Ban Axes!

Axe murder (courtesy twitter.com)

After encountering the nbc.com story Florida Man Charged With Decapitating Mom With Ax, I posted a link on TTAG’s Facebook page and called for an axe ban. Commentator Cecil B Deemehnted took me to task for the suggestion. “Come on now. We don’t need to ban axes, and no one is saying we should. We just think there should be some common sense laws for axe safety. You should have to register your axe, and only be allowed to buy it after a background check…even if it’s from a private individual. The axe blade should not be wide enough that it could take off a head in one chop, and the handle length must be an overall length of at least 36″. Anything shorter will require a tax stamp and ATF/Local law enforcement approval of course . . .

“You’ll need to take a safety course before purchasing your axe, and purchase some insurance. Then you’ll need to get a sign off from local law enforcement in order to take your axe off your property. You’ll have to show a need. When you do take that axe off the property, it must be securely encased, with the axe head separate from the handle during transport, and in a separate container. It must be completely concealed as well, so it doesn’t frighten anyone. It cannot be brought within a 1000 yards of schools, churches, sporting events, or any government property or parks as well. You can carry it openly if you are fishing or hunting, and too or from such activities, but only on a direct path.

“You also absolutely can’t carry an axe in DC, and it’s a bad idea in NJ.”

comments

  1. avatar Vhyrus says:

    I am pretty sure that is the picture next to the dictionary entry for ‘Axe murderer’.

    1. avatar SD3 says:

      He’s a nice boy. *yeeesh*……

    2. avatar John L. says:

      Those poor murdered axes … what did they ever do to him?

    3. avatar Henry Bowman says:

      Some call it a sling blade i call it a kaiser blade?

    4. avatar 16V says:

      If you can’t just see the pic and know that he’s psychotic, you’ve never actually met a psychotic.

    5. avatar The Trouble with Timbo says:

      I’m pretty sure this youth was turning his life around….

  2. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

    That is one scary looking dude.

  3. avatar Robert Inguaggiato says:

    I think those restrictions sound very familiar . I wonder where I’ve heard them before ?

    1. avatar WRH says:

      Canada?

    2. avatar Mark Lloyd says:

      When put in that context, it sure makes the argument for using any of it against gun rights, just that much less palatable.

      1. Axes don’t “just chop off”…unless Glock makes a Glock brand axe.

    3. avatar PubliusS says:

      Those are the new regs in the proposed AB666 bill, called Sharp Tool Safety Act 2015 by our favorite Democrat Tool of the Pantytwisting CA Elite, State Senator and Savior of LIVs, Kevin”Ghostgun”DeLeon.

      1. avatar American Idiot says:

        I thought that was the SHarp Implement Taxation Act?

  4. avatar Excedrine says:

    A face only a mother could love…

    1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

      Even mothers have limits.

      1. avatar CarlosT says:

        In this case, somewhere in the cervical vertebrae.

  5. avatar jwm says:

    A face only a mother could love.

    Dammit. Excedrine got the drop on me.

    1. avatar Geoff PR says:

      Yeah, but Russ had a great come-back…

      1. avatar jwm says:

        He usually does. Color me green with envy.

        1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

          😉

  6. avatar Paul G says:

    Let’s not even start talking about hatchets. The Francisca was banned in civilized nations in Europe, after all.

    1. avatar tmm says:

      What’s a hatchet? Is that something that is designed to be wielded with one hand? Is that something I can design to be wielded with one hand, but occasionally wield with two? What if I build a hatchet that has a grip on it, for extra gripping power? May I design and build a hatchet with two grips on it, one for a one handed chopping grip, the other farther up the handle for a choking grip for more precise work? How about a two-gripped handle that I design and build with the intention of gripping with two hands? What if both look the same to the naked eye? What if you could be charged with a crime for your thoughts?

