Gun Review: Kellogg’s Pop-Tart Pistol

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(This is a reader gun review contest entry, click here for more details – enter by December 26th!)

By Aaron James

After more than 100 years spent focused on food manufacturing, Kellogg’s waded into uncharted waters last year with the introduction of their new line of pistols, simply called Pop-TartsGiven the challenges of an already crowded market, it was a brave move. I decided to pick up their flagship model to see if Kellogg’s Pop Tart has what it takes to hang with the big boys, or if it’s simply a marketing gimmick designed to cash in on the ever-expanding industry. After a quick trip to the QuikTrip, I had the hot little pastry in hand. I went straight home to get the lowdown on their fresh new offering. The results were somewhat surprising . . .

Strawberry_Pop_Tarts

Overall Appearance
The packaging of the Pop-Tart is bright and crisp. The model I went for is chambered in strawberry filling (a caliber I’m not familiar with). It’s also offered in gauges ranging from blueberry to ground cinnamon, should those tickle your fancy.

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Opening the device revealed surprise #1: some modification of the weapon is required before it will function properly. I called the customer service number on the back of the package to see if maybe I had mistakenly received a pre-production model or prototype. The operator was of no assistance, so I decided to soldier on using nothing but my considerable firearms experience as a guide.

I was struck by the size, or lack thereof in certain measurements. Length and height are roughly comparable to most micros and derringers currently available, but the width is stunningly slim 0.375”.  That’s only ⅜”!  All those decades spent cramming maximum calories into sugary breakfast cereals have apparently really paid off in the R&D on this gun.

Fit and Finish
In a word: flashy.

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I guess they were going for the flourishing female market in this gun’s design, because this thing looks like it was bedazzled by a 7-year-old. Some may appreciate the loud exterior, but as for me, I’m not impressed. Worse yet, the colorful appearance wasn’t applied evenly —  heavy in some places, almost non-existent in others. I’m not sure if they were attempting a GLOCK nibs-style grip surface or if they truly had a child spray paint the one I got.

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Disassembly
The good news: it’s very easy to disassemble. The bad news: once broken down, it stays that way. It’s a bit like frying an egg; you know all the parts are still there from when you started, but there’s no way it’ll ever go back to the way it was. I spent nearly an hour trying to get it back the way it came out of the box, but to no avail. One positive note is that it doesn’t require a trigger pull to field strip it. And speaking of the trigger….

Handling Characteristics
Something’s not quite right with the Pop-Tart’s go-pedal. I just can’t quite put my finger on it.

PopTartGunjpg

What’s the word I’m looking for…mushy? Yeah, it’s mushy. I didn’t have my fish scales handy to test the weight, which turned out to be a moot point anyway, because I had no way of knowing what constituted its breaking point.  No clicks, no clacks, no bells; nothing. As for re-set forget about it. There’s virtually no way to tell when you’re good to go for follow-up shots. Which brings us right to the most damning critique thus far….

It Wouldn’t Fire
No ifs, ands, or bangs about it. My Pop-Tart pistol just would not fire. I couldn’t manage to send a single round downrange. I jiggled it, wiggled it, even rubbed it in that special place my wife told me about, but the damn thing refused to shoot. It’s just as well I suppose, as given its thin profile, it would probably make it a bear to hang onto during double-taps.

Summary
I give Kellogg’s credit for taking a bold step into a new market, but this pistol is not a winner. While it has some features that make it unique, there are simply too many execution errors to overlook (the inability to fire a projectile being the most egregious). Given that, I can’t in good conscience recommend that anyone — of any age — rely on the Pop-Tart pistol for personal protection.

Specifications:

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MSRP: $.69

Ratings (out of five stars):

 Style * * *

All that bling may not be your cup of tea (it’s not really mine), but there’s something to be said for getting away from the same old boring Tenifer or Melonite finish.

Ergonomics (carry) * * * * *

There are a lot of guns out there that have sold themselves based on their svelte profiles. The KelTec P3AT and Double-Tap come immediately to mind as two super-slim entries. But none of them are even in the same ballpark as the Pop-Tart’s .375″. Slip one in your pocket and you’ll never know it’s there.

Ergonomics (firing) *

That thinness that works so well in terms of carry and concealment is a definite drawback when firing the Pop-Tart postal. Well, it would be if I could have gotten it to fire. Probably.

