“In a profile written by Jason Zwerling on Bleacher Report.com it was revealed that Dwight Howard, who now lives in the Houston area, has some interesting hobbies and interests.” usatoday.com blogger Michal Peters is using the word “interesting” in the way I used it to describe my first wife’s less-than-entirely-stunning party dress. To wit: “Like riding around on three-wheeled motorcycles with his friends, or shooting any one of his over 50 guns at the gun range.” His italics, obvs. As the blogger blogs Howard’s ballistic baubles, it gets better/worse . . .
“Then there are Howard’s more exuberant activities, like riding around his neighborhood with his friends in his Can-Am Spyder three-wheeled bikes. He also likes going to the gun range—”It’s what you do in Texas,” he says—and he has about 10 different kinds in his collection encompassing more than 50 total, including shotguns, semiautomatics and handguns, such as one of his favorites, a gold-looking Desert Eagle pistol. He also collects, just for show, miniguns and bazookas.”
HE HAS A BAZOOKA.
And that isn’t even the most ridiculous part. Howard’s got 20 pet snakes.
“But there’s no better way to describe Howard’s eccentricity and connection to Texas than through his pet snakes at home. All 20 of them.”
A small armory and almost enough snakes to make a considerably sized snake pit. All Howard needs now is a large reservoir of clean water, and when the apocalypse eventually jumps off, he can be the supreme overlord of something.