      1. avatar Scottlac says:

        What about roofing hammers? It’s a hammer one one side and a hatchet blade on the other? Is it a hammer or a hatchet? If I hang it on my belt and my Carhard jacket covers the head does that make it concealed?

      2. avatar Steve Day says:

        If you change how the hatchet is held so that it can be held with two hands instead of the standard one-handed hatchet hold, then you are “redesigning” and thus “remanufacturing” the hatchet to be a concealable axe (even if it is bigger and far less concealable than an equally deadly butcher’s cleaver).

      3. avatar xqqme says:

        Uh-oh. A while back I had a cracked handle on my short-handled fire axe… the one with the picaroon on the end opposite the blade. I replaced the 16 inch handle with one just over two feet long. Since the blade wasn’t designed for the longer handle, which I can easily support on my shoulder whilst holding the knobbed end of the handle, have I created a problem for myself in remanufacturing my axe?
        .
        I also own more than one axe, so I guess that makes me an axe nut. Never mind that the fire axe comes in handy while manipulating wood in the fire pit while camping, or the hatchet is convenient for packing, or the all-steel one fits great beneath the back seat of the truck for emergencies. I’ve been told that nobody needs more than one axe.
        .
        Can’t offer to sell it on the interwebs, though… that might violate some requirement for a certified axe dealer and a bunch of federally mandated paperwork.

  7. avatar Mack Bolan says:

    The ground swell for axe banning hasn’t reached such a fervor since the Lizzie Borden incident.

    1. avatar JP says:

      Oh, you can’t chop your Mother up in Massachusetts, Massachusetts is a far cry from New York.

      1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

        The Truth About Axes; too much T&A…

    2. avatar Geoff PR says:

      “Lizzie Borden took an axe

      And gave her mother forty whacks

      When she saw what she had done

      She gave her father forty-one.”

      “Actually,the Bordens received only 29 whacks, not the 81 suggested by the famous ditty, but the popularity of the above poem is a testament to the public’s fascination with the 1893 murder trial of Lizzie Borden.”

      The Borden Crime Scene photos –

      http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/LizzieBorden/bordenphotos.html

  8. avatar lefty jason says:

    its not like there are that many axes so who cares? http://what-if.xkcd.com/90/

    dont forget to completely ban them in cities as well since nobody need them there (except where do you store it when you need it for camping?)

    spoken as a person who owns 7 “axes”. Eswing campers axe, 2 tomahawks, double bit axe, an adze (think axe with blade turned sideways), a felling axe, and a hatchet. would love to get a couple of gransfors bruks axes someday.

  9. avatar Scott says:

    Apparently the argument for banning weapons only applies to firearms. I would hope the foolishness that seems to follow gun violence incodents does not spill over into other more utilitarian devices. After all, there are far more deaths associated with blunt objects than firearms. While we’re at it, maybe we should ban baseball bats?

    1. avatar forrest says:

      No, but I’m all for banning footballs and basketballs. Recent news stories suggest that meerly touching footballs increases the desire to assault and rape young women. Baseball bats do not seem to have the same effect on people.

    2. avatar DickDanger says:

      *cough* Britain and pointy kitchen knives *cough*

  10. avatar Jake Tallman says:

    Jesus… That’s the kind of face you cross the country to avoid.

  11. avatar Eric says:

    Exactly perfect bit of writing
    Swift would be proud

  12. avatar Russ Bixby says:

    True story:

    In the ’90s, my truck sported a double-bitted axe with a 30″ handle, held in two broom clamps with the head centred in the rear window.

    When I lived (between deployments) in Colorado – a land with lots of occupied rifle racks, at least at that time – whenever I got pulled over for a light out (not an uncommon occurrence on an older AMC Jeep pickup) the officer’d invariably look at me askance and ask pointedly about the axe. Once they even pulled me over because of the axe.

    Go figure.

  13. avatar David says:

    I actually saw a man with a battle axe on his belt at the local Kroger last week. I see people openly carrying knives and guns all the time, but that was a first!

