Michelle Smart (courtesy thesmokinggun.com)

“Ryan Rucker, 33, was sleeping early yesterday when Michelle Smart [above], by her own admission, ‘attempted to make some sexual advances toward’ him, according to a police report detailing the 2 AM incident.” Now there’s a lead you don’t see every day, courtesy thesmokinggun.com. “Rucker told cops that he pushed the 30-year-old Smart off of him, which prompted an argument during which Smart ‘told him she would shoot him because she has the gun.’ Smart told officers that after Rucker ‘rejected her and pushed her off of him,’ he punched and kicked her multiple times.” Wait. Did the ironically named female in question have “the gun” at the time of the threat? Why yes she did . . .

Cops noted that Smart “continually was changing her story throughout the investigation,” adding that, “For these reasons, Ms. Smart’s account became less believable.”

Smart, judged the “primary aggressor” by cops, was arrested for domestic violence since Rucker “feared for his safety when Ms. Smart pulled the gun out and threatened to use it.” Cops seized a Ruger handgun and six bullets, which were placed into evidence.

What lesson did we learn here? I’ve put mine in the headline. Your turn.

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85 Responses to Self-Defense Tip: Buy Viagra

        • As another bear, not *the* bear, I can confirm that we have good eyes. I can spot a danish from a mile away.

          That being said, it honestly looks like “Island love” or “Mud love.”

          Maybe she should have paid the extra $20 to make it slightly bigger and therefore more readable.

    • A little makeup wouldn’t hurt either. I mean if you’re looking to get some action you really should fix yourself up. Or get a gun and demand action, whichever.

        • Yes, moms also get more action when they fix themselves up a bit. Anyway, it wasn’t me that named that group that.

        • Well, full disclosure, my wife runs a makeup counter at a department store and if a girl is within a hundred pounds or so of her ideal weight my wife can make her look pretty fetching. She even did makeup for Wayne LaPierre once for a television appearance, and he looked pretty damn good for a guy. But yes, the light switch is more expedient.

      • If I whup out a gun and demand action from a sleeping young lady, isn’t that commonly known as “attempted rape”? Would I be turned loose after a couple hours?

    • Sorry, I don’t think it’s possible for me to get drunk enough and still stay conscious (or even capable of performing) while looking at that.

      • What a perfect segue to break out my original formula for rating women.
        First I will explain the flaws in the commonly used (misused) 10 point scale.
        Nobody used 1-5 on the 10 point scale so why do we need 10 points?
        Too often women are rated as 8.5 or 9.5 or some other point plus half point. If 1-10 isn’t sufficient then why not use a 20 point scale?

        Now lets get to my scale and why it simplifies the rating.
        First, the range. 0-4 is the range so you have 5 categories that ALL women fall into. There are no half points. For example, no rating of 2.5 exist. She is either a 2 or a 3 based on simple criteria.
        The criteria: What are we rating? Beauty. What does that mean to a man? Attraction. Attraction to what? Sex. We are rating our desire to have sex with the woman. That may sound crass but subconsciously, it is what we are doing, at least heterosexual men.
        It is important to note that this scale is not for comparing one woman to another in a side by side fashion. There aren’t enough numbers even in the 10 point system for that. What this scale accurately does is categorize each woman based on how we feel about the idea of having sex with that woman. See where this is going now? That is a much easier method of rating a woman and it is based on your self awareness. One man’s 2 is another man’s 3.

        So what do the numbers mean? The answer is based on your answer to these two questions: Would I have sex with that woman and how would I feel about it afterwards?
        Let’s break it down now. A 0 (zero) is someone that you would not have sex with under any circumstances. You would have to get so drunk that you would be incapacitated at best, die from toxicity at worst. It aint happening.
        A 1 (one) is someone that you would do…if desperate. You wouldn’t pursue a one and you wouldn’t admit you did the deed…to anyone. For this reason, you can’t even tell anyone that you think of a woman as a one. When your buddy asks “what is she?” you say “eww, zero man what are you kidding?” But you know she is a 1.
        A 2 (two) is where we reach the realm of sexy, but think slutty sexy or cute but not so sexy. A 2 is someone you would consider having sex with but you would not pursue until last call and you really needed to get laid. You are not ashamed to be seen making time with a 2. A 2 is a one night stand.
        Let me point out that this scale is not based on personality and there are many great women in the 2 category that many men would be lucky to end up with in matrimony. But for the purposes of quick assessment, character traits are not figured into the equation.
        On to the 3 (three). A 3 is a beautiful woman. Of course anyone higher than 1 you would have sex with but now you are in the big leagues. A 3 is when the pursuit starts. Way before last call. It doesn’t even require a bar scene. A 3 is worthy of time and effort, a few dates without sex. And when you do get lucky, you don’t admit it. You respect her reputation. Remember, personalities are not in play.
        A 4 (four) is basically the old 10. 4s are saved for the finest of female human species on Earth. You can forget about even getting a date with a 4. But if you do, and you go all the way, you tell everybody. Nobody will believe you though.

