TTAG Pun Contest: Dog Eats Ammo Edition

Benno the dog (courtesy timesfreepress.com)

“Owner Larry Brassfield says Benno has eaten socks, magnets and marbles but he didn’t expect the animal would bother a bag of bullets by his bed,” timesfreepress.com reports. “Brassfield and his wife realized Benno needed medical attention after the pet vomited up four rounds. The vet removed 17 rounds from Benno’s stomach but left two in his esophagus, which the dog was allowed to discharge on his own.” See what he did there? See what you can do. The best pun gets a CMC Trigger. The rest of you live to tell the tail.

comments

  1. avatar crashbbear says:

    That situation ended kinda shitty.

  2. avatar JohnF says:

    Fire in the hole!

  3. avatar Accur81 says:

    That’s gonna be some sh!tty ammo.

  4. avatar Accur81 says:

    Next time you reload, take the bacon off the bench.

  5. avatar John says:

    Truly, his bark was worst than his bite.

    1. avatar Another Robert says:

      I’d say his fart was worse than his bite, if the stuff went in the other direction…

  6. avatar Retired LEO. says:

    Not a pun but as my grandmother. would say
    Gonna be hotter than a popcorn fart with that.
    When his humans fart bet they don’t blame the dog.
    Talk about a Hi-point being a scrappy gun.

  7. avatar NotoriousAPP says:

    This is great timing. I’m at the Oh Henry pun off competition in Austin when you posted this. Wish I could pass my phone around to some of the contestants.

  8. avatar 3screw says:

    “High Capacity Wagazine”

    1. avatar dh34 says:

      Nobody needs a high capacity wagazine – Mom’s Demand Dog Sense

    2. avatar Virginia Gunner says:

      Nice.

  9. avatar Ing says:

    Yet another passively constructed negligent discharge for the TTAG archives…

    “I swear, it just went off all by itself!”

    1. avatar Joel says:

      I like it.

  10. avatar David R says:

    Now that’s some high-cap K-9mm

  11. avatar 'Liljoe says:

    Spay and pray?

  12. avatar 'Liljoe says:

    When he finally does go… Ammo in a can?

  13. avatar Defens says:

    Glad they were able to get all but two rounds out. Be illegal in some states to have hi-cap crap.

  14. avatar GuyFromV says:

    This is gonna be ruff.

  15. avatar Pillager1900 says:

    That is not how you make a tactical K9.

  16. avatar Pillager1900 says:

    That pooch was fully loaded.

  17. avatar JohnO says:

    This is some good sh*t, man. What is it?
    >Labrador
    Never heard of it, man.
    > Yeah, huh. My dog ate my stash and I had to follow him around for a week collecting it, man.

    1. avatar TStew says:

      Beat me to this one!

  18. avatar Brandon says:

    WARNING: Side effects could include explosive diarrhea

  19. avatar Kyle says:

    Great, a high capacity assault dog with the tail thing that goes wag.

  20. avatar Colt Magnum says:

    “They fell out of a burning ring of fire…”.

  21. avatar Adam says:

    It’ll be interesting to what comes out of Benno’s brass in the next couple of days…..

  22. avatar Pillager1900 says:

    My last one … I promise.

    My only question, is the canine now a magazine or a clip?

  23. avatar JWM says:

    Talk about a colon cleanse.

  24. avatar 'Liljoe says:

    While waiting at the vet the dog was groomed, he got his nails done; even though there were 29 other canines getting taken care before they were to be euthanized, the city groomer decided it was ok to have a high capacity 30 pound clip. It will be featured in a magazine one day. His fur was a bit matted and it took a while to find the ghost gum that was stuck in it. He also got x-Rays done, his owners felt he had a joint instability that made his shoulder thing go up…. I can do this all day 🙂

  25. avatar Katy says:

    That’s one FTE I wouldn’t want to clear.

    1. avatar JR Pollock says:

      Well, it most definitely was not a Failure to Feed!

  26. avatar 'Liljoe says:

    Hopefully the State allowed him to carry the ammo in the bark

    1. avatar 'Liljoe says:

      BTW DQ’ing myself… Just doing these for fun

  27. avatar DrewR55 says:

    At least it wasn’t the kid’s homework.

