Pigeon Shot by Air Rifle in Little Basing, UK [Not Shown]

See that headline above? I only added “UK.” That’s it, I swear. So why, you ask, is this pigeon so special that it warrants its own news story? No, this particular flying rat doesn’t warrant a public eulogy by dint of the fact that basingstokegazette.co.uk has sweet FA to report. I think. The pigeon’s untimely demise is newsworthy because . . . wait for it . . . it was shot. By a BB gun. Yes, IT’S A GUN CRIME! “PC Nick Beech, from the Basingstoke Targeted Patrol Team said: ‘I would like to hear from anyone in the Little Basing, Lychpit or Norton Ride area who has seen or heard someone using an air rifle. Air rifles are firearms capable of discharging missiles. The use of an air rifle on your own land is not illegal, but discharging the missile, such as a pellet in this instance, beyond your boundary is illegal and could cause damage to property or injury to a person.'” Or, in fact, a pigeon. And because TTAG is committed to public service: “Anyone with information about the incident should contact PC Beech at Basingstoke police station on 101 or Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111.” If calling from outside the UK (as say, a BB gun felon who managed to escape the Sceptered Isle who’s experienced a crisis of conscience, or someone who wants to drop the dime on the unrepentant pigeon killer), call the po-po direct on 44 8450 454545. Business hours. GMT.

See that headline above? I only added “UK.” That’s it, I swear. So why, you ask, is this pigeon so special that it warrants its own news story? No, this…

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