Enter the best comment by Sunday at midnight and you’ll win a Streamlight TLR-3 rail-mounted flashlight. Go!
Hey Baby! Always remember, My Schwartz is bigger than yours.
You’ll poke your eye out kid.
This is the new style “Man hole” cover. When you go on a date, you place it about eight or nine inches below your belly button
Don’t worry baby, my other gun is bigger!
Honey, I finally found the Trojan Enz that will fit you.
everybody sing along now…
Lady: **Giggle** “I’m sorry, but why is your gun so small?”
Man: “I was in the pool! I was in the pool!!!”
Good news son you won, here is your award. That’s great, but what in the hell is it, can I get second place?
It’s just a prototype, but I really think this new diaphragm is going to improve our sex life!
Thor Heyerdahl using ancient bronze artifacts to pick up SoCal archeology majors…
and it worked.
The first IUD devices were a little too large to be practical, but that didn’t stop the sponsors from launching an advertising campaign in the summer of 1934 with a theme of “Be Safe With Your Partner In the Water, and Out of the Water.”
Here’s the prize for the wingshooting contest.
Dan Zimmerman hands out 1st prize after his “Why I adovacate for swim carry” contest.
“Ms. Smith, here is the new, compact shield”, said Mr. Wesson.
Hey Sis, I heard your dating Ron Jeremy. I thought you should replace that old diaphragm with something more appropriately sized.
The look on her face says “I should have known this was what you meant by ‘protection’ as soon as I noticed your shorts were shorter than mine.”
Stefan begrudgingly relinquished his “Nair’s Silkiest Legs in Short Shorts” award to Lauren…
Take this shield. You will need it to protect yourself from the huge bird that pooped all over that wall.
I found it in the desert near Roswell, NM. It glows and vibrates when I see Mars in the night sky. What could it be?
With guns like these, I don’t need to carry anything larger.
Since MDA won’t let you open carry like me, at least take this over sized award to hit someone with.
Considering the high cost of ammo, the Sealskin Corp awarded Wanda the PennySaver prize for the innovation of clubbing the baby seals to death.
When I say ‘pull’, i want you to whip this up in the air like a frisbee…. so I can pretend to shoot it down….
It’s nice, honey – but I wanted an M&P Shield!
Congratulations – you’re my new plate carrier.
– The first plate carrier
– Hitler Youth are weird
– If feminine shield products were designed by men
– Awkward wedding photos
– People of Wall Maria (not a typo)
Here is your new M&P Shield.
While this might be a gun free zone, we forgot to make a law banning knives.
“Gee, Mister, you don’t look much like Captain America…and this shield feels like plaster, not Vibranium. I don’t think it’d be a good idea to take a sauna with you…”
Honey, I can explain all of this. Just hold this while I go look for my pants.
“Come back with your shield or on it”
Honey, I’m just going to Walmart
IT’S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE! TAKE THIS.
” Thank you Miss, but Aquaman doesn’t need a shield, very difficult to swim with.. Try Captain America.”
Yes Ms. Watts. It’s a new lead life jacket we had made in honor of your contributions to national sovereignty and personal freedom.
I’ll call you when the little hand is on the 6 and the big hand is on the 12.
Ashley, a proud supporter of the 2nd amandment, would conceal carry up until she hit the starting line. Her coach would hold her .38 revolver during her race and promptly return it after she had dried off.
Steven gladly accepts the short shorts plaque of excellence.
They call this diaphragm the “Bermuda Triangle” because it makes all the semen disappear.
“Jerry wanted to get flowers, but his pals insisted a toilet seat cover was the best way to catch a girl’s heart when asking her out.”
Lifeguard: It does note mean what Timmy thinks it means.
“Honey, you gave me this sh*t eatin grin. I wanted to give you this first place squid eating plaque!”
Congratulations Ione, you won. I was able to get the Russian judge to rethink that 10th of a point deduction of his.
This surveillance photo shows the lengths re-loaders are willing go to smuggle lead under The White House and EPA’s noses.
Since the girls campus is against concealed carry, pepper spray, and stun guns take this shield it’s the only protection the liberals haven’t outlawed yet.
