Holy texmexamole is it hot in Texas Hill Country. I’m not sure if that bit of the sun that hived off and headed for Pluto the other day stopped for gas on Bee Cave Road, but the mercury topped out at 106 today. Walking into the south wind felt like heading into God’s own hair dryer. Did I mention that it was hot? Fortunately, we brought our Super Soaker with us from the Ocean State. Unfortunately, a close encounter with some fire ants has rendered me decidedly reluctant to navigate the back yard. No matter. Lola had me running—yes running—around trying to escape a stream of H2O. Until I realized it was a good thing, not a bad thing. I bet it would feel even better if I was in a pool. Yeah, gotta get one of those too. Now what would be a good gun for pool carry?

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66 Responses to The Secret History of the Super Soaker

  1. Those things are a ton of fun. For a while. And then they get damned annoying.

    I’m glad this inventor is working on cheaper solar panels. I can see no reason why they can’t be grown – I mean that literally – in the not-too-distant future. I know there’s been some work along those lines already.

  2. Super Soaker fights were some of the best times of my youth. They usually ended up turning into real fights when someone would go too far (i.e. 5-gal bucket of water over the side of a deck), but that made it even better.

  3. I prefer pressurised water cans. Of course, they require a little more work to refill, not good for on the go. Dont ever get in to a water fight with firefighters lol

  4. Nothing says welcome to Texas like a swarm of fire ants on your bare feet. Jumping in the pool is the only defense!

  5. After moving to Austin 15 years ago, I learned that grass is not the benevolent soft stuff I grew up with in Virginia. Here you don’t lie around in grass. If there aren’t any sharp and painful plants or burrs, there’s bound to be fire ants.

    This has been a mild summer, it’s usually worse. But it’s only about two months a year, the rest of the year is wonderful, as long as you don’t lie around in the grass.

  6. Fire ants are one of natures reminders that we ain’t all powerful. A small super soaker with a mixture of water and ammonia will keep a dog at bay.

  7. Welcome to the s-hole that is Texas!

    I’ll build and sell you a flamethrower to deal with the fire-ants and Africanized bees, but they’re really just part of the territory. Just like the hundreds of ‘gentleman’s clubs’ in places with ‘wholesome christians’ decrying on Sunday where they all were on Saturday night. C’mon, this is a state where HS football is yet another religion.

    TX is free to leave the Union and take its bi-polar nonsensical existence with it. The companies it imagines will make it relevant will immediately relo to the US, not to mention the military bases will fold without funding. Texas is a parasite, not a panacea.

    BTW- 106F? I lived PHX and ABQ when it was warmer. Sometimes much.

    • The 49th Armored Division (Texas ARNG) is the only reserve armor division in the inventory. When I left active duty some time ago, it had more equipment than any other armor division. And Ft Hood, Ft Bliss, and Ft Sam Houston are the hubs for 3 Corps, ADA and Medical, respectively. So… relocating all of that would be a major logistical problem. And, Texas is the only state left that actually would have some legal grounds for secession. So please don’t mess with Texas.

      It’s just like the rest of the US – if you don’t like it, no one is making you live there. I’m sure the Peoples Republic of California would love to have you.

      • I don’t live there, very much by choice. But I have done so in the past, for a short period, for a pile of cash. It was miserable.

        Regardless, if you think the USG would abandon-MIL-assets-in-place if TX left the Union, you are living in fantasy land. So please, give it a shot and see how many days you last against MX, when the USG isn’t protecting the big talkin’/small ballin’ HS football worshippin’ cretins.

        • Not all of those “assets” would willingly relocate just because Texas finally admitted that the rest of the country had abandoned the Consitution of the United States of America and seceded. And those that choose not to leave Texas would have to be re-aquired by force. Good luck with that.

      • The 49th AD had its colors cased and the 36th ID was reconstituted. TXARNG is now a light-infantry centric organization.

    • Yep, Texas is a horrible place to live. Full of knuckle dragging conservatives that keep their women down and persecute just to be persecuting. No jobs, horrible economy and there’s that gun friendly myth. Please spread the word up north among the superior, liberal, humans that are responsible for this golden age of freedom and opportunity in the USA………..Don’t move to Texas!

