Ban Sandwiches!

Potentially deadly PB&J (courtesy glad.com)

“The Attorney General says a nursing home resident in Magee has been arrested for second degree murder involving the death of his roommate,” fox19.com reports. “63-year-old Jerrell Eubanks, a resident of the Hillcrest Nursing Center in Magee, was arrested Wednesday evening by investigators with the Attorney General’s Medicaid Fraud Control Unit, with assistance from the Magee Police Department. He has a bond of $100K. Eubanks is charged with second degree murder for the death of his roommate at the nursing home. He is accused of pushing a cellophane bag containing a sandwich down the throat of the 83 year old victim, causing his death.” [h/t JME]

comments

  1. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

    That is seriously effed up.

    1. avatar jon says:

      Tell me about it…. I think I’d rather be shot than die that way.

  2. avatar Bret says:

    This seems like a republished onion article

  3. avatar blahpony says:

    No one needs both sides of a sandwich.

    Ban high capacity lunches.

    1. avatar Bgryphon says:

      So full of win.

  4. avatar Samuel Leoon Suggs says:

    Wonder if just crazy or an a failed attempt to simulate an accidental chocking.

  5. avatar Dermott says:

    I’m not going to agree with banning those type sandwiches! PB and Jelly was our lunch sandwich forever when we came to America in the 50’s.

    RF: I will take you to court to prevent this banning.

    I suppose you go the idea from MDA!

  6. avatar John in AK says:

    I think that you’re leaping to conclusions, here. It might’ve been the peanut butter IN the sandwich, or the strawberry jam, or the deadly combination of PB AND J, or the bread being a bit dry, or maybe the evil cellophane bag. To wildly condemn the sandwich as a whole, without forensic testing and proof is grossly unfair.

    Should it arise that the cellophane bag was indeed the culprit, we should all remember that the 2nd Amendment was never intended to cover cellophane, a modern invention unforeseen by our Founding Fathers, but instead was meant to apply to waxed-paper wrappers. I don’t believe that any rational sandwich-maker would object to sane sandwich laws that included the outlawing of cellophane or other clear plastic wrap of any kind, when waxed paper is so much safer.

    It’s for the children. And old people.

    1. avatar JeremyR says:

      It’s for the children who will eventually become old people.

  7. avatar Daily Beatings says:

    Sandwich of Death?

    1. avatar Full Cleveland says:

      Deathwich. And it’s recyclable.

  8. avatar Noakes says:

    We need to ban bread slicers that go up. For the (63-year-old) children.

  9. avatar Narcoossee says:

    PB&J sammiches don’t kill people; people kill people.

    1. avatar JeremyR says:

      Two camps, those who would kill for a pbj, and those who would rather die than eat one.

      1. avatar Escaped from Illinois says:

        You missed those who would die BECAUSE they ate one.

  10. avatar Bob says:

    I want to know what the roommate did to make him SO angry… Then I vow to never do that myself.

    1. avatar Jus Bill says:

      You’ve never seen an 83-yo in a nursing home, have you?

      I wonder if the sandwich halves were shaped like a gun?

  11. avatar Another Robert says:

    I wonder if this will make any of the “mainstream” national newscasts. If the guy had shot his roomie it almost certainly would have: “See, guns enable–nay, empower– even the physically disabled to turn an ordinary dispute into a murder.” But since no gun was involved–well, heck, the room-temperature victim may not even count as “dead” with the newsies.

  12. avatar Maineuh says:

    Whoa! Talk about burying the lede. You gotta get that action up higher in the story.

  13. avatar Leadbelly says:

    Look at Bill McClellan’s column in today’s St. Louis Post Dispatch: Assault With A Deadly Pork Sandwich. Homeless woman cuts up homeless man with box cutter. Woman says she just hit him with a pork steak sandwich. “It must have been the bone”, she say’s

  14. avatar Anon says:

    How does this have anything to do with guns?

    1. avatar Jonathan - Houston says:

      Directly? Nothing. They’re employing absurdity (ban sandwiches!) to illustrate absurdity (ban guns, ban Internet ammo sales, ban magazines of an arbitrary capacity, etc!)

      Sandwiches, not unlike self-defense firearms, are useful, enjoyable and and a routine part of millions upon millions of people’s daily lives. Including….gasp!…..minors!

      That a stray pyscho here and there occasionally uses a sandwich to murder someone, is no justification for denying many millions of other peaceful people their food, or firearms, freedoms.

  15. avatar Indiana Tom says:

    Peanut butter is really sticky and clogs the air ways. It was the cause of death, no doubt. Mere civilians should not be allowed peanut butter as only certified chefs can handle something so deadly.

    1. avatar Scrubula says:

      Peanut butter is a cop killer condiment. If we allow citizens to own it the rate of cop murders will surely rise!

  16. avatar Dave s says:

    nursing home sandwiches are dangerous and should be banned!

    But i want to know why the medicaid fraud unit would be making the arrest, seems like homicide is local pd jurisdiction?

    seems like killing a recipient would be saving tax dollars?
    hmmmm

  17. avatar N8thecowboy says:

    This story has made me hungry. I’m off to the kitchen.

    1. avatar Gunr says:

      Don’t forget, if you live in NYC, the limit is 7 sandwiches per day!

  18. avatar Gunr says:

    Maybe there was an exposed lead bullet in the sandwich. and the guy died from lead poisoning??

  19. avatar jon says:

    I wouldn’t put it past Bloomberg to try banning sandwiches:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/31/nyregion/bloomberg-plans-a-ban-on-large-sugared-drinks.html?smid=pl-share

    Sorry to tell you, Bloomy, but banning things isn’t the solution to everything.

  20. avatar Michael says:

    Ban high capacity sandwiches. You don’t need a sandwich over 1/2in thick.

  21. avatar John says:

    Look, I have been around sandwiches my entire life – heck, I’ve even eaten a few myself – and I have never once seen a sandwich jump up and ram itself down the throat of an octogenarian on its own. Sandwiches are not animate objects and are not innately dangerous if consumed responsibly. People have an fundamental, natural, and innate right to eat and bear sandwiches.

  22. avatar Nick D says:

    So, the police arrested a nursing home patient and put him in federal prison? Sounds like the plan was to kill his roommate to get better accommodations.

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