Celebrities’ Most Lethal Weapon Revealed. Or Not

Matthew Broderick (courtesy aoltv.com)

Every now and then I fall prey to clickbait: lists of stupid stuff you just have to see. My most recent diversion (enjoyed by 4,040,621 other readers): 45 Celebrities Who Have Killed People. ranker.com‘s criteria: “Famous people who have accidentally killed others, intentionally committed murder, or otherwise ended the lives of other human beings.” Given the opening picture of Matthew Broderick [above], you’d be forgiven for expecting that the majority of these homicides were not firearm related. Nope. Make the jump to see the celebrities’ [alleged] weapon of choice  . . .

Other (14)

Oliver Stone – helicopter, grenade
Kai the Hatchet-Wielding Hitchhiker” – obvs.
Skylar Deleon – drowning
Sid Vicious – knife
James Stewart – WWII bomber
Charles S. Dutton – ?
John Landis – helicopter
Michael Brea – samurai sword
Fatty Arbuckle – bottle
Fay Dewitt – letter opener
Johnny Lewis – ?
Lead Belly – knife
Don King – stomping
O.J. Simpson – knife

Automobile-related homicides (15)

Keith Moon
Laura Bush
Matthew Broderick
Ted Kennedy
Rebecca Gayheart
Brandy Norwood
John Huston
Vince Neil
Howard Hughes
Lane Garrison
Craig MacTavish
Amy Locane
J.R. Smith
Salman Khan
Dwayne Goodrich

Firearms-related homicides (17)

William S. Burroughs
Robert Blake
Phil Spector
Felicia Pearson
John Wilkes Booth
Snoop Dogg
Aaron Hernandez
Charles S. Dutton
Oscar Pistorius
Gig Young
Jayson Williams
Lillo Brancato, Jr.
Christian Brando
Duane “Dog” Chapman
Rae Carruth
Michael Massee
Corey Miller

comments

  1. avatar William Burke says:

    I, too, fall for the same clickbait. Just last evening, AAMOF. In a number of these categories, Mickey Rourke is fast rising towards the top spot….

    1. avatar Cliff H says:

      John Wilkes Booth a celebrity? Oh well, he was an actor, maybe he was a star.

      I did not notice anything to say how many of these “celebrities” was actually American, which would seem to be an important distinction, as well as how many of the deaths actually occurred in America. Pistorius comes to mind.

      1. avatar Rich Grise says:

        I wonder what the Universe is trying to tell me – last night’s “Wagon Train” was a story about JW Booth. Apparently he’d escaped, changed his name to John Wilbert, and joined the wagon train headed west.

  2. avatar Nine says:

    I recognize four names.

    I am proud of that.

    1. avatar Hobbez says:

      I recognize a lot more than 4 names, but not nearly them all. However, every single one that I DO recognize, is/was a raging Liberal.

      1. avatar Rocky Thompson says:

        Umm, Laura Bush a liberal?

      2. avatar Paul G. says:

        Laura Bush is most certainly not liberal.

        1. avatar Taco Picasso says:

          Laura Bush, pro abortion, pro gov’t intrusiion into education via No Child Left Behind, member United Methodist Church. That qualifies as liberal in my book.

      3. avatar A-Rod says:

        OJ the Liberal. Who da thunk it.

      4. avatar Yossarian says:

        I think by Liberal, he means Authoritarian.

        There are two kinds of people in this world
        1. The ones who just want to be left alone
        2. And the ones who won’t leave you alone

      5. avatar Rupert Pupkin says:

        Jimmy Stewart wasn’t even remotely liberal and if you didn’t recognize his name, you must have been raised in a cave.

    2. avatar KCK says:

      I too feel proud when at the supermarket check out line that I know only 10% of the people on the cover of the chat mags.
      I only wish I could “unknow” the Kardashians. Although readers of stories about them have collectively wasted entire lifetimes so they should also be on those Killer lists.
      BTW, is Paris Hilton still alive?

      1. avatar Roscoe says:

        “…is Paris Hilton still alive?”

        Just follow the missing underwear trail…in the worshipping press.

    3. avatar Dev says:

      I recognized every single one of those names. I do, however, read a lot of news and I try to pay attention to what is going on in the world and in culture.

      1. avatar SD3 says:

        “I try to pay attention to what is going on in the world and in culture.”

        Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

        No, srsly. I’m sorry….

        HA!! HA!! HA!! HA!! HA!! HA!! HA!! HA!! HA!!

        1. avatar Guy From V says:

          lol bigtime

        2. avatar Rupert Pupkin says:

          Laughing at those who aren’t as shockingly ignorant seems like a lot of fun. I bet you do it quite a bit.

      2. avatar WayneMHK says:

        “I do, however, read a lot of People Magazine and I try to pay attention to what John Stewart says”

        FYP

    4. avatar Peter says:

      You only recognize four names? That actually a bit embarrassing. At least more than four of those names are more historical “celebrities” than they are tabloid.

