Question of the Day: Can A Minivan Be Cool?

Guns are cool. Profoundly, inherently, deeply cool. But having one doesn’t make you cool. Being a HSLD (High Speed Low Drag) “operator” with cool guns doesn’t make you cool. As Steve McQueen fans will tell you, you’re either cool or you’re not. It’s hard – let’s go with impossible – to fake cool. “Is she alright?” Costa demands as his wounded colleague lies on the pavement screaming “Help me!” That’s nice of him . . . but it’s not cool. Glasses that go from dark to light in the blink of a muzzle flash? That’s cool! But it’s the glasses that are cool. As for the minivan, “bootlegger’s turn” and rolling hubcap and all, no, a minivan can never be cool. Not even if Steve McQueen was driving it. KJW mit SCAR in a Robinson helicopter? That’s cool. Jerry Miculek in a field with a 50? That’s cool. What do you think is cool, in terms of firearms or those who use them? [Click here for the Easy Day “making of” video that details the weaponry involved.]

comments

  1. avatar Matt in FL says:

    Funny how the guy that “the guys really want bad” so that they can “question him hard” for his “important information” had 17 holes in him by the end of the video. Where’s the intel now, dumbass?

    This was on ENDO this morning, and a commenter named “kl” left this, which is better than anything I could come up with:

    The wannabee hero solution: running gunfight with three fatalities and one friendly wounded – that’ll be a shit-ton of paperwork, admin leave, Grand Jury presentments, warm-and-fuzzy sessions with the Dept. shrink, and a coupla civil lawsuits.

    Real-life solution: hit bad-guy with the mommy-van – dirt-bag’s taken into custody, patrol does an accident report, and agent chick gets hit with an official reprimand (with the option to forfeit leave in lieu of suspension days).

    and then added this:

    Sorry, agent chick MIGHT get an official reprimand depending on how well you can articulate suspect’s running into the path of your car as you were trying to stop.

    What a derpfest. And the 7.5 minute “making of” video (twice as long as the actual video, by the way) is basically a commercial for all the gear used in the video itself. Don’t waste your time, unless you need something to watch while strapping up your Costa arm tape.

    1. avatar pwrserge says:

      Agreed. That’s the worst room clearing technique I’ve seen outside an action movie. Dude went into a room practically blind. In reality, they would be bagging and tagging his ass.

      1. avatar over-educated economist says:

        Not to mention how he somehow gets the drop on the two dudes covering the entrance he runs through. He would have had more than a mag of 7.62×39 in him if he had pulled that stunt in real life. Defender always wins…

        Also, I nearly had water spout out of my nose from laughing when that dude pulled out the suppressed Mac at the beginning and went full auto. They should have hunted up a Tec-9 and gotten the stereotype perfect.

        1. avatar Mr. Pierogie says:

          But…but…he has a tactical beard, tactical arm tape and a tactical messenger bag! He’s the high speed, low drag operator’s operator. How dare you question his coolness and his tactical operating in operations! Dude, do you even operate?

    2. avatar Ing says:

      To summarize: It’s an action movie.

    3. avatar BillC says:

      This vid and Costa aren’t getting much love over @ SSD either. Most people seem to be calling it for what it is, bullshit marketing by a former coastie pretending to be a SEAL Team Six vet that has been in 1,000 gunfights who now wants to be an action star. The SSD mod seems to have a hard-on or him. As for minivans, they can never be cool. But, if you somebody has a need for a minivan, cool doesn’t matter and they aren’t trying to be cool. Costa f’ed up, he should have been using a windowless, full-size van that is used by all the bad guys for snatch and grabs.

      That being said, he is a much better shooter than I am and as branded himself as such to make a crap-ton more money than I have, so I guess hater’s gonna hate.

    4. You can keep your “cool”. I would rather blend in with a mild-mannered appearance that does not draw attention.

      I have been called “cool”, but it was never the intended result.

      Maybe Robert is right, and one is “cool” or not. I believe that chasing after “cool” is very “uncool”.

      1. avatar Cliff H says:

        The mini-van is not either cool or uncool. It was a good choice if the intent is camo. That said, I spotted a whole bunch of Hollywood-inspired uncool in this clip:

        1. Driving along in an unmarked mini-van they spot their quarry on the street. He had no indication this was van full of operators and no reason to panic until they smoked the brakes. Uncool. should have driven past and made a quiet U-turn to pursue or tail.
        2. Having alerted (unnecessarily) the perp they jump out and take fire. Even though they have discussed how important it is to capture this guy the INSTANT one of the team take a hit the entire operation STOPS as all team members stop to check her injury. FAIL! One team member should be designated for aid while the others continue the mission.
        3. Only one of the original four (I think it was a four team) continues the pursuit, into unknown territory, knowing the perp is running to a rendezvous with his associates.
        4. In the ridiculous firefight the good guy smoke a shotgun, a full-auto AK, and shoots dead, multiple times over, the high-value suspect (as mentioned above), the questioning of whom was the primary purpose of their mission.