“Ḕ tā̀n ḕ epì tâs”
Aw mom, lighten up, I just snagged an extra role in a sword and sandals flick. The director said I might be the next Victor Mature if I’m ‘cooperative’.
Well… One of us is gonna have to change.
Hatch cover from the spaceship Obola arrived in!
Excuse me miss, pool security here. Have you seen anyone that looks like this person?
“A Gun?? Don’t be silly, no one needs a gun.
Here, have one of the new safety devices our Gun Violence Prevention Group has created…. just hit any mugger over the head with that. And if they have a gun, you can use that as a shield to protect yourself while you run away. ~lol~ why would anyone need anything as primitive as a gun…..”
“So this is what we call a starter clay…”
After long thought and thorough vetting, Shannon Watts gilded the Eunuch Of The Year this past weekend. The ceremony took place in the alley adjacent to Kroger’s and was attended by no one…
Can we submit multiple entries? (This is not an entry)
Yes my form WAS perfect, you try it with this thing strapped to you.
In honor to your devotion to wearing a prophylactic for a hat I am bestowing upon you the emperor’s toilet seat
I would like to present to you the plaque on behalf of Mothers Against Dolphin Rape…
“Okay, who’s compensating NOW?!!”
Yea, this came off the top of a Rommel’s panzer, I swear
I won’t be needing this plate in my head anymore…..
“Our Gun Violence Prevention Group has come to the conclusion that women with guns will only harm themselves….. so here is our new self-defense device to keep you safe.”
Anti-Gunners are drowning? Quick, throw them this!
“I’m sorry, but after the new gun-ban laws, this is the only self defense weapon we can offer you.”
“Yes, we at Moms Demand Action are familiar with the M&P Shield, and we believe responsible moms should only carry this kind of shield. It’s for the kids.”
here’s your cervical cap. and by the way, i’m thor.
you’re thor? i can hardly walk!
“Mr. Hughes, my daughter is fourteen and understands nothing about next-generation aviation flaps. Let’s go, Audrey.” — Katherine Hepburn
Carrying his “istol” at the “ool”
This was happens when squids travel at unsafe speeds.
“Honestly, Mr. Stark, I think it’s incredibly poor taste to send Agent Carter a chocolate shield for Christmas.”
Wow you must be carrying the new Taurus Curve. You aren’t even printing.
“But… my duel is going to be here at the pool. I think they’d notice if I put this under my shirt.”
“Why are you handing this to me?”
Me Tarzan, you Jane.
This pool is a dive.
and so, the power of the shrimp shield is passed to a new generation.
Two young gun lovers about to go off the deep end.
Sorry for shooting in your lane.
Oh you’re a woman?! Give that back. This was a men’s competition!
Thad: “Hey Sally, what ya got there?!”
Sally: “I have no idea.”
“Yes, that’s a pistol in my swim trunks!”
Early Captain America concept that never made it.
I’m sorry sir, we don’t allow open carry at the pool.
Yes that’s my starter pistol. Oh that thing on my hip?
We won the matching-couples contest.
Question of the day: Would you use your daughter to test homemade trauma plates?
Is that a banana on your shield or are you just happy to see me?
No, really! I’m a Navy Seal and I’m here to get you out.
Here’s your award for last place, we wouldn’t want you going on a shooting spree or anything.
Ione Whalen finally figured out why there had never been back-to-back diving winners at the Wardman Park Pool when she was informed by the armed presenter that the traveling Bronze Award Shield had to be worn in all subsequent rounds of competition.
Excuse me young lady, I’m the RSO here at TrouserShots range. You may be unaware, but you where just nearly struck by a hot load from man cannon moments ago. Thankfully, it hit the wall behind you. Keep your shield up while walking on the range in the future.
