Benno the dog (courtesy timesfreepress.com)

“Owner Larry Brassfield says Benno has eaten socks, magnets and marbles but he didn’t expect the animal would bother a bag of bullets by his bed,” timesfreepress.com reports. “Brassfield and his wife realized Benno needed medical attention after the pet vomited up four rounds. The vet removed 17 rounds from Benno’s stomach but left two in his esophagus, which the dog was allowed to discharge on his own.” See what he did there? See what you can do. The best pun gets a CMC Trigger. The rest of you live to tell the tail.

163 Responses to TTAG Pun Contest: Dog Eats Ammo Edition

    • I’d say his fart was worse than his bite, if the stuff went in the other direction…

  1. Not a pun but as my grandmother. would say
    Gonna be hotter than a popcorn fart with that.
    When his humans fart bet they don’t blame the dog.
    Talk about a Hi-point being a scrappy gun.

  2. This is great timing. I’m at the Oh Henry pun off competition in Austin when you posted this. Wish I could pass my phone around to some of the contestants.

  3. Yet another passively constructed negligent discharge for the TTAG archives…

    “I swear, it just went off all by itself!”

  4. Glad they were able to get all but two rounds out. Be illegal in some states to have hi-cap crap.

  5. This is some good sh*t, man. What is it?
    >Labrador
    Never heard of it, man.
    > Yeah, huh. My dog ate my stash and I had to follow him around for a week collecting it, man.

  6. While waiting at the vet the dog was groomed, he got his nails done; even though there were 29 other canines getting taken care before they were to be euthanized, the city groomer decided it was ok to have a high capacity 30 pound clip. It will be featured in a magazine one day. His fur was a bit matted and it took a while to find the ghost gum that was stuck in it. He also got x-Rays done, his owners felt he had a joint instability that made his shoulder thing go up…. I can do this all day 🙂

    • This is Benno’s “mom” and he has eaten my son’s homework before. I actually took the shredded pieces to school with him so the teacher would believe that he really had done it!!

  7. Too bad it wasn’t a young pit bull, cause then I could have made a joke about him loading his bullpup.

    That’s all I got.. sorry.

  8. Benno had planned on consuming a suppressor as well, in an effort to keep further blasts silent but deadly.

  9. What made the pet’s owner upset wasn’t Benno eating all that ammo, it’s that the dog just didn’t give a sh1t.

  10. What ever you do, don’t scratch him near his hind leg. That engages the giggle switch and all hell will break loose.

  11. I a pretty sure that dog does not have a tax stamp. The ATF will be going after the owner for producing an SBR (Short Barreled Rover).

  12. If he ate .22LR, there will be a line of OFWGs searching the yard so they can resell it at the gun show next weekend. They’ll re-brand it, “Bad Dog Ammo.”

  13. Not a pun, but gave me an Idea. Neighbor has got this 5 lb dog she says she can’t keep track of.
    If you could surgically implant a large powerful magnet in the dogs back, or attach a magnet to a vest the dog could wear, and screw some sheet metal to the walls and ceiling, you could just stick the little fart to the wall!

  14. (In my best Cheech and Chong)
    Pedro: Man, what is in this shit, man?
    Man Stoner: Mostly 45cal, man.
    Pedro: Yeah?
    Man Stoner: But it’s got some Labrador in it.
    Pedro: What’s Labrador?
    Man Stoner: It’s dog shit.
    Pedro: What?
    Man Stoner: Yeah, my dog ate my stash, man. I had it on the table and the little motherf#cker ate it, man.
    Pedro: Yeah?
    Man Stoner: So I had to follow him around with a little baggie for three days before I got it back. Really blew the dog’s mind, ya know?
    Pedro: You mean we’re shootin’ dog shit, man?
    Man Stoner: Gets ya on target, don’t it?

  15. This is what happens when you don’t exercise proper “muzzle” control. Plus, there’s still the matter of policing up the “spent” ammo to contend with after all the damage was done…NOT IT!

    • Gonna amend mine:
      Good thing Benno wasn’t a bullpup or things would have really gone to the dogs.

  16. Owner may want to put his ammo up where his pup can’t get at it from now on. Probably thought it was OK with no kids around. Fooled him. Who keeps their ammo under the bed anyway?

  17. Have to hand it to the ammo manufacturers. If a round can go through a dog’s digestive tract without going off it must be pretty foolproof. Wonder if the dog had to be tested for lead poisonining ?

  18. Guess it needed some brass, copper and phosphorous in its diet…

    Since we can’t remove or control his “firing pin”, we’ll point its Muzzle in a safe direction; until rounds are “ejected”…

    So much for non-corrosive ammo…

    Is this dog a democrat? Or just a government surplus K-9?…

  19. Puns I could think of: zero.

    That dog would be one GMF.