        This looks to be about as realistic as a Sly Stalone “Expendables” movie.

        1. avatar over-educated economist says:

          He probably figured it out when he looked in the van’s window and saw a bunch of bad dudes with tactical-awesome gear on.

          That reminds me of the time that I did some training at a remote range once; we all got into SUVs to drive to site with all of our gear on and our guns in the back. I can only imagine what might have happened if some local deputy had noticed our little contingent and pulled us over to investigate…

          I also like how Costa can’t wait half a second after his reload to see if maybe this guy is going to lower that gun, given how important the capture is. Nope, time for a mag dump into that mofo, because Costa’s too high speed to wait for him to drop.

    5. avatar Tom says:

      Suspect dead, no problem. That’s a job for the Tactical Psychic. Or the Perp Whisperer.

      1. avatar Ing says:

        At first glance I thought it was Derp Whisperer.

    1. avatar Bryan says:

      No a mini-van can never be cool. But a tank sporting mini-van camo can!

    2. avatar Cliff H says:

      See also the movie “Get Shorty”

      If the Driver is REALLY cool, the van is cool.

      In other words, “Minivans don’t make cool, PEOPLE make cool.”

  2. avatar Michael B. says:

    No-nonsense guns without a bunch of crap hanging off them are cool.

    For example, a Vietnam-era Colt Commando:

    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_CJWAX_roEs/T9NueUX3bkI/AAAAAAAADno/rMhGJGvmyP8/s1600/XM177E1-609.jpg

  3. avatar Ross says:

    I thought the whole video was cool, but that’s just me.

  4. avatar Leadbelly says:

    Maybe not cool, but a S&W .38 Masterpiece revolver with a six-inch barrel is the essence of classic grace and elegance. No flash, no bling, just every curve and line leading inevitably to the perfectly balanced whole.

    1. avatar Michael B. says:

      It’s not really cool, but it IS classy.

  5. avatar RD says:

    Why yes a minivan can be cool, just ask Honda & Simon Pagenaud:
    http://www.roadandtrack.com/go/news/news-motorsports-simon-pagenaud-pikes-peak-honda-odyssey\

    http://www.worldcarfans.com/113060658517/turbocharged-honda-odyssey-minivan-headed-to-pikes-peak

    All it takes is a trick suspension, a roll cage, and a 500+hp LMP2 engine.

    1. avatar ShaunL says:

      But you still look like a dork driving that to a bar….. Women don’t understand that horsepower=cool….lol.

    2. avatar Bryan says:

      Still a turd with stickers.

  6. avatar ErrantVenture11 says:

    My classmates proved that minivans can be cool. You just need to find a 1992 Plymouth Voyager with a factory 5-Speed manual, swap in a turbo 4 from a Dodge Omni GLHS, and tear everything else out of it.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppLu5tlzQcA

    1. avatar Matt in FL says:

      No, you’re wrong. That’s still not cool. It makes a lot of noise (that can be good or bad), and it makes a lot of smoke, but it’s still an effing minivan. With no interior. Nobody would actually want to drive it as more than a lark.

      1. avatar dwb says:

        demolition derby!!

      2. avatar Drew says:

        At rocky mountain raceway there was a guy with a turbo caravan (they actually came factory with turbos) with an intercooler the size of my last TV. It just fit between the headlamps and went from the hood line to about where the bottom of the bumper would have been.

        The thing spooled up like a jet fighter and ran sub 11 second times. That was cool minivan and I would definitely drive it… or any old Chrysler turbo.

  7. avatar Gyufygy says:

    Wow. All due respect to Costa’s skill and experience, but that was some wankerlicious COD BS. Sometimes silly can be cool, but not this time.

  8. avatar PNG says:

    Mazda’s minivan can have a stick shift. Cool, if only for that.

    1. avatar Jeff says:

      if you’re talking about the MPV, it’s actually a pretty decent AWD vehicle that just happens to look like a minivan. they probably would’ve sold a whole lot better if Mazda took the Subaru wagon approach to the body design.

      FWIW one of my friends drove a Ford Aerostar 4X4 in high school. we wheeled the crap out of that minivan and it would go anywhere offroad. it was also RWD and would lay down some mean smoke with its 4 liter V6

      1. avatar PNG says:

        That’s right. A wagon style would have been better for the MPV. There was a time when vans were cool.. They could be again. I’ll tell you what’s not cool: SUVs. They can be cool too, but not when they’re 2WD and only go to the mall.