The first female cadet graduates from the newly formed “Lifeguard Tactical Assault Team” (LTAT) and receives her very own protective badge/shield. These new teams were recently formed to stop the dramatic increase in crime on the beach. Recently, a LTAT team stormed a concession stand when it was reported that beach-goers were stealing packets of ketchup. Three people were arrested in the raid including a 61 year-old woman who is reported to have taken three extra ounces of ketchup. During the raid, a [hot]dog was shot after reportedly attacking one of the guards with a stale bun. In another raid, 14 were arrested when a participant at a beach volley ball game cried foul claiming the ball was overinflated.
The Mayor is quoted as saying “These new lifeguard tactical teams will make our beaches safer and our french fries less soggy.” The LTAT is also participating in a new Dept. of Defense pilot program, and will take possession of their first MATT (Model A Tactical (milk) Truck) in July.
Aquaman holding a plate of fish sticks: Pardon me miss, but do you like fish sticks?
Woman: Yes, why?
AM: Do you like fish sticks in your mouth???
Franz: Ms. Earhart?
Franz: Hello, I’m Franz with the International Diving Society. We feel as though you don’t quite fit here so well require the society’s plate back.
Amelia: Oh, but what am I supposed to do now? I have always loved the freedom I’ve felt in diving.
Franz: well ma’am im not sure. Every dive DID look good,as if you were flying, but your splash landings were awful.
BayWatch. Old School.
THis is the newest body armor breastplate for your suit. Let me know just how you like it
It’s a water pistol.
“Someday they’ll make body armor that’s easier to wear than this.”
How come you are soaked and your swimsuit is not? Never mind, take this tray and go get me a beer! Next time I’ll buy you a bikini wax, now off you go!
They gave me this when I bought my new gun. I think they called it a “Knee Pad”
Chad, I was hoping you’d hold the insert for my chastity belt while I practice my dives.
The first prototype for Captain America’s shield had some minor issues with repeatability of ricochet’s… Also, Agent Carter made an impassioned plea to ditch the cap before filming her new series.
Jonny, that Texan that I banged last night forgot his belt buckle in my room…
“Scully, this is a piece of the saucer that crashed at Roswell” said a young Fox
“Sure, stud — I’ll hold this for you, if you’ll teach me to handle both your guns.”
“I showed you how I dive — now show me how you shoot.”
Just to prove how strong my new hair gel is Jane, I want you to crack me over the head with this brass plaque.
“Why yes, I am Captain America and this is my shield”.
“I also enjoy water sports.”
…And this is the new body condom armor our company just invented…
“OK, let’s settle whose draw is faster– my sidearm or your pistol-concealing swim cap. We toss this in the air, whoever gets more shots in the target wins. One, two, three….”
Whoa– duplicate. Erase this one, please.
“OK let’s settle who’s the better shooter once and for all. We toss this in the air on three. I use my sidearm, you use your swim cap concealed pistol. One, two…”
“This is your trophy for letting me borrow your swimsuit style.”
Just give me a minute to forge this into a condom.
I thought he might kiss me for returning his diving award, maybe if I pretend to drown, he will have to try CPR on me! Only if he doesn’t find out that I actually stole it just so I could return it!
As always, TTAG’s readers are a talented bunch. But Charles5 took the prize this week with his Seinfeld shrinkage reference. I LOL’d.
For these caption contests I suggest a separate brief follow-up post on Monday highlighting the winning caption…and maybe a couple honorable mentions.
More posts/content should be good for traffic and this would be great for those that only read the comments shortly after the original posting and not throughout the weekend.
I’m going to just stop making entries. Dan has a terrible sense of humor. “Tastes like chicken” in the past and now this?
Actually, let me rephrase that.
I don’t feel like anyone is owed anything, and giveaway contests are cool and generous. However, sense of humor is a subjective thing and I now know I will never, ever be able to win. What I perceive to be funny or clever is just not even in the same ballpark as the only judge. 🙂
Good luck in the future everyone.
See? Now that’s funny! Well, if you’re German.
Germans have awesome senses of humor, at lease those who love slingshots 🙂 : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXN9zTFzWyo&list=UUVZlxkKqlvVqzRJXhAGq42Q
Ma’am, I believe the award was for me, Mister Man, not for Miss Terman, now may I have it please?
Maam, I believe the award was for me, Mister Man, not for Miss Terman, now may I have it please?
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