If you’ve recently taken the required class for your Texas CHL as RF and I did on Saturday, you may have heard about the latest health scourge afflicting the nation’s gun owners. No, it’s not the elevated blood pressure, self-inflicted hair loss and accelerated wallet bleed-out associated with the ObamaCare enrollment process. Instead, the malady is known as Post Defensive Gun Use Respiratory Distress. This acute condition strikes individuals in the immediate aftermath of a defensive gun use who’d rather not take the more hard-line approach with inquisitive members of the 5-O (“I feared for my life. I want to talk to my lawyer before I say anything else.”) advocated by many . . .
If you believe our instructor, that kind of Dragnet-style, just-the-facts-ma’am approach can put off the responding officer, forcing him to cuff you, stuff you in a squad car and ship you downtown. That, in turn, could result in the newly-dead perp lying in a pool of his own blood being portrayed as the victim when it comes time to present the case to the D.A. and/or grand jury. Probably not something you want to have to deal with.
Instead, as we were instructed, when the responding officer arrives, better to drop to one knee, clutch your chest and, while wheezing piteously, blurt out something like, “H-he tried to kill me! I…I…I’m having trouble breathing…can you help me please?” Truth be told, our class presenter also advised puking and wetting your pants to enhance the overall effect, but that seemed a little over the top.
Anyway, the idea is that by the time the ambulance arrives and you’ve been rushed to the emergency room for a thorough going-over, your attorney will have had time to make the scene and intervene without your answering any questions. If you happen to draw a particularly aggressive investigating officer who sidles up to your gurney in the ER before your counsellor gets there, just breathe a little faster in your oxygen mask, cough and gurgle a few more times until a nurse shoos him away.