      2. avatar Drew says:

        The Mazda 5 either dose or did come with a manual trans though mebe not in the US. But the old MPV was always a cool vehicle. the last few years when they were very out of date were the best versions.

        I had for my 3rd or 4th car an old rwd Aerostar, that thing only ever got stuck in the snow when I once accidentally dug it completely out of the snow after the plow went buy and ended up with all 4 wheels suspended off the ground by a column of snow.
        Laying on the ground hacking away at the column until the van came down practically on top of me was one of my best Darwin award nominations 🙂

        1. avatar PNG says:

          I dunno about this model year, but I know the Mazda5 had a stick in 2012 when I was shopping the Mazda3. Got the 3 with the stick too. MPV was cool too. Hell, I just like Mazdas in general.

          The Aerostar needs to come back in a big way.

  9. avatar PhoenixNFA says:

    Renault espace f1

    What happens when you unleash the Renault Formula 1 engineers into the dealership to select and make the most hipster cool car ever.

    1. avatar Tom says:

      Nothing Renault can be called cool after they produced the LeCar.

  10. avatar Hasdrubal says:

    Renault Espace F1. Coolest minivan in the world.
    Edit- phoenix, you must have beat me by seconds.

    1. avatar PhoenixNFA says:

      Must have. Haha

  11. avatar Ralph says:

    You might as well ask if an infant car seat that smells like monkey piss can be cool.

    No. No it cannot.

  12. avatar ensitue says:

    No One who is obsessed with ‘cool’ can ever be ‘cool’
    The same goes for ‘hipness’. Those PPL are ‘Posers’
    PPl that do their jobs sans ego and drama , even if a mini-van is involved, are truly cool

  13. avatar peirsonb says:

    “What do you think is cool, in terms of firearms or those who use them?”

    .45 ACP

    1. avatar Steve in MD says:

      Is there any other caliber?

    2. avatar Matt in FL says:

      This is me not taking the bait.

      This time.

    3. avatar tdiinva says:

      Not just anybody’s 45 ACP. It has to be John Moses Browning’s 45 ACP. Glocks are cool like Apple is cool…not.

  14. avatar dwb says:

    “no, a minivan can never be cool”

    Yes, a minivan can be cool: fill it with tannerite and blow it up. I also saw a stripped minivan in a demolition derby. That was cool too. especially when it flipped. Cool is context sensitive. A loaded firearm pointed in my face? That firearm is not cool! On the other hand, the one that wards off an attempted robbery without a shot… pretty darn cool.

  15. avatar Bonkers says:

    Uh, Hello? Anyone remember the Punisher’s old Battlevan? What about the Shellraiser?

    1. avatar peirsonb says:

      Those were full size vans, not the mini variety. There’s only one thing I can think of off the top of my head with a mini in the name that still remains cool….

      1. avatar Hasdrubal says:

        Minigun, minie ball, fn minimi, Mini Cooper (original only, not the new one).

  16. avatar Pete says:

    Cool is subjective. And chasing it is a fool’s game. Self-mastery and self-confidence are what make you cool. Nothing else.

  17. Okay, if this was an action movie I could suspend my disbelief. Is this supposed to be for “funsies” or an advert?

  18. avatar DrVino says:

    My wife has come around to the reality of us needing a minivan.
    This commercial may or may not sell her on a Nissan.

    1. avatar Bryan says:

      I’m sorry for you.

    2. avatar Accur81 says:

      There’s no need for a mini van. Seriously. Buick Enclave, GMC Acadia, Toyota 4Runner, Ford Explorer Sport, Dodge Durango, BMW X5, and Porsche Cayenne…and there’s more where that list came from.

      1. avatar Sixpack70 says:

        The wife drives an 06 Porsche Cayenne S. It is fun to drive and even a few years old has more options than a lot of newer cars. Much cooler than the mini van and it has that nice V8 sound. Gas mileage does suffer a bit with factory 4.10 gears.

  19. avatar Henry Bowman says:

    These guys made a much cooler video… also featuring a minivan.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOKuSQIJlog

  20. avatar LC Judas says:

    Being cool is getting the job done, the no miss clear on the stage, and the silence at the end because it looks like magic to your audience and all you need to do is reholster.

    Bumbling, lucky breaks and sensationalism are fun to watch…but seldom cool.

  21. avatar Matt says:

    minivan with gas turbine helicopter engine
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQM_TyyRye4

    1. avatar Matt in FL says:

      I wonder how many runs they get out of that before they have to swap out the transmission.

