dollars rehabilitate his NFL career? His handlers had the perfect solution. He’d partner with the Humane Society and travel the country telling America’s yoots about how wrong dog fighting and animal cruelty are. So now that Plaxico Burress has been sprung, where did you think he’d turn?….

DING! Give the cigar to the man with the pancake holster for guessing the Brady Bunch. That’s right. Rather than hooking up with Galco, Bianchi or another maker of fine gun-securing equipment, Burress’s flacks have him running into the all-too-willing arms of Paul Helmke and the rest of the Brady Campaign.

I know you’ll be surprised to learn that Plaxico’s had a jailhouse epiphany and will be dedicating himself to stamping out the scourge of gun violence.  He also said this:

If you’re going to carry a weapon, make sure you’ve done everything properly, that you’re obeying all the laws or the rules of that state, and you know fully how to operate the weapon if you choose to carry one.

Amen. Who could argue with that? Of course, Helmke’s agenda will be a little more wide-ranging than simple compliance with existing laws. But Burress won’t care. He’ll be getting what he needs by covering himself with their fig leaf of respectability and being on the “right” side of the issue.

Next time, Plaxico, get yourself a good IWB holster. And stay out of NYC with your heater.

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15 Responses to Plaxico Burress: The Brady Campaign’s New Partner

  1. Jeez. I just read Mr. Burress’ Wikipedia page. What a sweetheart. I guess the Brady Bunch isn’t overly picky about who they latch on to.

  2. Isn’t Burress a convicted felon? I guess he figures that since he’s now barred from legally owing firearms, the rest of us should be too.

  3. how convenient for plaque, ahem i mean Plaxio, i guess shooting himself was his “come to Helmke” moment, at least now he understands that it actually hurts to get shot.

  4. I just read the ESPN article about this SNAFU. With statements like “Doing and saying all the right things, working and standing with Dungy and talking to kids about the silly and unnecessary dangers that guns present will help Burress get his next job.” in the article, I was pleasantly surprised to find that unlike the author, the vast majority of the readers who commented were pro-gun. The majority of the comments I read had to do with New York’s silly gun laws or Burress’ poor choice of interest groups to run to in order to pull his best Vick impression.

  5. I love the Giants, but this fool is one of the biggest morons you’ll ever meet. He shoots himself while breaking the law by possessing a gun that he shouldn’t be carrying, and now he doesn’t want anyone else to have a gun. Everyone has a right to their opinion, but this fool lost his right to ever have a gun again and his dumass opinion about guns is worthless.

  6. I think you guys are misrepresenting what the Brady Campaign stands for. The quote from Plaxico is exactly consistent with what Helmke says. haven’t you heard his repeating over and over again the phrase “dangerous people.” Aren’t you listening? Or are you doing that mind-reading thing again? You guys know what he really means, right?

    • You mean this quote?

      “My voice here today is that they don’t help anybody,” Burress said (via the AP) about guns.

      • Guns helped this fool to lose his job and end up in jail for being a complete moron, and now he joins ranks with the TROLLS.

    • What gunbrabbers say and what the really do are two different things.

      Gungrabbers, like Helmke and yourself, are lying piece of poop.

  7. “NYC is one vote away from losing its Nazi like gun laws. One vote.”

    What do you mean?

    And did you guys know that Hong Kong, which used to be a third-world shithole a few decades ago, experimented with a little free-market capitalism and is now the freest (economically, that is) place on Earth. Sad, ain’t it? The republic’s dead. I wonder if it’s time to just not give a shit anymore.

    • That’s right (about Hong Kong); the Chinese asked Milton Friedman what they could do about their economy, he spent a week there and told them to lower taxes and drop regulations on businesses. They did, and now they’re the fastest growing economy in the world. You can now open a business in one day there.
      The republic isn’t dead (yet), it just on life support (paid for by China). There are groups like The Institute for Justice and (part of) The Tea Party that are trying to turn things around, and they still have a chance to succeed. So don’t give up, just stay pissed off and keep supporting the fighters.

  8. This is a guy who shot himself in the leg because of his own stupidity. He should fit right in at Brady headquarters.

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