Texas Man Declares Republic of Dougistan, Fires at Cops, Fire Fighters

Can you secede from the US (let alone Texas) and establish a new nation if you don’t know your own address? Dougie Doug’s takeaway from this little episode should be that instead of notifying the local po-lice of your intention to create your own sovereign Republic of Dougistan (while letting them know you’re holding an indeterminate number of firearms), the proper procedure is to send a certified letter to the State Department. Duh. Oh, and Dougie? Shooting at police officers and firemen typically results in rapid, extensive blood loss, so consider yourself lucky to only be facing charges of aggravated assault. You can wave goodbye to those guns, too, because you’ve seen the last of them.

comments

    1. avatar DJ says:

      Awesome!

    2. avatar Daniel Silverman says:

      Dave wins the internet for today!!! hahahaha

    3. avatar Sixpack70 says:

      Doug is one scary dude!

    4. avatar borg says:

      If I were to declare my property as an independent nation I would send a certified letter to the state department and grant myself diplomatic immunity so that I would be able to legally carry everywhere as a foreign diplomat.

  1. avatar Vhyrus says:

    Jesus tap dancing Christ… the antis are going to have a field day with this.

    1. avatar B says:

      It really changes nothing. Read up on some “alternative viewpoint” websites and there really is no change in the amount of hate (its always alot) flung at those who refuse to embrace Obama’s dreams. Plus its been buried by St. Louis’s police force being relieved of duty by the state police for being incompetent thugs.

  2. avatar big blue says:

    Sounds like he may be mentally ill, in which case this is very sad all around.

    1. avatar Steve Day says:

      Mentally ill or brain fried from drug use.. either way, he’s not firing on all cylinders!

  3. avatar Paul53 says:

    He sounds like most of the anti’s to me. Crazy as 6 monkeys trying to reproduce with a football.

  4. avatar MurrDog says:

    Takes balls though.

  5. avatar Frank Masotti says:

    This guy needs some time in a locked rubber room. IMHO. 🙂

  6. avatar jwm says:

    dougie just took the state’s rights argument to the nth degree.

    1. avatar BR549 says:

      Citizenship is a two-way street. We trade our natural individual sovereignty and in return we are supposed to be protected under a set of Constitutional laws. It’s like a marriage contract where one party, in this case the feds, has forgotten all about its vows, has been whoring around town, and stealing from the family piggy bank.

      1. avatar Steve Day says:

        LOL …. True, but LOL.

        Very eloquently put.

  7. avatar Scrubula says:

    Dougistan… I would have come up with a more elegant name. Perhaps Dougtopia. Dougland.

    1. avatar jwm says:

      Doug’s Place. Sovereign nation with the feel of a friendly local tavern.

      1. avatar Jay1987 says:

        wow think you need to put in for Dougistan’s department of tourism.

        1. avatar jwm says:

          Make the national motto,”Happy Hour” and watch the tourists line up to cross the border.

    2. Douglasville! Oh…that one is taken?

      1. Douglonian Federal Federation. Charge a tariff for imported utilities and declare Michelle Obama to be the national mascot, the wookie monster. Al pictures must show her as having blue skin and her animal cry is “WOOOOOOOKIEEEEE NOM NOM NOM”

    3. avatar lizzrd says:

      Dougtopia – ha!

    4. avatar Kerry says:

      Camp Doug!

    5. avatar B says:

      El Dougrado.

    6. avatar The Brotherhood of Steel says:

      I wouldn’t think small like this. Go big or go home, go with The “Douganese Empire” After you claim your neighbors swimming pool as territorial waters.

    7. avatar DJ says:

      “The Republic of Doug” has a nice “Fallout 3” feel to it.

      1. avatar PNG says:

        Only a matter of time before it fights the Republic of Dave. Because war, war never changes.

  8. avatar Excedrine says:

    There are just no words in the English or any other language, or any combination therein, that could ever adequately describe this kind of stupidity.

    Hopefully this will be a good starting point:

    http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130815124007/transformers-legends/images/c/c4/Triple-facepalm.jpg

  9. avatar Royal T says:

    “Your republic is forfeit. Prepare to be reclaimed by the State.”

    1. avatar Gordon Wagner says:

      I can’t help but think that it’s a shame he didn’t get a chance to issue postage stamps. Think of their value as collector’s items.

    2. avatar The Brotherhood of Steel says:

      According to the residents, Earth is at least fifty times the size of a model globe.

  10. avatar Paul53 says:

    Actually, I’m OK with the intention, it’s just something in the implementation where the idea needs some work.

    1. avatar Paul53 says:

      Like when I decided to declare myself king and marry Jenifer Aniston. Sound idea, poor implementation.

      1. avatar Gordon Wagner says:

        She’s perfect ex-wife material IMHO:

        http://www.spaceways.net/erase/jen-mad.jpg

        1. avatar Tazchaz says:

          An obviously photo-shopped image.

    2. avatar Jonathan - Houston says:

      If he’d buddied up with Putin, he might actually have had a shot at making this thing work.

      1. avatar The Brotherhood of Steel says:

        Yeah, he could get some spetznatz to pose as pro Douganian rebels and maybe a Chinese Navy incursion for territorial oil drilling rights.