    • We are not leaving the union. The union is moving here. 1300 Americans a day are moving here from other states because of our superior economy and fiscal responsibility.

      We welcome those like Robert who will be an asset. We don’t want the ones who move here and vote for the policies that destroyed the states they fled.

      Robert, regarding fire ants, they are a foreign invasive that arrived in central Texas in the early 80s. The one good thing about them is that they eat ticks. People here are much less likely to get tick borne diseases than when I was a kid. You need to go ahead and kill the mounds in your yard though.

    • DFW and Houston are the #1 and #2 fastest growing areas in the US.

      http://www.star-telegram.com/2013/03/14/4681578/explosive-growth-continues-in.html

      “The DFW metropolitan area recorded the largest increase in the nation from July 1, 2011, to July 1, 2012, adding 131,879 people, according to U.S. Census Bureau estimates released today.

      Since the April 1, 2010, census, DFW’s growth spurt is even more impressive: The population has increased by 4.3 percent, or 274,781 people.

      The Houston metro area was ranked No. 2 in growth over the one-year period, adding 125,185 people to reach 6,177,036. Since 2010, it has also grown by 4.3 percent, adding 256,579 people.

      “The large population centers, particularly the triangle group of Dallas-Fort Worth, Austin-San Antonio and Houston, have been the growth drivers in Texas. And their growth is absolutely driven by jobs,” he said.”

  8. You guys should try Arizona open carry, constitutional carry and June temps around 110-115… hottest ever?..122. Then July and August. …30-50% humidity and 105-112 with muddy thunderstorms!!!!!! hahaha

    • Of course, the south part of the state is controlled by cartels, but so are Texas, New Mexico and California. πŸ™‚

  9. I like hearing Yankees that move south bitch about the heat. I like it more when they leave. I’m hoping for a good hurricane season this year.

    • It’s not the heat in the South, it’s that humidity. My sisters live in Georgia and I’ve spent time all along the gulf from Texas to Florida. You sweat while you’re taking a shower. And the bugs. The skeeters travel in 3’s. 2 hold you down while the third draws a pint out of you.

      My son lived in alabama near Mobile when a hurricane hit. It wiped out everything, his favorite store, his favorite restuarant and the trailer he was living in. The only thing that it didn’t get was his job. He came back to California shortly after.

        • The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey. The state bird of Florida is the Palmetto Bug. It’s a flying c0ckroach the size of a ’48 Buick.

        • Yeah, and you can hear that bugger coming. Sounds like a huey. They should require running lights and tail numbers on them.

        • Ralph thoes Palmetto bugs are no joke. First time I saw one it was sitting eye level with me as I was getting in the shower and closing the curtain. I flew faster than that thing did, Im lucky I didnt break my neck. That damn bug is lucky Im in city limits where its frown upon to discharge a firearm. Dont think that would have qualified as a DGU. Then again maybe a pretty good laugh as an IGOD

        • When the Republican National Convention came to Tampa last year, The Daily Show did a show about it, including “on the scene” stories from three of the reporters. Since it’s Tampa, Jason Jones did his from a strip club, of course. He gave his report about the state of things sitting in a chair with multicolored lights flashing while an incredibly hot blonde gyrated… wha? Where was I?

          Oh yeah. Anyway, one of the female reporters did her report while being carried by a giant bug, bigger than she was. She reported that she was being carried by something called a “palmetto bug,” but not to worry, locals assured her it was “a little one.”

    • Hey now Matt, I resemble that comment. Uhhh I mean, I resent that comment!

      Seriously though, a heat wave in Connecticut is like 3 or 4 days in the high 80s and here its lile 2 weeks in the low 100s. But I choes to live here so I only bitch about the heat at work. Wearing a dark navy uniform that is 65% poleyester… yea that sucks.

