Quote of the Day: Pickup Truck Comparo Edition

Not a rifle rack between them, sadly. (courtesy caranddriver.com)

“According to a 2012 study by Texas A&M University, the feral hog population in the state is somewhere between 1.8 million and 3.4 million. These crafty omnivores are highly adaptable descendants of escaped domesticated pigs, of wild Eurasian boars, and of a hybrid of multiple sources of swine stock. They are unusually fecund; sows begin breeding at six to eight months of age and have two litters of about four to eight piglets every 12 to 15 months. They will live almost anywhere. They eat almost anything. They will damage just about any environment they encounter. A full-grown adult weighs in at between 150 and 400 pounds. And they have a quite high probability of being shot. They are, then, fairly typical Americans.” – 2014 Chevrolet Silverado 1500 LTZ Z71 vs. 2013 Ford F-150 Lariat, 2013 Ram 1500 Laramie Longhorn [via caranddriver.com] [h/t SS]

comments

  1. avatar Andrew says:

    The articles intro was super confusing: Car and driver comparing pigs to trucks to people getting shot.

    However there is this gem on the 2nd page, when talking about one of the trucks they compared:

    “And, of course, there are filigree flourishes all over the thing, including on the faces of the secondary gauges and the trim on the glove box and the floor mats. There are more of these tramp stamps on display here than at Daytona Spring Break. “

  2. Car and driver has always been one to devote an entire paragraph to building up just one ‘joke’, which is rarely any better than a chuckler. I stopped reading it decades ago, I see nothing has changed.

    1. avatar Accur81 says:

      They also tend to be incapable of obtaining good fuel economy figures.

      1. avatar Lars says:

        lol Very true.

      2. avatar Evan says:

        As I understand it, those fuel economy figures really only work if you drive 30mph and 50mph (city/highway respectively). If you stray the least bit from those numbers or accelerate to quickly, those numbers go out the window.

      3. avatar C says:

        They’re a bunch of dudes in cars they don’t own. You know that they’re hooning the ever loving hell out of them everywhere they go. The fastest car in the world is a rental.

    2. avatar Cliff H says:

      P.J. O’Rourke used to write a spoof article for Car & Driver April (Fools) edition every year and like the Swimsuit Edition for Sports Illustrated it was one of their best sellers. It would seem they are trying to ad some humor to increase interest in their dead tree periodical, but if so, it is not on a level with P.J.

      For P.J’s take on pick up trucks:

      http://www.angelfire.com/fl/ricestuff/pickup.html

  3. avatar Craig says:

    1. Americans are more fat on average. Go to Europe, specifically a cosmopolitan city like London or Paris. You will see far fewer chubby or obese people, and their definition of fat is a small paunch.

    2. Because Americans are fat, American trucks are fat. Seriously, look how small the wheelbase on a Ram is and see how much the bodywork hangs off the side. I prefer smaller trucks, so I frankly am not interested in these trucks.

    3. We need to laugh at ourselves and get over it. Besides, how long would it take our military to occupy, say, Britain or Germany?

    1. avatar Lucas D. says:

      Besides, how long would it take our military to occupy, say, Britain or Germany?

      Damn, now I’m sort of tempted to find out.

    2. avatar tdiinva says:

      In the current military environment we could by any European Country in a matter of days.

      1. avatar 505markf says:

        LOL.. With the various Eurozone problems, we could probably annex any of multiple candidates bloodlessly and willingly. How about Poland for the 51st state? Or maybe the Czech Republic? I like their firearms and beer, so they would be my first choice.

        1. avatar Not So 1337 says:

          Yeah, because no one we know has done that in the last 100 years. *cough*hitler*cough*stalin*cough*

        2. avatar tdiinva says:

          We already have an outpost in Poland. It’s called Chicago

        3. avatar Steven says:

          +1 with the Chicago comment. My city is infested with polls from 100 years back!!!!

    3. avatar Dave says:

      Technically, doesn’t our military already occupy both?

      Damn, that was quick!

    4. avatar Lars says:

      Well I drive a 02 Burb that’s lifted 8″ and I’m 180 at 6′ tall. I love bigger autos because I actually USE my auto for more than driving to the store to get a coffee.

      And we would never invade Europe as it is mostly white people, we only kill and occupy brown people, unless they are cutting in on our action like Hitler did. A messed up George Carlin line I can’t remember.