Customize this * * *

This one’s a mixed bag. Since by its nature you can craft your Pop-Tart gun into almost any shape revolver or pistol your imagination (and incisors) can dream up, it’s almost infinitely configurable. But trying to attach a laser, light, or a set of Tritium night sights was pretty much a disaster. I wouldn’t recommend it.

Overall

I’m a big fan of the Pop-Tart pistol. I really am. Which is why it’s ultimately such a disappointment. It’s ultra-affordable, fun to put together, and very distinctive-looking. And it’s built for just about everyone (other than possibly type 2 diabetics). Still, based on the fact that it ultimately failed to fire every time I tried, I had to give this thing zero stars. I sincerely hope the next model out of Battle Creek is more successful.

comments

  1. avatar H says:

    Dude while it will go through airport security, it is guaranteed to get you suspended from school!

  2. avatar Farmer Tyler says:

    Does the ATF consider these 80% complete when you buy them?

    1. avatar One If By Land 1776 says:

      They do, except when they want to raid you, then they don’t….or if they are manufactured by Ares Armor, then they defiantly do not. All depends upon who get get on any given day.

  3. avatar Mike says:

    Winner. But tell me, is it California legal? Does it have 10 Rd mags?

    1. avatar S.CROCK says:

      Are you kidding me? It’s not ca legal for a whole host of reasons. For starters it’s not on the “approver roster list” and it has a higher caloric capacity than allowed.

      1. avatar Ken says:

        And all of the ingredients are on CA’s know cancer-causing agent list.

  4. avatar Avid Reader says:

    Nice. I look forward to the YouTube review, especially the unboxing.

  5. avatar Sixpack70 says:

    NIce! I had a good chuckle out of this one. I am glad I had an empty coffee cup or my laptop might be having some problems right now.

  6. avatar John M. says:

    Winner.

  7. avatar DickG says:

    I understand that Kellogg’s has a secret caliber designed especially for meth cooks. It provides maximum protection from intrusion by those pesky pol-lice while minimally effecting the user due to lack of olfactory sensors.
    .
    I am loath to reveal the caliber to the outside world, but alas, I must: “TomCatPiss filling”
    .

  8. avatar KingSarc48265 says:

    The nutrition facts posted under specifications was absoutely hilarious. I wish I thought to do this.

  9. avatar Paul G says:

    Best gun review ever!!! Made my mouth water!!

  10. avatar Tim says:

    Great review. I look forward to reading your reviews of the hand-held-in-the-shape-of-a-gun, the picture-of-a-gun, the saying-the-word-“gun”-gun, and the Helly Kitty Bubble Gun.

  11. avatar Accur81 says:

    I have a Christmas wish – send this to the idiotic administrators who suspended the pop tart violator.

    1. avatar Sivartius says:

      Well, you can send an email to the school district at comments@aacps.org Unfortunately, the Superintendant who was in charge is now at Prince George’s County School district.

    2. avatar Michael C says:

      I’ll 1-up your wish. We need to send this to Shannon Watts at Moms Demand Action. Maybe they will waste a month or two trying to bully Kellogg’s into discontinuing Pop-Tarts, For The Children ya know. That would be just as effective at reducing violence as anything else they try to do.

  12. avatar Model66 says:

    This was awesome! I’m glad that you did not review a chocolate PopTart. The black ones are unnecessarily scary looking.

    1. avatar NJ2AZ says:

      you mean the Assault Pop tarts??

    2. avatar Independent George says:

      Racist.

  13. avatar IH8CT says:

    Well done, sir.

  14. avatar jwm says:

    Aaron James. Excellent and informative review. I look forward to your reviews of the “finger gun” and “umbrella rifle”.

    1. avatar SCIENCE! says:

      Seconded. Regarding “finger gun” and “umbrella rifle” reviews, I will beg if necessary.

  15. avatar MJones says:

    Best article on TTAG ever.

  16. avatar LC Judas says:

    I especially loved the very believable confusion that it doesn’t fire. I needed a pick me up this morning and this…did it.

  17. avatar Brian says:

    If this doesn’t win I’m going to throw a fit!

  18. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

    Dang. I’m still laughing.
    Awesome!

  19. avatar Chip Bennett says:

    Think of the possibilities, though. Talk the Battle Creek brass into introducing a model chambered in garlic, and you can use this bad boy against vampires.