    1. avatar Amie Brassfield says:

      This is Benno’s “mom” and he has eaten my son’s homework before. I actually took the shredded pieces to school with him so the teacher would believe that he really had done it!!

  28. avatar racer88 says:

    Always keep his muzzle pointed downrange.

    1. avatar SpeleoFool says:

      And be damn sure to keep your finger off his trigger. 😛

  29. avatar Vhyrus says:

    Too bad it wasn’t a young pit bull, cause then I could have made a joke about him loading his bullpup.

    That’s all I got.. sorry.

  30. avatar Sean says:

    Benno had planned on consuming a suppressor as well, in an effort to keep further blasts silent but deadly.

  31. avatar Paul G says:

    Stay clear of that dog’s backside, its a loaded shoot-tzu!

  32. avatar Nick in GA says:

    Talk about an explosive case of Montezuma’s revenge

  33. avatar rt-Texas says:

    No pun, but no way in hell am I cleaning up the backyard.

  34. avatar Ralph says:

    What made the pet’s owner upset wasn’t Benno eating all that ammo, it’s that the dog just didn’t give a sh1t.

    1. avatar 'Liljoe says:

      Nice

  35. avatar Pillager1900 says:

    What ever you do, don’t scratch him near his hind leg. That engages the giggle switch and all hell will break loose.

  36. avatar Red says:

    And you thought that imported ammo you bought by the spam can was dirty.

  37. avatar Pillager1900 says:

    I a pretty sure that dog does not have a tax stamp. The ATF will be going after the owner for producing an SBR (Short Barreled Rover).

  38. avatar Pillager1900 says:

    The cops better not shoot that dog. He may just shoot back.

    1. avatar dh34 says:

      Art Acevedo! Say hello, to my little friend!

  39. avatar racer88 says:

    If he ate .22LR, there will be a line of OFWGs searching the yard so they can resell it at the gun show next weekend. They’ll re-brand it, “Bad Dog Ammo.”

  40. avatar Ralph says:

    Who knew that Benno was a muzzle-loader.

    1. avatar JustYourRandomEuropean says:

      Well you could turn Benno into a breech loader, but I’m rather sure none of you would enjoy that.

    2. Proper muzzle discipline could have avoided this whole situation.

  41. avatar kapeltam says:

    What a high caliber pooch. (I know, I know. But no one else said it yet!)

  42. avatar Gunr says:

    Dam! Now I gotta re-fireform all that brass!

  43. avatar B says:

    Dog takes 17 rounds to the stomach and lives. Cops apologize, say if only they’d been there…

  44. avatar Mr Pierogie says:

    So is this the definition of an armed sheepdog?

  45. avatar Gunr says:

    Not a pun, but gave me an Idea. Neighbor has got this 5 lb dog she says she can’t keep track of.
    If you could surgically implant a large powerful magnet in the dogs back, or attach a magnet to a vest the dog could wear, and screw some sheet metal to the walls and ceiling, you could just stick the little fart to the wall!

  46. avatar Gary says:

    Does that make him a semi or full auto dogmatic?

    1. avatar Ing says:

      Fully dogmatic! I like it.

    2. My dog Otto could not eat his dog food after ingesting 30 rounds of 5.56. He was full.

  47. avatar MiketheHopsFarmer says:

    (In my best Cheech and Chong)
    Pedro: Man, what is in this shit, man?
    Man Stoner: Mostly 45cal, man.
    Pedro: Yeah?
    Man Stoner: But it’s got some Labrador in it.
    Pedro: What’s Labrador?
    Man Stoner: It’s dog shit.
    Pedro: What?
    Man Stoner: Yeah, my dog ate my stash, man. I had it on the table and the little motherf#cker ate it, man.
    Pedro: Yeah?
    Man Stoner: So I had to follow him around with a little baggie for three days before I got it back. Really blew the dog’s mind, ya know?
    Pedro: You mean we’re shootin’ dog shit, man?
    Man Stoner: Gets ya on target, don’t it?

