Chaires, Florida is about as idyllic a piece of country heaven as you could ask for. Horse farms and swampy woodlands within driving distance of Tallahassee. Land is pretty cheap there, too if you’re looking for a good sized parcel. Just make sure you don’t move in next door to Eric Stayton. In honor of his sister’s (Renee Chaires) 40th birthday, the suburban cowboy (not pictured above) decided to pay homage to one of the great gunslingers of history and recreate a scene from the 1993 classic movie “Tombstone” by doing a little gunspinning a la Johnny Ringo . . .
“Clay (County) Sgt. Matthew Magish was off duty and standing in line with his son and the boy’s maternal grandparents at the front counter inside Wendy’s, 2530 Blanding Blvd., [Middleburg, Florida] when the accident occurred shortly after 1 p.m. Thursday,” jacksonville.com reports. The “accident” in question being a negligent discharge, obviously. Or is it? “He had been carrying his personal .380-caliber Kel-Tec semiautomatic pistol inside the right front pocket of his pants, when it went off. Magish said his son ‘stuck his hand into his pocket looking for a snack and that the firearm had discharged,’ Deputy J.R. Holmes wrote in the incident report.” A proper pocket holster with a trigger guard would have helped that . . .
“A [Dayton, Ohio] Chinese restaurant worker pulled a gun on a teen customer after he asked for more soy sauce,” nydailynews.com reports. “Allan Lin, 40, allegedly yelled frantically after 19-year-old Munjed Milhem demanded more of the condiment to go with his takeout. He then rammed the weapon into the man’s chest. Cops were called to the Dragon City Chinese Restaurant in Dayton, Ohio, shortly after the alleged incident on Sunday night. They seized a Smith and Wesson handgun and three full 12-round magazines from Lin.” Well that’s just wrong. A great deal of Americanized Chinese food is inedible without soy sauce. The first question that popped into my head was . . .
There are some people who say the American gun culture is out of control, that gun owners are trigger-happy buffoons who don’t care for the safety of others and act with reckless disregard for the safety of others. But compared to these guys, even the worst offenders among us are saints. Apparently this display of firepower is a customary occurrence during weddings in the middle east, and while I do my best to respect the customs and beliefs of other cultures at some point it crosses the line into irresponsible. For example…
All in good fun. Trying to avoid “spoilers” if you haven’t watched the video already, I’ll just say that I did a bit of safe, controlled (remote) testing before filming the video and made my own determination on what was and was not safe and on how to do this. Regardless, nobody should ever do this. Including me. I did it anyway. You’re welcome to excoriate me in the comments. Or just watch the video and smile and be happy it’s me in the video, not you, and be happy for me that it’s a borrowed gun haha. To Strike Industries, I’ll say…
“The Olmsted County [MN] Sheriff’s Office said Sgt. Jon Jacobson [above, left], 40, was conducting a training exercise Thursday about 8:45 a.m. at the Regional Public Safety Training Center at 2116 Campus Drive Southeast,” kttc.com reports. “Jacobson took control of a .38 caliber revolver with blank ammunition after the training exercise.” To review: Sgt. Jacobson was training officers at the Safety Training Center using Simunitions or suchlike, when he “took control” of a revolver. And what, pray tell, does “take control” mean in this context? Take possession, unload, secure in a safe environment? As if . . .
Sadly, there’s no shortage of photos on the intertubes of people who think snapping a selfie for Facebook while they hold a handgun to their own head is the height of hilarity. Sometimes those photo sessions go poorly. Take, for instance, the case of Eric Zyzanski. Apparently not satisfied pointing something that shoots a small caliber at his cranium, the now former Evanston, Illinois resident grabbed his shotgun. Friends who were there at the time asked him to put the gun down, “but he removed two to three rounds, held the gun to his cheek and told friends it was empty, police said.” . . .
Brannaird Riley’s next door neighbor is a Marine at Cherry Point MCAS, Lance Corporal Marianne Lee. Corporal Lee was packing her belongings for a move back to California when she “tried to make her 9mm pistol safe.” That’s how witn.com sets the stage for what you know is about to follow. But before we get to the ballistic denouement, I’d like to point out that unloading a gun isn’t a particularly intellectually challenging task. Assuming we’re talking about a semi-automatic pistol, you just point the gun in a safe direction, drop the mag, rack the slide, rack the slide again (why not?) and Bob’s your uncle. Oh, and keep your finger off the trigger. Hang on. It seems that Corporal Lee wasn’t making her gun safe after all . . .
Thank you for calling MezmerVision Cable. The estimated wait time before one of our representatives deigns to answer your call is…38 minutes. Please hold the line as we value your business. And then there’s the ever-popular, Our service technician will be there either between 8 and 12 or between 1 and 5. Three weeks later, on the day of your appointment when you’ve taken off work to be there, the cable co.’s subcontracted operator rolls up in a beat-up pickup truck with an unintelligible, indeterminate eastern European accent, smelling vaguely of borscht and unfiltered Camels and knocks on your door…five minutes before the end of the designated four-hour appointment window. We’ve all experienced some version of what passes for customer service in the digital home entertainment provision business. Which probably explains why one Albuquerque Comcast customer, Gloria Baca-Lucero, was in no mood to hear from Boris that he was going to have to charge her to fix her TV pipe . . .
Anyone [left] old enough to remember the National Lampoon magazine cover that warned “Buy this magazine or we’ll kill this dog?” To say it was polarizing would be like saying gun control is a slightly contentious issue. Personally? I thought it was funny. But then it was supposed to be funny. According to nbc-2.com, this image was posted by Floridian Thomas Mcguinness on his Facebook page, along with photos where he points his gun at himself and his dog. They’ve since been removed, obvs. But not before Mr. Mcguinness made a snide remark, further angering a whole lot of people . . .
“Police cited four men Friday for allegedly shooting ‘realistic-looking’ paintball guns at a vehicle,” madison.com reports. “The Madison [WI] Police Department initially received reports of two men shooting assault rifles at a vehicle in front of them while driving Friday afternoon. Officers later made contact with Rayshawn Jackson, Gerald Jones, Marquese Murphy and Keith Binder who told police they were in a consensual paintball gun war with the other vehicle. After searching the men’s vehicle, police found 3 paintball rifles and a paintball handgun. One of the rifles resembled an AR rifle painted in camouflage [not shown but similar]. All four men were cited with misdemeanor disorderly conduct while armed, and were released.” The quailing quartet [barely] avoided a Darwin Award but at least they get TTAG IGOTD hardware. How great is that?
“A $250,000 Straight Egyptian Arabian horse [Juno, as above] is fighting to recover after she was struck by a stray bullet fired from a high-powered rifle,” nj.com reports. “Juno, the top breeding mare at Thornewood Farm, had lost ‘a tremendous amount of blood’ by the time co-owner Lisa Cifrese reached her. The white horse had flicked the wound with her tail and ‘like a paintbrush, it was painting her body red.’ The 6-year-old mare was in a pasture near a run-in shed when she was hit. Thornewood attorney John R. Lanza said on July 16 that multiple bullets have since been found that pierced the metal shed wall. Police and private investigations have led authorities to believe that the shooting was accidental.” Correction, the shooting was . . .