Good news toaster pastry fans! If you live in the Sunshine State, you may soon be able to toss a Pop Tart in your kid’s lunch bag without worrying that the little shaver will bite it into the shape of a 1911 and get himself tossed from school. In a blow for common sense and against mindless zero tolerance policies, Emily Miller reports that Florida’s senate is considering what’s being called the “Pop Tart bill” that expressly allows kids to craft their food or fingers into the shape of a firearm. Drawing pictures of revolvers and rifles will be OK, too. The bill passed the Florida House 98-17 and Governor Rick Scott’s spokesnoid issued this carefully-worded statement: “The governor supports the Second Amendment and our state’s self-defense law and will review any bill that comes to his desk.”

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40 Responses to Florida Schools May Soon Be Safe for Pop Tarts

  1. I used to draw little rifles into my scantrons on tests. The boxes were rectangles and my guns looked like the Battle Rifle from Halo. Just throwing that out there.

    • Drawing that on scantrons probably didnt help your test scores.

      I remember all throughout elementary school I could draw something related to weapons and the teachers DNGAF. It would be stuff like tanks and jets shooting at eachother and guns I’d “invent” and the teachers would smile big at me and say “Nice!(you-cant-draw-worth-sh!t-dumbass)”

      • My desk in detention had all kinds of weapons drawn on it.. I mean I knew of a desk…

        I drew all manner of deadly weapons on my book covers. History had an evolution chart of weapons from stones to spears, to arrows all the way up to nuclear missiles. Math books had a fake gangbanger math problem on it.

  2. Whew! Thank goodness Florida residents don’t have to pay the $200 tx or get a trust set up for the SBP (short barelled pastry). That could add up quickly. I wonder of they run into the same issue with slim jims, jerkey, and other treats.

    Zero tollerance forntheir nitwittey! There should be a law!

  3. Geez … Glad to hear it’s moving forward.

    But, that said, it’s pretty darned pathetic something like this needed to be passed in the first place.

    Aren’t teachers and school admins supposed to have more important things to worry about? Like, say, teaching? Or maybe stopping bullying? Anything? Buehler?

    • Teachers and administrators created the national trend now known as bullying by not allowing students to stick up for themselves and adopting zero-intelligence practices to prevent boys from being boys.

  4. If Mom would only break those Pop-Tarts (which I ONLY chew into the shape of a gun, since that) in half, the kids would be limited to derrigers.

    • But the pop-tart, still in the wrapper even, has a profile eerily reminiscent of a “high”-capacity magazine clip-thingy.

  5. Don’t get suckered in by Bors. He is a all-in “butter”. You should read author Larry Correia’s hilarious fisking article against Bors.

  6. Does a law really need to be passed for something as asinine as this?
    If that’s the case, ban zero tolerance policies.

  7. This bill is a breath of fresh air. This practice of tossing kids out of school because they spelled the word
    “gun” with their Alpha-bits or chewed moms disgusting peanut butter and jelly sandwich which looked like a gun, or the state of Florida, choose your madness, has gone beyond stupid and ridiculous.
    I know the hens at MDA and Shannon Twats are probably seething over this legislation, but I would expect no less from those clueless hens.

    • It’s not a common sense bill. It’s another vain attempt by a stupid legislature to regulate even stupider school administrators.

      Common sense would involve electing school board members with backbones who won’t fall for idiotic “zero tolerance” policies.

  8. It’s really depressing that this actually has to be be discussed
    and voted on. I just wish that the reps had put some teeth into
    the bill. For instance they could add that any teacher caught
    carrying a rule to absurd proportions immediately be
    suspended pending independent investigations and those
    who are judged to be guilty (read: morons) will have their
    teaching licenses revoked for 3-5 years. This would force a
    little personal accountability on the admin staff and teachers
    making these bonehead decisions. Many here at TTAG
    complain (and rightly so) about LEOs that profess to blindly
    follow rules and laws. Believe me, many school systems and
    teachers are just as bad, if not worse.

  9. Apparently the Governor’s spokesnoid was once a teacher, or at least has the mental defects associated with them. What in the world does this bill have to do with 2A and/or the right to self-defense? The proper response would have been, “The Governor respects the constitutional right of teachers and principals to be stupid and that they have the right to union-defense. Nevertheless, the Governor will give careful consideration to this bill.”

    Unless the Pop-Tart Bill actually gives the students or their parents the right to haul off and deliver a kick to a sensitive area of said edumecator’s anatomy. Which, in lieu of a major financial penalty, I would support.

  10. It is really hard to fathom the mind of a leftard; so paranoid and ill-equipped to defend themselves from even the Eater Bunny. It blows one’s mind how these people ever managed to survive grammar school without getting raped or kicked to the curb. Oh wait, maybe that’s what happened.

    • I have no idea how the voting chart will format when this posts. Maybe just go to the link:
      http://www.myfloridahouse.gov/Sections/Bills/floorvote.aspx?VoteId=14586&BillId=51967&&

      The Y or N appears before the name of the representative.

      Bill Number: 7029
      Date: Thursday, March 20, 2014
      Reading #: 3
      Barcode #: NA
      Sequence: 482
      In the Chair: Weatherford
      Floor Actions: Passage

      Y Adkins Y Danish N Jones, M. Y Pilon Y Slosberg
      Y Ahern Y Davis Y Jones, S. Y Porter Y Smith
      Y Albritton Y Diaz, J. N Kerner Y Powell Y Spano
      Y Antone Y Diaz, M. Y La Rosa Y Pritchett N Stafford
      Y Artiles Y Dudley N Lee Y Raburn Y Stark
      Y Baxley Y Eagle Y Magar N Rader Y Steube
      N Berman Y Edwards Y Mayfield N Rangel Y Stewart
      Y Beshears Y Fitzenhagen Y McBurney Y Raschein Y Stone
      Y Bileca Y Fresen N McGhee Y Raulerson Y Taylor
      Y Boyd Y Fullwood Y McKeel Y Ray N Thurston
      N Bracy Y Gaetz Y Metz Y Reed Y Tobia
      Y Brodeur N Gibbons Y Moraitis – Rehwinkel Vasilinda Y Torres
      Y Broxson Y Gonzalez Y Moskowitz Y Renuart Y Trujillo
      Y Caldwell Y Goodson Y Murphy N Richardson – Van Zant
      Y Campbell – Grant Y Nelson Y Roberson, K. Y Waldman
      Y Castor Dentel Y Hager Y Nuñez Y Rodrigues, R. N Watson, B.
      Y Clarke-Reed Y Harrell Y Oliva Y Rodríguez, J. N Watson, C.
      Y Clelland Y Hill Y O’Toole N Rogers Y Weatherford
      Y Coley Y Holder N Pafford Y Rooney Y Williams, A.
      Y Combee Y Hood Y Passidomo Y Rouson Y Wood
      Y Corcoran Y Hooper Y Patronis Y Santiago Y Workman
      Y Crisafulli Y Hudson Y Perry Y Saunders Y Young
      N Cruz Y Hutson Y Peters Y Schenck Y Zimmermann
      Y Cummings Y Ingram Y Pigman – Schwartz

      Total Yeas: 98 Total Nays: 17 Total Missed: 4 Total Votes: 115
      Vote After Roll Call:
      Yeas
      Van Zant 03/20/2014 03:43:39 PM
      Yeas To Nays
      Slosberg 03/20/2014 04:22:47 PM

  11. Should be the “The people teaching are children are freaking idiots who have proven they can’t be trusted to make reasonable judgements” Act.

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