  14. avatar HeySpanky says:

    Wha…were, um… the comments at the bottom of the story sarcasm? I think I detected sarcasm…or was it common sense? Damn. I just can’t tell the difference anymore. Sigh.

  15. avatar G.P. Burdell says:

    Are we sure he used an axe and not a sling blade or maybe a Kaiser blade?

    1. avatar DickDanger says:

      some people call it a sling blade. I call it a Kaiser blade…

    2. avatar Russ Bixby says:

      Flying guillotine.

  16. avatar Dirk Diggler says:

    Shannon claims to have 5 kids. . . . more throws of the dice of life. . . . just saying. 🙂

  17. avatar Gov. William J. Le Petomane says:

    Nobody needs a double headed ax to kill a deer!

    1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

      A boar, however…

      1. avatar Gov. William J. Le Petomane says:

        Well, in Texas a wild boar is cause to bring in an A10 Warthog (pardon the pun). – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fairchild_Republic_A-10_Thunderbolt_II

    2. avatar Scott says:

      “If you want to protect yourself, get a double barreled shotgun.”
      -Joe Biden

      Biden has all kinds of helpful information on home defense.

      1. avatar Gov. William J. Le Petomane says:

        If you hear a threat outside, grab the double bladed ax, go out on the balcony and throw it in the air… oh never mind…

    3. avatar Jwestham2 says:

      To kill a deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer.

      Fyp

  18. avatar TheBroke1 says:

    Is it me and/or my take on the medications that they put these people on that once they either miss taking them or walk away from the side effects of them that seem to help put some over the edge? I guess sometimes in saying ” The Cure May Kill Ya ” Evidently there needs to be an adjustment to that saying and maybe the also the prescription side effects that. The Cure May Cause A Undesired/desired Effect of Wanting To Murder Those Around You and AnyOne Who Maybe in Your Present or Past Path which may also include Any Bystanders”
    Although there is still no excuses for the crimes and lack of any Empathy on those committing these Henous acts.

  19. avatar Bryce says:

    *in a few days*
    Sen. Kevin de Leon:
    “This is a ghost hatchet, capable with a three headed clip to disperse of four vikings every two seconds, we must serve the American people and ban these horrible assault machines for good.”

  20. avatar Former Water Walker says:

    Wow I have beautiful hickory handled ax not 2 feet from where I’m typing. And another in the bedroom. Just don’t ax me about all the other weapons I have stashed…

  21. avatar Stinkeye says:

    Yeesh, that mugshot. “HEEEEEEERRRRE’S JOHNNY!”

  22. avatar Hasdrubal says:

    ATF approval- Alcohol, Tobacco, and… Forestry?

    1. avatar Illinois Minion says:

      ATF = Alcohol, Tobacco and Failure.

      So much failure to regulate…..

      1. avatar Paul G says:

        But wait….an axe is a firearm. Haven’t you seen firefighters using them to arm themselves in fighting fires?

  23. avatar Jon says:

    Although it makes a good point, I doubt there are enough enough axe-owners among non-firearms owners for it to have an impact… and then there are the regulation-worshiping dill-holes who get an erection at the sound of it.

  24. avatar Jwestham2 says:

    If George Bush had a son….

    1. avatar Jwestham2 says:

      For the internet users that lack sarcasm, it was sarcastic.

  25. avatar scott says:

    Ban the medications he was on….you can tell he has been put on a heavy dose of something by his lock jaw like grin there. He was supposed to be normal until he was doped up by whatever antiphycotics he was put on.

    1. avatar JB says:

      That would be meth….no Rx there..

  26. avatar JB says:

    Drugs does dumb things to stupid people…

    I’d hazard a guess that he’s just not crazy, but a chemically induced phsychosis. According to a liberal, ‘drugs’ are a “victimless crime”. Yea, sure it is…….

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