        Recapping, 0 = no go. 1 = yes but don’t tell. 2 = yes and you don’t mind your friends knowing. 3 = yes but you want to keep it private for her honor. 4 = yes and you want the sex tape to go viral.

      • I have woke up the next day looking at worse next to me, back in the day. Damn beer goggles can really influence bad decision making. Now that I’m a sober old fart almost 60 years old? Nah, not even remotely interested in a woman that has an obvious drug problem, That’s baggage too heavy for me to lift.

    • “I could totally hit that after a fifth of Jack Daniels and a Viagra. After 10 years in prison.”

      Are you SURE you didn’t mean 25 years (in un-airconditioned isolation)????

      PLEASE say yes…

  1. Charging the gun (especially a pistol) might actually be safer than doing the deed in this case.

    GSW VS gonosyphiherpalaids.

    • Probably not bug bites, sores more than likely.

      Meth heads pick at themselves. One of the more attractive qualities brought on by the substance.

  2. What a pathetic waste of human potential. 🙁

    The gentleman needs to make some wiser choices. He seems to have volunteered to be in a room alone with her.

    What was he thinking?

    • “Thinking” was not a part of the process that lead to the fateful moment. See the aforementioned references to alcohol and other substances that impede cognitive decision making.

    • I always laugh when I see those adds that say to “call your doctor if your erection lasts more than 4 hours”
      I’m thinking more like 4 seconds, or at tops, 4 minutes!

  3. Stay away from the crazy drug addicted women.

    Find a nice sweet girl. Marry her and spend your life with her.

    If a 33 year old man needs Viagra, he has got serious problems.

    Ruger with 6 cartridges (probably a classy revolver) possibly just an LCP.
    Likely stolen from the looks of her.

  4. Change the genders around in this case and the guy would be charged with attempted rape. I would hope they charge her with the same.

  5. DV is never a laughing matter. Well ok this time it is. It will be interesting to see if she is charged with attempted rape, cause if the roles were reversed he would get some “hard” time……

    • If he pushed the charge it’d stick pretty easily. The problem is that men usually don’t do it because the notion that they can even be raped in the first place goes against the established masculine gender role, and hurts their self-esteem, and so admitting such a thing (which is kinda necessary to push this in court, likely in front of the jury) is rare.

  6. Years ago I had a crazy girlfriendwho scratched my back bloody and liked to “wrestle”. But she was pretty…and didn’t have a gun. Unlike my beautiful ex-wife…it was cocaine not meth…lucky to be alive. Never had a gal try to rape me…

  7. Something smells, here.

    Had she a weapon and intent, kicking and pinching should’ve resulted in a male with extra holes.

    She presumably was banged up – rather than banged in a good way – else the cops would’ve dismissed her claims summarily and referred to her as the sole aggressor.

    What am I not getting?

  8. “Self-Defense Tip: Buy Viagra”

    From what I have heard, Viagra doesn’t make a man horny, just helps with erectile dysfunction if he does feel ‘in the mood”.

  9. Yep, I went to bed with her once, that’s how I lost my left arm. If it had been my right I’d have risked waking her up.

  10. I’m thinkin’ there is already enough chemical interference in these two’s lives, I’m not going along with Viagra.

  11. Potential hottie. With some makeup she wouldn’t be all that bad. (Have you seen some of the movie babes without makeup? Same league.) But you really gotta worry about STDs if a girl stranger makes unsolicited passes at you. I’d require 2 years controlled isolation and testing after the 2 years.

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