    Bonus – Oh look, he has one of those “I Can’t Control My Dog” collars around his neck.

    • Most of the time, dogs behave better without those stupid spiked choker collars than with the dang things. The Malamute -Collie that I got from the pound had one of those things on him and the first thing I did was get it off and pitch the thing. I could tell by his expression that he loved me for that.

  20. God, this is why we need pun control. No one needs for than 1 meaning for a word based on its context! Stop the madness!

  21. Mr. Brassfield snapped awake at 2:34 AM to the sound of two gunshots. Scrambling to the sound he found the dog on the floor resting peacfully, the last trail of smoke wisping from the corner of the dogs mouth. Grandma’s favorite vase was shattered and sirens wailed in the distance. But Mr. Brassfield couldn’t help but smile. This was one accidental discharge he could overlook.

  22. So THIS is a bulk loader….that fires on its own…no need to pull a trigger.
    Guess we have a new meaning, “incidental discharge”….
    … Now THIS is a dog that Shannon will “poop” all over for…

  23. Owner Larry Brassfield says Benno has eaten socks, magnets and marbles but he didn’t expect the animal would bother a bag of bullets by his bed,” This dog impresses me as being retarded, but looking at that collar on his neck, you have to consider the environment of the morons who own him.

  24. Better not run over that poopy ammo with a lawnmower – then the sh!t’s really gonna hit the fan.

  25. Fido needs some muzzle control/he’s got some brass balls/did he eat your parabellum K-nine caliber? (That’s as bad as I can do…)

  26. Brassfield feeds Benno Bullets and Brass, not Bucky Balls….

    I just looked at the x-ray photo caption. Apparently we now can add .380 rifle rounds to the misnamed ammo list.

  27. Stupid dog. I had a friend that had a stupid Lab that swallowed a padlock whole. If these dogs were guns, they’d be Ravens or Lorcins. The fact that this one actually chewed the ammo and didn’t have the sense to spit it out is amazing.

    Larry! Don’t breed that dawg!!

  28. Good thing it was in Ark and not NYC. Owner could have been arrested for violating the SAFE Act.

  29. I read a comment the other day where someone was asking the difference between carrying concealed and “deep concealed.” I think I get the difference now….

  30. So let me get the tally here–that’s two FTFs and the other 17 rounds had to be removed with tools? They should rename the dog R51….

  31. “Owner Larry Brassfield.” I’m sorry, but that’s just rich. You can’t make this stuff up….

  32. I hope that when the dog is done they’ll be sure to use the pooper shooter.

    After that, they can put some more crap in their safe.

  33. Police: Were you aware that your dog was running around with a gut full of rifle ammo?
    Owner: That’s OK, he has a license….

  34. Sources say BRASSfield, resident of New York, was later taken into custody for temporary possession of a high capacity assault clip of the German make and model, presumably Heckler and Pooch.

  35. all the more reason when you meet a vet at a party stick by and listen to the stories he has it will make you laugh….

  36. don’t feed him Chinese ammo, it’s full of… lead.

    Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “rim” fire..

    Now THAT’S a hunting dog.

  37. If that dog can ‘expel’ a projectile, then he damn well better have a serial number and his owner have had a background check or the ATF will be right along to shoot and confiscate fido.

  38. I wonder if they originally named him “Ben,” but changed his name when the most likely word following “Ben” was “No!”

  39. My two favorite entries are

    “He’s a canine millimeter.”
    and
    “This explains why he’s always chasing Kahrs.”

  40. I was stationed with Larry at Fort Camobell, he’s a great dude, I can hear his reaction to this situation now in his deep slow southern accent. Glad it all turned out well brother!

    • Thanks Chappy, I am his wife and Larry is a good guy and this whole situation is just crazy!! Benno is doing great, thanks for the thoughts.

  41. Nobody needs 23 rounds to fill a dog!

    That high cap pup is illegal in CA, NT, NJ, MD, CT, CO…….

  42. Damn good thing Benno was fully mature when this happened. Everyone knows bullpups in early development are subject to premature discharge.

  43. first name brass. last name collector, Im eaten forty-five’s like I’m a Kriss Vector, got that two-round burst coming straight from my colon, yeah, you better believe that “barrel” swollen.

  44. BENNO is the new Belgian Smart gun. This new hi velocity projectile dispenser is equipped with RFID and Voice control set to a specific owner, which can be defeated with a steak. The sleek design has been specifically engineered to protect flocks of sheep and comes equipped with a Irritable Bowel Systems 23 round magazine, plus it fits two in the throat.

  45. FMJ Spitzer Dogtailed bullets stabilize quite well out of large dogs and can cover significant yardage.

  46. The new German-Made K-9mm!

    Holds 17+2
    Double shot on a hair trigger
    full auto on a belly scratch

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