A Pain in the Bass Pro Shops

A gathering of the clans today, northbound and down for Bass Pro Shops. This monument to retail-tainment lingers in the shadow of the Patriot’s palace (football, not Congress). I made the pilgrimage to watch my youngest fall into their pond and drop $3k-plus on a Browning gun safe. Not so fast, Mr. Bond. The salesman was about as interested in taking my money as a Franciscan monk. He opened the top o’ the line big ass metal box and told me that Bass doesn’t deliver or install its safes. Can you recommend a local company to get the safe safely into my home? “Nope. I don’t know of anyone.” I looked inside. It wouldn’t be long before bald patches appeared on the mouse fur. Shelves were stacked up willy nilly. Hang on; where are all those cool pockets, the lights and mirror? “They’re optional extras.” So why does this brochure say they’re included? “I guess they’re downstairs in the box. It’s like a romper room in here some days.” [crickets chirping] Can I order one with a biometric lock? “Biometrics are an unproven technology.” Could it get any worse?

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A gathering of the clans today, northbound and down for Bass Pro Shops. This monument to retail-tainment lingers in the shadow of the Patriot’s palace (football, not Congress). I made…

Editorial: Store Your Ammo in a Fireproof Safe

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I don’t know about you, but I sleep better at night knowing that I have a great deal of ammunition in-house. Zombie attacks, natural disaster-related social disintegration, post-apocalyptic hunt-for-your-food scenarios—bring…

Gun Safety: Thinking Inside the Box

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Handguns, rifles and shotguns do one thing, and do it very well: they blow holes in things. This is a good thing—if the hole you’re talking about is one you’ve…