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Let’s say you’re having a dispute with your neighbor. The ones with those noisy kids. As if the little brats don’t raise enough of a ruckus on their own, the idiots like to play with their dog, too…in their own back yard for God’s sake. And they let the mangy mutt run around off its leash. What they need is someone to teach ’em a lesson is what they need. So when the smart-mouth jerk “apologizes,” you know damn well he doesn’t mean it. That’s when you pull your trusty hog leg to let ’em know you mean *burp* bidness. Who knew the smart-mouth bastard would drop a dime on you? . . .

When the county mounties finally show up, you think about offering them a sip of the Dewar’s you’ve been knocking back all afternoon, but why should you waste good scotch? Besides, they’re starting to piss you off. If they take another step onto your property, you know exactly what yer gonna do — call the damn NRA, that’s what. You know your goddam rights!

All of a sudden, one of the smart-asses slices through your screen and snatches your wheel gun right off the table next to you. You try to get up to give ’em a piece of your (slightly pickled) mind, but whoa!…maybe you downed a little more hooch than you thought. You almost *buuuurrrp* fall over. Ha!

Once they stuff you in the back of the cruiser, the gentle rocking back and forth as they drive you away from the Del Boca Vista complex lulls you right to sleep. Hell, you were about to take a nap anyway, right? But then you get to the county lock-up and they stuff you in this orange jumpsuit. Crap on a cracker, it’s itchy. You sure could use another pop right about now, but since they took your finger prints, you know good and well they’re probably gonna wanna take a picshur too and…cheeeeeeeeeeeeese!

39 Responses to Irresponsible Gun Owner of the Day: Alan Lee Huerth

  1. In Detroit we have this morning talk show called “dave and chuck the freek”, and they have a section called, ‘man, florida is ****ed up’. And it is.

    • Sound like jealousy to me. Florida is a far far better place to live than Detroit IMHO We have great beaches, great fishing, and good CCW laws. Next you’ll tell me Trayvon Martin was screwed over by those messed up Florida self defense laws?

    • They have that *in Detroit*? Like, THE Detroit? That is hilarious. Has anybody in Detroit ever been to FL? I suspect not, since they would never have come back.

      • “Has anybody in Detroit ever been to FL? I suspect not, since they would never have come back.”

        Detroit’s population is about half what it was in the 60s, so I suspect that many people from Detroit have been to Florida, or anywhere else.

    • Every time someone throws out the old “Florida is full of crazy” canard, I like to do one simple check. Inevitably, if there is any information about the person’s background, it turns out they’re a transplant. the crazies and rejects from the rest of the US make their way down here for the year-round nice weather, no income tax, and generally not-too-anti-vagrant laws. But I don’t mind the perception out there being that this is some crazy, dangerous shithole of a state. If it keeps even a few carpetbagging a-holes out of my state and off my roads and beaches I’m fine with that. Meanwhile I’m enjoying the year-round sunshine, gorgeous beaches, amazing fishing, SCUBA diving, mostly gun-friendly laws, beautiful wild areas, beautiful women, unique culture, proximity to the carribean, and all the rest of the things that motivate people in the rest of the country to save their whole lives so that they can spend their last decade of life down here. I was lucky enough to be born here. You are more than welcome to stay in Detroit. We all know what a paradise that place is. I guess thats why its population has been continually growing for decades and decades…. oh wait.

    • DETROIT has a show calling FLORIDA f’d up?!

      That’s like Mogadishu calling Switzerland f’d up by comparison!

  2. The charges are BS. The aggravated assault is basically based on a pure he said / she said and I’d like to know how the officers were “resisted” when the guy was sitting on his property or how he was “using” a gun that was sitting on a table.

    This sounds like a typical police fabrication to justify damage to private property and unlawful arrest.

    • Huh? Before “passing judgement” based on a newspaper clipping where we know less than 10% of what occurred…

      By the way, I’d recommend looking up those FL statutes to see what they say, the required elements, and mens rea. I haven’t looked at the FL statutes, but after being an LE in CO, it amazes me how people will “go off” on “bogus charges” and not have a clue what the statute actually is. These are the same type of judgements that burned down Ferguson…

      • The charge following a BS statute does not make it less bogus. The point of the matter is that the above description could be completely wrong as the cops can and do make up incident reports out of whole cloth. (Or do we need to talk about the “signaling” drug dog from yesterday?) The cops showed up to investigate, when they found no crime in progress and no physical evidence of one, they should have taken the complaint and left. I know that if cops showed up to my house on a warm Saturday night and I was sitting on my porch with my Macallan, the “report” could easily have the same way with no actual crime being committed. (other than the cops breaking and entering)

        • “The cops showed up to investigate, when they found no crime in progress and no physical evidence of one, they should have taken the complaint and left.”

          I’m not sure if you read the actual article, but the neighbors called the police after he pointed a “black handgun” at them. That is typically known as a “crime.” In my state, it is called “Felony Menacing.” The article states that when they went to “investigate,” they noticed a handgun on the table next to him. That is known as “evidence.” This establishes “probable cause” and leads to a “warrantless arrest.” All of these actions fall under US Constitutional Law as well as State Constitutional Law.

          Obviously, this article doesn’t have the “full details” but after the criminal report is finalized and frozen in their system (most agencies it takes 2-5 days), you can call them up and request a copy of the report. We also don’t know if the obviously intoxicated male made any sort of self-incriminating statements upon contact.