    5. avatar Rupert Pupkin says:

      Knowing only four names on that list is, how shall I put this…laughable. Or maybe pathetic would be a better descriptor.

  3. avatar Shire-man says:

    Would make such an awesome game of Clue.

    It was Jimmy Stewart in the Billiard Room with the WWII bomber.

  4. avatar bontai Joe says:

    Jimmy Stewart? Listed as a killer because he was a bomber pilot???? Might as well list Ted Williams, Clark Gable, Yogi Berra because they all served in the military? What a crap list this is.

    1. avatar Another Robert says:

      Don’t forget bomber pilot George McGovern–one of the few liberals I actually have some respect for.

  5. avatar Louis says:

    I’m not sure if James Stewart should be included on this list, as he was fighting for our country and constitution. I’m sure none of the others were. At least he had class, B-24 Liberator indeed.

    1. avatar Cliff H says:

      The article did indicate: “Celebrities who have killed people” – Stewart and his crew, with any luck at all, undoubtedly dispatched a significant number of Germans. He commanded a B17 Flying Fortress, by the way, not a B24.

    2. avatar Paelorian says:

      I’m uncomfortable including World War II veterans on lists of “famous killers” alongside murderers. Killing and violence are not at all inherently bad things, and sometimes are virtuous acts (feeding your family with an animal, stopping a mass murder by killing, etc.) However, oftentimes our culture does not properly distinguish between the words “kill” and “murder”. While that practice bothers me, it’s just the way it is, and calling someone a “killer” without context is generally pejorative.

  6. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

    I’ll take Mary Jo Kopeckne for a thousand, Alex.

    1. avatar Rich Grise says:

      “Teddy, I think I’m pregnant.”
      “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, Mary Jo.”

  7. avatar Nine says:

    Wait a second…

    How do you use a helicopter as a murder weapon?

    Land it on them? Push them off something onto the blades? Swoop low and hit them?

    1. avatar Cliff H says:

      t says, “Celebrities who have killed…” NOT “Celebrities who have murdered.”

      1. avatar Rich Grise says:

        Wasn’t Vic Morrow killed by helicopter while filming Twilight Zone 6 or something?

  8. avatar Mighty Mo says:

    I wish I had an “IGNORE” button on my keyboard so that I could filter out “celebrity” news and other such drivel. If Justin Bieber gets his ass kicked on youtube let me know ‘cuz I want to see that. Otherwise……zzzzzzzz

    1. avatar Robert Farago says:

      Your wish is my command:

      1. avatar BLAMMO says:

        I can’t wait for the LA County Coroner to pay a house-call to him as the attending physician.

      2. avatar Gene says:

        And no eye protection.

      3. avatar Mighty Mo says:

        Ha! That made my day RF. She’s such a sweet little thang and all she wants to do is blow away that Canadian tool. Awwwwww!

  9. avatar Craig says:

    If a bomber counts, then add everyone who ever was a combat vet, from George Washington to JFK to Old Man Bush.

    John Wilkes Booth? Seriously? That’s like saying Agatha Christie is still a celebrity, or Ben Franklin.

    1. avatar tdiinva says:

      Booth was an accomplished actor in his day. I dare say he would had the same status as Brad Pitt.

    2. avatar Cliff H says:

      What about John F. Kerry? Seems likely the grenade he threw into the sampan that got him the self-inflicted rice-shrapnel wound/Purple Heart must have killed someone.

      Other than that, what about Bill and Hillary? Lots of evidence that they were connected to the deaths of over 50 people who were in opposition to their political ambitions.

      Why not include every president who ever ordered a military action, Like either Roosevelt, or Lyndon Johnson, or Reagan, who was also a movie star. Just because they didn’t pull the trigger or fly the bomber they don’t count?

  10. avatar Jack Brown says:

    So did Charles S Dutton kill two people? He made the list twice. And Christian Brando? Celebrity? Really?

    1. avatar Ralph says:

      Don King leads Charles Dutton in homicides by two to one.

    2. avatar BlinkyPete says:

      Nope. He killed someone in a fist fight, and after being released from prison was caught with a ‘deadly weapon’ and sent back.

  11. avatar Scott S says:

    “John Wilkes Booth?” A “Celebrity?” GMAFB

    1. avatar Anon in CT says:

      Sure, just like Charlie Manson, the Son of Sam, Lee Harvey Oswald, etc.

      Or is the point that Booth was an actor, and therefore at least a potential celeb among the theatre set?

  12. avatar former water walker says:

    What a load of s##t How about the late Charles Durning? He was at D-DAY. I’m sure he “murdered a few Nazis”.

  13. avatar Pencotron says:

    Oliver Stone’s helicopter kill is a lot different than John Landis’ helicopter kill. Just sayin’.

  14. avatar Bob says:

    You missed a couple Grover Cleveland – noose(2), George S Patton – firearm

    1. avatar Another Robert says:

      Doggone it, that’s right–when he was a county sheriff…

  15. avatar Matt in FL says:

    The one about Matthew Broderick surprised me. Killed two people in a head-on collision while he was driving the wrong way on a one-way street in Ireland. Although admittedly, if I had Jennifer Grey in my passenger seat back then it’d distract me a little, too.

