Guns Like Chimpanzees Can F*cking Kill You: Just Thought I’d Leave This Here

Guns as animate objects with a mind of their own. Who’d a thunk it? [h/t RW]

comments

  1. avatar AM says:

    I still want a trunk monkey!

    1. avatar Geoff PR says:

      *Pfttttpt*

      You just want to ‘spank the monkey’…

    2. avatar Joelt1 says:

      I love Trunk Monkey commercials, they are awesome!

    3. avatar JJ says:

      Interestingly households with legal guns belonging to persons who are not prior criminal are about 25% safer than homes with no guns. Missing from the claims that it is more dangerous to own a gun is the simple fact that 90%-95% of the shootings are by the 5% of “gun owners” are prior or active criminals, with illegal guns

      The canard it is more dangerous for the 95% of the gun owners who are not bank robbers, drug dealers, gang members, etc is identical to the common Stats 101 exercise “proving” hospitalization kills you at 20x the rate of those not hospitalized. That exercise is done to show the fallacy created by assumption of random sample. About 5% of those seeking attention have a near term fatal disease, trauma or set of conditions. They are 90% of the deaths.

      The rest of people hospitalized are actually less likely to die than the general public. Same with guns. control for the extreme high risk (active or career criminals) outlier within “gun owners”, and the pro gun control researchers data at Harvard and elsewhere clearlyy show remaining gun owning homes are safer than homes without guns.

      1. avatar Binder says:

        Yes, but people who believe that private gun ownership is bad don’t care. But it is nice to let the undecided know the truth.

        1. avatar JJ says:

          People do know and in fact videos like this are backfiring.
          Look at this profound and seismic shift:

          http://www.pewresearch.org/files/2015/04/FT_15.04.01_guns_Safer.png

  2. avatar Mauserman says:

    There are no words to describe the abject stupidity in this.

    1. avatar fiun dagner says:

      Trainwreck

  3. avatar CarlosT says:

    Well, that was moronic. That analogy fails in every particular. Guns, unlike chimpanzees or any other animal, have no decision making ability of their own. Left alone, they’ll just sit there like the inert bits of matter they are.

    I get that they’re trying to be cute, but seriously, this is logic people should grow out of before kindergarten.

    1. avatar cenonce says:

      It’s too bad it’s not about facts and hasn’t been in… well, forever. But it makes the narrative so much better when you make shit up.

  4. avatar Hoplopfheil says:

    Guns can’t kill you. You could kill yourself with a gun, or somebody could kill you with a gun, but there is probably no inanimate object on earth as volatile as a chimpanzee.

    1. avatar anonymoose says:

      That may be true of our guns, but the solenoid-fired 7.62 chainguns the brits used on their armored vehicles for decades and decades had a tendency to just “go off” randomly. Just sayin.

      1. avatar Hoplopfheil says:

        As soon as they let me buy one of those for “personal” use, I’ll agree that my house is as dangerous as a zoo enclosure.

        Until then, not a chance!

      2. avatar Martin B says:

        Were their electronic circuits perchance designed by Joseph Lucas, aka “the Prince of Darkness”?

  5. avatar Geoff PR says:

    Please join me in a moment of silence for the memory of ‘Travis the Chimpanzee’, the household ‘pet’ that epitomized the very meaning and essence of ‘Going Apeshit’.

    “Revisit the horror of Travis, the bloodthirsty chimpanzee”

    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/revisit-horror-travis-bloodthirsty-chimpanzee-article-1.1580690

    *sniff* 🙂

    Thank you…

    1. avatar Joelt1 says:

      I would much rather die by a gun than a chimpanzee, that’s terrifying.

      1. avatar Geoff PR says:

        Oh, Hell yeah!

        Most folks have heard the expression “rip your face off”, she actually *experienced* it.

        She ended up with 4 million USD from the owner’s estate, but that’s a lousy payout for being permanently blind…

        *shudder*

    2. avatar Scorpion says:

      And is was a good guy with a gun (cop) who finally stopped the rampaging chimp.

  6. avatar Joelt1 says:

    Their analogy broke down pretty quickly there. No solid logic to be found…

  7. avatar Priest of the center mass says:

    Lancelot link….where are you?
    Matahary….you sly spy!
    And remember…..chimps go off if you drop them!

  8. avatar glenux says:

    Stupid correlation between a gun and a chimpanzee.

