Weekend Photo Caption Contest – Win an EyePal Kit

SoldiersAroundMaxims

As you may have noticed, I’ve been going through the swag box in recent weeks digging out prizes for the weekend caption contests. This week’s winner will get a pair of EyePal kit for your shooting glasses. Just enter the best comment by Sunday at midnight and it’s all yours.

comments

  1. avatar MiketheHopsFarmer says:

    So which end do we point at Ze Germans?

  2. avatar BLAMMO says:

    “What’s this ‘tax stamp’ of which you speak?”

  3. avatar blahpony says:

    Left guy: So, you’re saying this cup is bulletproof?

    Right guy: I’d stake your nuts on it.

  4. avatar Gov. William J. Le Petomane says:

    Dude, you don’t shoot a guy in the dick. That’s just, weak.

  5. avatar Russ Bixby says:

    It’s a good gun, but it isn’t made in France.

    Thanks, but no thanks…

  6. avatar JoshtheViking says:

    If you rub it too hard, it’ll go off :p

  7. avatar Marty the Lett says:

    Pierre, are you sure you want to proceed with this castration?

    1. avatar Ralph says:

      Castration? You fool! I said “circumcision.”

  8. avatar chris h says:

    Well men, we’ve armed ourselves and trained hard. Now we must devise a weapon for our children. I propose we use this. Since indiviually they cant carry a rifle we shall teach them the value of teamwork with this here crew served weapon.

  9. avatar Sammy says:

    Left center, Jedediah Bloomberg first showed signs of gun grabbing during his short military career.

  10. avatar SeanD says:

    (In a regal British accent)
    And now, I shall shoot this fine gentleman in his testicles!

  11. avatar Ed says:

    This feels hot and it’s huge too!

  12. avatar youzernayme says:

    101st Eugenics squadron

    or

    No twirlie mustaches were harmed during this training film

    Or

    “I’m gonna put my fake EOTech right here.”

  13. avatar Ed says:

    PS: Eye Pal rocks for all us guys that have trouble focusing on both sites and the target…….invented and marketed by a close friend and colleague………

  14. avatar Rick says:

    3mm to the right if you please Pierre’

  15. avatar Ing says:

    I have it on the best of authority — from the teenage inhabitants of my house — that the only people who call giveaway items “swag” anymore are old marketing/sales types trying to sound hip. (Hey, what a coincidence, I replied…I am an old marketing/sales writer trying to sound hip!)

    You want swag?! I’ve got your swag right here in my mitrailleuse!

  16. avatar Robert W. says:

    Don’t worry, rub as hard as you want, the jacket will keep all the hot fluid contained.

  17. avatar Gary Pope says:

    You! The tall one in front of the gun. Do you not know the first rule about gun safety?

  18. avatar Jay Wolf says:

    Ok so we buy this from the Germans and sell our Chauchat to the Americans.

  19. avatar DanV says:

    France 1913 – The first shall carry versus can carry debates.

  20. avatar Jason Byrne says:

    How many Frenchman does it take to defend France?
    Ten. One to man the mortar and 9 to stand around and wait for the Americans to come save their asses.

  21. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

    The platoon leaders are trying to figure out how to drop this while surrendering and not injure themselves.

  22. avatar JB says:

    Gentleman this is our new machine gun please notice it comes with no ammo as ammo is dangerous and it is very light for you to carry when we are running from the fight…oui oui

  23. avatar Marcus (Aurelius) Payne says:

    “Yes, yes ,yes, you’re not listening. I’m telling you the patent says ‘silencer,’ so that is the proper term!”

  24. avatar Mediocrates says:

    Striker or hammer fired?

  25. avatar Ralph says:

    Jamais me tirer dans les couilles. Ma mère m’a tiré dans les couilles fois. Ounce.

    1. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

      I had no idea Danny Vermin was French!

    2. avatar Geoff PR says:

      You mother did what once?

  26. avatar Eric L says:

    This is my rifle, this is my gun…..and thanks to science, I can’t tell them apart.

  27. avatar stokeslawyer says:

    Boys, you are about to witness the death of the Minie Balls…

  28. avatar Bullofspadez says:

    Just spit-balling here, No mans land, sounds good right?

  29. avatar jwm says:

    “What end do we tie the white rag to?”

    1. avatar Ralph says:

      Wrong war. Funny, but wrong war.

      1. avatar jwm says:

        It’s always the wrong war for the French.

  30. avatar Javier says:

    So that is the thing that goes up!

  31. avatar Christopher says:

    I will be here, on this end. You chaps run like hell in the direction you are facing.

  32. avatar Stuart Keough says:

    Are you sure this is the best way to avoid children?

  33. avatar jug says:

    Where is Nancy Pelosi when you need her?

  34. avatar joshua says:

    So you gonna trade me for that Hi-Point or what?

  35. avatar Marcus (Aurelius) Payne says:

    “You’re crazy! There’s no way we can insert and light fuses that fast, even with a crew this size!”

    Or do we only get one?

  36. avatar neiowa says:

    Jacques, this is a REAL machinegun. Made by dirty Boche and designed by a filthy American (spit spit). It has no beauty, no soul no ‘jena se qua’. We shall NOT but this despicable toy.

    We shall buy the Chauchat and the Hotchkiss and we will RULE THE WORLD. And will never have to see the Americans again.