  48. avatar spasmonaut says:

    This is what happens when you don’t exercise proper “muzzle” control. Plus, there’s still the matter of policing up the “spent” ammo to contend with after all the damage was done…NOT IT!

  49. avatar Almost Esq. says:

    Russian dog bombs make a come back.

  50. avatar Rusty Chains says:

    You’re gonna have to polish the throat to get him to feed hollow points smoothly!

  51. avatar Brett says:

    He who would pun would pick a pocket.

    1. avatar JWM says:

      The lesser of two weevils.

        1. avatar Paul G says:

          It takes bolls to say that…

  52. avatar Jason Byrne says:

    Glad Benno wasn’t a bull pup or things could really have gotten hairy.

    1. avatar Jason Byrne says:

      Gonna amend mine:
      Good thing Benno wasn’t a bullpup or things would have really gone to the dogs.

  53. avatar Illinois_Minion says:

    That’s some high power shit.

  54. avatar Gatha58 says:

    Owner may want to put his ammo up where his pup can’t get at it from now on. Probably thought it was OK with no kids around. Fooled him. Who keeps their ammo under the bed anyway?

  55. avatar Gatha58 says:

    Have to hand it to the ammo manufacturers. If a round can go through a dog’s digestive tract without going off it must be pretty foolproof. Wonder if the dog had to be tested for lead poisonining ?

  56. avatar Socrates says:

    Guess it needed some brass, copper and phosphorous in its diet…

    Since we can’t remove or control his “firing pin”, we’ll point its Muzzle in a safe direction; until rounds are “ejected”…

    So much for non-corrosive ammo…

    Is this dog a democrat? Or just a government surplus K-9?…

  57. avatar John in CT says:

    Gee, that was a close one. Who’d have guessed Fido had polygonal rifling?

    1. Headline:
      Austrian Dog Eats All Ammo

  58. avatar John Fritz - HMFIC says:

    Puns I could think of: zero.

    That dog would be one GMF.

    Bonus – Oh look, he has one of those “I Can’t Control My Dog” collars around his neck.

    1. avatar Indiana Tom says:

      Most of the time, dogs behave better without those stupid spiked choker collars than with the dang things. The Malamute -Collie that I got from the pound had one of those things on him and the first thing I did was get it off and pitch the thing. I could tell by his expression that he loved me for that.

  59. avatar CCDWGuy says:

    Never trust a fart over a certain age, it might go off!!

  60. avatar Stinkeye says:

    If those last two rounds get stuck, just tap, rack, and roll over.

  61. avatar Phil LA says:

    “Awe s***! Berdan primed!”

    1. avatar Ing says:

      That’s okay, I don’t think you want to reload this stuff anyway.

  62. avatar Phil LA says:

    These firearm torture tests are getting out of hand.

  63. avatar Drew says:

    Benno future Tail Gunner!

  64. avatar B says:

    God, this is why we need pun control. No one needs for than 1 meaning for a word based on its context! Stop the madness!

  65. avatar Sheepdog6 says:

    As any cop knows, 40 S&W will go right through a dog.

  66. avatar Other Chris says:

    Mr. Brassfield snapped awake at 2:34 AM to the sound of two gunshots. Scrambling to the sound he found the dog on the floor resting peacfully, the last trail of smoke wisping from the corner of the dogs mouth. Grandma’s favorite vase was shattered and sirens wailed in the distance. But Mr. Brassfield couldn’t help but smile. This was one accidental discharge he could overlook.

  67. avatar Socrates says:

    So THIS is a bulk loader….that fires on its own…no need to pull a trigger.
    Guess we have a new meaning, “incidental discharge”….
    … Now THIS is a dog that Shannon will “poop” all over for…

  68. avatar WV says:

    Brassalicious!

  69. avatar Kelly in GA says:

    Talk about a hot load.

  70. avatar Indiana Tom says:

    Owner Larry Brassfield says Benno has eaten socks, magnets and marbles but he didn’t expect the animal would bother a bag of bullets by his bed,” This dog impresses me as being retarded, but looking at that collar on his neck, you have to consider the environment of the morons who own him.

  71. avatar Accur81 says:

    Better not run over that poopy ammo with a lawnmower – then the sh!t’s really gonna hit the fan.