      • While CT is by no means as bad as much of the South, This year in July we had 2 weeks of 90+ with 80%+ humidity including a few days at 100. We also never get out of August without the rains followed by high humidity such that air and ground are never dry. The two full time dehumidifiers in my basement constantly run. That said, having been in TX and FL for work, there is no comparison.

    • In the south, the heat is unbearable. The humidity will destroy your property, all of it, it will make your central air system just dissolve, thousands of dollars to replace. It will rot your house down around you.

      Plus the people. That fake “nice.” They really hate everyone, that’s why they vote republican.

      Save yourself, stay up north.

  10. Robert, more important than which gun for pool carry is deciding which gun will your pool look like. Wouldn’t a 1911-shaped pool look awesome in person, and even better on google earth?

    • Interesting concept, but I think whatever pool gun you decide on it had better be stainless steel. I think my S&W 686 would do the trick, but I might want to remove the grips and oil the crap out of the steel springs fairly often.

      More important, what holster would work?

    • You dont know sweaty til you experience deep south 100% humidity, 100+ degrees. Step outside and instant sweat.

        • I usually do 25-30 miles per week in this swamp. It’s good for the soul. My Camelbak is my dear friend…

  11. We had tons of super soaker fights when I was kid.

    Tons of them.

    We’d have so much fun getting into teams and run all
    over the place hosing each other. Life was great.
    Really great.

    And one day we stumbled upon the “forbidden fruit”
    hidden and rarely spoken in the annals of squirt gun
    fighting.

    It was the screwed up older-neighbor’s-kid-who-
    was-constantly-in-serious-trouble-who-shouldn’t-be-
    playing-with kids-four-years-younger-than-his-age-
    who-would-later-end-up-a-drug-addict’s fault.

    What was this dark, unhallowed, diabolical secret
    that could have the power to leave an indelible,
    potentially scarring impression on the memories
    of our youth?

    We started reloading with hot water.

    Ruh roh.

    Got squirted in the back? Bam! Instant back pain …
    you’d keel over and were pretty much incapacitated.

    Never mind getting squirted in your stomach or chest.
    Once you were hit you did everything you could not to
    get squirted.

    Anything.

    In hind sight it may have been good training for us who
    were considering a career in the military.

    Woe be unto him who was doused in hot, pressurized
    Super Soaker water. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch!

    In our minds we drafted an unspoken 9 year old’s version of the
    Geneva convention – we realized filling up your
    Super Soaker with hot water was sure to get Jimmy’s momma
    up in a huff bordering on an outright Assault Squirt Gun Ban.

    No bueno.

    I reloaded using hot ammo once and the debacles
    that ensued convinced us we had a good thing going
    with raging Super Soaker fights and not to spoil it.

    Regular old fashioned tap water at “normal” temperature
    from now on.

    That and cool water is so much more pleasant on a steamy,
    hot, humid, July day.

    Especially amongst us 9 year olds.

    In the end, we ended up regulating ourselves lest the grown
    ups take one of our favorite summer time toys away for good.

    • Sounds like fun. Of course as kids that may suck but in old age, hot water on the back is a blessing.

    • That’s hilarious, I never thought of hot water. It would have been fun except for getting hot water in the face and eyes.
      Icy icy cold water is pretty back bending when you get hit on a hot day, that’s what we stuck with.

  12. Yea but for me even July I still go with a XXL Hawaiian shirt and a black-T I stll go with either a P228 or H K USPc have yet to have any one twig to me…. hell I was watching a paving job both times it hit 122 nevrr even felt it!!

  13. “Now what would be a good gun for pool carry?”

    BARRETT M107A1 – preferably custom forged out of inconel.

    Sling it on your back – make sure your pool is only 3 ft so you don’t drown.

  14. “Christians have been offending people for centuries and still doing it.”

    Now that’s what I call a successful religion!

  15. “Now what would be a good gun for pool carry?”

    Not sure if you are being serious. If you are, I would not carry any firearm in anyone’s pool, much less my own. Make sure you have a good privacy fence around the pool that is difficult to climb and lock the doors to your home. If you want extra credit, install a perimeter security system on the outside of your fence so that you know when someone is approaching before they even reach the fence. Then you simply keep an inexpensive revolver or semi-auto pistol in a box on your patio table close to the pool. If someone approached, you would know it before they actually reached your fence and you could retrieve your handgun from the box on your patio table.

