Screen Shot 2014-09-19 at 7.35.14 PM

“Philadelphia Police are asking for the public’s help in identifying a suspect who was caught on camera using a banana hidden inside his sweatshirt to rob a market.” As wins.com reports in their story titled Man Robs Store With Banana, Peels Away on Bicycle, the bodega bandit grabbed a nanner from the counter, poked it through his hoody pocket and demanded cash. “’We’re fearful this male may continue on doing further robberies and he did put these people in fear because they cannot tell what the item was when he demanded money and claimed he had a gun,’ (Philadelphia Police Lt. John) Walker said.” It’s probably only a matter of time now before Everytown member and Philly mayor Michael Nutter moves to institute background checks on all pointy fruit purchases. 

25 Responses to Is That a Banana In Your Pocket or are You Just Hard Up for Cash?

  1. All jokes aside, with the number of CCW folks carrying, it could very well happen that someone is fearful for their safety and shoots the guy. Now we all will claim that it was justified and yadda yadda yadda, except for one thing, the guy that guns down the bad guy has to live with the fact that he (perhaps) killed a guy armed with a banana.

    Years ago in State Line, Idaho, which is the small area that borders Washington and Idaho along interstate 90, a man working a convenience store was held up. It was like his first week or first day working there. The robber, was simply a father who was desperate to feed his family and pay mortgage made a terrible mistake and thought he could do a quick robbery. He didn’t even have a real gun. He was killed. The clerk, overcome at what he had done, never got over it and ended up committing suicide years later.

    My point being, that killing another human over the perception of need, when actually there was none, won’t be easy. It’s not easy for a cop to shoot down some child because the kid held an Airsoft rifle. Let’s ask how those cops are doing now! How much drinking have they been doing? How’s their marriage going? How many times have they woken up drenched in sweat with that child’s dying terrified look etched in their memory?

    I just hope that if I ever have to defend myself or others, it’s actual and necessary and not just perceived and questionable. I don’t need that question haunting me.

    • So, you believe we’re all obligated to read the attacker’s mind and guess whether or not they actually have a gun? I’m really not prepared to take those chances. The man who threatened to kill me, and had every physical ability to do so, was shot in the act despite the fact that he was not armed at all… except for his hands and superior size, strength. There wasn’t any question in my mind about it, and I have had zero regrets since. I’m glad he didn’t die, but I would not change anything if I had it to do over again knowing he would.

      • It appears I need to clarify my point for the weak minded. No where do I suggest that people mind read, or mind meld with someone robbing us. My point was simply that it would suck to kill someone who was armed with a banana. Nothing else implied. All you blood thirsty “I’d kill him in a cold heart beat and go home to a nice hot dinner and a blow job” is bullshit. I’d kill him also in a blink of an eye, but you know what, it would suck. I wouldn’t have regrets, it would just suck. Also, I didn’t offer any condescending guilt-tripping advice, so quit inventing crap.
        That’s my point kids, it’s going to suck. If you run around and rob people, be it with a fake gun, a real gun, a finger in your coat and get your ass shot off, sucks to be you. But it’s probably going to be an emotionally draining traumatic life changing event for someone, and those who have not gone down that avenue, don’t know what they are in for emotionally.

        Like to try again Excedrine?

    • I don’t feel sorry for people who choose to take from others that which does not belong to them, and nor should I.

      Neither should you, for that matter.

      Sure, we can see why they do it.. well, if it really is out of desperation to make ends meet, that is. Very, very rarely is that actually ever the case, though. But in the end, that choice is ultimately on them and them alone regardless of their circumstances, and damn them for forcing that life-altering decision onto otherwise peaceable citizens.

      Damn them all to Hell.

      Each person is going to react differently to having had to take the life of another in self-defense. But, should I ever arrive in that position, one thing I’m absolutely not going to tolerate is condescending guilt-tripping from the likes of you.

      So, take your own advice and put yourself in the shoes of those that these street urchins are stealing from, not knowing and having no way of knowing whether or not that scumbag actually has a gun or not.

      It is as Justice Holmes said in Brown v. U.S. (256 U.S. 335),

      “Detached reflection cannot be demanded in the presence of an uplifted knife. Therefore in this Court, at least, it is not a condition of immunity that one in that situation should pause to consider whether a reasonable man might not think it possible to fly with safety or to disable his assailant rather than to kill him.”

      So uh, no, you can kindly shove your “except for one thing” bullshit.

      A good shoot is a good shoot is a good shoot. Period.

    • The robber, was simply a father who was desperate to feed his family and pay mortgage made a terrible mistake and thought he could do a quick robbery. He didn’t even have a real gun. He was killed. The clerk, overcome at what he had done, never got over it and ended up committing suicide years later.
      With as many welfare programs the government has for the dead beats, I rather doubt that his family was starving for real poverty reasons. Most people rob for other reasons, such as drug related reasons.
      I suppose killing some one who was not really armed might be a psychological downer. If someone is credibly threatening with me a weapon, and it is kill or be killed, I have no qualms about eliminating the threat without too much remorse. I can say that when I had a gang of punk robbers potentially threatening my family, I would have annihilated them without too much of a guilt trip had things progressed to the point of taking action.

    • Hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy: “Now see here, guy,” said the voice, “you’re not dealing with any dumb two-bit trigger-pumping morons with low hairlines, little piggy eyes and no conversation, we’re a couple of intelligent caring guys that you’d probably quite like if you met us socially! I don’t go around gratuitously shooting people and then bragging about it afterward in seedy space-rangers bars, like some cops I could mention! I go around shooting people gratuitously and then I agonize about it afterward for hours to my girlfriend!”

  2. The store was ripe for a robbery. The clerk was yellow, so he peeled off a bunch of bucks. That’s when Bananaman slipped out of the store. Personally, I think the robber was a fruit.

  3. What is it with people wearing hooded sweatshirts? I’ve been trying to come up with a slogan akin to «Kill a Commie For Mommy» or such like regarding hoodies, but… I’m not a poet. Any ideas?

  4. I don’t want to start that timeworn argument that I know everyone here is thinking but actively avoiding, but…anyone who knows their fruit would have used a plantain.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *