Let’s just stick to the facts here, as reported by the Yakima Herald. (1) On September 13, 2015, Wentachee, Washington resident Martin Eugene Hoyer had just spent the past two days smoking $100 worth of methamphetamines when he realized that “a bunch of Mexicans and white guys” were teaming up with his neighbor to steal his truck and all of his money. (2) Hoyer retrieved his revolver, went outside, pointed the revolver at his neighbor through the window and threatened to shoot her if she carried out her alleged robbery scheme. He then went back inside . . .
(2)(a) Since he has four (4) prior felony convictions, Hoyer is actually prohibited by gun control laws from owning a firearm.
(3) Next, Hoyer reported seeing “Mexicans in the trees” outside his apartment building, “getting ready to jump out and attack him.” Two additional “Mexicans” went to another neighbor’s apartment, “urging her to open Hoyer’s door so that they could rob him.”
(3)(a) Hoyer didn’t allege the appearance of any “white guys” at point (3), just “Mexicans”. It is unclear what happened to the “white guys”.
(4) Hoyer proceeded to this second neighbor’s apartment, with the intent of rescuing her from the “Mexicans”.
(5) Hoyer’s rescue plan involved kicking the neighbor’s door. (Whether this was to kick down the door, or simply to kick at the door to announce his presence is unclear.) Hoyer had his revolved carried (“Mexican”-style) in the waistband of his pants.
(5)(a) It’s probably worth mentioning again that Hoyer was prohibited from owning firearms under 18 U.S.C. sec. 922, due to his four (4) prior felony convictions.
(5)(b) Unless he was pardoned for those felonies. Which doesn’t seem likely.
(6) When Hoyer “raised his leg” to kick the door, the gun “went off”.
(7) The second neighbor reported that she heard “banging on the door.” She opened the door, saw Hoyer “fall to the ground” at which point he said, “Ow.”
(8) Police subsequently arrived, and observed Hoyer “walking from his apartment to his truck, with a gunshot wound in his left hip.”
(9) Hoyer was then conveyed to Central Washington Hospital, where he remained “conscious and communicative” throughout his treatment.
(10) “Medical imaging showed the intact bullet had skipped off the ball of his hip joint and plunged directly downward into his scrotal region, where it lodged. He suffered no apparent organ damage.”
(11) “It was one of two projectiles found in Hoyer’s body — the other bullet, he told police, was from from a previous gunshot wound.”
(12) Police later searched Hoyer’s home, finding two (2) .45-caliber revolvers, a rifle and ammunition, plus small amounts of methamphetamine.
(12)(a) Again, he’s not supposed to have a gun per the nation’s gun control laws. Doesn’t anyone actually follow gun control laws?
(12)(b) I’m pretty sure that it’s also illegal to possess meth.
(13) Hoyer needs $50,000 to make bail.
(13)(a) Yeah, good luck with that.
(14) There don’t appear to have been any actual “Mexicans” lying in wait to attack Hoyer. Or “white guys”, for that matter.
(14)(a) Not this time, anyway.
DISCLAIMER: The above is an
opinion humor piece; it is not legal advice, nor does it create an attorney-client relationship in any sense. If you need legal advice in any matter, you are strongly urged to hire and consult your own counsel. This post is entirely my own, and does not represent the positions, opinions, or strategies of my firm or clients.