Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous: Vagina Carry

“A domestic dispute over space aliens escalated Saturday morning when a lingerie-clad New Mexico woman allegedly pointed a silver handgun at her boyfriend, a weapon she retrieved from her vagina, where it had been placed while the accused was performing a sex act, police allege.” If that’s not enough to make you read on, check your pulse. The, um, accused is Jennifer McCarthy, ex-wife of Pulitzer Prize winner, Cormac. “After removing the gun from her vagina, McCarthy pointed it at her boyfriend’s head, investigators charge. Fearing that he could get shot, the man grabbed the weapon from McCarthy and put it in the toilet.” ‘Cause where else would you stash an over-lubed heater? The only question is, did she use Rem Oil or Astroglide? Oh, and you’re welcome. [h/t Kirk K.]

comments

  1. avatar ST says:

    Which controlled substance did the cops find at the scene?

    1. avatar Jeremy S says:

      Come on dude. We’ve all been there. This could have happened to anyone.

      1. avatar Dustin Eward says:

        You’ve hurt me with laughter. Thank you.

    2. avatar IdahoPete says:

      You’ve heard of “Ecstasy”? This was “Insanity”. It is getting harder and harder to write fiction these days, since it has all been done for real.

  2. avatar William Burke says:

    Meth is EVERYWHERE. Probably a favored-status customer of the late Walter White.

    1. avatar NYC2AZ says:

      Not possible. All those driver license checks on sudafed purchases completely eliminated the meth problem in this country. You just don’t believe enough!

      /sarc

  3. avatar Hugh Jorgan says:

    It was assault with a friendly weapon

    1. avatar Excedrine says:

      Friendly fire — isn’t.

      1. avatar Jeff says:

        more like friendly showers

  4. avatar Ralph says:

    Well, at least someone has solved the conundrum of shower carry. But there’s no way that a guy is going to shove up pistol up his coolie. Anyway, not this guy.

    The quest for male shower carry goes on.

      1. avatar James1000 says:

        The fact that your link includes the word “tripod” does not persuade me to click on it. Please, just stop.

        1. avatar Ing says:

          HA! Call me a fool, but I clicked it.

          Not casting aspersions on your…er…tripod, Rich, but there was nothing to see (just a white screen and a logo).

        2. avatar Ing says:

          Couldn’t find the picture.

          However, I did find a link to a very interesting Social Attitude Test based on the Eysenck methodology. It seems like a very well-constructed test. I’ve always been fascinated by this sort of thing.

          It told me:
          Your test scores indicate that you are a tough-minded cultural centrist; this is the political profile one might associate with a jaded materialist. It appears that you are skeptical towards religion, and have a balanced attitude towards humanity in general.
          Your attitudes towards economics appear capitalist, and combined with your social attitudes this creates the picture of someone who would generally be described as a libertarian.
          To round out the picture you appear to be, political preference aside, a sensible radical centrist with few strong convictions.

          Interesting. No telling how accurate these assessments really are, but I’m willing to own that result.

        3. avatar Rich Grise says:

          [superfluous post withdraws]

        4. avatar Rich Grise says:

          “Interesting. No telling how accurate these assessments really are (it might only be assessing my wishful self-concept rather than true attitudes), but I’m willing to own the results.”

          Some of the answers should have been “it depends.” I believe it’s impossible to make enough “rules” to cover every situation, that’s why we have both a brain and a will – to evaluate each situation right on the spot, as it were.

      2. avatar CA.Ben says:

        Your picture doesn’t work.
        I’m not digging through your website to find it.
        You will never be elected president with the same haircut as Legolas.

        1. avatar Ing says:

          Hey, I’d vote for Legolas. (My wife probably would too, but she just has a thing for that British pansy Orlando Bloom.)

        2. avatar Rich Grise says:

          “Your picture doesn’t work.”
          I’m sorry to hear that.

          “I’m not digging through your website to find it.”
          It wouldn’t work anyway – I haven’t put the link in /images/index.html yet. It’s no great loss. Imagine a holster hanging from a loop of rope, a la “soap on a rope,” I just paint-shopped “gun on a rope.”.

          “You will never be elected president with the same haircut as Legolas.”
          So, if I cut my hair, I will? That’d almost be worth it! 😉

          BTW, who or what is ‘Legolas?”

    1. avatar jwm says:

      Rabbi ought to man up and carry a 4th pistol.

  5. avatar Hugh Jorgan says:

    I dont know about this story, something smells fishy

    1. avatar tommyr says:

      You don’t say?!

    2. avatar JAS says:

      For the win!

    3. avatar Denny says:

      Yeeeeeaa Fresh Tuna

    4. avatar Mack Bolan says:

      I didn’t know Smith and Wesson made a pistol chambered in Kotex. Who knew?

    5. avatar Rad Man says:

      I imagine it was a pretty large, broken in holster.

  6. avatar TX GUN GAL says:

    “Which controlled substance did the cops find at the scene?”
    All of them!

