Sniper Teams Guard Keene, NH Pumpkin Festival


Keene, New Hampshire is small New England town nestled in the southwestern part of the state near to the Vermont border.  There is no interstate highway access and the population is only about 23,000 people. It also would seem to be a breeding ground for dangerous terrorist behavior. We were first alerted to the high risk faced by Keene last year when the city decided to accept DHS money to purchase their very own Lenco Bearcat. While one might wonder why a town that’s had only two murders since 1999 thinks it needs a battlefield grade armored assault vehicle, you’d be foolish to let your guard down. Obviously, the peaceful small New England town facade is just a clever ruse employed by the evil terrorists to hide their agenda until they are ready to strike . . .

Some might think that I’m being overly paranoid here. But clearly, it’s a good thing I’m here to publicize the danger Keene presents to the moral fabric of the nation. Just this past weekend, for instance, Keene held it’s annual pumpkin festival. The intent was to take the world record for the most Jack ‘o Lanterns lit at one time back from the city of Boston that’s had held it for seven years. Mission accomplished. Keene beat Beantown’s record by over 400 pumpkins.

While this annual event may look like just another example of wholesome small-town America autumn fun, I’m here to warn you that it’s only the first step in a nefarious plot. Think I’m crazy? Well why don’t we just ask the four two-man sniper teams who set up on buildings overlooking the festival. An inquiry made to the police verified that these men were, in fact, police snipers working for an unnamed agency.

Apparently, at least one of the pairs must must have been the “B” team because they left the back door to their rooftop nest open and no one was watching their six. They are lucky that the Nefarious Forces of EvilTM  that infest Keene must have been taking the day off to pray to Fearless Leader, the Great Pumpkin or something.

Anyway, let this be a warning to all law abiding Americans of good character. Keene must be hiding some pretty terrible secrets to demand this sort of law enforcement response, so it would probably be prudent to avoid it if at all possible.

[h/t to JP who tipped me to this story]