  72. avatar Former Water Walker says:

    Fido needs some muzzle control/he’s got some brass balls/did he eat your parabellum K-nine caliber? (That’s as bad as I can do…)

  73. avatar JR Pollock says:

    Brassfield feeds Benno Bullets and Brass, not Bucky Balls….

    I just looked at the x-ray photo caption. Apparently we now can add .380 rifle rounds to the misnamed ammo list.

    1. avatar Paul G says:

      When Benno squats to poop he might just blow off his Bucky Balls!

  74. avatar Ralph says:

    This is what happens when ShootingtheBull410 runs out of ballistic gel.

  75. avatar JR Pollock says:

    Stupid dog. I had a friend that had a stupid Lab that swallowed a padlock whole. If these dogs were guns, they’d be Ravens or Lorcins. The fact that this one actually chewed the ammo and didn’t have the sense to spit it out is amazing.

    Larry! Don’t breed that dawg!!

  76. avatar dq says:

    The much hyped German “Wunder K9” Shepherd that everyone has been waiting for

  77. avatar Josh says:

    Finally a bullpup that doesn’t spit brass in your face.

  78. avatar Rusty Chains says:

    My Belgian Malinois has enough muzzle velocity to put some bite in his bark!

  79. avatar Mazda Tech says:

    Once Benno discharges that ammo Mr. Brassfield will really have brass in his field….

  80. avatar dh34 says:

    What breed?

    He’s a canine millimeter.

  81. avatar 688smag says:

    G2 research finally has competition for shittiest ammo.

  82. avatar SpeleoFool says:

    Question for the ATF–does that qualify the dog as an AOW?

    1. Just another example of how the Constitution and the 2nd Amendment has been neutered.

  83. avatar SpeleoFool says:

    Good thing it was in Ark and not NYC. Owner could have been arrested for violating the SAFE Act.

  84. avatar SpeleoFool says:

    I read a comment the other day where someone was asking the difference between carrying concealed and “deep concealed.” I think I get the difference now….

  85. avatar SpeleoFool says:

    So let me get the tally here–that’s two FTFs and the other 17 rounds had to be removed with tools? They should rename the dog R51….

    1. avatar Ing says:

      Ha! I think this one wins.

  86. avatar SpeleoFool says:

    “Owner Larry Brassfield.” I’m sorry, but that’s just rich. You can’t make this stuff up….

  87. avatar Mr. Fosi says:

    I hope that when the dog is done they’ll be sure to use the pooper shooter.

    After that, they can put some more crap in their safe.

  88. avatar SpeleoFool says:

    Dogs are a good deterrent to home invasions. Loaded dogs are better.

  89. avatar SpeleoFool says:

    So I guess the RFB isn’t the only ‘pup that eats .308….

  90. avatar SpeleoFool says:

    Police: Were you aware that your dog was running around with a gut full of rifle ammo?
    Owner: That’s OK, he has a license….

  91. avatar MarkB says:

    Sources say BRASSfield, resident of New York, was later taken into custody for temporary possession of a high capacity assault clip of the German make and model, presumably Heckler and Pooch.

  92. avatar dh34 says:

    Frequently mistaken as a German Shepherd, Benno is actually a Mauser Caninety-Eight

  93. avatar Stokeslawyer says:

    That explains why he’s always chasing kahrs

  94. avatar ready,fire,aim says:

    all the more reason when you meet a vet at a party stick by and listen to the stories he has it will make you laugh….

  95. avatar Paul G says:

    He’s a good dog, but if he starts trying to hump your leg…take cover!

  96. avatar CM says:

    a haiku:

    the dog is loaded
    warn the cops he can shoot back
    force equalizer

  97. avatar CM says:

    don’t feed him Chinese ammo, it’s full of… lead.

    Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “rim” fire..

    Now THAT’S a hunting dog.

  98. avatar barry smith says:

    WARNING: Even with 17-round magazine removed, dog may still fire!

  99. You just don’t find a dog of this caliber every day! 😀

  100. avatar A Hill says:

    If that dog can ‘expel’ a projectile, then he damn well better have a serial number and his owner have had a background check or the ATF will be right along to shoot and confiscate fido.