    As for child safety and the pistol in the box, you could lock the box and keep the key on a hook 7 feet off the ground. Anyone tall enough to reach the key is old enough to know not to play with firearms. And if the key isn’t visible, younger children, who have a propensity to stack up chairs and boxes to extend their reach, won’t have a reason to stack up any chairs or boxes.

    Finally, for extra-extra credit, keep a dog out in the pool area with you when you are swimming. Think of the dog as an extension of the early warning perimeter alert system that I mentioned for the outside of your fence. And if the dog is big enough, the dog could also be your first line of defense and buy you additional time for accessing your secured handgun on the patio table.

  16. As a combat diver I had the opportunity to fire an HK P11…I think this is most likely the ultimate pool carry on the planet. It fired darts via an electrical impulse. Fun stuff…I just hope your pool is made of cement!

  17. I most assuredly was not offended and I revere and worship the Christian God. I thought it was colorfully descriptive language.

    • The proper chemical name for water is Dihydrogen Monoxide IIRC. Hydrogen Hydroxide would be HOH not H2O FWIW…

        • Structural vs. Molecular formula? The last time I took chem was about 15 years ago. Doh!

        • Back in my chemistry days, we learned that pure, neutral (neither acid nor base) water naturally (though very slightly) dissociates into H3O+ and OH- ions. This is why pH (the negative logarithm of the hydronium ion (H3O+) concentration, in moles per liter) is 7 for a “neutral” solution.

          So, we could say that “water” is H3O+ + OH-.

          Hydronium hydroxide. That sounds even better than “dihydrogen monoxide”. The “-ium” suffix makes it sound radioactive, which is probably far scarier to the sheeple than just “monoxide”.

  18. Go to your local Garden Center and get a couple of gallons of “Anti-Fuego”. That’s the name. Shake it up really, really well then mix 6 to 8 oz in a gallon of water in a watering can. Take of the diffuser. Pour the mixture directly into the center of the mound then move the stream in circles around the nest. It will kill the mound.You may have to do a second treatment. The grass will go off color then rebound in a few days with a deeper green. Trust me. Been using it for years here in Fort Worth and it’s non-toxic.

  19. Pool gun. I’m really liking this DB9 for summer carry. Yes, it’s only 9mm and it’s limited on rounds, but it doesn’t print through your clothes very easy. (unless you’re into those speedos)…
    Thunderwear is a pretty good carry style.

  20. It is funny, it TTAG is going to censor people about Christians, God, and being “offensive”, they might as well censor this article.

  21. I’m reading the title and thinking, what’s so super-secret about the history of the Super Soaker? It’s just the proverbial better mouse trap of totally hosing your friends who only have their ineffectual, finger-cramping squirt guns, right? Well?
    As it turns out, it was invented by a former engineer in NASA’s jet propulsion lab. Oh, did I forget to mention that he was black?

    In a country where black youth seek out role models, well, here’s
    a role model that isn’t a rappin’, gang-bangin’, hoodie-wearin’, hip-hoppin’ thug. So ya, I guess the super secret history is, it was black guy who invented the Super Soaker. Will Al Sharpton or Jessie Jackson talk about this highly educated black engineer?
    Don’t hold your breath.

  22. Robert, yard navigation in the land of those small, illegal immigrants (fireants), takes courage. The secret to quenching this fire is AMDRO. Buy two bags. Sprinkle liberally. Never run out of this stuff. Patrol regularly, they’re always sneaking back across the border, er, property line.

    Now then, in that there Texas Hill Country, there is a hot spot you should know about, and consider lingering there while those ant bites heal. The Salt Lick. Best barbeque in Texas, and that’s saying somethin. And you can bring your own beer, although its hard to beat Shiner Bock.

    As for in-pool carry, I really think a WaterBlaster makes the SuperSoaker look…. all wet.

    Cheers to you from Nevada!

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