    Chimpanzees have a mind of their own.
    Guns do not.
    You can and should control your firearm at all times.
    You can not control a chimpanzee ever.

    This is also a failed attempt at projecting an anti-gunners inordinate fear of guns.

  9. avatar AL Bing WI says:

    However, I do agree that the Government has too many Chimpanzees. They got that right! (Ooops – probably “Racist”)

    1. avatar Indiana Tom says:

      The government and its beneficiaries have a lot of monkey business going on.

  10. avatar oldandshaky says:

    I didn’t listen to the whole thing. At “good cause” I imagined myself a statist Californian in law enforcement and realized that “good cause” could mean precisely what I wanted it to mean, which is to say, one impossibly restrictive standard. From a certain point of view, those in positions of authority don’t want competition in the use of force. “Let the bad guys do their thing,” I might think, as a certain kind of law enforcement guy. “Who wants the additional investigation and paperwork about a putative ‘good guy’ in addition to the mess made by the bad guy? These civilians haven’t had the legal training I’ve had and they think like cowboy vigilantes while I have hard-ass superiors watching my every move. To hell with these carry permits.” What law enforcement actually thinks I don’t know, but if i were a cop surrounded by paperwork from my boss and his bosses, i would probably think along these lines. I must be a jerk.

    1. avatar AL Bing WI says:

      BTW – the referenced YouTube video has been determined to be FAKE, just like the facts of the Chimps are like guns cartoon. I do think we need more Chimps in government though. It would be awesome to see some face ripping on a daily basis with our politicians!

  11. avatar LNJK says:

    Golly gee whiz! Same goes for automobiles.

    Please go suck on a bag of ¥icks, little miss sweet cheeks.

  12. Guns do nothing on their own.

  13. avatar Nynemillameetuh says:

    Pitbulls are creatures with a mind of their own. They probably have natural rights as well.

  14. avatar oldandshaky says:

    Just listened to the first few seconds. If I were a statist California person in law enforcement and thought a certain way, I wouldn’t allow Pain-in-the-Ass civilians to have guns either. Might as well hand a slew of striker-fired guns to chimpanzees and wade through the paperwork and the bodies when they run out of bullets. I must be a jerk. At least I can think like a statist on occasion, huh?

  15. avatar Anonymous says:

    Chimps and guns? Completely non-commensurate quantities. Chimps are uncontrollable and just attack people? Guns are simple machines that attack no one and don’t make decisions on their own. Completely nonsensical BS.

  16. avatar Timmy! says:

    “I hate every ape I see, from chimpan-A to chimpan-Z…”

    Troy McClure in “Stop the Planet of the Apes, I want to Get Off!”

  17. avatar uncommon_sense says:

    Based strictly on the title, I am going to say that firearms are far safer than chimpanzees since firearms have never, of their own volition, jumped up and shot someone. Okay, well maybe a few Remington 7xx model rifles have shot someone of their own volition (defective triggers) but that is a fluke and I still stand by my assertion that chimpanzees are far more dangerous that firearms.

  18. avatar Ted Unlis says:

    Perfect example of how stoners apply logic and how drug addled minds have contributed to the dumbing down of U.S. society.

    Speaking of stoners and drug addled minds, how’s that pro cannabis sister blog launched by Farago and the TTAG crew last October working out? You remember, the article by Robert Farago titled, “Housekeeping: The TTAG Team Creates Marijuana Website”. Haven’t heard much since then. Has the firearms industry forgotten about it yet?

  19. avatar Ralph says:

    Well, then, shock the monkey.

    1. avatar Gov. William J Le Petomane says:

      ‘Shock the monkey to life.’ Wouldn’t it be safer to just let the monkey stay dead?

  20. avatar FormerWaterWalker says:

    Arg…lost a few IQ points on this one. The TARD-it burns! Did I add to the stats by viewing this tripe?

  21. avatar MarkF says:

    What a complete waste of DNA… I can only hope that the line ends with the people who made that video. When did people become such compete, utter wimps? Though the makers of that video disgust me, I admit a bit of sadness at the thought of what it must be like to be them. So much fear, of everything.

  22. avatar samuraichatter says:

    Chimpanzees can f*^#~`+ kill you!

    Yeah that’s why I need a gun to defend myself from them. And by chimps I mean people.