          What you fail to realize is that trying to “trump up” charges against someone like this is a lot of work. When you arrest someone, not only do you have to complete your report, but you have to file a “Warrantless Arrest Affidavit,” booking sheet, property sheet, etc. (some of the jailing procedures are going to be different from agency to agency). You are typically taken out of service for 45 minutes to 2 hours. This, in all reality, is a lower level felony offense. Police officers are human beings that don’t want to have to do a whole bunch of “unnecessary work.” Talk about a waste of time if a report can just be taken . . .

          The gun was in plain sight, the neighbors saw him point the gun at them, and he is intoxicated. That wouldn’t fall under the trumped up charge category. Based on your comments, would you be one of those people complaining how useless the police are if they had just left and 15 minutes later he went over and shot all of them “for snitching?” Based on what we know, this idiot violated his neighbors rights. Children do have a constitutional right to be in their backyard and not have an intoxicated neighbor point a handgun at their father.

          Fight the right battles, this one isn’t it . . .

        • Jeff, I carry a handgun “in plain sight” whenever I’m at home. Does it mean that if a hoplophobe neighbor decided to make a false allegation against me the cops have a right to break into my home? Any situation like this requires corroboration. A gun “in plain sight” is evidence of jack shit and you damn well know it.

        • If you’re drunk and acting like a bonehead you can expect them to do just that if they have probable cause.

        • @Hanibal

          That’s exactly my point. Since when is a “he said/she said” probable cause?

    • yea some of them appear just made up hocus pocus BS, but some of them appear legit and I would say homeboy has a problem.

    • … yep, one of those “absolutist” 2nd amendment guys who believe that gun rights should include violent felons and that brandishing an AR15 at skateboarders who are making too much noise on the side walk is what the founding fathers intended.

  3. Even if only a fraction of what was reported in the article accurately depicts what happened, my suspicion is that this fellow was probably already what is charitably referred to as “known to the police.”

    Maybe some legal troubles ought to come his way, while his guns go away, until he can behave like a halfway civilized human being.

      • To be fair, we don’t know much about the incident from that report.

        Was there actually a gun involved in the initial altercation or did a neighbor want the po-po to rough-up the neighbor who “dissed” him over his unleashed dog?
        Was the guy drunk at the time of the alleged altercation with his neighbor?
        Who can verify any of the above?
        How did the cops approach the situation?
        Did they take witness statements before they talked to the guy?

        From the actual text we can only confirm a few things.

        1. There was some sort of altercation between this dud and his neighbor.
        2. The guy was sitting on his own property knocking back drinks.
        3. He had a gun in arms reach.

        Does any of the above justify an arrest? I think not, if my neighbors got hauled off to jail every time they got into an argument, I would be living surrounded by empty properties.

        While I can appreciate the humor, I really don’t appreciate perpetuating the “drunk stupid redneck” stereotype.

        • Probable cause, not “proof beyond a reasonable doubt,” is the standard for arrest.

  4. We actually plant these stories to keep the New Yorkers out. Grew up in Detroit. Moved to FL and lived there 25+ years. Moving back.

    Bust on FL all you want, they do it all the time in the Seattle area. King County and I594 can suck it. The socialist paradise of Puget Sound will implode soon enough. Beautiful country; stupid people.

  5. I dunno about the whole Florida == crazy thing but there’s definitely a correlation between the middle name “Lee” and general f’d up behaviour. This goes for the middle name “Wayne” as well. Whenever I see a story about a mass murderer, crazy paint-huffing stalker or guy snatching kids, I check the middle name and more often than not, “Lee” or “Wayne”

  6. Any time a crazy makes the headlines with a shoot ’em up of any sort, the whole three name title comes up. In Southern culture, this gives the general family background of the person named, whereas in the other States, it seems a grandiose megalomaniac move to insist on using three whole names. Perception is everything. Getting drunk with weapons is a dumb move in any case, and the Police did right here. Hope the kids enjoyed playing with Sparky.

  7. If dude is dumb enough to open his door to LEO in the first place, thus inviting them to look for “PC” with whatever was in plain sight, you dumb enough to get arrested. I don’t care if your bleeding to death with an eyeball hanging out your socket; if you’re a LEO and don’t have a search warrant, enjoy the view of my front door.

  8. The neighbor lied to the sheriff’s office. He trespassed on to the Huerth property. He was ordered to leave several times. This is a violation of FL statute 810.09 which then provides for self defense up to, but not including discharging a firearm at the trespasser. While a black 9MM was on the table in the covered and screened lanai, it was not pointed at the trespasser. The deadly Kindle in its black leather case was what was in the owner’s hand. Cdr Huerth never left the enclosed lanai. The Sheriff’s deputies forced their way into the locked lanai without permission and without a warrant. Since no firearm was discharged, FL statute 776.031 covers the actions taken by Cdr. Huerth. Since FL statute 776.031 applies, 776.032 provides immunity from arrest or prosecution. Collier County Sheriff’s Office violated Florida law when Cdr. Huerth was arrested. The State Attorney offered a plea deal to drop the felony charge. The deal was refused and Cdr. Huerth informed the State Attorney that he would rely on the “stand your ground” statutes for self defense. The State Attorney then dismissed all the charges rather than go to jury trial. Cdr. Huerth has filed charges against the neighbor.

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