      1. avatar Cliff H says:

        Carlin was a funny guy, and generally astute, but which “brown” countries have we attacked? (Somalia was a rescue mission) and more importantly, which countries with brown populations are American forces currently occupying? Unless you count Iraqis and Afghans as brown, I can’t think of any. And I believe genetically Iraqis are semitic and the Afghans are more likely dark-skinned Caucasian, like the Pakistanis and Indians.

        1. avatar percynjpn says:

          Worst comic ever.

      2. avatar C says:

        Depends on for what you use the car. I prefer small cars because i actually like to take corners at speed and hate body roll. I can’t count the number of lifted trucks in these parts that have never seen a mud hole. What most people think they need a truck to handle, i can easily take in my Golf.

        And carlin gets a lot less funny after the five minutes it takes to realize that he was a grown man who still thought that cursing is clever.

  4. avatar Shire-man says:

    I’m guessing Daniel Pund is disgruntled that he is writing for a lowly car rag and not some high-brow periodical like Atlantic Monthly or something and is on that downward spiral to self destructing.

  5. avatar Citizen says:

    I dunno, I thought it was funny.

    Not as funny as the heated steering wheel–“What is this, some kind of New-York-City truck?”

    I laughed.

  6. avatar Jim R says:

    This is typical for C/D. It’s why I don’t read their magazine anymore.

    1. avatar Hank says:

      Same here. I bailed when it became nothing but shallow snark and bad glamour shots of its “auto journalists”.

      1. avatar ensitue says:

        I think it’s called “Snarkgasam”

    2. avatar percynjpn says:

      There must be many thousands of us ex-C&D readers out there!

  7. avatar Soccerchainsaw says:

    “Look at me! Look at me! Aren’t I witty?”

    It’s kinda sad, these pathetic cries for attention…

  8. avatar Chip says:

    Car and Driver is still in publication? I thought they, very much like Abe Vigoda, died long ago.

    1. avatar Todd S says:

      Abe Vigoda died?

    2. avatar Jim R says:

      Pretty sure Abe Vigoda is still alive.

      1. avatar Robert Farago says:

        Has anyone told him?

        1. avatar BillC says:

          Minor typo on the “Leave a Reply.”

          “Leave a Reply

          Please use your real name instead of YOU company name or keyword spam.”

      2. avatar Chip says:

        I know he is still alive, that was supposed to be the punchline for the joke….. (sad face)

        Although Abe might actually be dead and nobody told him so he never stopped.

        Kind of like Car and Driver…. they are dead but nobody told anyone who works there.

        1. avatar twency says:

          I looked into it more deeply and I found that apparently what happened is that Car and Driver ceased publication about five years ago and no one ever told them about it. Through some kind of glitch in the printing department, they still mail out dead-tree magazines.

          So I just went ahead and fixed the glitch.

        2. avatar Not So 1337 says:

          I still have not received my paycheck, or my stapler.

  9. avatar Pascal says:

    As a long time car guy and reader, this is their poor attempt at humor. No matter if it is in their magazine or their one time TV series. Looking at the comments, it pretty much was ignored.

    Besides, I do not see someone from NYC purchasing any of these trucks so he was trying to speak to the would be buyers and make a joke.

    IDK, it does not bother me. The new pop-up ads on TTAG bother me more than this article on C&D

    1. avatar miserylovescompany says:

      Those pop-up ads are driving me mad! For the love of God (and I don’t care if you’re Jewish or whatever) please, PLEASE, do away with those pop-ups. If my software has trouble blocking it, I can’t help but suspect your website’s turned into a Trojan horse of some kind. Thank you.

      Tom

  10. avatar Shwiggie says:

    How many Americans start breeding at six to eight months with two litters of multiple children every year? It’s a car of trashy writing and low or no editorial standards.

    1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

      I suspect it was a dig at the rural, breed young and often stereotype.

      1. avatar Craig says:

        We need more teenage pregnancies; how else are we going to keep up with China and India?

    2. avatar dwb says:

      Democrats in urban areas breed early and often, then complain at the age of 23 that minimum wage does not support a family of 3.

    3. avatar C says:

      You’ve never met my cousin.

  11. avatar Russ Bixby says:

    They missed very intelligent, adaptable and only barely domesticable.

    1. avatar Chip says:

      Americans? Or the hogs?