  23. avatar the ruester says:

    So… do you know how they stopped the monkey that ripped the ladies face off? And the gorilla that almost tore the little kids head off? And every other wild animal that ever posed a threat to any human being in history ever? Yeah, they shot them. With “chimps,” by which I mean “guns”…

    1. avatar jwm says:

      In history? Ever?

      1. avatar Gov. William J Le Petomane says:

        Pointed sticks can effing kill you too.

    2. avatar 33AD says:

      With love? With kindness? With strong words?

      Come on – don’t leave me without the answer!

  24. avatar Brian has nothing to say. says:

    You can’t have sex with the gun. Monkey score +1

  25. avatar Southern Cross says:

    But guns won’t die if you leave them in the safe for a few weeks between uses.

  26. avatar YZAS says:

    Some smart video guy on our side should do an equally ridiculous but funny follow on video. ‘If you’re scared of chimpanzees, get a gun’

    1. avatar jay lz says:

      haha.. Show a liberal anti-gun person getting their face ripped off by a chimp, screaming ‘police, government, moms against guns… HELP…now…where are you?!?!!” ***crickets*** Then a person with a gun goes bang and blows the chimps head off… and the liberal goes: ‘OH. That’s what you meant’

      1. avatar VF 1777 says:

        ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
        I WOULD PAY TO COMMISSION THIS. If I knew a damned thing about animation, I’d spend all day and do it myself

        Here’s what I’m thinking.. (adding a little detail)

        (scene) Liberal Anti Gunner wearing a ‘Hillary Against Guns (HAG) shirt’ whistling while walking down a jogging path, dreaming of unicorns and rainbows…

        Out jumps a chimp, knocks the liberal down, starts ripping face off

        Liberal cries out “Police, Government, Hillary, Moms against guns!… HELP!.. Now!.. Where are you?”

        (series of quick flash scenes)

        – Police beating on a black man with clubs, look up, go right back to beating said person (yeah, I know, add a little controversy. I’m not saying I buy into that whole thing…kinda like Simpsons humor though)

        – Barack, in the middle of a golf swing, looks up briefly, duffs his shot…and gets angry, hucks his club…

        – A solider in Afghan, looks up in the middle of a firefight, dirty, dusty, shrugs with sullen look on face

        – Hillary, banging away vigorously on a computer in her basement with dollar signs in her thoughts looks up meanly, goes right back to banging away on computer, more dollar signs

        – Moms against guns, sitting at a tupperware party, gossiping, sipping latte with their pinky fingers in the air with kids playing soccer in the background briefly look up and go right back to gossiping.

        (scene) Back to liberal getting face ripped off by chimp…

        A pretty lady jogging by with an NRA shirt on stops, in one motion pulls gun from pocket, blows chimps head off, gun right back in pocket… liberal sits up and says…

        “OH, that’s what you meant”

        …jogger does brief ‘hurumph’ and jogs on….

        1. avatar uncommon_sense says:

          Your series of scenes are outstanding.

          VF 1777 is our writer. Now who is going to step up to the plate? We still need an animator, director, and producer.

        2. avatar Jonathan Shaw2 says:

          Count me in too. This would be great.

          T T A G – Can you help organize this? Where can we send funds to get this done? Time for some positive action.

          one edit I would add: On the Barack cut scene, show his cadre of armed guards surrounding him on the tee box

  27. avatar Indiana Tom says:

    This blog is just full of monkeyshines.

  28. avatar Doug says:

    How many of these libtard idiots have drain cleaner, other poisonous household products, prescription opioids, uncovered swimming pools, and other more dangerous (for children at least) things in their house?? Why not compare guns to them? Oh I know why… Because they all cause more accidental household deaths than guns.

    Virtually no one owns chimps. If there were 300 million privately owned chimps in the US there would be a whole helluva lot more deaths and injuries from chimps than there are from 300 millions guns in private hands.

    The video has a ludicrous premise. Part of me thinks it started off as a parody of an actual pro-gun control video.

  29. avatar John Fritz, HMFIC says:

    No one posted this yet? Career Builder Monkeys Super Bowl XL Commercial

    As far as that chimp/gun video goes, I have nothing to say. Speechless.

  30. avatar uncommon_sense says:

    Well the video did get one fact absolutely correct and spot on: government has a huge army of chimpanzees (both civil servants and military) on the payroll.

  31. avatar Goodie says:

    Evolutionists teach we come from apes. Then why are their still apes?

  32. avatar SAR Dragon says:

    My response to the video:

    What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

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