  20. avatar Another Robert says:

    can’t….stop….laughing…..

  21. avatar Another Robert says:

    PS–Maybe it wouldn’t fire because he assembled it incorrectly–he obviously didn’t use his teeth….

  22. avatar Lucas D. says:

    Psh, that old thing’s time has come and gone. Any serious PotG would tell you that the Pillsbury Toaster-Strudel Pistol is clearly the superior firearm. You can dunk it in milk or completely cover it in frosting for ten minutes and it’ll still be just as tasty. All my pastry guns are PILLSBURY brand PILLSBURY!

    1. avatar OODAloop says:

      Of course the strudel is superior as it’s based on the Austrian original. Honestly, I would have expected better from a company based in *Battle Creek*.

  23. avatar CML says:

    I suggest we reopen the vote for pistol of the year. This would easily beat the P320. Well done review!

    1. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

      Beats the remington R-51 by a frosting slide!

  24. It is a lot prettier than my Glock, especially with the sprinkles. I also like the lack of an external safety and the short break in period. I prefer the brown sugar cinnamon because the internals match FDE color.
    Even though it does not fire, just knowing that, can be helpful in a DGU. I would rather carry this gun than a Remington R51.

  25. avatar Matt G says:

    Deserving of a most excellent belly laugh!

  26. avatar 357M28 says:

    Did the QuikTrip make you fill out a Form 4473?

    1. avatar LC Judas says:

      Of course not. It was unfinished and unserialized. Now, our poster did in fact finish the product in his home but it can remain unserialized as long as it remains in his sole possession.

      1. avatar Other Don says:

        Ahhhh….he bought it as an 80% pop tart gun!

      2. avatar JoeVK says:

        I think you meant “uncerealized”.

  27. avatar blahpony says:

    I was chuckling through the whole article.

    I lost it at the “specifications”.

  28. avatar dlj95118 says:

    …well done! But, will it blend?

  29. avatar Mark says:

    Very well done! Great read.

    I’m guessing Micheal Bloomburg is having his staff snatch up MAPTG.com/org/net as we read this. Mayors Against Pop-Tart Guns will be holding their first rally at the headquarters of Kellogg’s later this month.

  30. avatar SteveInCO says:

    How does the reviewer expect the gun to fire when he didn’t load it?

    Honestly, TTAG has some really boneheaded reviewers. Worthless gun reviews.

    (/sarc, of course, but we all know the type of commenter I’m satirizing, threatening to rage quit because we dissed his favorite gun or didn’t slam a polymer pistol for being polymer.)

  31. avatar Anonymous says:

    Liking it – I agree. Winner.

    1. avatar Cameron B says:

      Winner. So much win.

  32. avatar Smith says:

    Kinda drug on. I got bored quickly. Sorry

  33. avatar Gunr says:

    I’m afraid my tired old arthritic hands would not be able to handle the recoil from such a formidable looking weapon!

  34. avatar Detroit 45-9 says:

    Give him the prize now. Well done on a piece others may have toasted!

  35. avatar LongBeach says:

    I have never enjoyed being trolled so much in my entire life. That was epic.

  36. avatar ropingdown says:

    “but the damn thing refused to shoot”

    Nice review of a very popular weapon. The failure-to-fire is a common result in all Caliber Strawberry Filling models, so common they call it the Strawberry Jam. Once you break down the Pop-Tart, the thing is pretty much toast. Fancy toast, but toast. Moms Demand Action received a pre-assembled model in the mail. The enclosed note just said “you want action? Here’s an action, fully baked: Eat it.” Pushing the limits of concealability naturally leads to a crummy weapon. Stomach carry is obviously going to involve frequent misfeeds.

  37. avatar Ralph says:

    Strawberry is a weak caliber suitable only for small women and little children. Prune is the only way to go.

    1. avatar Geoff PR says:

      A Prune Pop-Tart will result in a negligent discharge.

      Several times…

      1. avatar Phil COV says:

        Hahaha!

    2. avatar SteveO says:

      Prune . . . a warrior’s caliber!

  38. avatar John Fritz - HMFIC says:

    So can you FrogLube that thing?

    I see issues with fouling. ‘though probably not until you have a few hundred rounds down the pipe. Be that as it may.