  37. avatar AJ says:

    This French machine gun captured on the battlefield was found to still have factory cosmoline in the barrel.

  38. avatar Pieslapper says:

    I got a deal on it, never fired, only dropped once.

  39. avatar mtshootist1 says:

    Now explain again,Le General how we use this gun to shoot every fifth man for desertion, .pour encourager les autres

  40. avatar Bob says:

    “Yes, I am compensating for a small penis. Compensating rather well, I must say.
    PLEASE STOP STROKING THE END OF MY penis GUN!”

  41. avatar Matt in Maine says:

    You’re right, I should have gone with the big one.

  42. avatar Marcus (Aurelius) Payne says:

    “Zis must be how ze swiss do eet. Viva la fromage français!”

  43. avatar rogerthat says:

    If you would kindly remove your hand from the muzzle Mr. Hotchkiss, I intend to shoot this man in his wanger.

  44. avatar Gregolas says:

    “Now, as you place your hand on it and shout, ‘Hee-yulll !’ we will all pray for the obstruction to clear.”

  45. avatar Sabrewolfe says:

    As I will momentarily demonstrate on our friend here, this automatic castration gun is fully adjustable for patients of all heights…

  46. avatar C. says:

    “It’s not as if we’ll actually need to use it.”

  47. avatar Almost Esq. says:

    No one messes with a man with mustache and a machine gun!

  48. avatar JimmyDelta says:

    “And *this* is what we will be running away from, men. Its much easier to run away from this than a pistol or rifle dropped in the mud because its so easy to see over your shoulder when you look back!”

  49. avatar Joshua says:

    “Monsieur Favreau, although I do see your point of view in this discussion, you must see things from my perspective and mine includes the muzzle pointed at you sir.”

  50. avatar Lance F says:

    It shoots bullets too? I thought it was only good for frying bacon.

  51. avatar David says:

    So what you are saying is for 500 low payments of 49.99 this cab be mine…..

  52. avatar John L. says:

    Here, France’s long and illustrious history of scientific advancement is illustrated by the genesis of the Darwin Awards…

  53. avatar GR says:

    Just remember this, when the Germans approach, the white flag goes in this hole!!!!

  54. avatar Bud Harton says:

    Wait!

    How heavy is this thing? How can we be expected to drop our weapons and surrender if we can’t pick the damn thing up?

  55. avatar john osadnick says:

    Advanced French vasectomy procedure.

  56. avatar Tessius says:

    Touch it, Gentlemen I tell you this here weapon is made out of the finest Damascus Steel!
    Guaranteed to mow entire trenches of Germans down in half a second, using our fully patented 30 Caliber Clip Magazines!
    Get yours today, Only at de Leon Weapon Industries, Est 1898 Sacramento, CA

  57. “Ahn se weener es Rene”
    Last man to keep hand on the weapon wins 1 month vacation in Belgium.
    May 1, 1940

  58. avatar brdflu says:

    Sex change operations have come a long way…

  59. avatar CRAIG OZER says:

    If you don’t aim that gun in a safe direction, I just might nhave to join the women’s corps

  60. avatar rustybx says:

    1. After ‘the incident’ Francois changed the first rule of Safety Club.

    2. Please rabbi, just a little off the tip.

    3. Chuck Norris’ balls are so tough…

    4. Those are non-lethal rounds, right?

    5. Don’t shoot a guy in the dick, Butters! (South Park).

  61. avatar Scott Lloyd says:

    Insert propelled projectile cases into housing device A, insert housing device A into slot B, pull handle C and depress trigger lever D. And that’s how you make ready and operate the instant joy machine!

  62. avatar M Derleth says:

    Dude, its been like this for over 4 hours. I’m gonna call the doctor.

  63. avatar Boz says:

    Yes Philippe, it feels cool now, but you must urinate into the shroud or the weapon will overheat.
    No, Pierre will not laugh at you while you are peeing into it.

  64. avatar Alex Twitmyer says:

    Fig. 1: “To arouse the Maxim into fighting mode, stroke lightly for a period of 2 to 5 minutes.”

  65. avatar SpeleoFool says:

    “… and the second rule is: ‘Never let the muzzle cover anything you are not willing to destroy.’ So, tell me, Pierre, how is my wife?”

  66. avatar mountocean says:

    WWI watercooler talk was a bit more serious.

  67. avatar Forrestt C. says:

    A busted Ranger, burnt garlic bread, and keys locked in the truck. you think this will keep Nick off the ranch?

  68. avatar engineear says:

    “….and , Sir,…it’s part of the Swiss Army Knife, but in this position it slices, dices, aerates and exfoliates, all with one pull of the trigger!”

  69. avatar engineear says:

    ” Au contraire, mon Capitan! eet ees so round, so firm, so…so…fully packed! Yes? You see..I put zee boolette’, or how does one say..boolettes’…into zee shambaire..pool back on zee charge hand-ell..give a leetle skaweeez on zee tree-gaire and…a poof poof poof…away go zee Hunzwieger! Nes par?”

  70. avatar Don says:

    “insert your member here, like so…”

  71. avatar Nate says:

    “So, this is the point from where we start our retreat.”

  72. avatar eric mutchler says:

    Seriously Bob, this is the fastest way to get a sex change!

  73. avatar kbad says:

    “We’re all career military with at least 10 years each, you can’t tell me that we don’t know anyone who knows how to shoot this….thing”

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