  12. avatar Quinn says:

    When Car and Driver decided to have a “best driver’s car” competition without including the Ferrari 458, and last years “Pick-up truck” comparison, which pitted a 1-ton diesel dually vs a half ton vs a fricken Nissan VAN, I decided they were just a complete waste of paper and $6.95

  13. avatar mark_anthony_78 says:

    I wouldn’t even reward them with a link to their site (I didn’t click)…

    Can’t remember the last time I ever actually read a printed car magazine with any interest. By the time it’s on the paper, various (non-Car & Driver / Motor Trend) websites have long since moved on to bigger and better things.

    Prior to me becoming a TTAG junkie, I spent a lot of time on TTAC (most reading but not commenting) for my car news/editorials. I still peek in once in a while but don’t spend nearly as much time there as I do here.

    1. avatar Landbarger says:

      Did you ever try Grassroots Motorsports (http://grassrootsmotorsports.com/)? It may be a little too race-oriented for some (rather than just reviews of new models), but it’s very well written. Not TTAG, but then what is?

  14. avatar 505markf says:

    Well, darn it. I read the article with disdain but within 10 min or so came around to a couple of their main points. They do have a LOT of pickups and feral hogs in Texas. No debating that. What got me most was the idea of hipster burger joints in central Texas. That is such a completely sad thought to me. What has happened to my spiritual homeland?

    1. avatar Taylor Tx says:

      Ever eat at Twisted Root? The whole gourmet burger with WHO KNOWS WHAT on top has kind of become and thing in DFW and ATX in my experience. Some of them are good, however I give ANY hipster wearing a damn tank top serving me ANYTHING a healthy dose of fecal matter.

      What really bothers me is the In and Out burger invading from the peoples republik and bringing its sub standard sub sized awfulness to my home state. LONG LIVE WHATABURGER!!!!

      1. avatar 505markf says:

        When considering a return after 10 years in the NE we looked at various places in TX, but nothing just clicked. Had been away too long, perhaps. Grew up in Lubbock. So ended up re-settling in NM where the horizon is a bit more interesting and the weather is nicer. That said, I did have a requirement my wife still doesn’t understand: I would only move someplace where I could get Whataburger. LOL. And here I am. 🙂

    2. avatar Andy says:

      I’ve only been to TX once- the F1 race last year.

      I can say that GOOD TX BBQ is still alive… Try Cooper’s BBQ in Llano! Fantastic!!!

  15. avatar JAS says:

    I will never buy another vehicle from GM (Government Motors),

    1. avatar Jay1987 says:

      Hell yeah MOPAR or no car

      1. avatar S_J says:

        Chrysler’s even worse than GM. They’re a basketcase of a manufacturer that’s been on and off the U.S. (and now Italian, seeing as Fiat is a principal stakeholder) taxpayer’s dole for the past 3 decades. Hell they’re in such sh!t shape that not even Daimler-Benz could sort them out.

  16. avatar Jay1987 says:

    Why are we dissecting car and driver’s unnecessarily high brow long winded humor again???

    1. avatar 505markf says:

      Because it’s easier than getting all of us together for UK Top Gear re-runs.

  17. avatar Shawn says:

    The only car reviews I give more than a passing glance to are the ones covered in Popular Mechanics. That magazine does a fantastic job presenting all the important stats and nifty features. They don’t regularly feature super-exotics, but instead focus on vehicles that regular human beings drive. PM is awesome at long-term vehicle tests. So pretty much like TTAG does with guns. Sensible, informative, useful information. Car & Driver? Eh, pass.

    I’m not getting paid to say this, but maybe I should. 🙂

  18. avatar Ralph says:

    Has C&D become the car rag of choice for the skinny pants and long scarf hipster crowd? ‘Cause the irony just screams “lame.”

    1. avatar S_J says:

      *shrug* I dunno. I enjoy C&D’s writing most of the time and you wouldn’t catch me within 50 feet of hipster apparel, an iPhone or Starbucks.

      Their continual fetishizing of VW and BMW kinda gets to me though.

      1. avatar C says:

        It’s not their fault that the GTI is so damn good!

    2. avatar percynjpn says:

      Unfortunately it’s not just C&D (which I stopped reading more than 10 years ago); MT and R&T have gone the same way with their new generation of 20-something smart-a$$ punk writers.

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