  39. avatar Sammy says:

    Does it incorporate the new Bean-o noise suppressor?

  40. avatar IdahoPete says:

    BAD BOY! BAD GUN!!! Go directly to the Principal’s Office! You are gonna be suspended forever!

  41. avatar Ken says:

    I can hear Kellogg’s attorneys discussing the upcoming lawsuit from what I am.

    1. avatar Ken says:

      Where. That what should be “where”. And where did my 4 minute edit button go?

  42. avatar Bob says:

    Funny. Pop tart gun. Some disassembly required. Does not go pop.

  43. avatar Former Water Walker says:

    Did TTAG turn into a better version of the onion? Anyway I think I have that very gun in stock!

  44. avatar Geoff PR says:

    “I jiggled it, wiggled it, even rubbed it in that special place my wife told me about, but the damn thing refused to shoot.”

    Now *that* was un-expected…

  45. avatar forrest says:

    I’m just surprised nobody’s mentioned him running a pop tart through a laser cutter for this article. I didn’t read a word after that photo, I just laughed at the fact that someone made a 1911 out of a pastry with anything other than their teeth.

    +1 for the photo alone!

  46. avatar Madcap_Magician says:

    Sorry, everyone else can quit now. This guy wins.

  47. avatar yacope says:

    You winz the internetz today! Great review!

  48. avatar NJ2AZ says:

    this was very solid. great write up!

  49. avatar JR_in_NC says:

    Nicely done.

  50. avatar 5Spot says:

    Expect the prices to come down. The market has been flooded with them since Newtown.

  51. avatar Swarf says:

    *slow clap*

    Very well done. Kudos

  52. avatar Other Don says:

    I don’t know if I agree with this review……Gun and Ammo gave this model five stars in every category……right after the two page Kellogg’s ad.

    1. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

      OH, Snap!

  53. avatar Garands r Grand says:

    If you go to Costco you can get the high capacity type.

  54. avatar TheOtherDavid says:

    I may have missed the entire point of this article, but I am confused. Isn’t the pop tart actually only a sub-assembly for a larger incendiary–based device? I thought this was to fit into one of the two loading chambers for a standard household toaster, the electric cord does limit your mobility, but once one duct-tapes down the toaster trigger, to allow high continuous heat for combustion, the end result is quite impressive.

    Even if he is a member of the main stream comedy media, Dave Barry already provided detailed instructions on assembling such a flame-based toaster pastry device, and I believe on the inter-tubes there are videos of the destructive pyrotechnic power of the simple pop tart.

    (Well done sir…you had me at the spec sheet!)

  55. avatar Alex P. says:

    At least it functions better than an R51, its not even edible!

  56. avatar MFirepower says:

    Contest over, this has to be the winner!

  57. avatar RT says:

    Standing O. Bravo!!!

  58. avatar Sean N says:

    This is my favorite so far.
    But being me, I do have complaints.

    Have you put at least 200 through it? If so, where are the targets?
    You have a typo. Right there. Postal, where it should say pistol. Where the hell was the editor here? This isn’t amateur hour. People are reading TTAG, not Cracked. Lets get it sorted.

    Well done Aaron. I enjoyed it greatly.
    (Oh, also, I have kids who might hear me using this pistol, is there a suppressed option? That wrapper seems loud)

  59. avatar Chris says:

    Pure win!

  60. avatar Roymond says:

    I doubt its utility here in the Pacific Northwest, where resistance to the effects of humidity is extremely important. I don’t think I could rely on one in the rain.

    1. avatar TheOtherDavid says:

      “My toaster pastry’s melting, in the dark,
      All the sweet frosting and sprinkles, flowing down,
      Someone left the Pop Tart in the rain,
      I don’t think that I can take it
      ‘Cause it took so long to bake it
      And I’ll never have that firearm again…..
      Oh no!”

      MacArthur Park has to be pretty much my least favorite song of all time…but my wife insisted on a Pop Tart in the rain verse….

  61. avatar Marcus (Aurelius) Payne says:

    This was awesome.

  62. avatar James Oddie says:

    Here’s a cool idea: making homemade gun-shaped cookies. Like animal cookies, but in the shape of distinct firearms.
    I use a cookie cutter to cut a shape of an AK-47, an AR-15 or even a pistol into the dough and then have a charity bake sale in a gun rally or near a gun shop or Kroger. I could even upload an ad advertising for these gun cookies:
    “Hmm…these gun-shaped pop-tarts taste like crap…maybe I can help. Gun cookies!”