  7. avatar ready,fire,aim says:

    all i could think of while reading this was Bullwinkle pulling the rabbit from his hat….as we all know it wasn’t a rabbit

  8. avatar jwm says:

    The Road has been rough to her. Lots of miles on that face. One question. Was it a 5 shot j frame, a double tapp or a Deagle .50? Bored minds want to know.

  9. avatar tommyr says:

    Ewww! And then also, ICK! She’s not attractive at all to me!

    1. avatar Denny says:

      YeeUper rough roads behind her. Flip er over for the rest of da map. Grand Canyon to the south one suspects.

      1. avatar Denny says:

        Jodi is that you?

  10. avatar Taro Tsujimoto says:

    That opening sentence started out great, got even better, and then went totally awesome.

  11. avatar MattG says:

    That’s straight out of one of Cormac McCarthy’s novels, like something a silent cartel hit-woman would do to assassinate a crooked oil man.

  12. avatar Rick says:

    That’s some fucxed up shit

  13. avatar Tommy Knocker says:

    Wait one second…this apparently started with a dispute over SPACE ALIENS. An inquiring mind wants to know. Do these two have the keys to the ET question? Btw I would have much preferred Laurie Holden as Marita Covarrubias.

    1. avatar Rick says:

      Space aliens.

      Man, these Coast-to-Coast AM listeners are LOYAL.

      1. avatar Rich Grise says:

        The secret to interstellar travel will be revealed about a minute after humans abolish war from Earth.

  14. avatar Jus Bill says:

    NOW Shannon has something to aspire to…

  15. avatar Tim says:

    A silver gun???? Wait just a minute; was it a revolver, pistol or rifle? Some pertinent facts shouldn’t be left to the imagination.

    1. avatar TommyinKY says:

      The article said it was a S&W so I would guess revolver. That poor pistol suffered through a great ordeal first being used as a sex toy by her, then being thrown into the toilet by the boyfriend followed by being thrown in the trash only to be recovered by the police to be locked up for the rest of it’s life.

      1. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

        Yes. But was it an S&W made during its ownership by Bangor Punta?

        ” My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought, cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives…”

        1. avatar TommyinKY says:

          Wow, that never occurred to me. A joke 30 to 40 years in the making just waiting for an incident like this to happen. Gotta say that Taurus’ influence did improve S&W during that time.

        2. avatar Pantera Vazquez says:

          Hedley Lamarr……………..

  16. avatar Hannibal says:

    Now we have an answer for why cavity searches are conducted that doesn’t involve trying to find drugs.

  17. avatar mike says:

    Desert eagle 😉

  18. avatar Geesmith2 says:

    What kind of pu$$y settles arguments with a gun, anyway?

  19. avatar Hinshelworld says:

    The Road is one of the most compelling books I have ever read.

    1. avatar Shenandoah says:

      Blood Meridian is one of my favorite books, but I also thoroughly enjoyed The Road.

    2. avatar Billy bones says:

      Watched the movie, by the end I wanted to kill myself, bleak man, bleak

  20. avatar ropingdown says:

    I think I’m starting to understand the trend toward smaller ‘pocket’ pistols.

    I used to think Cormac was creative. Now I get it; He’s just a crusty SW version of Hemingway, writing what he knows.

  21. avatar Sam Wright says:

    The ultimate in undercover deep concealment back up gun. Your carry gun should always be on your person, or in your “safe”.

    1. avatar endless nameless says:

      or in your person.

  22. avatar RockOnHellChild says:

    If it was an 8 shot revolver everyone can start calling her Octopussy…

  23. avatar BT in Afghan says:

    It was a goose gun and they were discussing the best caliber/weapon to use to shoot down a UFO. She said 50 cal she said 20 ga. Then she said I got your 20 ga right here, as she brandished it.

  24. avatar Lucas D. says:

    Well, with all that talk about phallic symbols and dick compensation from the left, some idiot was bound to take it literally sooner or later.

  25. avatar MojoRonin says:

    Not the Jenny McCarthy I thought it would be.

    1. avatar Ing says:

      I don’t want to visualize that one, either.

      1. avatar Rick says:

        Oh, I agree. But THAT Jennie McCarthy would be inclined to argue passionately about space aliens. And Immunizations.

  26. avatar 505markf says:

    Damn. We are not all like that in New Mexico. Promise.

    Gives a whole new meaning to the acronym POTG.

  27. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

    Hope that heater didn’t have a ‘hair’ trigger…

  28. avatar Model 31 says:

    Bring back the supermodels already

    1. avatar James1000 says:

      No can do…some folks on here find it offensive. But stories about guns jammed in the female nether regions is a okay.

  29. avatar Bova says:

    Where’s Dirk? I can’t wait to see what he has to say about this one.

    1. avatar Dirk Diggler says:

      I suspect Shannon Watts will quietly remove her charter member founder and president of the santa fe chapter. . . . this mom apparently got what they demand.

      1. avatar Salty Bear says:

        Dirk, it’s so awesome that you show up when people ask where you are. It’s like in the old cartoons when the people cry for their hero and he suddenly appears.

