Axe murder (courtesy twitter.com)

After encountering the nbc.com story Florida Man Charged With Decapitating Mom With Ax, I posted a link on TTAG’s Facebook page and called for an axe ban. Commentator Cecil B Deemehnted took me to task for the suggestion. “Come on now. We don’t need to ban axes, and no one is saying we should. We just think there should be some common sense laws for axe safety. You should have to register your axe, and only be allowed to buy it after a background check…even if it’s from a private individual. The axe blade should not be wide enough that it could take off a head in one chop, and the handle length must be an overall length of at least 36″. Anything shorter will require a tax stamp and ATF/Local law enforcement approval of course . . .

“You’ll need to take a safety course before purchasing your axe, and purchase some insurance. Then you’ll need to get a sign off from local law enforcement in order to take your axe off your property. You’ll have to show a need. When you do take that axe off the property, it must be securely encased, with the axe head separate from the handle during transport, and in a separate container. It must be completely concealed as well, so it doesn’t frighten anyone. It cannot be brought within a 1000 yards of schools, churches, sporting events, or any government property or parks as well. You can carry it openly if you are fishing or hunting, and too or from such activities, but only on a direct path.

“You also absolutely can’t carry an axe in DC, and it’s a bad idea in NJ.”

61 Responses to Ban Axes!

  1. Let’s not even start talking about hatchets. The Francisca was banned in civilized nations in Europe, after all.

    • What’s a hatchet? Is that something that is designed to be wielded with one hand? Is that something I can design to be wielded with one hand, but occasionally wield with two? What if I build a hatchet that has a grip on it, for extra gripping power? May I design and build a hatchet with two grips on it, one for a one handed chopping grip, the other farther up the handle for a choking grip for more precise work? How about a two-gripped handle that I design and build with the intention of gripping with two hands? What if both look the same to the naked eye? What if you could be charged with a crime for your thoughts?

      • What about roofing hammers? It’s a hammer one one side and a hatchet blade on the other? Is it a hammer or a hatchet? If I hang it on my belt and my Carhard jacket covers the head does that make it concealed?

      • If you change how the hatchet is held so that it can be held with two hands instead of the standard one-handed hatchet hold, then you are “redesigning” and thus “remanufacturing” the hatchet to be a concealable axe (even if it is bigger and far less concealable than an equally deadly butcher’s cleaver).

      • Uh-oh. A while back I had a cracked handle on my short-handled fire axe… the one with the picaroon on the end opposite the blade. I replaced the 16 inch handle with one just over two feet long. Since the blade wasn’t designed for the longer handle, which I can easily support on my shoulder whilst holding the knobbed end of the handle, have I created a problem for myself in remanufacturing my axe?
        .
        I also own more than one axe, so I guess that makes me an axe nut. Never mind that the fire axe comes in handy while manipulating wood in the fire pit while camping, or the hatchet is convenient for packing, or the all-steel one fits great beneath the back seat of the truck for emergencies. I’ve been told that nobody needs more than one axe.
        .
        Can’t offer to sell it on the interwebs, though… that might violate some requirement for a certified axe dealer and a bunch of federally mandated paperwork.

  2. its not like there are that many axes so who cares? http://what-if.xkcd.com/90/

    dont forget to completely ban them in cities as well since nobody need them there (except where do you store it when you need it for camping?)

    spoken as a person who owns 7 “axes”. Eswing campers axe, 2 tomahawks, double bit axe, an adze (think axe with blade turned sideways), a felling axe, and a hatchet. would love to get a couple of gransfors bruks axes someday.

  3. Apparently the argument for banning weapons only applies to firearms. I would hope the foolishness that seems to follow gun violence incodents does not spill over into other more utilitarian devices. After all, there are far more deaths associated with blunt objects than firearms. While we’re at it, maybe we should ban baseball bats?

    • No, but I’m all for banning footballs and basketballs. Recent news stories suggest that meerly touching footballs increases the desire to assault and rape young women. Baseball bats do not seem to have the same effect on people.

  4. True story:

    In the ’90s, my truck sported a double-bitted axe with a 30″ handle, held in two broom clamps with the head centred in the rear window.

    When I lived (between deployments) in Colorado – a land with lots of occupied rifle racks, at least at that time – whenever I got pulled over for a light out (not an uncommon occurrence on an older AMC Jeep pickup) the officer’d invariably look at me askance and ask pointedly about the axe. Once they even pulled me over because of the axe.

    Go figure.

  5. I actually saw a man with a battle axe on his belt at the local Kroger last week. I see people openly carrying knives and guns all the time, but that was a first!

  6. Wha…were, um… the comments at the bottom of the story sarcasm? I think I detected sarcasm…or was it common sense? Damn. I just can’t tell the difference anymore. Sigh.

  7. Is it me and/or my take on the medications that they put these people on that once they either miss taking them or walk away from the side effects of them that seem to help put some over the edge? I guess sometimes in saying ” The Cure May Kill Ya ” Evidently there needs to be an adjustment to that saying and maybe the also the prescription side effects that. The Cure May Cause A Undesired/desired Effect of Wanting To Murder Those Around You and AnyOne Who Maybe in Your Present or Past Path which may also include Any Bystanders”
    Although there is still no excuses for the crimes and lack of any Empathy on those committing these Henous acts.

  8. *in a few days*
    Sen. Kevin de Leon:
    “This is a ghost hatchet, capable with a three headed clip to disperse of four vikings every two seconds, we must serve the American people and ban these horrible assault machines for good.”

  9. Wow I have beautiful hickory handled ax not 2 feet from where I’m typing. And another in the bedroom. Just don’t ax me about all the other weapons I have stashed…

  10. Although it makes a good point, I doubt there are enough enough axe-owners among non-firearms owners for it to have an impact… and then there are the regulation-worshiping dill-holes who get an erection at the sound of it.

  11. Ban the medications he was on….you can tell he has been put on a heavy dose of something by his lock jaw like grin there. He was supposed to be normal until he was doped up by whatever antiphycotics he was put on.

  12. Drugs does dumb things to stupid people…

    I’d hazard a guess that he’s just not crazy, but a chemically induced phsychosis. According to a liberal, ‘drugs’ are a “victimless crime”. Yea, sure it is…….

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