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You should be able to buy a New York City Metro card without the need for eyes in the back of your head. “Straphangers are on alert after police said a suspect attacked a man with a hammer [perpetrator pictured above] at a Brooklyn subway station,” newyork.cbslocal.com reports. You should be able to legally protect yourself from a hammer-wielding sociopath. “Police believe the attacker has done it at least twice before – on one occasion at the very same subway station. A pregnant woman was among the other victims.” You should be able to . . .

walk home from the subway on your own after your shift as a bartender without worrying that you’ll have your skull cracked from behind by a thug who wants your wallet.”Richianand Brijanand of Ozone Park said he was lucky the hammer blow to his head wasn’t more serious. ‘I’m feeling, like, swelling – a lot of swelling. It swells from here, all the way up here, to the bottom here.’”

You should be able to carry a firearm for personal defense anywhere in the United States, in case you need it. “People work hard for their money, try to live right, but you still have evil out here.” You should be able to use that firearm when facing a credible, imminent threat of death or grievous bodily harm.

“’We should have more protection out here. We need more cops to be here,’ another straphanger said.” We should live in a country where we can defend ourselves from criminals, and defend each other from criminal predation. Some of us do. Pity the ones who don’t.

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47 Responses to It Should Have Been a DGU: If I Had a Hammer Edition

  1. Hey Moms Demand!! Guess what?? No gun involved in this crime!! Got your Hello Kitty panties in a bunch yet?
    Oh Yea that’s right! You all don’t care if some one gets beat to death as long as no one has a gun to defend themselves with!!
    Bunch of Fv€ktards!!!

  2. “I think it’s horrendous. I think that there should be some type of safety protocol put in place so that people can be safe down here because that type of thing happening in a New York City subway station where it’s public is just ridiculous,” another subway rider told Burrell.
    Some type of safety protocol? hmm, anybody got any ideas, Yeah I have one, go talk to your state legislators.
    Act Safe every one.

    • Simple, we need to mandate Smart Hammers, with built in sensors and software that only allow their use on nails. If the hammer head senses proximity to a cranium, it sends an electrical shock through the handle to the use, causing instant seizures.

      • Better yet, a small explosive charge that separates the head from the handle and launches it back into the face of the swinger.

    • Yup. Shannon and her Post Menopause Marauders were storming Congress this week. I’m sure they visited only sympathetic congresscritters. I saw nothing in the local news. NBFD again.

  3. All right, that’s enough. How many hammer attacks does it take before we get these evil things off the streets? How many innocent fingers and thumbs must be smashed by careless hammer-swingers before we take action? We need registration, training, and background checks. Only fully qualified carpenters should be trusted with these dangerous items.

    • These carpentry-style weapons belong on construction sites, not on our city streets.

  4. Attention all Transit Police: Be on the lookout for a man with parachute pants swinging a ball peen and calling himself “Hammer.” And whatever you do, don’t touch this.

    That is all.

  5. 5’10” and 150lbs.
    It’s no wonder he carries a hammer and attacks by surprise. Being a little on the skinny side, he needs every advantage he can get. Hopefully he can steal enough cash to buy one of the thousands of guns for sale through “extralegal” channels.
    Come to think of it, I got my first gun from my father, as I’m sure many do. Since king osama is now daddy to every absent parent minority in the country, maybe he can get Holder to run a Fast & Furious II. Call it, “Handguns for Homies.”

    You know, I just read that, and I realize that I no longer care. People of the slave states (CA, NY, CT, etc.), if you don’t care enough about your rights and safety to elect politicians who will look out for you, or to move to one of the free states, I’m not going to care either. Today. Today’s been kind of crappy. Check back with me on Monday, I might care then.

    • Folks in the slave states can actually do something. If, as we will in Maryland, be offered a choice of bad, worse, and a raving loon on the ballot, we can write in “None of the above” to send an unmistakable message to the kingmakers.

      And just maybe the “undecided” and “p1ssed off” will turn up at the polls to do that too, instead of staying home or throwing their vote away on the loser.

      It’s time we took America back.

    • Hey!! I’m 6′ and 160 lbs., but that may be why I carry a .45 and not a hammer. When we visited NYC I carried an assisted opening M&P folder.