        “Oh somebody please help!”
        ::Superman lands on a rooftop:: “This looks like a job for…. Superman!”

  30. avatar S_J says:

    >_< I didn't need that mental image.

    1. avatar Greg in Allston says:

      No kidding.

    2. avatar JaxD says:

      Something to think about next time you buy a used gun.

      1. avatar Rick says:

        Oh, ThanksaBUNCH!

  31. avatar crashbbear says:

    She was walking down The Road, in No Country For Old Men, when she saw a disenfranchised Child Of God and pulled a Deagle from her Blood Meridian.

  32. avatar Greg in Allston says:

    Whoa, whoa. Say what? Huh? Cormac is a great writer. His ex is … A special case. I bet that she has an awesome Kegel regimen. Extreme concealed carry.

  33. avatar Christl says:

    How the hell could she walk and sit with a gun inside here? o.o

    1. avatar Ralph says:

      Very carefully.

    2. avatar jwm says:

      Women give birth to 7-9 pound babies on a dailey basis. How hard could a 2 pound gun be?

      1. avatar Ing says:

        How hard can a 2 pound gun be? It’s no use asking me. I don’t give demonstrations.
        🙂

        1. avatar jwm says:

          So your wife was saying.

      2. avatar anonymous says:

        Women give birth to 7-9 pound babies on a dailey basis.

        Name one woman who has given birth on a daily basis.

        1. avatar jwm says:

          That one looks like she has.

  34. avatar Phil says:

    Once she goes polymer she’ll never go back.

  35. avatar the ruester says:

    Vajayjokes on TTAG!!!

  36. avatar Dirk Diggler says:

    I am familiar with the website “Guess Her Muff” (http://www.guesshermuff.net/?zx=5a97bd813208ba6e warning: NSFW), but I didn’t know the first successful spin off will be “Guess What’s In Her Muff?”

    1. avatar Shenandoah says:

      Thank you, sir. Thank you very much.

  37. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

    Some have safes, some have vaults. Some have holsters.
    She has a gunt.

    1. avatar jwm says:

      Thank god for the no beverage rules near the interwebz thingie.

      1. avatar Javier says:

        This is an excellent rule I intend to start following.

        Tom, you owe me a keyboard.

  38. avatar Roy says:

    Man, been there. No good.

  39. avatar Joseph D. Smith says:

    Hmmm. Wonder what else is up there? Maybe that’s where the .22LR has gone.

  40. avatar Matt in FL says:

    That was fantastically horrible.

  41. avatar endless nameless says:

    that’s a woman?

    1. avatar Col. Angus says:

      I thought it was a Doberman. She’s lucky the cops didn’t shoot her.

  42. avatar Al W says:

    Would you call that “tw*t” shot.

  43. avatar Shenandoah says:

    In every man’s past, there is at least one totally batsh!t crazy woman. For some of us, however, that list may get a little lengthy…

    Luckily, beer, guns and the internet (in no specific order) can make better companions than women for the modern man.

    1. avatar Col. Angus says:

      Don’t you mean: In every *lucky* man’s past…..

  44. avatar ensitue says:

    You’ve ruined what was left of my love life

  45. avatar jh says:

    you can’t make this kind of stuff up

  46. avatar MarcusAurelius says:

    I’ll keep my frog lube.

  47. avatar Oddux says:

    For some terrible reason, this made me think of the line from the song Bad Company: “I was born, a six-gun in my hand…”

    Now we know how it got there.

  48. avatar Shane says:

    Well, did she have a snuke in her snizz?

  49. avatar brainman says:

    That’s what happens when you use crappy grammar and avoid punctuation.

  50. avatar Marcus says:

    What a stuck up… But, no. I can’t finish that thought.

  51. avatar Victor says:

    She does appear to be a blonde; maybe that was her idea of what a stick up entails.

  52. avatar Dustin Eward says:

    Do we still get to call them pocket guns? Or, was this not one of those? I’m confused and sad now…

  53. avatar The Last Marine out says:

    Are you sure that gun was not to force the guy to have sex with her. It would take a cannon and I still would not want that hag ! The cops felt sorry for her and charged the guy ,, always the guys doings .. Just saying..

  54. avatar racer88 says:

    Gives “shoot your wad” a whole new meaning.

    The article in “thesmokinggun.com” said she had INNER course with the gun. Ummm… what?

    1. avatar Rich Grise says:

      Well, it was about space aliens – maybe she had outercourse.

  55. avatar John Mauer says:

    Please tell me that she pulled a similar move during Cormac’s courtship, producing a Colt Mustang that was the inspiration for All The Pretty Horses.

  56. avatar Old Ben turning in grave says:

    Like my favorite breakfast cereal…a special prize in every box

  57. avatar HiPlanesDrifter says:

    Well, fashizzle my bizzle. She put a gun in her hoo-hoo, at which point the boyfriend says ‘let’s see if I can get her off . . . .I mean, get it off . . . I mean, off her . . . I mean get it off her . . . . I mean, get it out & get off her . . . I mean, get off her, get it out & get out!”

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