Ban Sideline Ballistics!

How ’bout them Hawgs? They all seem to be OK, thankfully. Not only did the Razorbacks take down their opening week patsy opponent 34-14 yesterday, but Big Red and Sue E. apparently escaped serious injury despite a gun-related incident. According to, “An Arkansas athletic department employee injured a leg Saturday when a T-shirt gun apparently malfunctioned during the first half of the Razorbacks’ victory over Louisiana-Lafayette.” Ah, a “malfunction.” Was it a rule four violation? A de-gassing goof-up? The world may never know. “A police officer was seen afterward holding the T-shirt gun, which is used to fire shirts into the crowd.” Whatever happened, it seems unlikely that the university will lose their t-shirt gun privileges, even in the wake of a possible ND. Go figure.

19 Responses to Ban Sideline Ballistics!

  1. avatarJaredFromTampa says:

    No joke, those things are dangerous. I got shot with a t-shirt pretty much point blank in the stomach before a USF game a few years ago. Knocked the wind right out of me. Worst of all, the shirt was way too small :(

    • avatarStinkeye says:

      Isn’t that how Houdini died?

      In any case, I’m sure the cheerleader or mascot involved will be put on administrative leave with pay while the incident is investigated.

  2. avatarRalph says:

    If Cali finally enacts AB711, hunters in the Golden State will be using lead free T-shirts to take deer. The shirts are environmentally friendly, soft as little bunny tails and the endangered California Condors can use them to wipe their @sses. It’s a win-win-win!

    Hey, I have an idea. Maybe we can use these to punish Syria.

  3. avatarBlehtastic says:

    I dunno, I trust the pressure containment abilities of a cordite powered firearm far more that the plastic and rubber components that make these things up. Wouldn’t surprise me if the thing just ‘sploded.

  4. avatarLeadbelly says:

    Thank goodness they’ve taken those deadly salad shooters off the market.

  5. avatarjwm says:

    Isn’t this the type of gun that killed the Mrs. Flanders?

  6. avatarRuss Bixby says:

    Ban silk-screened firearms!

  7. avatarJonathan - Houston says:

    It takes Real Men of Genius to invent such a thing. But to have access to operate it? Apparently not so much. Here’s a classic you may remember from the late 90′s:

    • avatarRalph says:

      A fact not often remembered: the Real Men of Genius ads started out as “Real American Hero” ads in 1998. The ads were pulled after 9/11 and relaunched in 2002 with the change from Real American Heroes to Real Men Of Genius.

      My favorite was the giant foam finger guy ad. There really is such a guy, named Steve Chmelar, who made the first one in 1971. Chmelar’s quite p1ssed abut Miley Cyrus’ recent sexual use of his finger. Well, not his actual finger. I guess he’d be okay with that. But she degraded the foam finger, and that was very naughty.

      And now you know the rest of the story.

      • avatarMatt in FL says:

        Thanks for pointing that out, Ralph. Immediately what I thought of when I read the comment above. Yet one more thing lost, for better or worse, to the world of politically correct bullshit.

  8. avatarC says:

    When’s the tshirt cannon buy back?

  9. avatarjim says:

    I was explaining to my nephew, who works for a micro-brewery and travels a lot, that dropping water balloons from hotel balconies is juvenile and sophomoric. However, using a funnel to pour warm Jello/ water mix into balloons, tying them off, and letting them set in the room mini-fridge for a few hours… huge fun. (I try so hard to be a good role model to the lad; to quote my governor “I aspire to inspire before I expire.”) Now I have the darnedest urge to make a compressed-air Jello-balloon gun….

  10. avatarsindaan says:

    If just one crappy T shirt can be saved…

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