Irresponsible Gun Owner of the Day: John Richard Valenzuela

It all started, I suppose, with a simple yet familiar cry: YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP! Actually, it all started with drinking (surprise surprise). And then, mutual accusations of cheating. (Nothing B9 there.) When his competitor decided to leave the playing field. Mr. Valenzuela grabbed the unnamed 17-year-old female relative by the hair, dragged her back into his trailer – hopefully after wiping his feet – and held a rifle to her head. The cops played a location game of their own and rescued the aggrieved gamer. As Mr. V attempts to raise 10 Gs (cash only) to secure his release we can only wonder if he’ll get access to the Milton Bradley’s military adventure behind bars.

comments

  1. avatar Lucas D. says:

    Hopefully, this moron’s cellmate will be sinking his Destroyer every night for the next few months.

    1. avatar v v ind says:

      Hopefully the new cellmate is a “rear admiral”…..

  2. avatar Ralph says:

    Mr. Valenzuela in the trailer with a rifle? Maybe he was playing “Clue.”

    1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

      Clueless, more like.

  3. avatar Conway Redding says:

    This man’s reported behavior sounds less like irresponsibility and more like deliberate assholery. Give me a break, here.

    1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

      I agree; he’s a criminal who used a gun and an asswipe.

      IGOTD is in my opinion for peeps who do stupid sh¡t which might or might not be unintentionally criminal.

      Funny story, though. “You sunk my firearms rights!”

  4. avatar ropingdown says:

    Having seen the photo of Mr. Valenzuela and the trailer, and assuming the girl went to the trailer voluntarily, she still isn’t safe. She apparently requires a brain transplant.

    1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

      When someone has one by the hair, “voluntarily” ain’t really happening.

      1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

        EDIT: Somehow, I suspect that “back” in this instance does not refer to whence the girl.

  5. avatar Russ Bixby says:

    Jesus.

    Y’know, the part that really torques my jaw is the bail amount.

    Personal revelation:

    In ’87 I was a line electrician for a place that made modular buildings – the commercial equivalent to mobile homes.

    My tools [and company tools, and Joe’s tools, and…] kept growing legs, and finally I’d had enough and planted an innocuous little trap. I wired a small explosive noisemaker inside my box, put a dime store toy lock on it and wrote on the top in English, Spanish and Korean “If you fu¢k with my tools, I fuck with you face.” “You,” not your; I was being cute.

    Sure enough, someone popped it, defenestrated himself from the tool shack and achieved instantaneous notoriety.

    Unfortunately for me, he also bruised a metacarpal on the shelf above my box when he yanked his hand back and immediately claimed workman’s comp. As an aside, I’d sprained an ankle – turns out it was a hairline fracture – fashioned myself a cane from a 1×2 and kept on working; I had a coach to finish.

    Switch to present tense for no good reason, and…

    He tells the intake nurse at the clinic that he was injured when “a bomb” went off. She calls the police, they call me and Bob’s yer uncle I’m on the wrong side of the bars with my bond set at – wait for it – $300,000, which in ’87 was still some serious moolah. For setting off a firecracker out of season.

    Yeah, it was eventually laughed out of court and strangely the tools stopped disappearing because [gasp] the “victim” and his gal had skipped town. That’s also why I wasn’t forced to pay restitution.

    $10k for armed assault? In 2014 dollars?!? Feh!

  6. avatar Russ Bixby says:

    Jesus.

    Y’know, the part that really torques my jaw is the bail amount.

    Personal revelation:

    In ’87 I was a line electrician for a place that made modular buildings – the commercial equivalent to mobile homes, used as offices, classrooms and so on.

    My tools [and company tools, and Joe’s tools, and…] kept growing legs, and finally I’d had enough and planted an innocuous little trap. I wired a small explosive noisemaker inside my box, put a dime store toy lock on it and wrote on the top in English, Spanish and Korean “If you fu¢k with my tools, I fu¢k with you face.” “You,” not your; I was being cute.

    Sure enough, someone popped it, defenestrated himself from the tool shack and achieved instantaneous notoriety.

    Unfortunately for me, he also bruised a metacarpal on the shelf above my box when he yanked his hand back and immediately claimed workman’s comp. As an aside, I’d sprained an ankle – turns out it was a hairline fracture – fashioned myself a cane from a 1×2 and kept on working; I had a coach to finish.

    Switch to present tense for no good reason, and…

    He tells the intake nurse at the clinic that he was injured when “a bomb” went off. She calls the police, they call me and Bob’s yer uncle I’m on the wrong side of the bars with my bond set at – wait for it – $300,000, which in ’87 was still some serious moolah. For setting off a firecracker out of season.

    Yeah, it was eventually laughed out of court and strangely the tools stopped disappearing because [gasp] the “victim” and his gal had skipped town. That’s also why I wasn’t forced to pay restitution.

    $10k for armed assault, endangering a minor et cetera? In 2014 dollars?!? Feh!

    1. avatar Geoff PR says:

      So, did you have to cough up 10 percent of the $300,000 to bail your ass out?

      1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

        Nope; didn’t have it. Had to wait ’til I could tell it to the Judge.

        That’s three weeks I’ll never get back.

  7. avatar Russ Bixby says:

    Hey RF?

    The way in which WordPress is now treating iPad users is shameful.

    If the idea is to get iPad users – presumably phag-lovin’, commie, pinko, left-leaning, Libatard, latte-drinking, Obama-sympathizing, bearded Democtats such as my humble self – to not comment, it’s working.

    Not ’cause I wouldn’t care to, but because it’s darned near impossible.

    Help…?

    1. avatar Ralph says:

      Russ, I’m a phag-lovin’, fascist, Republican, right-leaning, gun-nut, Bourbon-drinking, Obama-despising, bearded Independent Libertarian. I use my iPad all the time to post comments here and I’ve never had a problem. Not one. Ever.

      1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

        Hmmm… It might be the machine, then, but it works elsewhere; weird.

        Thanks.

        P.S. I do love bourbon and firearms, am less than pleased with Obama lin Biden and consider myself to be generally Libertarian; however, since I sometimes get pigeonholed ’round here, I thought I’d have some fun with it.

  8. avatar Jonathan - Houston says:

    Isn’t this guy an example of the kind of impromptu loss of control, which doesn’t mix well with firearms possession, that the antis are always warning us of and presenting as reason not to allow firearms into certain venues?

    I’m not saying I agree with them or that their point isn’t outweighed by other factors, such as my right to keep and bear arms, but do they at least have a valid point?

    1. avatar Lucas D. says:

      The only points they may have are in the box of crayons issued to them by their handlers. The guy was raving drunk when he did that, and a big part of responsible firearms handling is to never mix guns and excessive alcohol; great by themselves, but together they make a very bad cocktail.

    2. avatar Russ Bixby says:

      They’ve a point of sorts, but it’s not relevant as it is unactionable unless one presupposes that a significant portion of he population is irresponsible. In such case, the argument may then be widened to cars, kitchen knives and lawn darts.

      They tried outlawing alcohol; that worked out rather well.

      We may expect the same thing if they attempt to outlaw firearms; there’ll be blood in the streets drawn by flying gin bottles.

    3. avatar Royal Tony says:

      You can’t regulate the asshole out of people, that much is for sure. From what I can tell, if this guy didn’t have a rifle he would’ve beat her with his fists or something else.

  9. avatar LordGopu says:

    The story made a lot of sense when I reached the word “trailer”. I know not all trailer parks are like this but the bad ones really bring down the reputation.

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