weekend-photo-caption

[h/t Jeremy S.]

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94 Responses to Weekend Photo Caption Contest

  1. Just so you understand, son. You touch her, and I”ll reach out and touch you. Or if need be, I also have a shotgun for the ceremony.

    • Dad was probably just shooting some cans out back when Bozo McHornynuts came to pick up his daughter. Not a bad strategy, really.

      • What dad doesn’t know is that ‘Darling Daughter’ is actually known as ‘Little Mary Rotten-Crotch’ at High School…

  2. This is my gun. If you bring your gun out of your pants in the same time zone as my daughter my gun goes off. 16 times. No condom.

  3. Go ahead, kid. Hit me with that squirting flower trick one more time. I always wanted my daughter with a college man.

    Just not clown college.

  4. This hurr is my daughter. Anyone gone be screwing her, it gone be me!

    Someday, hicks and Muslims will learn that women aren’t property.

      • I classify those TTAG members under “hicks”. It’s hilarious to watch them try to make excuses for treating their daughter like property while acknowledging that their similarly aged son is an independent human being.

        • And it’s even more amazing how compassionate Democrats can slaughter 58 million babies and still call themselves “the good guys” who are on the “right side of history”.

        • You REALLY think only Democrats get abortions?

          Oh — if it’s still in the womb, it isn’t a “baby”. Once it has fully human brain wave patterns, it’s inarguably human, but that doesn’t make it a “baby”. Using incorrect terminology makes you sound…. uneducated.

  5. OK kid, you use a condom I will put one on my pistol if you don’t my pistol will go without. Either way you touch my daughter, there is gonna be trouble.

  6. Subtle, dad. Really subtle.

    Alternately:

    News Headline: “Two XYZ high school student removed from class for promo picture featuring a gun. School quotes zero tolerance policy for the move.”

    • More like CPS removes children from home and / or the father is arrested for threatening to shoot a kid for no reason.

  7. -“Oh believe me, I know you’ll have her home by midnight”
    -“so my daughter was telling me you drive a van?”
    -“hey you look just like the guy my security camera caught crawling down my gutter the other night”

  8. This is in case that crazy girl with the religious whackjob mom gets funny ideas about spoiling your evening of fun…

  9. Jeremy gazes admiringly at Mr. Pitkin’s deft trigger discipline,
    as Becky smiles under the impression that Jeremy’s rapture is all about her.

  10. Obvious theme but here goes.

    Mr. Bob Schmidt of Crescent Falls is seen here explaining to his daughter Pam’s Prom escort Tom Eckert the critical difference between hymens and testicles so that there would be an understanding and at the end of the evening both would still be intact.

  11. “Don’t worry about the ‘other guy’, son — you’ll be taking this along to protect my daughter.”

  12. I swear the boy is thinking ” Did he just try the “dad with a gun” thing on me with stock sights?”

  13. Yes, Heather, a shotgun would have been more traditional. But that’s so last century. And a good pistol works just as well to get the point across … right, Jimmy?

  14. Because he’ll kill you even when it’s her idea… Consider the IQ your child will inherit before you let your willie make your decisions…

  15. “She shoots pretty good for a girl from California…”

    Or

    “Now remember kids: have fun at the prom, but if one of those whack-jobs shows seek cover and give him two in the heart and one in the head if it’s safe to do so. The four rules aren’t really a suggestion.”

  16. Looks like a typical day in rural Indiana.
    You will now marry my daughter, won’t you son?
    Yes, I do know you two are cousins,

  17. Yes son, I’m letting you take your sister to the prom, but if the rabbit dies, I am gonna keep your birthday present for myself, cause you’ll be needin ta spend yer money on baby formula and diapers instead of ammo!

  18. Dad: Ok prom kids… we are both straight shooters here right? Keep your shooter concealed, and i’ll keep mine concealed.

  19. Dad: We live in dangerous time kids that’s why this lady will be packing for protection…. Ow I just shot my toe

    Girl: that’s why we have the four rules

    Boy: let’s get him to the hospital so much for prom night

  20. I swear to God , if you freaking let my son get you pregnant tonight , I will introduce you to your tenth hole .
    2 eyes , 2 ears , 2 nostrils . mouth , your #1 and #2 and center chest by Ruger P 95 .

  21. Big boobs , nice rump , good posture , beautiful legs , pretty lips and eyes , soft hair , great cook and her momma taught her how to make a man happy and if you take her tonight , I’ll throw in this swell pistol too . Whadyasay boy , we got a deal .

  22. I got more dough wrapped up in prom tickets, a limo, dinner and a corsage than her old man has tied up in that tupperware pea shooter….I’m goin’ for it!

  23. Dad: “Listen son, I’ve decided that I want her. So, why don’t you go on ahead and have fun by yourself.”
    Son: “But daddy, she’s my date.”
    Girl: “It’s ok Tommy. Your daddy is cuter than you are anyway. Besides, I really like his gun.”

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