  16. avatar Ty King says:

    Why is O.J. on that list. Sure, I think he’s guilty as fuck, but he was found not guilty.

    1. avatar Paul G. says:

      But “If he had done it”, he would have used a knife.

    2. avatar Cliff H says:

      The list is celebrities who have killed, not who have murdered.

      Also, although OJ’s “dream team” lawyers managed to avoid a conviction in the criminal trial, where the burden of proof is higher, he was convicted of the murders in civil court, so he is certainly not “innocent.”

  17. avatar Roscoe says:

    Audie Murphy did it right.

    1. avatar Another Robert says:

      And Neville Brand

    2. avatar Mark N. says:

      Murphy’s list of “kills” would probably lead the list, with second to General Stewart.

      1. avatar tdiinva says:

        It all depends on chance. Stewart’s bombs could have killed a lot more if they hit the right (or from the German perspective wrong) place.

        Jimmy Stewart’s last combat mission was as the right seater in a B-52 ARCLIGHT strike in Vietnam in 1966. Strictly for publicity of course. He was very active in the Air Force Reserve and remain a qualified pilot. I can’t remember the exact title but Stewart played a recalled pilot in a movie about the Strategic Air Command. All the actual flight scenes with him at controls were really Jimmy Stewart at the controls and flying the aircraft.

        1. avatar NeonCat says:

          Jimmy Stewart’s movie about the Strategic Air Command was called… Strategic Air Command.

  18. avatar Eric Troutman says:

    Charles Durning was a WWII hero, as noted above. He killed several German soldiers, including one in hand-to-hand combat, with a rock (having himself been bayoneted).

    He was awarded the Silver Star and three Purple Hearts.

    1. avatar DrVino says:

      ….then he went on to make some great Mel Brooks movies.
      What about the guy who played the original Scotty in the original (how many permutations and remakes back is that now) of Star Trek.

      1. avatar Another Robert says:

        Yes, I understand that James Doohan (Scotty) served in the Army, took part in the D-Day invasion.

        1. avatar Jack Brown says:

          Shot two snipers on Juno Beach on D-Day then was shot six times by friendly fire later that night losing his middle finger. They try to hide it on Star Trek a lot(like using another actor’s hands for closeups on the transporter console) but if you look closely sometimes you can spot it.(Like DeForest Kelly’s pinkie ring)

  19. avatar DrVino says:

    John Wilkes Booth was a ‘celebrity’?
    William S. Burroughs was a lousy shot and a lousy drunk.

  20. avatar Leadbelly says:

    Pardon me – Leadbelly had a scar running from ear to ear where someone tried to kill HIM with a knife. Both of his murder convictions (which, today in a less racist environment, would be considered self defense) were based on his use of a .32 revolver against attacks by jealous husbands/boyfriends. He was a musician, and a remarkably charismatic individual, so women responded rather enthusiastically to his presence. His ability to charm state governors and other authorities into granting him early release is a big part of his legend.

    1. avatar Another Robert says:

      Interesting–I understand back in those earlier, also more sexist, times, in at least some states it was considered a “justifiable homicide” for a husband to kill his wife’s paramour, at least if he caught them, ahh, in flagrante delicto. If that is true, I wonder if the paramour could assert “self defense” for defending himself against what the law would consider a justifiable homicide??

      1. avatar Leadbelly says:

        At least one of Leadbelly’s offenses took place in Louisiana, which, in those days followed the Napoleonic Code in many legal manners. Essentially, though, in the South during the 1920s and ’30s in any fight between two black men, both were considered guilty. Sort of the same way the nuns handled fights where I went to grade school.

        1. avatar Another Robert says:

          Had to laugh at that one!

        2. avatar Rich Grise says:

          Yeah! I say any two men who fight should both be found guilty. Lock them up together in a room and don’t let them out until they either make peace or one of them kills the other one. Then convict that one of murder, and put him away. 😉

          Oops – kind of a funny way for an anarchist to talk.

          Well, that’s a dilemma – how to deal with murderers. Of course, a well-armed populace will cut the murder rate a lot. That and callling off the insane war on drugs.

  21. avatar John Stevens says:

    Don’t forget Claudine Longet

  22. avatar crm114 says:

    I had no idea that one of my favorite actors was a murderer. I’ll never be able to watch another play with John Wilkes Booth after reading that.

    1. avatar Yellow Devil says:

      Bravo. *slow clap

  23. avatar Jack says:

    I’m surprised that the list doesn’t include Albert Salmi, who, oddly enough, costarred in the anti-gun Night Gallery episode “The Waiting Room.”

  24. avatar Gregolas says:

    They forgot TV’s Superman, George Reeves, who committed suicide with a Luger.

    1. avatar Jack Brown says:

      Slanderous accusation! He was murdered!

      1. avatar Rich Grise says:

        I heard that he committed suicide with a shotgun.

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