  11. avatar JoshinGA says:

    What kind of dingbat thinks they’re going to be able to stage an armed rebellion against the state, especially Texas, by themselves? Besides, he ignored all the normal paperwork first, and skipped right to armed secession. Obviously he had no clue what he was doing.

    1. avatar Paul53 says:

      See? That’s where I failed too!

    2. avatar publius2 says:

      There’s paperwork?

    3. avatar John in Ohio says:

      So, I guess my Republic of Dougistan travel visa won’t be forthcoming after all. The cruise tickets are probably worthless now too! Bummer.

  12. avatar Ralph says:

    Dougistan shares a common border with Wackistan, Bipolistan and Schizophrenistan. I looked it up!

    1. avatar The Brotherhood of Steel says:

      It also receives most of its trade from drunkopia so perhaps if we impose a sanction on trade there we could get him to concede.

  13. avatar Rusty Chains says:

    I think this guy spent too much time playing Fallout 3 and has confused himself with Dave of the Republic of Dave.

    1. avatar Slick says:

      Came here to post the same thing lol

      1. avatar Noah says:

        You’re not the only one.

    2. avatar The Brotherhood of Steel says:

      +10000

  14. avatar w will says:

    Takes ball? Everything is normal in the lone star state of R Perry

  15. avatar Gunr says:

    This guy is about 52 cards short of a full deck!

    1. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

      A couple fries short of a happy meal.

      One tree short of a hammock.

      One leg short in a Texas Two Step dance…

      Keep her goin lads and laddies!

      1. avatar Dan S says:

        Crazier than a sh*thouse rat.
        Nuttier than squirrel sh*t .

        1. avatar B says:

          Squirrelier than owl crap.

      2. avatar Steve Day says:

        One slice short of a sandwich.

        (A South/East-London term).

      3. avatar Geoff says:

        That boy’s about as bright as a half-watt bulb.

        He’s as sharp as a Q-Tip.

    2. avatar jwm says:

      The lights are on but nobody’s home.

      The elevator don’t go to the top floor.

      1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

        Not the sharpest ship in the chandelier…

        Crazier than a syphilitic bedbug.

        1. avatar jwm says:

          2 of my favorites. From Foghorn Leghorn. The chicken, not the blogger.

          “That boy’s got more nerve than a bum tooth.”

          “That boy’s as sharp as a bowling ball.”

  16. avatar DougieR says:

    My name is DougieR and I approved this message!

  17. avatar Indiana Tom says:

    He should have read ” The Mouse That Roared”.

    1. avatar Geoff PR says:

      The “Q” bomb was a dud…

  18. avatar Jonathan - Houston says:

    “[…]the proper procedure is to send a certified letter to the State Department.”

    I’m inclined to agree. When in the course of human events and all that, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. Well.

    All I’m hearing out of Doug E. Doug, or whomever, is that more people should vote. I’ve seen the outcome of people’s voting of late and I’m not all that impressed, let alone convinced that more of it is the answer.

    But good luck with all that.

  19. avatar mercutio says:

    Sounds like the Republic of Dave in Fallout:new Vegas – and we all know how that turns out… adios amigo.

    1. avatar Chis in KY says:

      Actually, that was Fallout 3.

      But I thought the same exact thing…

  20. Sounds like a great chance for OCT to do a rifle-walk through town!

    1. avatar ThomasR says:

      Umm, Paul, I think you’re some what OCD about the OCT ( open carry thing). There is medication for that.

  21. avatar rhampton says:

    More info, including transcript here; “‘He had actually left with an AK-47 assault rifle, several rounds of ammunition and some propane tanks from the garage,’ Assistant Chief Greg Wilkerson said.”

    1. avatar Ralph says:

      Real Texans don’t use propane. It’s charcoal or nothing.

      1. avatar Bob Wall says:

        Unless your name is Hank Hill, and you live in Arlen…

        [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gj6CIveQGLs&w=420&h=315%5D

      2. avatar Russ Bixby says:

        Even for home heating…?

  22. avatar FoRealz? says:

    Dougie for President! Oh wait, he already is I guess. 🙂

  23. avatar Chis in KY says:

    I do believe alcohol may have been involved in the creation of this republic.

  24. avatar Russ Bixby says:

    In point of fact, it does not take “all kinds” to make a world. Unfortunately, we would appear to have them anyway.

  25. avatar Model 31 says:

    The guy talking to Doug had to have thought he was being punk’d.

  26. avatar Sabrewolfe says:

    Soooo, he creates his own separate country, but still expects the U.S. to provide emergency services? So much for being a sovereign state.

    1. avatar John in Ohio says:

      His wouldn’t have been the first nation with its hand out for American taxpayer funded services. Sadly, given a few months he might have scored.

  27. avatar Jon says:

    *sigh* This is like a bad joke.

    I imagine some sort of parody of this will be made in a movie in the future.

  28. avatar Ebenezer Bowman says:

    All hail the Great and Honorable King Dougie Doug, First of His Name: Blessed Be.

  29. avatar Billy says:

    That went as well as when that guy in Rhode Island tried to create the country of Petoria…

  30. avatar Hannibal says:

    That’s all he got charged with? Musta been a mighty poor shot.

    1. avatar John in Ohio says:

      One of the elusive Democrat gun owners?

      BTW: Thanks for the wrap-up link. Good find! 🙂

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