  101. avatar C says:

    High-Crap mags.

  102. avatar tmm says:

    I wonder if they originally named him “Ben,” but changed his name when the most likely word following “Ben” was “No!”

    1. avatar JR Pollock says:

      For the first year of my dog’s life he thought his name was God Dammit..

  103. avatar vv ind says:

    Hes not shooting blanks

    Gut Shot

  104. avatar Timmy! says:

    My two favorite entries are

    “He’s a canine millimeter.”
    and
    “This explains why he’s always chasing Kahrs.”

  105. avatar Socrates says:

    Should be renamed Homeland. ‘Cause he eats all the ammo.

  106. avatar DRF says:

    All my dogs have had issues with negligent discharges.

  107. avatar Chappy says:

    I was stationed with Larry at Fort Camobell, he’s a great dude, I can hear his reaction to this situation now in his deep slow southern accent. Glad it all turned out well brother!

    1. avatar Amie Brassfield says:

      Thanks Chappy, I am his wife and Larry is a good guy and this whole situation is just crazy!! Benno is doing great, thanks for the thoughts.

  108. avatar SteveInCO says:

    Your ammo has been confiscated. You will get it back on the completion of doo process.

    1. avatar Brandon says:

      LMAO Winner^^^

  109. avatar Micah says:

    He was loading up for a crap shoot.

  110. avatar JWM says:

    Pull my tail.

  111. avatar DaveinLA says:

    Nobody needs 23 rounds to fill a dog!

    That high cap pup is illegal in CA, NT, NJ, MD, CT, CO…….

  112. avatar utdmatt says:

    Damn good thing Benno was fully mature when this happened. Everyone knows bullpups in early development are subject to premature discharge.

  113. avatar Bob pip says:

    Poop or get off the ammo can!

  114. avatar TomD in CO says:

    Short-barrel Shepherd, a new breed of NFA item.

  115. avatar Lance White says:

    After getting fixed, Benno was tired of firing blanks 😉

  116. avatar DH2 says:

    I guess Beeno decided to take schutzhund to a whole new level

  117. avatar Ilya says:

    Now that is what I call a “bull pup”

  118. avatar Brandon says:

    first name brass. last name collector, Im eaten forty-five’s like I’m a Kriss Vector, got that two-round burst coming straight from my colon, yeah, you better believe that “barrel” swollen.

  119. avatar Alex says:

    “Before you buy this dog laxative, you’ll need to fill out your Form 1.”

    1. Or a muzzle device designed to suppress barking.

  120. avatar Jay W. says:

    Run Benno Run – You’re in violation of the SAFE Act!

  121. avatar Virginia Gunner says:

    This gives a whole new meaning to tail gunner.

  122. avatar GreatPlainsSower says:

    BENNO is the new Belgian Smart gun. This new hi velocity projectile dispenser is equipped with RFID and Voice control set to a specific owner, which can be defeated with a steak. The sleek design has been specifically engineered to protect flocks of sheep and comes equipped with a Irritable Bowel Systems 23 round magazine, plus it fits two in the throat.

  123. avatar Dustin says:

    “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.”

  124. avatar Dustin says:

    It still works in my AK…

  125. avatar Mad Cow says:

    Pup poop shoot moot.

  126. avatar Camo says:

    FMJ Spitzer Dogtailed bullets stabilize quite well out of large dogs and can cover significant yardage.

  127. avatar Azics says:

    Hopefully they were squib loads. Or the dog may still get it in the end.

  128. Automatic feeding in caliber of choice. Truly, man’s best friend!

  129. avatar Matt says:

    If there’s brass[in the]field… retriever and go shooting.

  130. avatar AndyOEFX says:

    The new German-Made K-9mm!

    Holds 17+2
    Double shot on a hair trigger
    full auto on a belly scratch

  131. avatar Nat! says:

    7.62xK9

  132. avatar Mike Justice says:

    None of his other Dog Friends know cuz he concealed carries!

  133. avatar Gary Hallock says:

    So it appears now the dog is a “muzzle loader.”

  134. avatar Gary Hallock says:

    Just hope he doesn’t start shooting off his mouth.

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