Personal Defense Tip: Avoid Sex Shops at 3 a.m.

You can finally breathe easy, Houstonians, the last member of the audacious sex shop stick-up trio has finally be taken off the streets. It’s once again safe to pick up a DVD or personal massager whenever you like without worrying about being blasted into next week. Back in April, three armed yoots knocked over the 24-hour Katz Boutique in the wee hours of the morning. Though they didn’t get a dime, but they did manage to shoot up the joint pretty well, including a blonde, aqua teddy-wearing mannequin who we hope has recovered from her injuries . . .

chron.com reports that, “The three weren’t exactly masters of their craft. During the robbery, the armed suspects bumped into each other, causing the rifle to fire.” Thankfully, no one was injured during all the boomage. 

“These are by far the clumsiest crooks I’ve seen in a long time,” said Jeff Brieden, an HPD investigator in the Robbery Division. “They were unpredictable in the robbery. They fired without regard to anyone.”

Don’t worry about their lack of coordination, though. They’ll probably get a few tips on planning more organized, better-orchestrated armed robberies during their time in the Texas juvenile justice system.

comments

  1. avatar Vhyrus says:

    I’m sure most sex shop workers are accustomed to handling negligent/accidental discharges.

    1. avatar uncommon_sense says:

      Badump tish! (and then distant laughter from a live television audience)

  2. avatar Scrubula says:

    The only time “the rifle went off” is even remotely correct.
    Either way, they must be pretty desperate to rob a store of that caliber.

    1. avatar Vhyrus says:

      Someone told them they could find an easy score if they went in at 3 am. I have a feeling they misunderstood.

  3. avatar Joe R. says:

    Inadvertent discharge of the early morning? Pre-mature bullet casing ejection?

    So, how much for the mannequin now?

  4. avatar Gunr says:

    “Avoid sex shops at 3:00 AM”
    Christ, does that mean I can’t wake up my old lady at 3 o’clock anymore? How about 6 o’clock? That would be a “morner”, same as nooner, only sooner!

  5. avatar Bigred2989 says:

    Was that a 10/22?

    1. avatar Ken says:

      Looked more like a Ruger Mini 14 or 30. Too much muzzle flash for a 22.

      1. avatar Jimmy Wade says:

        *sigh* A bunch of thugs have a Mini 14? I don’t even have a Mini 14. 🙁

      2. avatar Sian says:

        Yeah, almost certainly a stainless mini-14

  6. avatar John L. says:

    And I’m guessing they weren’t even courteous enough to use a silencer…

    1. avatar Mark Lloyd says:

      No kidding! Some poor guy in the back viewing booths waxing his carrot and some stupid kid is shooting up the place. Way to vaporize a good fantasy!

  7. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

    Ok. The story was funny, but the comments?
    Epic…

  8. avatar Ralph says:

    Those hapless youths should have snagged some lacy apparel. It would serve them well when they get to the big boy joint.

  9. avatar Bob Smith says:

    The Houston Chron website has been reporting that an M-14 was used. Dale Lezon is infamous for factual errors.
    http://www.chron.com/default/article/Sex-shop-robbers-nabbed-in-bumbling-heist-5666811.php

    1. avatar Another Robert says:

      Did it have a 30-caliber magazine clip?

    2. avatar Steve Day says:

      The clip shown on last nights local news broadcast was probably clearer – it looked like a pistol grip shotgun to me.

  10. avatar C says:

    one patron was legally armed, but made no attempt to intervene for fear of his name appearing in the paper.

    1. avatar Carry.45 says:

      I was thinking the same thing. Or it could have gone, “am armed patron intervened though requested to keep his identity a mystery. The reason given was that his wife would be upset with him.”

  11. avatar Indiana Tom says:

    So they discharged their guns, but not the rifles?

  12. avatar Full Cleveland says:

    So the mannequin is damaged goods now. How much does she cost?

    1. avatar Jay1987 says:

      Dunno if I’d go for that one… workin in a sex shop just screams crazy & assembler issues, besides she stands in a sex shop who knows what all has been wiped, shot, or oozed onto her.

      1. avatar Nick D says:

        Yes but now she has at least one new, clean hole. If anything, I would think that makes the mannequin more valuable.

  13. avatar Jay1987 says:

    You know they could download free porn on their smartphones rather than rob an unfamiliar sex shop at 0300… sounds like a good way to end up stealing the used merchandise to me.

  14. avatar Jus Bill says:

    Gun hooning. Kids…

  15. avatar tfunk says:

    Holy shite! I know the sex shop angle is comical, but why the hell was that kid shooting up the place? Very fortunate no one (besides the mannequin) was injured.

    These kids should go away for a long time.

  16. avatar Former Water Walker says:

    Come again? I can’t get the video to work on the computer. I’ll just have to visualize whorled peas…

  17. avatar Steve Day says:

    Phew! I feel a lot safer now, just in case I have a sudden late-night urge to buy a dozen dildos and a gallon of Astro-Glide.

    1. avatar Avid Reader says:

      If you do, you obviously lead a much more exciting life than I do. . .

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