  63. avatar Taylor TX says:

    This. Was. Awesome.

    Definitely a winner for me.

  64. avatar Chuck in IL says:

    I always like to say comedy is hard. And it is, but this made me laugh, and so did most of the comments.

  65. avatar Phil COV says:

    Great review! Though I think we’d all like to see it in 45ACP.

  66. avatar James Oddie says:

    Speaking of pop-tart guns,…

    https://www.etsy.com/listing/159602703/ak47-cookie-cutter-made-to-order-j0106

    I think I found my cookie cutter right ‘ere.

  67. avatar Ing says:

    Not appropriate for Type 2 diabetics… Crap. There’s always a catch.

    Aside from that detail, this is my favorite gun review ever.

  68. avatar Independent George says:

    Ding ding ding ding ding!!!

    I think we have our winner.

  69. avatar Mike says:

    So I just picked one up yesterday but because of work I didn’t get to take it to the range right away. This morning along with some coffee I desided to assemble it. It didn’t take to long but I did have the same issue. I could not get it to fire. I tried slapping the mag and even dropping it. I thought it might no be well lubricated so I tried so aftermarket vanilla ice cream. Still Nothing would do it. If anyone has any ideas please let me know. Maybe my local gun smith can do some work to it. I’ll check some forums in the meantime.

  70. avatar yonason says:

    That pic on top looks more to me like a B2 Stealth Bomber.

    You guys are playing with real fire here! 🙂

  71. avatar Cinnamon Joe says:

    I’m sick and tired of latest-newfangled-thing fanboys going on and on about the superior properties of their self-defense pastries. I use cinnamon toast. Always have. Always will. It gets the job done and has been around for over 100 years. It was good enough to whip the Kaiser, the Nazis and Tojo’s bunch. It’s tried and tested. Jeff Cooper ate cinnamon toast.

    1. avatar SteveInCO says:

      Yeah, all those people with their cheez whiz guns, thinking they’re better than cinnamon toast. Well we know better. They didn’t come up with the phrase “greatest thing since sliced bread” for nothing.

  72. avatar GuyFromV says:

    I read that in feudal Japan, the shadowy Umami baker clans mouth-crafted a type of flatbread handloaded with tetrodotoxin from the pufferfish. They disguised these, so they could be carried without reprisal by the Shogun, as a common katana or wakizashi.

  73. avatar TT says:

    You just need to send it back to Kellog’s. They’ll take a look at it, figure out its failure to fire was a rare anomaly, and get it fixed up for you. You can then update your review, and give the pistol five stars.

  74. avatar Chris says:

    It looks pretty sweet to me:)

  75. avatar Jacob says:

    Can anyone tell me if a permit is required to carry this in Indiana?

  76. avatar Dark says:

    35 Carbohydrates is a ridiculous amount of barrel length! And the WEIGHT! oh dear god, THIS is a diabeticopkiller!

  77. avatar David says:

    This reviewer is missing the point. I’ve carried the PTG for years. He left out a lot of things that us average Joe Americans want. Sure they’re cheap. Even more importantly you can buy them almost anywhere. Heck, you can buy the things at the grocery store. I bought a pack of six of them myself yesterday. The case they came in was cheap and didn’t have room for any accessories but the PC crowd will like that it is recyclable.

    The most important thing is the fact that you can legally purchase the PTG in all 50 states and without a permit. You can legally carry it anywhere and even the TSA gropers won’t give you a second look. Heck, you can even let your kids carry the thing. The only credible threat out there is the sugar-grabber-in-chief of the socialist republic of New York.

    Yeah, I’ve never had to fire the thing on the street but I’ve spent enough days at work wearing the remnants of misfires on my shirt to know that the thing will fire. I wouldn’t call it reliable and it ain’t no 44 cal but I’m not gonna get that 44 into my 5 year old’s school Barney party either am I? I’ll take the PTG over nothing any day.

    My guess is the reviewer is a Glock-snob who needs to get out from behind his desk and see the PTG for what it is. Trust me, the PTG is in better taste than any gun I’ve tried unless you like the after burn of Eezox.

  78. avatar Ben S. says:

    Best review! Hope he wins the bacon maker!

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