  22. avatar LongBeach says:

    A minivan can only be cool if its on fire. In a ditch.

  23. avatar Frank Masotti says:

    I don’t know. A big block diesel engine, armor plated, chain guns and a 60 on a turret might make a mini van cool. I have yet to see one like that so I can’t really say. 🙂

  24. avatar darkstar says:

    WTF is the purpose of this video? Is this a demo reel for some Hollywood producer to see?

  25. avatar 5Spot says:

    How much they pay Keanau? No, Point Break was not a good movie.

  26. avatar rlc2 says:

    Cool weapon: The one you’ve trained with to do the job it was made for; accurately repeatedly with no fuss no mistakes no drama.

    Cool trainers: Larry Vickers. Randy Kelley.

    Cool shooters. Jerry Miculchek. KJW.

    Cool writers. Nick Leghorn. Mas Ayoob.

  27. avatar NeonCat says:

    1) Get one of those minivans which have sliding doors on both sides.
    2) Paint it to look like a Vietnam era Huey.
    3) Take out the seats, add door gunners with M-60s.

    It may or may not be cool, but no one will cut you off in traffic again.

    1. avatar Drew says:

      Holy crap! Will you be on my LeMons team??

  28. avatar jwm says:

    I drive a 94 camry and a 98 volvo wagon. What do I know about cool. My favorite handgun is a model 10 .38. Do I need to go on?

  29. avatar bgreenea3 says:

    The are only 2 minivans that were almost cool that I have witnessed. One was an astro van made up to look like the A Team van. Two was a Toyota van that the owner tool a sawzall to the roof behind the drivers seat and made himself a pickup out of..

  30. avatar jimmyjames says:

    Mini vans are not cool, ever. Having said that, the company I used to work for had a fleet of them and they were handy, comfortable and pleasant to drive but not cool. Local radio station used to run a comedic serial called The Adventures of Married Man and College Buddy and married man used to say, “To the Mini Van” and off they would go on an adventure. Speaking of adventure, man those Sheriff’s deputies in that video sure lead an exciting life dont they? Sign me up. What a load of excrement.

    1. avatar Matt in FL says:

      A couple friends and I drove up to Virginia last summer (with three medium-large dogs), and we rented a Dodge Grand Caravan to do it. It was a surprisingly not-bad vehicle to travel in. Plenty of power, good visibility, comfortable (the driver’s seat could have been a little better), great stereo. All in all, if I had need of a minivan in my life, I think it would do well.

      But it still wouldn’t be cool.

  31. avatar MothaLova says:

    Stepping out of a mini-van as an armed and ready citizen instead of as a disarmed, begging-and-pleading victim, is very “cool.”

    There’s simply nothing as thrilling as beholding the transformation of a mini-van-driving caterpillar into a gun-slinging butterfly.

  32. avatar Paul W says:

    I lost my virginity in a mini-van, so to me they’re always going to be cool.

    1. avatar Matt in FL says:

      I lost mine in the front seat of a 1993 Buick LeSabre, and the experience didn’t help the cool factor of that car one whit.

      1. avatar Michael B. says:

        Man, your boyfriend drove a lame car.

        1. avatar Matt in FL says:

          I know, right?

          I didn’t laugh, but I definitely smiled.

      2. avatar Leadbelly says:

        Straddling the seat of a 1969 Honda 750-4.

        1. avatar Matt in FL says:

          Well done, sir.

      3. avatar ensitue says:

        Stable, hay
        I know, I’m an ICON

  33. I enjoyed the video, but I was sort of wondering why it was made and why he just stormed in and killed everyone if he was looking to get information. That and running through a huge doorway facing three guys and not getting shot…that was pretty miraculous.

    1. avatar Cliff H says:

      Well, DUH! That scumbag SHOT one of his team members, the girl, no less! Everyone knows that changes the entire mission from one of apprehending the perp to getting revenge for shooting his friend. At that point (in EVERY Hollywood production) all bets are off. You might as well just go ahead and shoot yourself.

  34. avatar Charles5 says:

    **Face Palm**

    Why do the bad guys always have class III weapons? Street punks do not have the cash for that. I read an article somewhere that class III weapons sell on the black market for 2 to 3 times what they sell for legally. That is a lot of money. That video was lame, and not because of the mini van.

  35. avatar 505markf says:

    Old school is cool. A Colt SAA in a nice leather holster on your hip. Showing up for a carbine class at Gunsite with an M1 Carbine. Lever actions – pick your caliber – for home defense. Exposed hammer coach guns. Steel worn smooth by the touch of a thousand hands. Wooden stocks that proudly show the dings of honest use afield. And always, always confidence and skill with your chosen arm. That’s cool.