  6. It’s almost mind-boggling to read statements like those. To a rational individual, there is a logical progression of safety. In your home? The most safe, with doors, locks, arms(improvised or otherwise), and oftentimes friendlies. In public, with strangers? Logically less safe, without constant barriers between you and the world (and the strangers). To think that being less safe or secure in public as “ridiculous” is only evidence of the complacence that society has developed.

    • I agree. Clearly the speaker’s done zero reading on or thinking about the subject. When you’re in transit is the most dangerous stage of your daily routine. There are more factors to contend with and most of them are beyond your control. Even in controlled environments, like inmate transfers within a prison, it’s that in-transit stage that is the most dangerous.

      And it’s not just me talking. The FBI’s “Offense Analysis” lists seven categories of locations, including miscellaneous, and “Street/highway” along accounts for about 43% of robberies. That’s more than two and a half times as great as the next closest location, and far greater than “Residence.”

  7. “Straphangers are on alert after police said a suspect attacked a man with a hammer [above] at a Brooklyn subway station,”
    Poor sentence construction, is the picture the victim, the suspect, or the hammer.

    What was wrong with:
    Straphangers are on alert after police said a suspect [above] attacked a man with a hammer at a Brooklyn subway station

    • What you wrote is that the suspect attacked “a man with a hammer at a Brooklyn subway station.” Well, I can hardly blame the suspect. If I saw a man with a hammer in a Brooklyn subway station, I might attack him too.

      • I didn’t write it that way, that’s a quote from the article, I was noting that where the ‘[above]’ was placed was poor, but now that you mention it, a better overall would be:
        A suspect [above] used a hammer to attack a man at a subway station.

  8. Dear Mr. Brijanand,

    Please accept our sincere regrets regarding your recent encounter with one of your fellow lower level citizens. To avoid this type of encounter in the future we strongly recommend the following steps;

    1. Acquire wealth.

    2. Attain celebrity.

    3. Support those of us in power.

    Your permit to carry will arrive post haste.

    Best of Luck,

    The New York Elite

  9. cocky little sucker. but stupid–it would seem he lives in the neighborhood, and that substantially increases odds he will be caught.

  10. There is a quote in the Punisher comic books that sums these situations up perfectly.

    “to serve and protect. The public has a fundamental misunderstanding of the role and capability of law enforcement. It’s mainly the “protect” part the public puts too much faith in. The police do not protect. They cannot prevent. They can’t be there before the gun is fired, they can only chase the thug who fired it. Only a fool puts his safety in someone else’s hands. Only a fool expects that the authorities can make him safe.”

    If only more people could look to themselves for answers to their problems instead of the state, that would do great things as far as solving societies problems.

  11. Ugh… Now I have Leonard Nimoy’s rendition going through my head.

    And now it is his epic “Ballad of Bilbo Baggins”

    Lord help me…

    • I actually looked that up on YouTube, thinking yeah, it’s probably ridiculous, but it can’t be that bad…

      May a thousand llamas spit in your eye.

  12. More police. That’s the ticket. Sure. Sure, that’s what we need. Good luck, people of NY.

  13. “We need more cops to be here…”

    Unless you’re carrying one around in your pocket, it won’t ever be enough.

  14. But where is the Secret Service? Oh, wait a minute, it isn’t who I thought it was…my bad.

  15. Q: You know what stops a bad guy with a hammer?

    A: A good guy with a hammer, cocked on his 1911.

  16. I think carpenters need to register there weapons, let the do gooders work on that problem first and give us law biden gun carriers a rest. I figure two in the chest would take care of the asshole, personally.

  17. Thank Bloomberg that NYC is a Gun Free Zone, or else one of those victims or straphangers might have enacted VIGILANT JUSTICE upon the poor, hard working mugger! Thus creating a hazardous work environment!

    Now all they need is to make NYC a Hammer Free Zone! and a screwdriver free zone … and a rock free zone …

  18. “I went up to the machine trying to make my purchase, and all of a sudden he just hit me right in the head – boom,” Brijanand said, adding that he did not see it coming.

    How would packing heat prevent this?

  19. So there’s a sociopathic hammer-wielding Obama clone running loose in NYC. Imagine my surprise.

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