    Along with late sixties British motorcycles. Leaky, shitty electrics, and stuffed full of cool.

  36. avatar christian says:

    Did Costa shoot that guy in the dick? “That’s not cool, Butters. You don’t shoot a guy in the dick.”

  37. avatar Mark Davis says:

    “So guys, we’re gonna go capture a known cop killer. He’s armed and extremely dangerous. But rather than putting together a well coordinated plan I’m just gonna sit in the passenger seat and spit out some half-baked shit. Good to go?”

  38. avatar Not So 1337 says:

    When you shoot a guy in the dick 2 minutes into a video, you’re not cool. That’s definitely not cool.

  39. avatar Dirk Diggler says:

    would it have been too hard to go up the block, turn around the van and not get the suspect’s attention so easily?

    1. avatar MothaLova says:

      Seriously.

      That was ridiculous.

  40. avatar Bdk NH says:

    Minivans are decidedly uncool in every iteration. Operationally, the video was complete BS.

    Also, wasn’t this dude in the Coast Guard? Who am I to say, but don’t Navy SEALS kind of have the Trident market cornered?

  41. avatar Jeff says:

    I guess Costa wants to make bad 1980s action movies now. Only things missing were a bunch of generic, ready-to-die Chinese Triad foot soldiers and a massively buff boss character that shows up right as Costa runs out of ammo. Then right before he breaks Costa’s back, the injured girl shows up and shoots boss character in the head. Then they make out. Roll credits.

    1. avatar Steve says:

      That sounds way more awesome than the shit I just watched…

  42. avatar jsallison says:

    Hipshooting an M60A1 MBT from the override using the Mk 1 eyeball at a hard target 200 yards away and hitting it, now that there is some cool stuph.

  43. avatar uncommon_sense says:

    What do I think is cool, in terms of firearms or those who use them?

    Answer: A few hundred bulk packs of .22 LR ammunition (500 rounds per pack) for $15 per pack in stock at my local gun store. With a purchase limit of 10 bulk packs.

  44. avatar Soccerchainsaw says:

    You guys obviously are not in to the pull over and sleep style camping. Take out the back seats, put in an air mattress and you’ve got a mini-rv… way cooler than a 40′ rv backing up traffic for a mile on a mountain road… in a modern vw microbus sort of way…

  45. avatar RockOnHellChild says:

    Rented a minivan for a business trip once, cops never looked twice at us heading back to the hotel at 2am from the b…. bible study class my coworkers and I attended every night.

    Gotta admit that was pretty cool.

  46. avatar Billy says:

    Lets see… The fact that he freaked out and blew his cover in the van has already been pointed out…
    How bout in his Magpul vids he’s all about “search and assess” and “reload reload reload”… He never does either… Just slumps down without checking the area.
    As someone on Facebook said though, I did like how he used the Tac light as it was intended, NOT constantly on to be a beacon, but just a few seconds.

  47. avatar Ted says:

    This is as close as you get to a cool mini van:

    http://allnerdity.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/the-a-team-van.jpg

    Yeah, yeah…I know…it’s a van, not a mini van.

    -ted

  48. avatar Aman2021 says:

    lets face it, first Costa would not own a mini van, nor would a sherifs team be in one. He would not miss that much, and he would not ask about her hair

  49. avatar Jonathan -- Houston says:

    Out on the road today, I saw spinner rims on a minivan. Figured that’s basically my generation’s equivalent to a deadhead sticker on a Cadillac.

    1. avatar MothaLova says:

      Heh.

      More like our generation’s equivalent to dorkiness.

    2. avatar Jeff says:

      are they still “your generation” if they came from Mexico?

  50. avatar Panzercat says:

    Frankly, the Bearded Wonder should have been smoked the moment he entered the warehouse. No cover, no measured entry, silloeted against the light. Stood there like a target for way too much time as he “cleared” the warehouse, while the badguy- having already demonstrated his marksmanship -sat behind cover, waiting. In fact, that’s the second time our operator should have been smoked– When he actually did stumble across the hiding BG. The third was when he blew into the drug lab. Now granted, he ran through the side entrance, forcing the other BGs to reaquire, but he still miraculously survived a 3:1 gun battle. Again. The fact that he did all of this without his only other operator made it even worse.

    At least his reaction for surviving such stupidity was appropriate.

  51. avatar Salvatore says:

    Not sure what is up with this guy Costa. I thought he was quite professional in the Magpul videos, but now he has done some zombie thing, a calendar photo thing, now this. I am afriad he is getting a bit too Hollywood as of late.

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